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Complicated Love
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Author :: gracemariyageorge

Reviewer :: wuwtaetae

First impression :: 6/20

Well, let's start with the cover first. Yes, it's pretty, has that vibe, but does it really fit the story? Why do you have all the members of the group in the cover if Jimin is the only protagonist? Why make it crowded when you can make it simple and deliver the message better? It looks like the cover of a sci-fi book or a theme related to magic, and definitely not of the romance or mafia genre, even. The person above the members makes the cover look like the book revolves around a cult, to be honest. I'm not trying to be rude, it's just my honest opinion. I do like the cover and think it looks great, but I'm not sure if the shoe really does fit. 

Next, is the title. The title is very uncommon and unimaginative. I mean, there is nothing wrong with a title that's common, but it's something some people wouldn't prefer. A unique title name would make a better first impression and prompt the readers to click on your book. Complicated love. As an overthinker, I just wanna ask. Isn't every love out there complicated? I know that's beside the point but I still wanted to ask. The title is not appealing. That's the issue here. Cliché is fine, if it's appealing. This one, I don't think it is. 

Talking about the blurb, I must say that it has so many grammatical errors, so many wrong uses of tenses and so on. It gives out way too much. You're meant to summarize the story. That's the purpose of summaries. I think you're going a little off track. In an attempt to make it seem appealing, you've definitely gone off track. Yes, there are dialogues that could possibly pull readers in, but they're not strong enough, and they have grammatical mistakes in them. Try creating a stronger dialogue, something that's relevant to the story as well as strong enough to pull the readers in. I think you've portrayed the conflict here a little too much so it kind of ruins the suspense. I know that Y/n's parents and Jimin's parents must've been shot, and Y/n's being framed for it. Jimin hates her for that. Someone must've done it for Y/n to be framed. It must've been someone who's got beef with her. I know all this from the blurb, so I can kind of figure out the rest too. I mean, after that they'd find the killer, and Jimin would realise Y/n didn't do it, so they'll live happily ever after. Same old. Same old. Try not to reveal too much in the blurb.

Beginning of a new start :: 2/10

Info dump. Let's start with that. There's too much going on that it's hard to keep up. Not enough details at all. No setting. No description. There's basically nothing that screams quality. I think you should stop for a moment there, slow it all down, turn it all down a notch, and write out every scene. Maybe cut the scene of Y/n going to jail and everything, because that part is boring. The scene where Chanyeol is revealed is good but needs more description and a hell lot of editing. Lack of suspense as you mention everything in the first chapter. Literally. It's too fast paced. /Too/ fast paced. Damn, even my 4g data isn't this fast. Slow it down.

Concept and plot :: 15/25

Well, the plot isn't bad, it has good potential, just bad execution. The plot from the outside is pretty good. Not very cliché; not really bad, but in terms of execution, the plot seems like some Indian soap opera, which I'm sure most people aren't interested in. There's too much drama involved and too many storylines from every single one. Stories, books, novels, especially romance ones, and mostly all novels in general, my darling, are based more on the characters than on the conflict. Even with the most cliché of plots, if your characters are unique and human, then people are gonna read it and love it. So work on that. 

Focus on one thing at a time, move it slowly. After one thing's finished, go for the next. Don't dump it all in at the same time. That's not how life works so don't make your character's life go like that too. Take inspiration from real people, real life characters and hell, even yourself. Nobody faces all the problems at the same time. When Y/n was accused of shooting everybody, they didn't even investigate anything? Everything moved in like a day. That's not how it works. She just came out of jail, trusting a stranger? That's not something you'd do or anybody would do. At least anybody I know of. If you know somebody like that, then please write a character based on them, I'm pretty sure it'd be fun to read. Honest to God.

Characters and emotions :: 2/15

She doesn't show emotions. That's it. She doesn't show emotions, and Jimin acts like he's mentally unstable. I'm not even kidding. For someone who lost their family, he isn't acting like he did. He's more concerned about jailing Y/n than he is about the death of his family. Same goes for Y/n. She's more concerned about her boyfriend hating her than she is about her parents' death. That's not how a normal person would react. Empathise. Put yourself in their situation and write what you think you'd do if you were them. That's the best way if you want to build a connection between your characters and readers, and of course, between your characters too, to develop the chemistry and just portray all emotions more accurately. 

The characters are so similar. There's nothing distinct and unique about them that makes them stand out that'd help readers differentiate between them. They're all very one dimensional. No person is one dimensional. They're people too, just in fiction so they shouldn't be one dimensional too. I want to see a scene where Y/n and Jimin are happy together for me to actually grieve when they seperate. I want to see a scene where Jimin interacts with his family happily for me to actually sympathize with him and understand why he's so pressed because listen, people have broken families and broken people exist too so I need to know to understand. You can't just put me in a rocket and throw me into space, I need to know and understand how it functions, from the big things to the small ones to survive there. Even here, I need to know things to feel emotions towards them. You need to know things about them for them to show emotions, and for that, you need to form characters and plan them out in a detailed manner.

Tone and style :: 3/10

Jk Rowling planned out every scene before she wrote Harry Potter. Every little scene. If you aren't a plotter, that's okay too, but since you struggle with revealing too much, I suggest you plot and decide what you want to reveal and when you want to reveal it. Your writing style is basic and your vocabulary is very simple. The paragraphs are too small and there are more dialogues than prose. You write like it's an essay rather than a story. It's like a conversation with a friend when English is not your first language rather than a story. Too informal. That's all I can say.

Grammar :: 2/20

Please get an editor. Grammarly can't fix this. Wrong tenses everywhere, lack of consistency in tenses. Misplacement of commas, misplacement of period marks, spelling errors, lack of proper capitalisation of some letters. Get an editor.

Total :: 30/100