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Author :: SL-BTSILLION

Reviewer :: wuwtaetae

First Impression :: 12/20

» Cover :: 7/10

I love the cover, love the edit. It's simple, pretty, and nice to look at. The only thing I don't like is the coloring. Tone it down a little bit. Also, I don't get in what way the cover matches with the story. Please, tell me. I'd really like to know. I know you're going for an aesthetic perhaps, having all your covers modelled in the same way but trust me, only 1/4 of people who read your book would visit your account. The others just find it somewhere and keep reading so I don't see the point. Get a cover that matches your book.

» Title :: 1/5

It's literally a BTS song's name. I just typed the title into the search box and there came millions of books with the same title. I could just keep scrolling and scrolling. It lacks creativity and uniqueness. It's such a common name. If you think your book is unique, you should find a unique title too.

» Blurb :: 4/5

According to Microsoft, an average human's attention span is seven minutes. So you have to catch their eyes in two or three minutes. This is data. I think you've managed to catch my eye but I'm sorry, I didn't read the whole blurb when I first came across it. 

I set my timer to ten minutes, paused it at seven as soon as it got to 10, played it again, and when I was on the fifth line, it beeped. So with these statistics, the thing I'm trying to show is that if you want people to actually read your blurb instead of just glancing at it and judging, the summary should be continuous. It should get straight to the point. I judged your book from the first three lines and I can bet you that most people did. Don't get me wrong, the summary is good, it's really good but I'm talking about this in a different perspective. I hope you can see that. 

Another reason I'm telling you this is because as I have mentioned, the summary is really good and I just don't want people to miss out on that so get straight to the point. You should remove that "read to find out thing" cause one, nobody's going there according to the date, and two, it makes you look unprofessional. Even though we're just writers on Wattpad, we take things seriously so just like that, we should take professionalism seriously. You don't see any published author putting that on their summary, do you? However, I really like the sentence formation and the words you've used.

Beginning of a new start :: 3/10

I found mistakes in the first paragraph of the first chapter. I even asked my fellow reviewers about it, and yes, they found mistakes too. Some words might have the same meaning but they don't always work on every sentence that requires a word with a similar definition. I found it very boring, the way you started. Starting from a point is what makes the readers curious, takes them on a journey. I think starting with Veñice hearing Taehyung's voice and being attracted to it would've been a good start. It's just very boring. I, for sure wouldn't continue the book if it started and went on like that. The plot is very predictable so at least have something suspenseful? A book that makes the readers confused and curious at the very beginning is a good book in my point of view. You don't always have to explain everything.

Concept and plot :: 10/25

So, a love triangle. I'm sorry but I'm tired of them. They are literally everywhere. Emphasis on everywhere. Movies, drama, series, books, just everywhere. I don't think it's unique. Yes, there might be a unique element in your book that'd come in later on but I don't think most of the readers would be patient enough to get to that point. I remember reading these types of fanfictions years ago where two rivals want the same girl and so. I'm sorry but this is as cliché as it can get but you get kudos for making me curious about the whole creepy contract scene.

Characters and emotions :: 2/15

Where do I start? They were very frustrating. Veñice was very basic. Poor girl, pretty face, everybody loves her, everybody wants her, she's the heather, pretty body, every guy wants her, looks like a model. Damn. I don't get it. If she's got it all, then I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be in this position in the first place. If she was that pretty, I'm pretty sure with her current financial situation, she would've at least tried modelling. If she was that pretty, she would've been scouted by an agency. She's sassy and witty too. She blushes a lot, gets shy often, gets excused with almost anything because of beauty privileges, right? This is the most Y/n, Y/n can get. There is absolutely nobody that perfect. Please. 

Flaws make humans, humans! Flaws are what makes them beautiful and unique. Even BTS members have flaws because no human, absolutely no human is flawless. Not everybody would fall in love with someone. Also, the spaghetti fight? Really? Make things believable. During the whole time it happened you're telling me they didn't notice Veñice? If somebody I've never seen was just standing there in my house, I'd notice them in a blink. Even in a crowd, I'd notice them. Maybe Hoseok didn't notice her because he was furious, but what about the others? And the flirty attitude? They, even in the book, are idols who are famous with girls dying at their feet and most of them (except Jimin and Jeongguk) flirt with Veñice. Very realistic, right? Writing is more about the plot and characters than anything. Even if your writing is great, I'm sure it wouldn't be enough to make a good book. Are you that perfect in real life? Do you know anybody so perfect in real life? Just think about it. 

Now, let's talk about emotions. There were only actions and no emotions. What happened was stated, what they felt was left out. The more you know your characters, the more you understand what they feel. When Taehyung was cold towards her, she thought that she should stay away from him and that's it? Would you react like that if your crush hates you? Wouldn't you be heartbroken at least for a short period of time? She just shrugged it off and there comes the next scene. As I mentioned earlier, think about it. Think if their actions make sense. Think if it's what someone would do and how they would feel in real life.

Tone and style :: 4/10

I felt like it was very basic. There were little to no descriptions. You need to read better books. The way you built scenes lacked depth. The paragraphs are too short. You should take your time with one scene, finish it completely before moving on to the next scene. I think you should complete chapters properly before moving onto the next. I can see that you were trying to build anticipation with the third chapter but when I started reading the fourth chapter, it felt like the first part of it belonged in the third. Ending the third chapter with Veñice thinking that she should stay away from Tae would've been a better ending. If you wanted to leave the third chapter as it is, then I suggest you cut right into the dinner scene, cutting out the small scene before that. This is just an example to help you understand. 

There are also redundant scenes there, and having them eliminated would do so much good for your book. I don't think the scene with her mom and Ivy was absolutely necessary, I didn't think the car scene was necessary. There are a lot of redundant scenes. Just move from point to point. It could've just been 1) She wants a new job and Hyunsik helps, 2) She along with Hyunsik goes to HYBE labels and she signs the contract, 3) She meets BTS without all that drama but if you want that drama, it could just be with Hoseok yelling and Veñice saying that she ate the spaghetti. It would've been better if that happened with her saying that she was hungry and how she met Minji in a paragraph or two. Books are like spiderwebs. A web should be made only if without it the whole web would collapse. Otherwise, they aren't necessary and are a waste of time for both the author and the reader. 

Grammar :: 10/20

You need to correct a lot of errors but it isn't so bad. I've seen books with worse grammar. Some sentences are understandable but are incorrect according to the sentence structures. There's no such word as "ofcourse", only "of course" exists. "Your" and "you're" have a completely different meaning. "You're" is the short form of 'you are' while "your" indicates something close to possession. 

In some places, commas are missing. Please, please do not use texting language when you're writing an actual book. No omgs, please. And the three dots (ellipses) are supposed to have only three dots. Not less, not more. You don't have to leave space between a word and an exclamation mark. You don't do that when you're adding question marks so why do it with exclamations? 

Your book starts with present tense but as it progresses the tenses change from present to past. Sometimes, there are commas instead of period marks too. No lol too, please. I noticed that there's an exclamation mark instead of a question mark. All these things, I noticed in a single chapter and wrote it down briefly as explaining everything will make this section too long, so I apologize if it's all over the place. Anyway, hire an editor. Even New York bestsellers aren't bestsellers without the editing they went through.

Extra note :: Get an editor. Try to bring in some creativity. Think things thoroughly before publishing. Check your grammar. Use grammarly. Think about what's absolutely vital and what's not. 

Total :: 41/100