╭⋟───────────────╮
She's Mine!!
╰───────────────⋞╯

Author :: SolsticeWylde0818

Reviewer :: Author_Jenny

First Impression :: 10/20

» Cover :: 4/10

Starting with the cover, talking about the outlook of the cover, it's aesthetically appealing of course, I won't label it as outstanding or excellent but decent to say the least. According to me, changing the fonts can be considered especially regarding the subtitles at the end, it could be more visible and prominent. But if we look into the implicit aspect of the cover, which includes it matching to the story line and the ability to express the story setting, then I would say no. 

The cover has a sort of galactic theme but the vibe the book gave off was definitely not rainbows and butterflies, if you get what I mean. It has more of an angst theme if I am not mistaken. Moreover the anonymous outlook of your cover would have been a better choice for a fiction in general, but if you are writing a fanfiction, I believe it's fair to at least have the picture of the person you are writing about, I hope you understand what I mean.

[˗ˏ✎ Reviewer's Tip :: Graphic Designing might not be everyone's cup of tea, but it's definitely okay if you get your cover done by someone experienced. There are many graphic shops where you can order a cover for yourself. It wouldn't have been necessary if the cover wouldn't have been playing a major role in attracting readers. This is a mere suggestion and it completely depends on you if you want to change it or not.]

» Title :: 2.5/5

The title is very direct, it might be having a link with the story for sure but is certainly too direct and lacks creativity. The title could have been more deep and connected to the plot. If the title doesn't exhibit much creativity and seems like it has been randomly selected, it somehow leaves a not very decent impression. Although for some reason I really like how you wrote "KNJ" at the end. 

[˗ˏ✎ Reviewer's Tip :: I suggest you dive a little deeper into your story and try to find an instance or an aspect that is more connected, at the same time clearly shows the depth of the story and your effort. You can go for one word substitution or find aesthetic words from the internet that matches your story theme, again just a mere suggestion.]

» Blurb :: 3.5/5

The blurb was nicely written, the thing that I liked about it was both the protagonist's background were explored. I don't see many authors doing that. It's good to show both the sides and point of views. Although I felt like the blurb was too descriptive and gave out a little too much of their background that could be easily explored through the story instead. It takes away the curiosity somehow and becomes too monotonous as the beginning of a story. Some might even skip it and I am sure you won't want that. Again, something that I liked about the blurb was how both the characters' description was contrasting. 

[˗ˏ✎ Reviewer's Tip :: You can try and make your blurb a little less wordy. Also, try to put a catchy dialogue or two in your description that can help in keeping the reader's curiosity intact.]

Beginning of a new start :: 7.5/10

The beginning was pretty simple, not something very intriguing right off the bat, just a regular start that almost all the books have. There wasn't any prologue or character description that I could judge. But of course, the incidents made the characters personality more evident. Through their actions and reactions along with the dialogues, we could get a hint about their personality, which I like. Although there were instances where I feel like the situations got too descriptive. 

Nothing really happened in the first three chapters except the female protagonist trying to settle in and we got a glimpse of her past, and the slight interaction with the team members. It's a good way of starting it but I feel like the process of her settling down was prolonged. It would have been okay if it was a slow burn but looking at the number of chapters you have, I don't really think it is. Otherwise everything else seemed pretty realistic.

Concept and plot :: 14/25

Starting with the plot, let's be honest, it's quite difficult to come up with something new in the midst of this platform where everyday a new story is coming up. Repetition of a particular trope or concept is least surprising. The plot of this story was something I am very familiar with. The girl has an abusive other half that they get away from and go for a fresh start. We have heard about this quite a few times. 

Although the setting of this story is very new since it mentions HYBE, that we all know recently happened, the story is very up-to-dated, reading a book that is set in the present feels refreshing. Talking about the story pace, as mentioned earlier it was slow paced for the first few chapters and then the pace became too fast, it felt like you were trying to rush the story to an end. So in total, the pace fluctuated which shouldn't be happening. Apart from that, your way of writing definitely suited the genre that you were going for.

The ending felt anti climatic and incomplete, I felt like it should have been something more significant. Talking about details of writing, there is one thing that I would like to mention, which is your inability to stay consistent with your paragraphs. There are chapters that are broken into several paragraphs while some are made into a single long paragraph. In a story, you need to maintain a certain amount of paragraphs or it would become an essay, if you know what I mean.

Characters and emotions :: 10/15

As said already the actions of the characters have absolutely and amazingly described their personality. Every character has an unique personality which I like. Although what I noticed was apart from the intimate scenes, generally the emotions of the characters were not expressed well as you indulged more towards explaining their actions, which is not bad of course. But a balance should be maintained in order to ensure that the readers are able to mentally and emotionally relate to the characters and agree with their actions and reactions. Try using literary devices when you are explaining the sentiments, it really helps in better understanding.

Tone and style :: 6/10

The story had different point of views that helped in better understanding, even though I thought you would change the narratives with the change in point of views to make it look more realistic but even in "Your Pov" you used second person instead of first person which I thought could have been better. I couldn't understand why you did so but just to clarify, the change in persons during the change in point of views are what make them distinctive from each other. If the same is not done then you can't really state the difference and the requirement of different POVs.

As said already, you need to try and explain the emotions more instead of just sticking to explaining actions. Your descriptive writing is really good and all I want is for you to put it into right use. Speaking of vocabulary, it is very decent. Even though you use regular words, you use them in a way that makes them stand out. But if you want to you can try to improve your vocabulary by going through thesaurus. Try to keep the usage of verbal and action tags consistent. There were instances where the words were not followed by the tags whereas in some places the tags were over explained.

The inconsistencies can affect one's reading experience so you need to be careful about it. There were some places where I noticed that the dialogues were too big, about a paragraph's length. In that case, try to break them into parts so that it doesn't get monotonous. Again, you can put dialogue tags at the end to make it look neater and complete.

Grammar :: 17/20

I am glad to say that I rarely found any grammatical defaults on your work, there weren't any punctuation mistakes either. Although I did noticed a few minor errors that I'll point out :-

» In the blurb you used double spaces in between sentences and I was unable to understand your intentions. Maybe you thought it would look clean but you cannot influence basic punctuation like that. I am pretty sure it would look neat without the double spaces.

» There were places where I saw words like "soooooo". I suggest you avoid those since it's not very formal. If you want to express the emotion of the character behind the dialogue, you can use dialogue tags for that, but don't try to influence the spelling.

» There were some words that were capitalized between dialogues like "COULD" or "YOU". I understand that you are trying to emphasize something in your dialogue, emphasis is really helpful for pointing out certain words or phrases that you want to call attention to or for heightening drama within your work.

But you also need to remember that it can be distracting for readers. If you use too many emphasis tricks in your writing, they stop having the intended effect of making your reader pay attention. And for the same I suggest you to use italics instead of caps, in that way it would be emphasized. At the same time, it wouldn't stand out too much.

Total :: 64.5/100