fourteen | guilt

*.*.*.*.*.*

October 9

Riley neither calls me nor replies to my text, and I end up giving up trying to reach out to her. As much as I want to make sure my friend is safe and well, there isn't much more I can do than I already have. As for Marla, she has stopped caring. Her entire focus is on making sure she gives Hashir the best birthday of his life.

"It's his first birthday since we've been apart and I don't want that," she says, packing her bag while I sit on the edge of her bed and watch her excitedly grab things from her wardrobe and tossing them into her suitcase. It's actually so cute how eager she is to fly hundreds of miles to see her boyfriend and surprise him on his birthday.

"You sure you don't want to drop a hint to him so that he's actually home when you get there?" I ask, not wanting her to feel disappointed.

"I know where he lives, I know where he goes to class, I know which club he parties at, and which friends he hangs out with," she tells me. "Don't worry about it, I'll be fine."

I laugh, nodding and feeling vicarious happiness. Marla is practically glowing after the facial she had done yesterday and the new hairstyle which definitely suits her more than the braids she's had for the entire past year. With her nest of curls and a bunch of new clothes she got especially for the occasion, she's packed and ready to go.

"I'll be gone one week," she tells me as she hugs me goodbye. "Take care of yourself."

"Take lots of pictures," I tell Marla. "I want to enjoy my singlehood by being happy for your incredible love life."

She laughs, hugging me back when I tackle her in a big bear-hug.

Her mom yells from downstairs, telling us Marla needs to leave for the airport or she's going to be late. Marla rolls her eyes but smiles anyway, knowing as well as I do that she's lucky to have parents like hers. Her big dad and mom who says 'y'all' so many times I end up laughing are more like friends than parents. That makes everything better.

"You want me to drop you to school, Taylor?" Marla's older sister asks me. "We have a few minutes before we have to be at the airport. You know mama always yelling anyway."

"I'll be fine, thanks." I laugh, watching the humdrum in the house intensify. Marla's bags are carried to the small minivan and everything begins to hug her goodbye. Although I'm neither family nor going anywhere, I'm somehow in the middle of every group hug. They constantly feed me something that both smells and tastes heavenly. By the time it's eight, I leave Marla's house and start walking toward the bus stop.

Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I see four missed calls and two unread messages. Unaccustomed to someone actually calling me, my mind goes straight to Mom and Dad. I expect -- and hope -- to find them asking me where I am. I was out of the house and at Marla's before sunrise and it would make sense for them to worry.

It's not them, though, and Riley instead.

'You were right.'
'Carlos is a fucking asshole.'

Even though I should be happy she's finally seen it, my heart breaks for Riley. Although I've been waiting for her to realize she's making a mistake, a part of me kept hoping I was the one who was mistaken about Carlos. Being wrong would have been better than being right about my friend's heart being broken.

I call Riley but she doesn't answer. Calling Racheal works out when she tells me Riley's with her behind the school building. Skipping my first class because friends are obviously more important than environmental sciences, I make my way to where I know Racheal and Riley are.

Riley breaks into a fit of tears as soon as she sees me, and I squat on the ground next to her and wrap her in my arms. Her sobs echo in the empty space and her tears soak into my hoodie while I hold her, my eyes on Racheal who continues patting Riley and mumbling consolations.

"Men are assholes," I say.

"All of them," Racheal agrees.

"Don't worry," I tell Riley, hoping to make her smile. "We'll egg his house."

"Or scratch his car's paint," Racheal suggests.

"Or jeopardize every future date he may have."

"We can burn his clothes," Racheal says.

Riley snorts while I frown.

"Too far, girl."

"Sorry," she mumbles, lowering her gaze. "Just trying to be helpful."

"What'll make you feel better?" I ask Riley. "We can skip school and go watch a comedy movie and eat tacos because food is awesome, right? Or we can barge into school and confront Carlos. If you want, I can even knee him in the balls. I don't mind doing that."

"Oh, I wish Marla was here to see that." Racheal beams.

"Where's Marla?" Riley asks, her voice thick as she straightens up and wipes her face with the back of her hand. Racheal gives her a much-needed tissue so she can also clean the mucus dripping into her mouth.

"In Boston for Hashir's birthday," I tell Riley. "You should have seen how excited she was. If Marla was ever to look like a Disney princess, today was it."

Riley smiles sadly. "I wish I was there."

"Yeah, well, you were too busy being in love with an asshole to care about your friends," Racheal says.

I smack her knee but it's already too late. Luckily, though, Riley doesn't break down crying again. She wipes her face and blows her nose before nodding.

"I'm sorry, you guys," she mumbles. "You were right."

I take her hand in mine and give it a gentle squeeze while Racheal shifts closer in the small space.

"You want to tell us what happened?" I ask softly.

Riley nibbles at her lower lip, her eyebrows scrunched up as she refuses to look at either of us.

"We had sex --"

"Oh, for the love of --" Racheal exclaims, throwing up her hands.

"And when I woke up, he was gone," Riley chokes out, tears running down her cheeks again. "I tried calling him but he won't answer and ... when he did, he said he'll explain everything. That was three days ago."

I don't say anything, not wanting to point out to Riley how this is something we had predicted. It's not surprising seeing as Carlos has never given her the place of his girlfriend. Whatever was between Riley and Carlos remained confined to secret text messages and meetings where no one could see them together. It was only a matter of time before he got what he wanted and jumped to his next victim.

Nonetheless, I can't help the anger that soars inside me.

It's stupid of me to feel so upset. The realization that all Carlos wanted was sex, though, when Riley was in it for the long run is too enraging. Maybe if I gave myself some time to cool down, I would be able to make a more rational decision. Right now, though, all I want is to stalk up to Carlos and knee him in the balls so he can never have sex with anyone again.

"Where are you going?" Riley asks me when I jump to my feet.

"I need to have a chat with your boyfriend," I answer, turning away before either Riley or Racheal can stop me.

Marching into the school building, I try to rack my brain for which classes Carlos takes. I can't remember anything about him, though, aside from the fact that he's on the football team and is a total douchbag. And that he broke my friend's heart after using her for sex, of course. I can only hope to find him somewhere without having to go knocking on classroom doors. Thankfully, when passing by a window, I see him walking past the football field with a bottle of coke in his hand. Racing out toward him, I stop when I'm mere feet from him.

"Hey, Carlos," I call aloud. "You got a minute?"

Carlos spins around and I finally see that he's not alone. He stands right beside him, his eyes widening when he sees me. I avert my gaze from him, though, focusing my attention on Carlos. I'm afraid looking at Shane and his smile will make my anger melt away before I have a chance to unleash it.

"What is your problem?" I ask Carlos, pretending it's only me and him. "You have sex with a girl and then disappear, not replying to her texts for three days? Is this how your mom raised you?"

Carlos' wide eyes fill with realization and he huffs, opening his mouth to answer.

"That's a low move, Carlos," I say before he can speak. "Even for someone like you."

"You don't know shit about me, okay? So mind your own fucking business," Carlos says.

His words only piss me off even more.

"You know what, you're a coward," I say. "You're a wimp because any man with balls would have had the guts to talk to the girl before he bolted. If all you're looking for is sex, why not get a hooker instead? Can't afford to pay a few dollars?"

Carlos' face turns fifty shades of red and his jaw works angrily.

"You don't know anything," he hisses at me, his hands clenching at his sides, one around the bottle he's holding.

"I know you're a fuck-up."

"Taylor --" Shane speaks up.

"You stay out of this," I say to him, wishing I sounded angrier than I do.

He winces, appearing taken aback by my curt tone. Guilt shoots up inside me but I shove it away, focusing on Riley's pain instead.

"You know, I expected better from you," ignoring how he shifts on his bad ankle at my words. "I didn't know you'd let your friend do that, especially when you act like such a nice guy."

"Don't you dare go there," Carlos snaps at me.

"Oh, I'll go there," I counter. "Especially if I ever see you messing with Riley again. I don't give a shit who you think you are but you mess with her or any other girl and I'll show what us girls are really capable of."

"You little bitch --"

"Stop it, dude," Shane interrupts, sounding angrier than I have ever heard him.

I turn away as the sound of glass shattering reaches me. My heart jumps a little but I don't show it, putting on a brave front as I start walking away.

"Don't fucking curse at her," Shane adds firmly.

"Fine, then, why don't you handle it your way?" Carlos exclaims.

My head held high and step firm, I don't turn around to look at them, not until I'm about to round a corner. Looking over my shoulder as I turn, I see Carlos pacing around while running his hands through his hair. As for Shane, his eyes meet me and all the guilt comes soaring back.

I don't like the sadness on his face at all.

*.*.*.*.*.*

A/N: Sisters before misters, who agrees? Would you do this for a friend or let her handle her problems herself. On the flip side, would you want your friend to do this for you or would you rather she leave you alone?

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