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His Gem
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Author :: BlueSky71874

Reviewer :: haefatima99

First impression :: 12/20

The first impression of your book was neither too heart demanding that it would push me to read it, or too bad that I don't want to read it at all. The vibes that I got were neutral.

» Cover :: 7/10
When it comes to the basics, this cover gives all three basics of a good cover: title, author name, a background image. That's not the only view that I have of this cover because all coins have two sides and covers have two sides too: 1) explicit or direct view (the basics) 2) implicit or indirect view( how this cover relates to the book?) After reading your book, I found that the fancy pictorial representation of this character isn't matching the high school vibes that you want to convey through your book. The picture tells me about a girl who isn't studying in school but she is working in an office because of her fancy looks. Our Areum is entirely different from her in appearance so this cover failed to give me that high school vibe in your book.

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: When you are making a cover or ordering it from any shop then make sure to keep in mind the subject matter (theme) of your book. Don't use a fancy cover like that of office romance for a book that is supposed to be a high school romance.

» Title :: 3/5
As far as I have read your book, your plot is still developing and I wasn't able to understand how "His Gem" relates to the plot. Lee Jihoon is still having a hard time accepting our main female lead so "His Gem" is a title that isn't quite visible but I hope that as you proceed more in this book then this title would be perfect for your plot. For now, I don't find anything like "Gem" in his heart when all he harbors are the feelings of ego and revenge.

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: Don't limit your creativity by just selecting a title that you could find easily on each and every other book here. Go to Pinterest and explore some good aesthetic words so that your title is like a push up for your reader. This title is ok too but this was my suggestion as your reviewer.

» Blurb :: 2/5
The blurb that you have is very odious in its sentence structure. Words aren't making sense in their specific context. Example below:

[ Life is a blessing but sometimes, some people in our lives make it a condemnation for us.

- Kim Areum ]

Notice the word "condemnation" here. This word is usually used when it comes to politics and judiciary talk. I am not saying that it's wrong to use it here but this word could be replaced with something better, one that isn't giving your readers more censure vibes like it. There is a lot of difference between the literary words and the words of social sciences. I edited this paragraph for you:

【Edited version】

[Life is a blessing. But some people in our lives make it a hell for us.

- Kim Areum ]

Notice the paragraph below. There are so many unnecessary commas, and you were making your sentence structure very complex to the point that your words might not reach a reader like me. I was distracted by those commas that weren't needed.

[Being a fragile hearted person in this cruel world is tough, and being bullied and harassed is even worse But, being scared can be informative emotion, It may be right to run and hide, it may be right to stand up tall and be brave, these are amongst the toughest choices we even make.]

I removed those unnecessary commas for you:
【Edited version】

[Being a fragile hearted person in this cruel world is tough but being bullied and harassed is even worse. Being scared can be the most self constructive emotion. It might be right to run and hide. It might be right to stand up tall and be brave. These are the toughest choices we could make.]

You see, I removed those commas and make those sentences less complex. Don't make your sentences too long that it might end up tiring your readers. Also, I wasn't able to understand what you meant by "informative emotions" so be aware with word choice.

After reading your blurb again and again. I end up concluding that it's not a good blurb from a grammar and description point of view. You are giving a lot of information about your characters that I understood the story entirely after reading the blurb when you should give me a very vague picture of your plot so that I am prone to click on the "read" button with that curiosity in my heart. I recommend rewriting this blurb in a way that it's telling everything yet not everything about your plot.

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: Follow the following structure or pattern for your blurb:
- quote (if any)
- small intro of characters in one paragraph
- main conflict in one paragraph

Beginning of a new start :: 7/10

The first three to four chapters of any book provide a hallmark for the book. If they are penned down beautifully and ideas are executed wonderfully then your readers will continue their reading. As for your book's first three chapters, I would like to say that they were simple yet elegant.

In the first chapter, you didn't give too much insight into the plot. You were just telling the common life of your main lead. Who she is? How she behaves? Who are her family and friends? This is all we need to know in the first chapters.

The second and third chapters also build a taste for us to your feast. But the thing is that you directly started to write chapter one without giving readers a prologue or introduction to your book. These two things are an integral part of your book as well.

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: Instead of starting off your book directly from chapter 1, I recommend adding some introduction for each character through their thoughts or specific quotation that makes them who they are in your book.

Concept & plot :: 19/25

As far as your plot is concerned, this is a high school story, and some scenes like having a bully, falling for the school's popular boy, having a poor family, etc. These small scenes or concepts of your plot are the shoot of every other high school romance. I am not saying that you should write them but write them with your own uniqueness. Give them your own voice instead of following the same old scenes.

For example, when Jihoon helped Areum around 4 chapters in the matter of her bully then after saving her, he became rude to her. This was something that I was expecting but the next day when he caught Areum with his bag and called her "whore" this wasn't something I ever expected. So make your characters do stuff in your story that your readers haven't thought that they will ever do.

After reading the 6th chapter of your book, I noticed that the pacing of your plot is slow. At first, I thought you were developing the plot but there isn't a lot of spices in your book up until now. Remember that, your readers like plot twists so feed them plot twists.

↱❛Reviewer's tip: Go to Google and read "Aristotle's structure of good plot" there you will find a proper sketch on the points you need to move.

Characters & emotions :: 13/15

Your main female lead, Kim Areum is just like any other protagonist of any book. As you mentioned, she is timid, shy, an introvert. Many people can relate to her considering the fact that you portrayed her very well. I enjoyed reading about her personality as her character was brought to life beautifully. But the other main lead, Lee Jihoon, needs some attention from your side. Throughout reading your book, I felt like there is something about him that is missing out. That missing point isn't his proper introduction because you characterized him through Areum's point of view. But it is his development as a male lead. As your plot is still in progress and pacing is slow so it's having an effect on his development as well.

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: Give Lee Jihoon more hard personality and don't make him fall for the main female too fast. You can do this by using his cold personality.

Tone & style :: 5/10

Let's move towards the tone and style of your book. The tone of this book is playful giving us that traditional school romance like vibes. The atmosphere in which your tone is represented is typically made for the characters who belong to school life. I actually liked how your characters and setting match to the tone of your plot. Sometimes the tone is pessimistic, but sometimes it's conflicted. This change perfectly describes the situation of a character according to the atmosphere.

Moving towards the style of this book, then my love you need to work on your descriptive style. You are barely describing important scenes and there are so many unnecessary dialogues or thoughts of the main female lead that ain't even related to our concern. For example, notice the following paragraphs:

[I quickly dried my long dark brown hair and tied it in a high ponytail as usual because I easily get irritated when the strands of my hair keep dangling over my face. I really don't understand that how the actresses in K dramas manage to be so calm when their hair is keep dangling over their faces. Figurative language, the touch of mystery and mastery is missing out in your book.]

All I could see were words like, "dangling" and "hair" again and again which was something so irrelevant to your book. Small details of characters matter but not unnecessary details are important.

Please don't use words like "dunno" in a book that is supposed to be formal. This is text language that we just avoid in writing a function.

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: Read the real books of wattpad more and more. They have a nice way of describing people, places, and things. As we read, so we grow.

Grammar :: 10/20

I believe I explained two common grammar mistakes that you made in the blurb: 1) misuse of commas 2) word choice errors.

Now, I will add more points of grammar mistakes from your book's chapters. Please notice them and fix them.

3) Wrong spellings
There were some spelling mistakes in your book. Notice the following paragraphs from your book:

["Who the heck are you to tell me to go away. Are you his boyfriend?" Bogum asked sarcristically with a grin on his face.]

-Sarcristically x
- Sarcastically ✓

You wrote these spellings wrong in two to three places.

4) Switching of tenses
When we are writing a book, we either use past or present tense. And we stick to one and don't switch from one to the other. But you did switch from past to present many times. For example:

[He is also one of the popular boys of Star High. He has a tall figure with a tan skin which makes him really attractive. His blue eyes were staring Hayoon dangerously. ]

is/has/ makes = present
were= past

5) verbal tags

When dialogues are followed by words like, "said" then we use a comma (,) before closing the quotation. Notice the following example from your book:

["I'll tell you who I am." Jihoon said and punched him on his face causing his mouth to bleed. ]

Edited version

["I'll tell you who I am," Jihoon said and punched him on his face causing his mouth to bleed. ]

If dialogues are followed by words like "yelled" and "ran" or any action verb then you will use a period (.) before closing the quotation.

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: My personal recommendation to go with the editing of your book on your own. For this, you definitely need to work hard a lot. The second choice, give the draft of your book to a worthy community's editing shop that will edit your book.

An extra note :: Overall, I liked reading about the main female lead and the emotions she made me feel through her personality. The plot didn't excite me because it was just revolving around the normal life of the characters without any major twist. Also, you need to work on how to build nice sentences because without the correct usage, you might not be able to convey the message you want to convey. Work on your grammar as well. That's all I have to say for your book, but if you have any further questions then you can ask away.

TOTAL :: 66/100