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Random Love
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Author :: Kimgeukcheryl

Reviewer :: btsluvvesper

First Impression :: 3.5/20

We all know that a first impression is everything that attracts a person towards you and your work. If you succeed in giving a nice first impression, then half of your work is done. But, speaking of your first impression… I can't say it was the best. Here is why :

» Cover :: 1/10

The cover barely showed the leads, the overlapping, layering, and blending were not done appropriately and were done lousily. The transparency was reduced more than needed. At one point, nothing was seen clearly. 

It felt like you randomly threw the pictures together and did the adjustments without minding anything. Also, the pictures used/chosen were so off, the theme of the story didn't make sense at all.

Next, the fonts used weren't a good choice; they were bland. It was just like the title; random and not suitable. The placement was quite random. Just because the title and story are quite random, doesn't mean everything has to be. The extra black thingy that was used as the border was of no use. Also, it was cut off in the bottom middle of the cover.

The cover wasn't relevant to the storyline—which I usually search for besides attractiveness—which is needed to make the cover more connected with the story. Though the story is quite simple till now, the cover isn't doing any justification with it. And I don't see any need for the cover when it doesn't go well with your plot or theme.

Hence, the only thing that is needed for your cover to stand out decently is to revamp your cover fully. Take help from any professional person in this field or you can always order in any graphics shop out there providing proper details and you are all good with the cover.

» Title :: 1.5/5

I believe the title is the main thing that gives your story its identity, and without a proper and relevant title, the story will end up nowhere and make no sense. 

And oh well, the same thing happened in your case as well. Your title was too simple, common, and overbaked. Also, it didn't make any sense to me; like don't most of the love stories start with being random? Thus, in that way, it was quite baseless to have a title like this. 

Now, I do agree that the title somewhat was relevant to the story as it was very random for the leads to fall in love. But, still, it doesn't raise anything in me to read the story. 

As mentioned, it is overused and unappealing. If it wasn't for the review, I wouldn't have read the book based on its title. Also, I can't say much about relevancy as you have written very few chapters. 

Lastly, the use of aesthetic fonts and emoji signs (<3) for titles is very unappreciated. You don't see a real book's title in aesthetic fonts without any specific purpose. Do you? No. Therefore, avoid using it next time.

Overall, I would suggest that you come up with something interesting yet more relevant and to the point type things for the title. 

» Blurb :: 1/5

The blurb is technically the end of the first impression and the start of your story. By reading a blurb, we usually get to know what the story will be all about. I, most of the time, prefer a matching and interesting blurb to start with. Something that suggests a dispute or an edginess about the story. It should have a quality length. If you succeed in providing these things, your blurb would be considered a good blurb.

However, your blurb was too short and uninteresting. It had many grammatical errors. Also, sentence forming wasn't the best either. It was quite vague and boring. Rather than being a blurb, it ended up being a summary of the story. 

The blurb should highlight the selling points of a book/story — the hook.

A summary is a brief statement or restatement of main points, especially as a conclusion to a work.

Summary and blurb are two different things, so don't mix it up. A better version of your blurb can be : 

A playful boy and a flirty person meet each other at a (somewhere) and fall in love unexpectedly. Comfort was what they felt when spending time with each other. Their bond becomes stronger every passing day and they become inseparable. But will this bond be ever-lasting?

Thus, there is only one thing to suggest: write something more interesting and hooking for the blurb, and don't do a summary of the plot suggesting the conclusion. Also, avoid using emoticons and emoji signs in a blurb. It's unappealing and decreases the interest level more. Hence, refrain from using it.

Beginning of a new start :: 1/10

The beginning is something that keeps your readers engaged and intrigues them to read the story further. If you can entrap the readers with your initial chapters, then you are already halfway done. 

Unfortunately, I can't say that your beginning was something like that. It was dull to experience Jimin's daily-morning routine at the beginning. Then, the entry of Yoongi and him acting rude and stuff was quite predictable, and reading something very obvious is never intriguing. 

And not to mention, the grammar and writing style are the first things based on which I judge a book and read further. If these things are pretty much okay, then I can at least consider the beginning as something good or nice. But, you failed in those aspects as well. I will be explaining more about these in their respective sections.

Again, I would say the same thing. Come up with something new and interesting. Put some uncommonly common stuff to spice the opening chapters. Boring things can also be written in a way to make it interesting. You just have to know and use that technique and you will do better.

Concept and plot :: 6.5/25

The plot is as simple and random as its name suggests. I won't say it's bad but it's not that good either. It's somewhat overused and banal. 

The pace of the story is insanely fast. It lacks originality and realism in many places. And as said, it is very bland, predictable, and off most of the time. For example, loving a person after seeing them for the first time and confessing it with so ease sounds quite unrealistic. Yes, love at first sight is possible, but still it feels quite unreal in many ways. And not only that, the other lead is also easily confessing that he reciprocates the feelings is indeed something unbelievable. 

Also, the way they easily confessed and are willing to take steps towards their relationship already solves the conflict and kills the interest of the story for the readers to read further. It suggests the end of the story already as you are done with the things you mentioned and concluded in the blurb. And after seeing the leads getting together without any difficulties and fears or such, I, as a reader, will just leave the story, as it is a simple one.

Also, I feel like you could have turned this simple and random story more interesting by proper execution, which you lacked. For a simple and predictable plot, we mainly search/go for some uniqueness through execution. With some upgraded and standardized execution, it would have been much better than it's now. 

Maybe you could have shown their hesitancy while confessing and backing off or their disapproval in love instead of making them confess and together so soon. You see, execution is all that is needed to make an ordinary and plain story into something interesting. 

Anything that would spice up your common story to something uncommon. But, yeah, uncommon doesn't mean anything irrational or unrealistic. Hence, keep it unique yet reasonable and logical. 

Characters and emotions :: 1.5/15

The characters and emotions are a vital part of a story. They should be balanced equally in a story or else the story won't turn out good. 

Coming to your characters, they weren't described or introduced properly. A little introduction by using the leads' pictures and giving one-line features doesn't fall in the proper description or information of the characters. I couldn't find any proper character development or proper presentation of their personalities and behaviors. 

You should describe how they look, their behaviors, their actions and why they are doing so, how they are changing or developing according to the situations, etc. These are what is needed and makes a character stand out properly.

Now, the characters' emotions are the results of their doings. How a character is expressing their feelings can be expressed through their actions. But, in your story, the emotions were barely expressed. 

Emotions are also the thing by which the readers can connect themselves with the characters. I didn't feel anything about the characters. During the whole time of reading, I literally had a straight face. Hence, I couldn't connect myself with the characters, I couldn't feel them. 

In conclusion, you need to work more on this part of your story. Try to make and describe the characters more descriptively. You can take help from different sites about how to describe certain things and scenes. The same goes for emotions as well, you have to make the readers feel the characters by the art of using appropriate words and descriptions for scenes and characters' feelings. Then, you can surely be a good writer.

Tone and style :: 1/10

Now, writing style and tone are what can make a simple plotline turn out something great. It creates a huge impact on the overall story. A writer's identity is their writing style. 

But, speaking of your writing style, then I would say it was one of those blandest and emotionless writing styles I have seen so far. Your writing didn't have any specific style or something. It barely had any proper scene or situation descriptions.

You switched from narration to scriptwriting way too much. At first, you started like this, example : 

"I am going to the market and will be late to work," Riana said and left the house in a hurry. [Narration]

Then you started to write in this style :

Riana : I am going to the market and will be late to work. [Script writing]

Do not do this. This will certainly ruin your whole story even if you have a nice plot. That's because it's a story, not a play where you can use scripted style. For novels and stories, we use any form of narration (1st, 2nd, and 3rd person point of view) while using proper features of each narration. We use scripted style when we are writing a play or drama. 

For reference, if you have read Shakespeare's plays, you will see they use scripted style, whereas when you read any novel or story books, they use narration. You can now see the difference between the two, right? Hence, avoid using scripted style in story writing. 

Now, for instance, let us imagine that using the scripted style is okay in stories but the way you stated the normal happening in different ways each time is more concerning than the fact you used scripted style. You went like this, example : 

Ryaal : I don't like you. (He said angrily.)

Ryaal : I don't like you. *He said angrily.*

Ryaal : I don't like you. He said angrily. 

I mean, this is not how you write using scripted style. This is so wrong. There are certain ways to write using the scripted form. Don't just ruin it by doing such stuff. This is truly unacceptable. Therefore, avoid it and go for narration while writing stories. 

Coming to narration, you switched the point of view many times. From 1st person point of view to 3rd person point of view, you switched without mentioning and almost immediately. Don't do that. It's very confusing and thus jumbles up the plot and scene settings. 

Using 3rd person point of view allows you to express the scenes and emotions in descriptive writing; 1st person point of view allows you to describe things specifically from a character's point of view. 

The absence of tags and punctuations between your dialogues and narration made your writing more confusing. Also, you used capitalization in between ongoing sentences which is wrong. Unless, the thing is needed to highlight or important; and use of lowercase for proper nouns is wrong as well. 

Paragraphing needs more attention. They are too short to be called a paragraph. Using short forms (dr, bby, sry, etc.), emoticons or using asterisk (*knocks*) while writing stories are highly unappealing and unappreciated. We use that while texting in general. Kindly stop doing it, if you want to be a good writer. 

Overall, all you have to do is recognize which style and tone go well for which theme and fix up the mentioned things, then your story could be good.

Grammar :: 6/20

I will be straight up honest here. Your grammar was quite dreadful. Your punctuations, spelling, tag punctuations, tenses, and other major grammar points are quite messed up and unsatisfying. 

First, the tense used was inconsistent. You started with one tense and changed to another real soon, which is wrong. An extract : 

He came out from the bathroom after washing his face.He comes out, his attention goes to the clock.. [Incorrect]

He came out of the bathroom after washing his face. As he came out, his attention went to the clock. [Correct]

Here, you started with the past tense but in the very next sentence, you went with the present tense. And not only that you have preposition problems as well. Instead of "from", "of" is more appropriate. After that, the misuse of ellipsis (...) and not giving space between the sentences (face.He).

Also, when using past tense you can't use words (recently, now, etc) as these suggest present time happenings. And you surely can't do/say anything "now" if you did it before in the past already. 

Up next, the wrong and misuse of (...) ellipsis is the three dots(...) used — to show trailing off, to omit words while quoting someone, and sometimes to indicate stuttering. 

You used it in almost every line and stuttering, which is wrong. It made the sentences seem breathless and unattractive. Also, you used more or less than three dots in most of the places. It's only three dots unless it comes after a grammatically correct and complete sentence. In that case, it will have its own period(.) as well. An example of your work :

"Uhmm Let's see Wats his name….." [Incorrect]

"Uhmm... Let's see, what's his name…" [Correct]

As you can see, you used more than three dots to show the trailing off. Also, an ellipsis was needed after "uhmm" for the same reason— trailing off. Another thing, the typo and capitalization in "what" and absence of comma (,) after "see" are irritating, to be honest.

You missed the tags very often and it's incorrect as tags put great impacts on dialogues. Even if you used tags, you didn't use the proper punctuations at all. Thus, you have to use tags with proper punctuation rules for them. 

For verbal tags (praised, commented, etc.), we use comma (,) or needed punctuation (?/!) to end the dialogue, if the tags come after the dialogue. Example : 

"Monsha is one of the best leaders I have ever seen," Shondha commented with sparkling eyes.

But, if the tag comes before the dialogue, then we end the dialogue with a period(.) or needed punctuation (?/!). Example :

As Madi heard Shruti, she said, "I don't hate you, I just strongly dislike you."

For action tags (winked, kissed, etc), we use period (.) or needed punctuation (?/!). Example :

"I love that smooth skin of yours, babe." Raey winked at the girl. 

After that, the wrong use of words/abbreviations. An extract : 

"Yoongi : your late!" [Incorrect]

"Yoongi : You're late!" [Correct]

Avoid doing such things, it is very unpleasant, or else you will end up doing serious blunders in the future. That's because you are kind of making it a habit, as you are doing it frequently.

Other than that you have serious problems with punctuations. You don't put any period (.) after the end of paragraph or comma(,) in dialogues and sentences when needed or when writing characters' thoughts, adjectives, and prepositions. You tend to use the wrong one at certain places. And you have many spelling errors and typos, which can be fixed by proofreading.

If you keep in mind the mentioned things and correct yourself accordingly, you will surely do great. 

Extra words :: All I will say is, don't be disheartened seeing fewer marks. If you try your best and read some quality books, then I am sure you will gradually get a hang of writing more nicely and in an organized way. Hope you take this review and my criticism positively and improve more. All the best. Thank you.

Total :: 19.5/100