╭⋟───────────────╮
Unexpected Confession

╰───────────────⋞╯

Author :: Nefelibatas_world

Reviewer :: Taebaetae74

First Impression :: 9/20

» Cover :: 5/10
It was good but not good enough. The background did not go too well with Yoongi and the rest of the cover. It was all too shiny to comprehend. Yoongi’s cut out was too obvious. Overall, it did not look too appealing to me. It did not really match the title nor did it go together with all the elements in the cover.

» Title :: 3/5
In my opinion, I could make out what this ‘Unexpected Confession’ would be just by putting together the title and the blurb. To me, you could’ve done better. You could’ve made it less common, you know? Something that intrigues readers a bit more.

» Blurb :: 1/5
To be completely frank, I did not like it. If I were to come across this book from across Wattpad, and read its blurb, I would definitely skip it. Why? Because it doesn’t tell me anything about the book itself.

And, the way you put the first sentence together is kind of wrong. It’s supposed to be ‘Set fire to someone else’s’, not ‘in’. Next, when Yoongi cuts off Y/N, her dialogue should end with only a single hyphen. Doubling them is unnecessary.

Beginning of a new start :: 5/10

I’ll get straight to the point. The main issue here is that the chapters did not have an essence. I felt like I was just reading out lecture notes, you get what I mean? I also noticed that you unnecessarily capitalize letters- which is wrong. The wordings & structure could be improvised too.

Concept & plot :: 13/25

Ah this is just the cliché isn’t it? The girl gets abused, the guy is cold, both the leads like each other secretly, and suddenly they are in a relationship. The thing is, you could’ve made the concepts and plot more realistic. It’s always the same case. You could’ve made it less cliché by making some changes that would actually make the story interesting.
Then, I felt that the way you brought the book to an end is way too abrupt. Like, one day she ran away from her house, a guy she crushes on finds her, she tells him all her issues and finally they end up in the guy’s house with a possible relationship status change? That doesn’t make good sense. Again, this isn’t realistic. The plot was rushed. You could’ve at least elongated the chapters (taking the fact that there’re only 3 chapters to begin with).
Writing a short story doesn’t mean that the plot has to be rushed. There should be a flow and gradual-moves nevertheless. This book lacked that.
And, just to clear up things, when a person is being forced to go through sexual or similar acts, they don’t become a ‘prostitute’ or a ‘hoe’ as you call it. They become a victim. Please do use these terms with care. Of course, it may mean nothing to you, but if a person who has gone through the same thing reads your book, they might end up blaming themselves. When you use such sensitive terms, make sure to know what it means as well.

Characters & emotions :: 4/15

As I've mentioned above, I could feel little to no emotions due to the raw kind of writing style. I’ll explain this further in the next topic.
About your characters. They did develop of course, but like I said before, it was abrupt and all too sudden. One moment the girl was broken and unhappy with herself and the next moment she’s all lovey dovey with Yoongi. That doesn’t go together well. The process should’ve been a bit gradual, hm?

Tone & style :: 5/10

Alright. Let’s begin with the writing style. According to me, your skills lack a bit in descriptive writing. The way you write makes it look like you just jotted down points. When you write, don’t provide raw information. Don’t ‘say’, instead, you should ‘show’. Have your own way with words. You should write in such a way that you use your words to control your readers’ mind and imagination. There should be a flow in the way you write.
As of now, it isn’t good enough to make me interested and engrossed in the book. Now, this could also be because of the lack of different scenes in the plot. Non-cliché scenes to be particular.

Grammar :: 13/20

Ah well, you have loads to improvise here. Namely, the tenses of words, punctuations and ellipsis.
Starting with the tenses, the thing is that you have the right idea in most places, but, you fail to execute it properly. For instance, in the first chapter’s flashback’s beginning, you say this: ‘Y/N just come back from school.’
Here, you should’ve used a past perfect tense. Hence, the sentence should’ve been something like, ‘Y/N had just come back from school.’
Moving onto the punctuations and ellipsis. The first thing is the commas you use. You use commas in places where they are not necessarily needed and don’t use it when it’s needed. For instance, in the first chapter’s flashback, her mother says “Oh sure sir the girl is all ready and I’m sure she’ll pleasure you well.”
Here, you have to use a comma after ‘oh’ & a full stop after ‘sir’. Plus, the word ‘all’ was unnecessary in the sentence. So, it would be something like this: “Oh, sure sir. The girl is ready and I’m sure she’ll pleasure you well.”
Lastly, the ellipsis. There’re no major errors with the ellipsis, only the fact that you always use it to convey exclamations- which isn’t really right. For instance, in the first chapter, you say “Well my life is a trouble itself…!”
The way you present such sentences is not right. The line should have been something like this: “Well, my life is trouble itself!” OR “Well, my life is trouble itself . . .”

Total :: 49/100