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Rejection
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Author :: taes_smirk

Reviewer :: haefatima99

First impression :: 14/20

Before starting the review, I would like to tell you that I have judged your book two times for different awards. The first impression is the last impression so there were some issues that are still present in your book. I am happy that you would be aware of those issues in detail today. Please take it as a positive criticism as I am myself nothing but a learner.

» Cover :: 8/10
The cover that you have on your book is very aesthetically simple. The photo of Jimin is highly depicting the dark side of his personality in the book as a cold boy. I divided the judgment of any cover into two separate sectors:

1) Explicit or Direct view (the basics)
Your cover has a fine picture, a username, and a title. From a direct or explicit view, your cover is very pleasing; nothing is missing out.

2) Implicit or Indirect view ( how this cover relates to the book?)
After reading your book, one could say that this cover is definitely not irrelevant. The picture of Jimin is giving us a dark and cold hearted kind of vibes which was basically a major quality or flaw of his character. Good job!

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: I don't think so that you need to change this cover but as your reviewer, I would like to give you some tips. You see that this story doesn't only revolve around Jimin. Yejin, the main female lead, is also having a whole roller coaster ride of events. It would be better if you add a girl on the cover too. Of course, not every writer is good at cover making but you can always take help from the amazing graphic designers on Wattpad. Give them your requirements and you will get a whole artistic cover in return.

» Title :: 4/5
The title is simple yet so relevant to the story. Right from the beginning, we have been encountered with a Rejection that happened to move out everything in our main female lead's life. Then around chapter seven, she had to reject her secret admirer too, who used to write poems for her. The whole aim of "Rejection" as a title has been beautifully executed.

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: Maybe, we should be more creative and try finding more aesthetic words for the word "Rejection" as this world is pretty common. By creative, I mean, try to search different Chinese, Japanese, French, and Italian words for the word "Rejection" and use the very best one for your title. For example, "rifiuto" is an Italian word for "Rejection". It will attract your readers as it's a human instinct that he likes aesthetics. You don't need to change it as it was just my suggestion.

» Blurb :: 2/5
When we talk about your blurb. There are many technical (grammar, punctuation) and non-technical issues (missing literary points).

1) Technical issues
There are issues with punctuations and sentence formation. For example:

["Sunbae nim I really, really like you. Please accept my proposal."

I looked down at my feet, closing my eyes, as bowed and extended the love letter I wrote for him, hoping that he would accept it. It took me the whole night to pour my all emotions into it.

"Sorry"

"Huh?" I open my eyes and looked at him. His face would've been emotionless if it wasn't for what think was a faint look of disgust.]

That is your blurb above. Now I would like to point out some errors.

["Sunbae nim I really, really like you. Please accept my proposal."] Comma at the wrong place, and odious sentence formation. It should be like [ Sunbae nim, I like you very much. Please accept my proposal."]

["Sorry"

"Huh?" I open my eyes and looked at him. His face would've been emotionless if it wasn't for what I think was a faint look of disgust.]

There should be a period (.) or full stop after "sorry" then you close the quotation. Also [His face would've been emotionless, if it wasn't for what I think was a faint look of disgust.] These lines are very ambiguous when it comes to understanding their meaning because of their sentence structure. You can change these complex sentences into less complex ones.

Edited version:
[His face was emotionless, and if I wasn't wrong then there was a faint look of disgust.]

2) Non technical issues:
Every blurb has four important elements: Characters, Conflict, Stakes, Setting. In your blurb, we have characters that are unknown to us which are good to keep the suspense. Then we have a conflict (main problem), which isn't visible but we understand that the main conflict is the "Rejection" but stakes, and settings are missing out. Please, I would like if you add something more about stakes, "what will happen if he/she doesn't get accepted or declined?" I would also like you to add some words for the setting of your story in the blurb; It can be a year or date.

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: Here is a short information on four elements of the blurb. I hope it helps.

i- Characters: Who are the people of your book? What are their names? What kind of personality they possess (in few words).

ii- Conflict: What is the main problem that needs to be resolved in your book? Is this a case of murder? Is this a rejection that needs to end in a beautiful disaster? Is there any monster who is trying to possess the land of ice?

iii- Stakes: Basically, it's where you sign a contract with your readers that what can go wrong if the conflict (main issue) isn't resolved? The consequence of a decision.

iv- Setting: When your story is taking place? Is this the time of ancient Roman or Greece? Is it a modern tragedy? Or we have 2020 with a lot of romantic or non romantic touch?

Beginning of a new start :: 6/10

The first few chapters of your book provide a hallmark for the next chapters. So they need to be specific in terms of their attraction in words, creativity, and emotion building. As far as your first three chapters are concerned, they are definitely hooking up a reader with a scene where our main lead is rejected by her crush. But there are some scenes that are quite unnecessary and they are making your chapter look slow paced and boring.

For example, in the second chapter, please give a brief description of the main female lead waking up and then going to school. You are spending too much time over small details that don't matter. For example, notice the following paragraph:

[I get down from my bed and wear my comfy fury slippers. I love them. With this I went towards the bathroom...]

I can't point out all unnecessary scenes but I am sure that you understand what I am trying to say. Useless information will make your book look tardy and lengthy for no reason. So please avoid unnecessary details. Also, there were some grammar mistakes that made the first few chapters look messy at some point.

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: Simplicity is good, but your reader needs to have some reasons to keep on reading your book. Instead of starting off your book directly from chapter 1, I recommend adding some introduction for each character through their thoughts or specific quotation that makes them who they are in your story. It was just my recommendation and you don't need to apply it.

Concept & plot :: 15/25

To be honest, I am a fan of stories with maximum chapters only in case if the plot isn't going too slow and giving me an extra roller coaster ride of spices and herbs. As far as your book is concerned, its concept is fine but the plot is too slow paced. Up until 12 chapters, there was no major spice that had happened to make me feel curious. It was like I am reading a journal of someone where every day's life is being narrated. Please, I would like to have some major turns in a book after 10 chapters. It's good to develop a plot and its scenes, but be aware of its pace.

↱❛ Reviewer's tip:: Before writing a book, make an outline of the plot. There you should divide the chapters respectively to the scenes or events that you are going to describe. For example, in 1-6 chapters, there should be a major introduction. From 6-10, there should be a movement but not a really fast one. Between 11-14, add some spices, my love. When you come in between 15-18, it's time to put the ointment of the herbs. That's how you should plan your plot and concept so that your readers are hooked up with your book. Again, it's just my suggestion. Do it so that you are better. Don't do it, but still, you aren't going to lose anything.

Characters & emotions :: 12/15

This is the most essential part of any story as it's the point from where you tell your readers that they can trust you with their own selves because you are basically portraying their emotions and characters through the characters in your book. Not only your major (Round) characters are challenging, but your side characters are having a proper development as well. Well done in that area. As far as the emotions of the characters are concerned, I am not quite satisfied with it. It's because you are giving more time to their development rather than to their feelings.

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: Park Jimin deserves more development as I found him pretty invisible in the first ten chapters. I felt like I didn't really know him personally. Please, don't make Yejin too much of an ordinary girl. Give her some qualities that would make her unique in her own way. Show me that she is frail if she cries. If you want your readers to feel the emotions of your characters, then you can always do this through the thoughts of the characters.

Tone & style :: 6/10

Let's talk about the style of your book first. There are some issues that I found:

➥ Using telling card instead of showing. Not describing scenes that matter, barely describing them, or over describing the scenes that aren't important.

➥ Using informal words very often like "F*ck" or "B*tch". Their usage isn't wrong but we must avoid it in formal writing.

➥ Capitalization of the whole paragraph to describe that a character is screaming. Capitalizing two to three lines is fine but doing it for the whole paragraph comes under informality.

➥Switching from the first person to the third person without warning your readers. Please use one point of view in your book if it's possible. Switching between points of view will make your reader confused.

About the tone of your book. It's okay to change it from time to time as the tone is something that is dynamic and not consistent. But you have to be clear about the tone. If Yejin is sad, then don't make her tone sound like she is fangirling over Jimin.

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: "Show them, don't tell them" it doesn't mean you need to describe unnecessary stuff. But it means that you need to describe necessary scenes or events that contribute to your story. I recommend reading more real and original works of Wattpad. They would help you to create your own specific writing style.

Grammar :: 9/20

You need to solve a few major grammar issues on your own. If you work on them and follow my directions then I am sure that you need no editor to edit your book. You are your own editor, my love.

1) Word formation
First of all, you need to work on your word formation and word building issue. Some of your sentences are too odious in their structure. Notice few examples from your book:

➥"I don't know {what do now}, I'm totally ruined."

➥"My eyes {were wide,} number one on trending? And it was true,"

➥"Now this {as the only thing } left in my school life after {meeting rejected}in front of the whole school."

➥"You're smiling {like a mad?}" {She again} ask."

➥"She started to lecture me again on Jimin. But {my mind was mind was} (repetition) somewhere else."

2) Switching of tenses
When we are writing a book, we either use past or present tense. And we stick to one and avoid switching from one to the other. But you did switch from past to present many times. For example,

[Tears were about to fall from my eyes, I was still standing on the same spot. One of his friends, which is in my class, I mean in junior year came towards me rushing. I don't know him, I think his name is Jungkook?]

Were = Past
Is=  Present
Came= Past
Don't= Present

There are many other examples in your book. I am sorry but it's impossible to point out each of them but I hope you got my point.

3) wrong usage of tenses
Be careful with the usage of do/does and was/were. Their wrong usages make a lot of difference. Notice a line from your book:

"I don't understand his behavior Yejin, sometimes he looks like he care for you and some he act like {he don't} give a fuck for you."

-We use "does" with "he, she and it"
-We use  "do" with "we, they, I"

4) verbal tags
When dialogues are followed by words like, "said" then we use a comma (,) before closing the quotation. Notice the following example from your book:

["My house, your punishment is waiting. You clearly break rule number 7 and 8.(replace by comma)" he said while not looking at me.

But if dialogues are followed by words like "yelled" and "ran" or any action verb then you will use a period (.) before closing the quotation.

["My house, your punishment is waiting. You clearly break rule number 7 and 8. (Period because action)" he yelled while not looking at me.]

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: My subjective recommendation is to go with the editing of your book on your own. For this, you definitely need to work hard a lot. The second choice, give the draft of your book to a worthy community's editing shop that will edit your book.

Overall :: your story isn't bad because I enjoyed reading it. We all ain't born perfect and perfection isn't attainable yet we can have that one percent of perfection with 99% imperfections. Still, we are good so just work on the areas where I focused on. I hope my review helps you. Good luck! 

Total ::62 /100