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My half Vampire mate
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Author :: Freyakillz123

Reviewer :: kimvante_

First impression :: 14/20

The cover gave off very dark and intense vibes, though the blending of characters is quite rough. Even the font used to display the title does not match the cover and is ruining it so I suggest you work on it and fix the mistakes.

The title was very cliché. I feel like you could've gone for a much shorter and powerful title. These kinds of titles; "My sister's boyfriend", "My soulmate", etc. look very boring from the outside. While reading it, a reader would conclude what's gonna happen in the story, even though the storyline might be completely different, and won't read it because of course they wouldn't want to waste their time. 

The blurb was amusing to read. I liked how you tried to put a little Taekook banter and immediately left the impression of a powerful and sassy Taehyung. The paragraph below the dialogues was written in a perfect way. It gave off an accurate baseline of the story without revealing too much. 

Beginning of a new start :: 6/10

The onset chapters were amusing but quite boring as well. I could see your effort of steadily building up the plot but some parts were rather cliché. The chapters seemed a bit fast paced as well. However, the good thing is that the chapters didn't lack many details. From the beginning, you made the events clear and set the main points on line like how Taehyung was alive plus who were the killers. The readers will read the story with only one aim in mind, to reveal the mystery behind the two aforementioned points. 

Concept & Plot :: 19/25

The concept of the story was likable. I really liked how you didn't make Taehyung appear weak and a submissive omega and rather made him a strong and fierce vampire, that too a true blood. Though disguised as an omega, he held that certain charm that gave off a dangerous vibe. The only thing which I think is cliché was how you turned Taekook into childhood friends. That part could've been eliminated but I think you did a good job of killing Taehyung in the prologue because it eventually led to a huge mystery to be formed of how he was alive then and how did he escape. The other good aspect about your story is the effort you put into shaping the mysteries and leaving the readers wanting to read more.

Characters & Emotions :: 7/15

Whenever I read a story, I focus more on the character build-up and their sentiments. Your way of portraying the characters' feelings was plain. I couldn't decipher any sort of emotions from the characters rather than them being upset over the past and how they lost each other. There was no depth to what they were exactly feeling, they were over the top.  For the characters, I can see that you tried being creative but ended up applying the same qualities. Though Taehyung's character was very well portrayed, Jungkook's ended up being the same dominant cliché alpha pure blood. I hope you try to diffuse more unique qualities into your characters and add more details to the feelings of these characters. 

Tone & Style :: 4/10

Your way of describing the story was dull except the prologue which was very well written. Your writing style was very spiritless. I wasn't able to detect many descriptive sentences or paragraphs. All you used was simple english. Only at some points did I find rich words being used. The paragraphs were at some point short and sometimes long which ruined the writing style. The transition from one scene to another was disruptive at some points.

The toning of the story was unsatisfying because the character dialogues were immature which affected their character positioning. The childish bickering doesn't look good every time considering how dangerous creatures they were. Whining, pouting, etc doesn't exactly suit a vampire. These kinds of things make the story appear less serious and lame.

Grammar :: 8/20

Okay so first things first, whenever you end a dialogue, a period (.) or comma (,) has to be put to complete the sentence. Please educate yourself on what are action tags and verbal tags. You have not even once applied a full stop or a comma at the end of each dialogue except question marks and exclamation marks. 

Because of this mistake, the story looks very unappealing while reading. I highly suggest you start using the aforementioned abbreviations to improve your writing and make your story appear readable. There were also many paragraphs where you forgot to apply full stops. Spelling mistakes and absence of colons and semicolons were located as well. The grammar was also incorrect at some points. 

> Extra tip :: Please refrain yourself from inserting pictures and author notes in the middle of the chapters. It is really an immature thing to do and disrupts the flow of reading the story plus it is also really annoying to get interrupted in the middle of reading every once in a while. 

I hope my judgement was fair enough. :)

TOTAL =  58/100.