10-29-17
You leave holes in my skull,
Cut with precision
And the blood pours out like wine.

I'm rigid-
My body's frozen.
Teeth with pressure
Like diamonds.
Jaw clenched.
Fists like rocks.

I watch you replay like a broken record-
Staring at the ceiling
And asking why you play your games.
My limbs set fire.
Take the bitch down-
Get me out of this fucking house.
There's no cure,
My systems feel you running
Down my veins like a hallway,
Scratching your nails on chalkboard the whole way
And I fucking hate you
Yet I don't care at all.

I WANT OUT OF THIS BODY YOU TURNED TO CHARCOAL YOU FUCKING WASTE OF LIFE. I WANT IT ALL BACK. I WANT OUT I WANT OUT I WANT OUT SICK OF HOLDING MY ANGER INSIDE OF MYSELF LET ME GO FUCKING HAYWIRE. YOU DRIVE ME INSANE. YOU PULL ME TO YOUR LEVEL. I DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE. YOURE NOTHING. A LIE. A PIECE OF SHIT. IM BREAKING NAILS. I CAN SEE THE HOLES ALL OVER MY BODY AND YOU DONT CARE THAT NOTHING WILL EVER REVERSE THIS. NOTHING FIXES YOUR DAMAGE AND I FEEL MYSELF WAKING TO FOGGY MORNINGS ACROSS THE TREES PRAYING ON THE SUBSTANCE AND I LIVE SO COLD, BITTER LIKE COFFEE AND YET ITS EVERYTHING I LOVE BECAUSE I NEVER WANTED SOMETHING SWEET AFTER YOU. YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO STOP HOPING. I JUST EXPECT THE SHIT NOW. AND IM GRATEFUL FOR YOUR LESSONS BUT THERE ARE BETTER WAYS TO FUCKING TEACH IT. YOU THREW ME ASIDE. PUSHED ME TO THE WALL THINKING IM RIGHT WHERE YOU WANT ME BUT IVE GOT BLADES UP MY SLEEVES. CHAIN ME TO THESE HOUSES. BUT WHEN IM GONE IM FUCKING GONE. YOU WASTED YEARS AND YEARS AND NOW YOURE SO FAR FUCKED- BELIEVING YOUR LIES, PERSONALITY SWINGING LIKE CHANDELIERS AND YOURE NOT AWARE OF ANYTHING, IGNORANCE KILLED YOU GOOD. THERE WAS NEVER LIFE IN YOU. I DONT HOPE ANYTHING FINDS YOU. I JUST WANT THE TRUTH TO RISE WHEN YOU HIT THE DIRT.

Lighter at your nails,
You wanted ash.
To throw me in the flame was too easy,
So you burnt me slowly
And most people have this rope for holding,
Our positions together
But we turned the tables,
Started fighting it,
Now we burning tables.
Dealt me in to this game you made,
I've dug up your secrets lower than a grave,
My hands are dirty
And all I know is I don't wanna play.
Keep me awake keep me awake
Been riding streets,
Thanking god for cigarettes-
Snakes in my mouth
And I couldn't tell you the rest,
Legality is fragile
And creatures of paranoia in my head,
Shaking the walls where they stay,
And I don't complain.
Watch it all happen,
Distance and the gloss,
They let it all happen.
And I don't complain.
Feeling guilty, like I should say sorry
For the burden you've shouldered me with.
But I'm on the road to addiction,
And I'm obsessed with the shit.
Study it all deep,
I'll do it for you-
But you're hollow,
Glass waiting for a trophy,
And I'm done learning you-
I'm done with you.
Vomit at my lips
And chips in my teeth,
Razor blade edges
Asthma when I breathe.
It's all on you.

Could I dissipate?
Disassemble molecules
Till I'm gray.
Let me rain.
I don't want to be here any longer.
⁃ (m.m)