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Novice
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Author :: -Boongiboi

Reviewer :: btsluvvesper

First Impression :: 7/20

The First Impression is always the best impression. Though based on your works, I wouldn't say it was too good or too bad. It was just fine and bland.

↳ Cover - 3.5/10
The cover is one of the main elements to grab readers' attention. They should be eye catchy and inviting. Your cover was nice but not that eye-catching or that attractive. It seemed quite busy with all those reel stripes and fonts that weren't that great, your author name and subtitle need to be a little bigger, I had a hard time squinting my eyes and seeing that.

Also, the reel thing wasn't needed at all and moreover, the work with that wasn't furnished. When you overlayed the two reels, pictures clashed together and spoiled the design.

Now, if we talk about the relation between cover, title, blurb, and plot theme. It completely came as a zero. The cover portrayed a dark theme, showing Jimin and other BTS members as the main focus, which is certainly wrong. The plot is mainly focused on Eun Dae, and the story suggests a plot about her life and struggles, so the dark theme really doesn't go with that hard working and struggling concept.

I really appreciate your own creativity and hard work behind the cover. But dear, it didn't match with the theme, so try changing it and put something that goes well with the plot and theme, also if possible try to show Eun Dae on the cover as well, as she is the main protagonist.

↳ Title - 2/5
The title is the identity of the book because, by the title, a book is mainly known among the people. But your title was too bland and simple. It wasn't inviting me to read it. It wasn't interesting or attractive.

Now, I really can't say if the title was relevant to the storyline or not, because "Novice" means "inexperienced or totally new to something". But reading the book, it really didn't feel that Eun Dae was that new or inexperienced. Yes, she was a beginner but the plot really doesn't portray her in that way much.

Therefore, try to come up with something more interesting and relating to the plot. You don't have to come up with some literary or too hard or complex title, just make sure that whatever you choose for the title, reflects the plot and is to the point.

↳ Blurb :: 1.5/5
The blurb mainly suggests what the book will be all about. It should be a little revealing yet having that suspense and must have a bond with the title, cover, and of course with the plot.

But your blurb really didn't have any relation with the plot or the title. The title suggested inexperienced but your blurb is telling a totally different story. It didn't portray what the book will be about.

The blurb should be hooking, that by reading, the readers don't think much and just directly click the "read" button. But your one was too confusing. It didn't give any idea about what the book is going to have. It should create a conflict that urges the readers to hop in for the book. But sadly, your blurb wasn't even near "directly inviting" the readers.

Also, to make the blurb interesting you can put quotations but you have to make sure that it's from your book only. Otherwise, it will make no sense. And the same happened here as well, the quotation didn't seem from your plot or book at all.

The blurb had very little information but it did reveal your concept when you stated "small twist", you are basically telling that there will be a small yet vital twist. It wasn't that important to put. It made the blurb even boring considering that "twist" part.

Like as a reader, I know that there definitely will be some twists. But you state that confirmed it and readers will be like we already know the twist ill to be there. So what's the point of mentioning it? But, yeah if you had put a conflict with suspension yet gave a vague idea of what the "twist" would be, then I think that would attract people more.

Beginning of a new start :: 3.5/10

The beginning of the story should be intriguing to make readers want to read the book further. It should slowly enter the main plot, captivating the readers to keep going. But sorry to say, your beginning wasn't the best.

Was it good? Yes. But was it intriguing and hooking? No. You randomly put some dialogues and already revealed the plot, by doing so. As I read it, I could immediately catch your concept. Also, as there was no thrill or something that would spice up the story, I felt very bored to even continue the story. If it wasn't for review, I would have left the book right away.

Also, you mentioned keeping two different themes - strong and dark, and tried to give off both of them. But I don't think it was really needed, as I could only catch the strong one, but about the dark side, I couldn't really figure out why that was even regarded as dark.

Therefore, try to make your beginning more interesting and intriguing which would make the readers go on.

Concept and Plot :: 6/25

The concept of the story wasn't new or intriguing but was fine. Talking about proving to the world that girls are also capable is common. The reality show thing was nice but again not new or interesting.

Now, if I talk about your plot. Then first I would like to ask you - Do you even have a well planned plot? Because I clearly can't see where your plot is. What is your plot? Is it about how Eun Dae proves her worth and capability? Or is it Jimin and Eun Dae's relationship throughout the show? Or what? I really can't justify or catch what your "actual" plot is.

The story is about a reality show, but where is the reality show's part? Throughout the whole 7-8 chapters, it only showed Eun Dae meeting her known people and having a very fast bond with Jimin. Only the first 1-2 chapters were about the opening performance of participants and judges. Other than that I really couldn't find anything out.

Next, your pace for your plot is too fast. It's hard to say what is actually happening. One time Eun Dae meets with her long lost friend and the next moment she is practicing with Jimin.

Dear, you still have time and I know you may also have a very nice plot. So, arrange all things together and then execute your plot nicely.

Characters and Emotions :: 5/15

Now, here is the part where I really don't know what marks to even give. I literally have no words to say anything, to be honest.

The characters seemed like they just popped out of nowhere. No description of the characters was given. It's just that every character knows each other somehow. Now you had to show and describe how the "somehow" happened.

Taehyung and Eun Dae were best friends and Jin and Eun Dae are siblings. Now the bond that they share wasn't described. And the side flashback that you brought in the 3rd chapter was kind of off. You could have given that before the starting of the story as character description, giving that in the middle of the 2-4 chapters wasn't nice.

Emotions are a vital part of any story and especially the characters. But dear, I didn't feel a single emotion, because there wasn't any at all. You can describe well when it comes to any setting or scene. But when it came to emotions you couldn't express them well.

For instance, let's talk about Eun Dae and Taehyung's reunion. As they were best friends and met after a long time they were supposed to feel a lot of emotions. Like just think - that you are meeting your best friend after a long time, how would you feel? Nostalgic, happy, and maybe a little emotional as well, right? Similarly, try to show the same kind of emotions in that way only. Try to feel the characters as yourself and then only you can portray and/or describe them properly.

Tone and Style :: 4.5/10

Your tone and writing style of the story wasn't good enough. It was off and bland in many places. As mentioned before, you are good at describing certain scenes but still, it's not up to the mark compared to other stuff. You need to express and show certain scenes, not just tell them. It felt like - I go to school, I do my studies. I came back home. There is no feeling there. So you better change this tone of writing soon. Or else you won't be able to connect the readers with your book.

You gave unnecessary breaks between dialogues and sentences. While writing any book you should maintain a certain flow and pattern. If you are going to write lowercase then maintain that throughout the whole book only. No need for capitalization in the middle of an ongoing sentence or paragraph, unless that is very important. Action and Dialogues punctuations were totally messed up. I will be telling in the grammar part what those are.

Also, your paragraphing structure is wrong as well. A paragraph is a group of sentences written together to give out a single idea. But your paragraphs were of one line or sentence.

You wrote few sentences

like

this. don't Do this.

It's utterly ridiculous to see a book like that. From what and how you wrote chapters it seems a toddler wrote that. It was quite messy and seemed like you published the raw and drafted materials, without any proofreading. Proofreading is always important, or else it ruins the whole books' mood. Without it, the writing seems like random colors were spread on a well painted canvas.

So, I recommend revamping your whole book. Take help from any editing shop and fix the problems.

Grammar :: 8/20

Grammar is very very important while writing because without it the whole book or any writing will be meaningless. And dear, you need to work on your grammar more. You missed many things. So, let me point out those, one by one.

Firstly, the punctuations, there are some reasons why punctuations are important right? Without punctuations, how would we ever know where to pause or stop or where to think whether it's a question or statement.

Similarly, you should also put the right punctuation, articles, and conjunctions in certain places. There were paragraphs that started with lowercase and without any pause or stop, it ended, then also there was no period to show the end. Just like that, another paragraph started but this time with capitalization. So, you have to focus on this part, if you are starting capitalization, then go with that only. Don't start lowercase all of a sudden.

Now let's talk about tag punctuations, so there are certain punctuation rules about where to use which punctuations for which tags.

For action tags, we end the dialogue with a period (.) or needed punctuation mark (?/!). But definitely not with a comma(,). But if the dialogue is followed by a dialogue, at that time we end the dialogue with a comma (,) or needed punctuation mark (?/!). Also, after that, the line should be written in lowercase, unless it's a proper noun.

Then, come - em-dashes (-), it should be used to indicate a break or extra information. But you used hyphen (-) to show that extra information. Hyphens (-) are used to join two words or groups of words. So, you see the difference right? Therefore, keep it in mind for next time.

There were also a few places where you wrote utterly nonsense words and I was like -what the hell is even written here?- also you have tense inconsistency, very less but still you have them.

Spelling errors weren't much, but typos were there. As mentioned before, proofreading is what you need to do before publishing the well executed and written chapter.

Other than that your basics are okay. All you have to do is - know where punctuations are needed and where not. And which tense or words are needed, when, and where.

Final Words :: All I will say is, don't be disheartened seeing fewer marks. If you try your best and read some quality books, then I am sure you will slowly slowly get a hang of writing more nicely and in a presentative way. Hope you take my criticism positively and improve more. Thank you.

TOTAL :: 34/100