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She Ruined me
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Author :: AlienboyfriendTae

Reviewer :: kimvante_

First impression :: 12/20

No offence, but I will have to give you a solid zero for your cover. The reason is because you keep changing your covers. It is a strict rule in our shop that you CANNOT change your book covers or even edit your book after you've given them to review or in an award show for that matter. If you're willing to change then you have to inform the person reviewing your book beforehand but you didn't.

For the title, I'll be honest, it could've been better. The title is completely contradictory to what's inside the story. It sort of ruins the book. Not only is it cliché, it also makes no sense. I suggest you search for a good title that actually matches the storyline and looks rather eye catchy.

The blurb was nice. It stated all the necessary facts regarding what the story contains. I liked how you kept it simple and didn't exaggerate about anything. 

Beginning of a new start :: 7/10

The onset chapters were good. They seemed a bit fast paced and I also witnessed you tried to be humorous in the first few chapters which was not bad. I suggest you adjust the setting of each chapter accordingly because one moment it's all funny and one moment it turns serious and then it again turns funny. I feel like you didn't plan out the chapters from beforehand and wrote on instinct.

Concept & Plot :: 15/25

The concept of the story was not something rare. I've read many books, fanfictions even containing a love story between two different worlds and how they face obstacles and how they overcome them together. However, each story depends on how they're portrayed which helps them to differ from other stories. In your case, the story was well differed from the rest.

Again, the plot was not rare or unique. Just like how I stated above, I've read quite similar stories but how you write it depends. From my perspective, I think you did a good job at describing both the main leads' lives. There were some parts that were quite predictable, for example Lily being Taehyung's brother's girlfriend and him cheating on her, I honestly saw that coming lol. Though I've only read 6-7 chapters, I do hope there are further mysteries hidden in the upcoming chapters and things are spiced up a bit instead of only revolving around their love life.

Characters & Emotions :: 9/15

Whenever I read a story, I focus more on the character build-up and their sentiments. Your way of portraying the characters' feelings is somewhat disarrayed. It's not like there were absolute zero emotions but whenever there was a display of feelings, it was mainly only about how the main leads felt about each other. Only their feelings towards each other were descriptive. When Lily caught her ex cheating, there was nothing written about how she felt. She just got drunk and left with Taehyung. I suggest you start showing the main leads' sentiments about the things and people around them rather than focusing only on each other. 

The characters were okay, not good but not bad either. Being a soldier, Taehyung had the correct personality of how he should be, including his physique. However, I felt like the Doctor was portrayed a bit dumb in here. No offence, but she seemed the type to mess up a surgery. Though I did like how you gave her physique a makeover by turning her chubby and not model type like we see in most fanfictions. She contained flaws, just like every human being. I had hoped for Taehyung's personality to contain some sort of flaw too but he also seemed like how we see him in most fanfics; a perfect dude. I suggest you try to diffuse more unique qualities into your characters and enhance their emotions as well.

Tone & Style :: 8/10

Your writing style was moderate. However, the paragraphs were too long. I suggest you make them shorter. Preferably, a paragraph should contain 6-7 lines to make them appear more presentable and neat. Long paragraphs can turn boring and lead the readers to skip them. The transition from one scene to another was good. The descriptive writing brought more life to the story.

As I had mentioned earlier, the toning of the story was a bit fast paced. The scenes were well portrayed but I felt like the Party chapter was rushed which confused me because then events were taking place at a rapid speed. There was no time for me to register Lily's ex cheated and before we knew it, she met Taehyung again and he got to know that she was his brother's girlfriend. I suggest you go slow, not too slow though and arrange each scene/event accordingly. Arrange them in a manner that the reader has the time to process them properly.

Grammar :: 18/20

Not many mistakes were detected in this field. Your grammar and vocabulary was crystal clear and each sentence was well noted. As I mentioned above, I liked your descriptive writing style the most. Even the usage of complex words added more depth to the story. Absence of commas, colons and semicolons was detected in a few areas. 

I hope my judgement was fair enough. :)

TOTAL :: 69/100.