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His Revenge
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Author :: spinebreaker_2000

Reviewer :: gukkeun

First Impression :: 5/20

First impressions determine not only the quality, but in another word it represents your book as a whole on the outside. There are a couple of things I'd like you to look over and fix before anything else because it defines how present your book to the people.

» Cover :: 2/10
I had no problems with the placing of fonts, but the background itself needs more work. The cover could've been done better. There's a lot of parts that the cover completely skipped over in the midst of its creation including the attraction points and the creativity level. It looks incredibly empty, especially the empty blank grey space above the boys' heads. The characters as well weren't position in a pleasant way, they looked like they were squeezed together to fit the bottom area when there's a whole lot of space above their heads.

» Title :: 2/5
Plain. Very plain. It suits the story no doubt, but there's no taste to it. Very dull in fact. Use Pinterest, believe me, there are tons of aesthetic and eye pleasing names in there. Just look up "aesthetic words" and be blessed with the results you find. Change the title to something similar or closely connected to revenge or a relationship filled with hatred. "His Revenge" honestly looks like the name of a chapter.

» Blurb :: 1/5
I wasn't impressed by it in the slightest. If you think the visible grammatical errors aren't going to affect anything then you might want to look over your work and rethink your decision. When you join clauses with commas, leave a space after every comma, please. And the single "You" with a capital letter, fix it. You only use capital letters after ending a sentence, and a comma does not work the same way a full stop does. The content of the blurb is very bland. It doesn't trigger one's curiosity nor does it push them to click on that read button. Add more details, give them more insight into the story. Make them impress with merely a description because that's what will pull in genuine readers.

Beginning of a new start :: 1/10

The pictures threw me off. I could overlook one or two of them but four in the very first chapter? When you write, you don't depend on pictures to explain the situation. In fact, you don't need them at all. I've had experience regarding this and believe me, unnecessary pictures only make the whole thing messy and childlike. If you consider it your style I'll have to break the truth to you even if it seems harsh, to grow as an author you must focus on describing the situations instead of spending more time on google finding Jin pics. The grammatical errors are literally scattering across the pages and your chapters are short. Very short. Remove the pictures and I'll spend thirty seconds to flip through three chapters.

Concept and plot :: 2/25

In just three short chapters with probably less than a thousand words for all three chapters combined: Mia meets Jin, meets his ex, complains to her parents regarding her life, meets Jin again this time as an interviewee, falls for his looks while he's sleeping, posts a cartoon of him which seems very cute and gets caught. In three chapters, all of this happened. And I haven't even touched the rest of the chapters and the topic of realism nor the pace you fixed your story at.

This story is fast. Extremely fast paced and I noticed it since the very beginning. Were you rushing to finish the book? There was absolutely no description at all. I was registering what was happening in the first scene and you shoved the next scene into my face with no explanation. And it just keeps going. I get even more confused when the chapters just seem to be going faster to the point I had to stop reading just to get a breather. Work on describing, please. And the plot as well, it's bland and very boring. I'm sorry to say this but if you truly want to own a masterpiece then work out a good plot instead of writing whatever gets stuck into your mind. Think about the originality and the quality.

Now the topic of realism. Nothing is real. Posting a picture of a guy on social media, that's definitely not creepy. Jin wouldn't mind at all, he definitely won't sue Mia for posting it without his consent. And Mia wouldn't mind Jin shoving her into his car forcefully just to bring her home, kidnappers don't exist in this world. Please do rethink this, not only your plot but the way you carry it out as well.

The characters act nowhere near their age. Mia makes a cartoon of Jin and posts it like it's a habit and the very next day she pushes him away like he's bubblegum glued to the bottom of her heel. I just don't understand why she does those things and there were no explanations behind it whatsoever. Towards the end, the description was just a tad bit more elaborate, but it still wasn't enough. The idea of it, especially leaning towards the end had potential but several unrealistic events just had me taking a breather. Show the readers just how creative you can get. How different you are from the rest. Don't bore them right from the beginning.

Somehow all the exciting and mind boggling events in your book became really dull and unexciting from the pace you've set your book at. It wasn't carried out in the best way and the presentation is disappointing. Yes, I may be pointing to minor errors such as the topic of realism but I'm advising you as a reviewer, not as a reader. But truly, even as a reader, I can't look over these details so I suggest you to recreate the plot and how you slowly build up to the climax, or else the pinpoint of it won't be exciting at all.

Characters and emotions :: 0/15

I just can't twist my words around this. The characters don't act their age, and I felt no emotions coming out of them due to the lack of explanation. I have no idea what's twisting in those brains of theirs or why they act the way they do. Jin was just there to play as the pop-up lover and suddenly twisted into an evil villain then recreated as the good guy because he didn't kill Mia's dad, you're totally ignoring all his past actions. The emotions in the writing are nonexistent, there was no depth to it. The bond between Mia and Tae doesn't feel right, the way it all played out is the main issue here. Focus on details. No detailing = No emotional value

Tone and style :: 1/10

Not a fan of it. The tone of the story was uneven and the writing made it worse. I couldn't understand half the story from the way you wrote it. Description, never existed. Style, just plain childlike. Paragraphs, uneven. From short chapters to longer ones. From a whole bunch of pictures crowding in my face, it still continues but less. Don't let pictures describe how the people look in your story. It doesn't add to the experience, it ruins it. I felt thrown off whenever I see them. Your writing needs more work. What with all the grammatical errors and lack of vocabulary. Check the synonyms of a basic word, that's basically the best way to improve your knowledge. Don't stuff the big vocabulary in just like that however, learn how to use it in a suitable sentence. Add more details into explaining your scenes. How were the characters feeling? Why did they do what they did? Is there any benefit to the scene you've added to the plot? How would the readers feel while reading this? Use questions to help guide you through as a beginner.

Grammar :: 1/20

Too many to even turn a blind eye at. Punctuation errors, incorrect sentence structures, wrong usage of dialogue tags, missing punctuations at the end of sentences, etc. I highly suggest you hire an editor for your book and work on your grammar as well. The errors are unfortunately very noticeable and affect the story flow badly. Use Grammarly, it really helps.

An extra note :: There are a lot of things that you need to work on in terms of writing and plot planning. Realism plays an important part even when it comes to the tiniest of details, take note that readers love to imagine themselves in place of the original characters/y/n and if you don't deliver the smoothness they hope for the amount of loyal readers bound to lessen over time. Replot your story, improve your writing style, and increase your grammar knowledge, or else I'm sorry to put this out there but the story looks like it was written by a kid. English isn't your first language but doesn't use that as an excuse to not improve at all. I wish you all the best.

Total :: 10/100