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Death and it's Consequences
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Author :: YoIamnicepaprika_7

Reviewer :: athenaxglamour_

First impression :: 11/20

The first impression is the last impression. But looking at your statement-like title, I wasn't feeling that great. No matter what, we must avoid long titles but this doesn't mean that it's wrong to use them. The cover was overwhelming for my eyes. This is just an outside impression of your book. I haven't read your book yet. So, let's jump to a more in-depth analysis. 

» Cover :: 6/10

The cover that you have on your book is crowded with words and unnecessary information. It was like you were dumping information on the cover. The information that you should tell in your author note or blurb was all over the visual attractiveness of the cover. The font is perfect for your genre, honey. Contemporary fiction demands complexity. Let's move towards the basics and relevancy of the cover with your book. 

1) explicit or direct view (the basics):

When it comes to the basics; a title, author name, I don't find any issue in this area. Most people on this app are just using a picture as their cover. Without mentioning the author's name and book's title. You did well in this area. Because your book's cover is carrying a title and author name. Good job! 

2) implicit or indirect view ( how this cover relates to the book?):

Since it was a short story, it took me 5 minutes to read it. I went through your cover several times to see if it's giving me 'Death and its consequences' vibes or not? I concluded that although the color scheme is a bit dark. This could be more gloomy considering that the plot revolves around 'Death' and 'Suicide'. But the message that you want to convey through the book, shows through the cover well. 

↱❛ ︎Reviewer's tip :: Remove extra information from your cover. If it's not the title, author name, and a quote. Please don't make your book's cover crowded by info dumping onto it. Next time, when you make a new cover, add some more seriousness to it. Because your title screams seriousness. As always, this is just my tip. You aren't obliged to do anything I say; if you don't agree with me. 

» Title :: 4/5 

An author usually avoids long titles because there is a controversy over their correction. But since your title is not exceeding more than four words, I will accept it. When it comes to relevance, I love how you made sure that your title is covering up your plotline. The fact that you have another book with 'Life and its consequences' is making your book more relevant and interesting. In a nutshell, this title is relevant and intriguing. 

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: I must not say it, but I wanna say it. Next time, when you are choosing titles. Please avoid statement- like titles. Some readers might not like it because long titles usually give the whole insight into the story. Your title should leave readers in a question. So make it simple. Just a tip but you aren't obliged to work on it. 

» Blurb :: 1/5 

It was too short for a short story. Just one line isn't enough, honey. Look at your blurb in italics, I will point out the flaws; I will tell you what you need to add more and remove from the current one. 

➡ (In which, he commits suicide and goes to the afterlife) Okay, I get it, this line rocks. It shouldn't be removed. Keep it up!

 ➡ (A KSJ short story.

SEQUEL-LAIC [LIFE AND ITS CONSEQUENCES] ) I get it too, you are giving us some helpful information on your book. 

➡ [BEFORE PUBLISHING]

STARTED-22/05/2021 ENDED - (Honestly, have no idea. But I did start the story on the 22nd of May}

[AFTER PUBLISHING] STARTED 03/06/2021 ENDED - 09/06/2021 ] But this information is absolutely unnecessary. I am sorry, but your readers aren't concerned with when you wrote or published this book. All they want to get from you is an intriguing blurb. Your blurb should be intriguing and it should tell us about your plot. 

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: I would suggest you add a paragraph about your book's plotline after that line at the start. Then tell us about your first book and published date if you want. Don't add unnecessary information avoiding all necessary things. Follow the following format for your book's blurb: 

Add the line that you have already

Add a paragraph about character, plot, and emotions. 

Add extra information about the book by the end. 

Beginning of a new start :: 7/10

The starting of the book creates a hook for the reader. When a reader reads the first chapter of your work, they are encountered with suicide. I think this is the best way to start any book. Because it will literally put several questions in your reader's mind about its existence. But at the same time, it's kinda overwhelming too. Maybe you might have to build a proper scene and then make this suicide happen in the very first chapter. 

Other than that, I found some grammatical issues too which I will point out later in the review. 

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: Instead of telling about suicide all at once. You should add some background touch on why a person is going to suicide. I guess, this is a sequel to your 'LAIC' but as a reader, I haven't read your first book. So some readers might just read this book, not the previous one. I would recommend adding a background touch as well. 

Concept & plot :: 19/25

Speaking of the storyline, I appreciate the message that you are trying to bring to the table. If we think, suicide is the solution to life's problems; we are totally wrong about it. Inevitable death is a pleasure but an intended death will surely lead to endless misery. There is a beauty of realism in the message that you want to convey. That's why stories are mirrors of life.

But I have noticed a few general plot issues in your writing. Your plot is extremely rushed. It has fast pacing, and you are switching scenes one after another without development.

Remember that writing a plot matters until the pacing of your plot is neither too fast nor too slow. If you are taking everything so fast, it means that you aren't developing scenes. For example, in the first scene, Kim Seokjin ends his life. That scene was too rushed. Usually, such scenes need more development because they are major parts of your plot. 

Then we have a scene in which the faceless person tells Seokjin about his existence. That scene was rushed too. And if you are taking everything too slow, it means you are info dumping without major turns and twists. But that issue isn't present in your book. 

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: If you are writing a short story, it's kinda hard to develop scenes. I understand that because it's a short story. But the chapters of your book are extremely short so you can add more about the scenes that are important in your plot. That is, to make your plot well developed so that it doesn't sound rushed. 

Characters & emotions :: 8/15

I have noticed that you have the same problem as the plot here too. But in a different sense. Previously, you were missing out on development scenes. Here, you are taking the development of the main character too fast. 

Kim Seokjin suicide, they eventually find his letters in which he asked them not to die. Then he goes straight to the faceless man. From start to end, I was barely able to see him developing. 

Your characters are human beings. Just like you, they have a personality that needs special treatment. Make them an identity that you would like to give yourself. As for Seokjin, I just know he attempted suicide. But I know nothing about his personality in your book. Even if you are writing a sequel, you could still give us some information about his personality. 

Other than development, I could barely feel the character's emotions. It was because your writing style is too plain. Suicide is a big attempt in life, it leaves people around you in a mess. I just got Jungkook's side story about the main conflict by the end. Seokjin wrote letters for all the members, right? You must add their thoughts too. 

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: Now question is, I keep on blubbering nonsense in the review, but how should we develop a character? Don't create a character like his sole purpose is to die. Tell your readers how your character was so happy beforehand. Tell them how people around them used to hate this character or love him. Tell your readers about their aim and jobs. Give them hope that this character is someone they could relate to. Give them predictions that this character won't die because he is strong. If your reader doesn't have hope that the character will survive, then they won't be as sad when that character will die. 

Tone & style :: 4/10

Moving towards the writing style, I really did like the Quotes that you mentioned at the start of every chapter. It was quite pleasing to see your tone as an author. 

➡ You are using a third person perspective. But still, your voice is quite limited. While reading your book, I felt that you were restraining yourself as an author from writing. Perhaps, it was a short story so you didn't want to make it lengthy. But this retrain is leading to the confinement of your talent to just a few words.

➡ You lack narration due to rushing. To expand your voice. Write more about the description, scenes, and characters. Remember that a short story doesn't mean that you have to write so short. 

➡ Please, avoid interrupting the flow of your readers. For example: 

[You could call it invisibly visible. (A/N: OK, I am def not self-promoting!)] I understand that you added a line from your other work. But if a reader is so engraved in your book, he might get angry by such interruptions. If you read original works, there is no such thing. Yes, an author could add some supporting information in parenthesis that could help his readers to understand a scene better. But avoid adding random information in parenthesis between the story. 

➡ I also noticed that you are using dialogues after dialogues without action or dialogue tag. Using it once or twice is okay but don't do it in a series. You are using narration to tell the story, so you must avoid scripted style. For example,

["It is to make you regret."

"Regret what?"

"Your voluntary death, what else?"

"Why?"

"Because, we hope to make you realize that you dying, was the worst mistake of your life."] 

➡ You must use contractions to make your sentences concise. For example, in the below paragraph, instead of writing 'does not' write 'doesn't'.

[The universe will judge you for every action you take, but that (does not) mean you should die because of their criticisms.]

➡ The whole story is narrated in a third person perspective. But by the end, it switches to Jin's point of view and then to Jungkook's point of view. While writing a book, you must use one point of view. It makes your writing style consistent. 

↱❛ Reviewer's tip:: I think the letter part shouldn't be in italics. You can use a simple font for that. I also noticed that you are using a fancy font on the book's title. It might not be visible for some readers on Android. So please avoid using fancy fonts. 

Grammar (10/20) 

I have noticed common grammatical and syntax issues. I would break them down for you one by one. 

➡ Odious sentence structures are scattered throughout the book. For example, notice the following paragraph from your book: 

- [Stay alive, (for the you inside of your heart.) You feel pressured to be the sunshine we all deem you to be, because of your bright exterior( we saw of yours,) the first time we met. Please don't feel pressured. Be you. Even (if that you is not) the sunshine, we all think you are.

The sunshine, honestly, feels to us like a mask. A mask you (put up), to hide the real you. Don't do that. ] 

There is a lot of redundancy and oddness in this paragraph. I put that in a small bracket. I edited that paragraph for you. 

[Stay alive for yourself. You feel pressured to be all smiley. You have always been so bright ever since we met you. Please don't feel stressed because you will always be a sunshine for us. Even if you think you aren't. Sometimes, we feel like you are wearing a mask of being sunshine. Don't hide your true self. Don't do that.] 

➡ I have also noticed unnecessary use of commas here and there. Some examples from your book: 

[He looked at his surroundings one last time, and said, "You were my abode and my peace, but I need to do this."] Comma before said isn't necessary. 

[All, was then over.] All isn't an introductory word here. So a comma after it is unnecessary. It should be [Everything was over or All was over] 

➡ You are missing articles as well. For example, [It surely was good-bye] when we read it, we sense that something is missing out. And that something is article 'a' so it should be [It surely was a good-by]. 

Other than the problems mentioned above, your tenses are consistent and I am happy about it. 

↱❛ Reviewer's tip :: I suggest you edit this book on your own. It will remove the use of odious and unnecessary commas. For this, you can use Google for your own benefit as much as you can. 

Being a writer is really hard. But you will keep on learning from your mistakes and practices. I suggest you keep writing and keep exploring yourself. This was my review of your book. I hope it helps you. 

TOTAL: 59/100