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Not a Friend
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Author :: picklejuice100

Reviewer :: athenaxglamour_

First impression :: 16/20

I would be honest with you. After reading your blurb, I realized why this book is a featured short story; I liked that. But the cover didn't give much excitement. I won't sugar coat words, so let's move on to the more in depth review. 

» Cover :: 7/10

The current cover is more like an animation of the real visual that you want to convey. It would be nice if you used a real image, rather than using an animated version. But it's not a big issue. I still like the current image. But fonts can be more visible to your audience. Your background picture is light and so are the fonts. It would be nice to highlight the font color more. I would like to go more in depth in this area. 

1) explicit or direct view (the basics):

You got the basics of a good cover. I really didn't like the font style because it looks so plain. But other than that, I am happy you got all the basics. 

2) implicit or indirect view ( how this cover relates to the book?):

The story revolves around two strangers who meet on a trip. So I really loved the fact that you added a bus and trip like the image on the cover. It's totally vibing with your storyline. But it would be better if it wasn't some animation but a real image. 

↱❛ ︎Reviewer's tip :: If you don't want to change this cover, don't change it. But please highlight the title and author name more. It should be visible and easy to read so that it doesn't hurt readers' eyes who have poor eyesight like me. This is just a tip. You aren't obliged to work on it. 

» Title :: 5/5 

Although quite simple yet to the point. It basically tells me about your plotline at one glance but not in a way that would affect my enjoyment. A title shouldn't be telling the whole damn story. Right until the end, both characters came closer to each other yet Allie asked Kyle that they aren't friends. It was quite funny to read because Allie has a 'hard to get' personality.  She didn't accept that they both were friends. But she knew they were more than mere friends. 

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: I must say that I don't have any tips here. Your title is perfect, so I would save my tip for my next review. Good job! 

» Blurb :: 4/5 

You got a nice blurb but it could be better if you try. Your blurb has all the compulsory elements of a traditional Wattpad blurb. That's why I was hooked up. Notice your blurb: 

(Allie Von prides herself on being a loner. Socializing with her classmates is not only unnecessary, but it is also weird and tiring. So when she's forced to attend their school's last summer trip, to make a 'friend' or to 'socialize' she tries to prove to herself that friendships are fickle and pointless.)

Okay, so you introduced your first main lead in these lines. In the same paragraph, you introduced the main conflict too. 

(But Kyle Raymond, a sweet, sunny classmate, comes in the way and makes her question her beliefs.) I would rather start this paragraph with a contrasting expression such as 'on the other hand' because you are starting an individual paragraph for Kyle's introduction. Other than that, you have unnecessary commas here and there. 

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: The current length of your blurb is literally okay. But it would be good if you add a quoted line from your book at the start of your blurb. Your blurb will be perfect like that. Again, just a tip. 

Beginning of a new start :: 8/10

I love the aesthetics that you put at the starting of the book. They are basically visual imagery for a reader to imagine how Kyle and Allie look like. About the starting of chapter one, I found some issues in writing style. You aren't spacing paragraphs; Some of them are too long without spaces. Also, I actually loved the fact that you explained the character of Allie quite well in the first chapter. The background story of Allie's mother with her was also something heartwarming. 

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: No writer is perfect, so I would suggest that add some more attraction in the starting. I appreciate the aesthetics that you added but start your first chapter with a quote in order to make your beginning more exciting. This is just a mere suggestion as your reviewer. You don't have to work on it if you don't want to.  

Concept & plot ::21/25

About the concept of your story and the plot, I must say it was quite cliché kind of. Like a quiet girl meeting a smiley guy. But this is only when you read the blurb. Slowly and steadily, when you read this story further, you ultimately realize that this book isn't like those high school romance plots on Wattpad. This is where I fell in love with your book. Your plot is original and created after a thorough inspection. You aren't taking scenes too fast; You are not so slow as well. The pacing of your plot suits the requirements of a short story. 

↱❛ Reviewer's tip:: After reading your book a second time, I would like to have more scenes for Kyle in the book. Maybe, a little paragraph about his background. Like you did to Allie. 

Characters & emotions :: 13/15

Talking about Character development, well, since it's a short story so you must not over describe them. Don't worry, you didn't over describe them. In fact, we would like to have a clear understanding of how Allie looks. You did it indirectly and told us about her personality quite well. But I saw that Kyle doesn't have proper character development. They are both important as main leads, right? So he needs some attention from you. 

Moving towards the character's emotions, I would say that you did a good job here. Although your characters are all flat. But still, you are able to improve the emotions throughout. Good job here. 

Tone & style :: 6/10 

Okay, so this may be the only area where you need to improve a little. 

➡ You have formatting issues. When one paragraph ends, there is usually a space or interval between the paragraphs. If you don't do it, your readers might not understand how to and where to pause. Where a scene ends, and where a new scene starts. For example, a paragraph from your book: 

[The main reason why she agreed to this stupid trip was her mom.

"I don't want to you miss this just for me, Allie," her mom had said when she tried to make her realize that she didn't want to go.

"But who's going to take care of you? What if you miss your pills? What if you forget to visit the doc?" Allie had asked and her mother repeatedly told her that the caretaker would be there and her mom would be fine, but Allie is not so sure anymore. ] 

➡ A normal person doesn't speak this long in one breath. Your character is a human just like you. For example, speak the following words in one breath. Could you? 

["A boy lives with his dad, the boy loves his father, the father loves his son, and then one day the son, being the most stupid human in this universe goes and tells his dad that he might be bi and explains everything, and viola! Son is kicked out of the house and from every day onwards it's a little tough to go to sleep because then you get the dreams where your dad tells you how wrong you are and then you wonder if your dad is right and yada yada... whatever." He takes a deep] 

➡ Your writing style has so much redundancy. Notice the following lines, five lines but four 'and' in your writing style. Maximum three 'and' were alright. 

Do they like to punch each other in the face just to have fun? And hitting each other in their private parts is the highlight of their day? And all they do is make sick jokes about pooping and farting and Katy Perry.

Other than that, your description is quite simple. You are using quite simple words in order to describe people, places, or settings. Good job! Bec every reader can't understand your high level of vocabulary. 

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: Please, don't lengthen your paragraphs too much. And give proper formatting to your book. Then your book would be perfect. Your writing style has fixable writing issues. 

Grammar :: 14/20

Here I noticed just a few mistakes which I pointed out below. You could easily fix them on your own. 

➡ You have issues with action tags in a few places. Sometimes, you are using punctuation correctly. Sometimes you just slip into the 'action or dialogue?' trap too. People don't hiss and chuckle while speaking. Unless you are talking about a snake from an alternative universe. For example, ["Oh, well, now I'm sitting here," he chuckles, shaking his head while he takes out his iPad and the stylus.] Did he chuckle while saying that? He can either chuckle or say something. He is a human, not a fantasy creature from a supernatural novel. So it's an action tag not verbal. 

➡ Two or three sentence formation problems could easily be detected and fixed. ["I don't want( to you )miss this just for me, Allie," her mom had said when she tried to make her realize that she didn't want to go.] It should be, ["I don't want you to miss this just for me, Allie," her mom had said when she tried to make her realize that she didn't want to go.]

➡ You are using unnecessary commas. There are many places so I couldn't tell all of them. But you should lessen their usage. 

These were the only issues I have noticed so far. You could fix them easily. 

Overall, just work on your writing issues and action tag issues. Other than that, you are good to go for now. 

Total :: 78/100