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Designed For You
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Author :: moonbirds6854

Reviewer :: hongsanii

First Impression :: 4/20

» Cover :: 0/10
First of all, please remember that you are NOT allowed to make any kind of changes whatsoever to your book while it’s undergoing a review. You changed the cover of your book when I was done with my review, and you did not bother to inform or take permission from me or the shop before doing so. Hence, I’m giving a zero for this category.

» Title :: ⅖
It does have a teeny weeny relevance to the story, given the fact that it revolves around both the main characters and side characters all working in a clothing company, but that’s just it; the relevancy is teeny weeny. It doesn’t do a really good job at telling me what to expect from the story, so I would have preferred it if the title was something smaller and quirky, since the characters are playful and bicker around a lot.

» Blurb :: ⅖
If we put aside all the grammatical errors, the fact is that half of this blurb doesn’t really make any sense. It doesn’t follow the right format, and it’s not the ideal length, this blurb is cringy. The ‘Read to find out.’ line has become so common in the Wattpad community that seeing it is almost equivalent to breathing, and I highly advise against using it because it’s not only common, it’s also super cringy. The sentence, ‘Can a love triangle kill a person?’ seems a bit far-fetched, to be honest, but then again, your book is at a point where it’s hard to tell if it’s reflecting on the blurb or not, so I won’t speak much on it.

Beginning of a new start :: 1/10

I’m sorry, but it’s just not it. Fan-fiction or not, this isn’t how a book is written. Not having some sort of an introductory chapter with small characters’ info or a prologue of any sort is acceptable, but writing in the format that you used is just wrong. It’s like a miserable attempt at script-writing, and here, you’re writing a storybook, a novel, not a movie script. I’ll talk more about this in <<Tones and style>>.

Even if we look past the writing style, the content in the first few chapters are boring, cliche, and paced too fast. It’s the same old wake up, shower, get ready for school/work, and yada yada. If the writing format and style do not push potential readers away, the content surely will. Although I do appreciate the story jumping right into action starting from the first chapter, it all just feels so rushed that, as I’m clicking into the next chapter, I’m left thinking what on earth just happened, and not in a mind-blown way.

Concept and plot :: 5/25

The concept is not solid. At all. It’s all over the place to the point that, 33 chapters in, I still am not sure what the story is about except the fact the female main character is in a love triangle.

And as for the plot and its execution, it’s unnatural, inconsistent, and all over the place. Some of the things narrated are wrong, and some of the events just feel as if you’ve put together just anything for the sake of filling in the story.

For example, Y/N says she’s the CEO of her bakery shop. Small businesses like this do not have CEOs unless they turn into a franchise, so unless her bakery turns into one, she’s called just a business or store owner. This is an example of things that are narrated wrong.

There’s this part in chapter 6 where Yoongi asks Y/N to call him Oppa on their first meeting because she looks like his sister. First of all, he’s an employee of a very well-known company (that’s what I’m assuming the company is from what I’ve read so far), not to mention, he’s Taehyung’s assistant (again, I’m assuming here because you do not properly mention his role anywhere), and someone with a role like that would never go around asking someone to call them that on the first meeting. Companies have protocols, and one of the most important rules is being formal. At best, he could ask her to call him Sunbae/Sunbaenim. If you are not familiar with Korean honorifics you do not have to use them because your book setting is in Korea, so automatically, whatever your characters say is actually Korean despite being written in English. So it’s not mandatory to use honorifics all the time.

To be frank, there’s something wrong with the plot and the concept in almost every corner of the story, and it’ll probably take me a ten-page review to explain everything wrong with this. The best thing I can suggest is you try to read actual books instead of fan-fics to get a hang of the genre you’re writing in.

Characters and emotions :: 3/15

Your characters are, to put simply, boring and unlikable. They lack variation and depth, and there is absolutely no explanation behind even a single one of their actions. You mention in the blurb that the female main character is a sweet, cute, and flirty girl, but so far, she just seems angry and, in some rare cases, shy. In fact, all of your characters seem to have some major anger issues and are in serious need of some character adjustment. They all just seem so angry and brooding, and they have no reason behind that. And then there’s the fact that they talk like children. If they are all business owners, there has to be a certain level of maturity in these characters, no matter how childish they are at heart.

As for emotions, nothing. There’s nothing. I felt detached from the characters, I could not sympathize with any of their downfalls or feel their joy upon something good happening to them, and it’s because of your writing style.

Tone and style :: 1/10

Like I said before, your writing style is just not it. This type of writing is used in script-writing. Story-writing requires in-depth description wherever required, and your story lacks in description altogether, except for some unnecessary ones. In some cases (second chapter, Y/N’s dress) you substitute descriptions for pictures. Regarding this, I have nothing much to say except changing your writing style completely.

But what I’d like to point out is the constant change in point of view. It’s either Y/N, Taehyung, or something you describe as ‘Author’s POV.’ In writing, there’s nothing called ‘Author’s POV.’ What most writers mistake as an author’s point of view is actually called third-person point of view. You change POVs at least five times within a single chapter, and that’s wrong. If you do need to change, make it chapter-wise, but don’t cramp in all the POVs within one chapter. Nevertheless, if you feel as if you need to change points of view constantly, I’d suggest sticking to third-person point of view throughout the book.

One last thing I’d like to point out is the author notes you tag into the middle of the story. They’re annoying and unprofessional, so remove them.

Grammar :: 4/20

There are too many grammatical errors, but I’ll point out the most frequent ones. One is the excessive use of ellipses (…). Ellipsis is a punctuation mark consisting of three periods used to omit words from a passage to shorten it. In story-writing, it’s used to show trailing off in thoughts or words. You are using ellipses after almost every single sentence where it’s not even needed. The second is too many punction marks (like ‘????’ or ‘!!!!’) to exaggerate. Whatever action you’re trying to convey by using punctuations like that is usually done by dialogue tags. One punctuation mark is enough to show what you’re trying to convey. The same goes for capitalization. You capitalize words or whole sentences to show shouting; it’s not needed at all. You can show that by a single exclamation mark. The last one is using profanities. Cursing is okay, but there must be a limit to everything. Your characters seem to curse just for the heck of it.

In the end, the only suggestion I can give is to read lots and lots of books. Sometimes, the best way to learn is from others’ work.

Extra note :: I hope I was able to point out all the aspects you need to work on and that this review is helpful to you. Feel free to let me know if you have any questions.

Total :: 18/100