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October 10

"He doesn't deserve your tears," Racheal says to Riley who continues to wipe her face which is red from all the harshness. "Bury his thoughts away."

I don't speak, knowing it's not as easy as Racheal seems to think it is. Sometimes, burying someone's thoughts means burying a part of oneself. People who are so entwined with us take a part of us when they leave. For once, I know exactly how Riley feels. I might not have been in love with someone like her, but I've felt loss way too deep.

It's one thing I wish I didn't understand.

Riley didn't go to class yesterday either. Racheal and I sat beside her and listened to her cry and curse Carlos to her heart's extent. But when she refuses to stop crying today, we know we need to do something about it.

Dragging her toward Carlos' apartment, we plot her revenge on him. Throwing rotten eggs at his apartment is one option. Setting it on fire and watching it burn is another. Surprisingly, the second suggestion comes from Racheal who apparently has a much darker mind than we ever thought possible.

We decide to return to school without doing anything after all. It takes way too much courage to forgive and Riley isn't quite ready to do that yet, but walking away with her dignity intact is still better than being sent to jail for being a crazy ex-girlfriend seeking her revenge.

She doesn't want to take any classes today so Racheal and I take it in turns to miss out on ours and sit with her so she doesn't feel left out. When I take my last class of the day and return to our usual spot on the campus behind the building, Racheal and Riley are busy reading and rereading Riley's conversation with Carlos.

"I can't believe I fell for him," Riley says.

"He called you 'babe'," Racheal says as if that has more meaning than anything else in the world. "That is such a cliché player move, Riley, how could you not know?"

Riley doesn't answer, looking sadly at her phone. I can see helplessness in her demeanor and don't speak. She might be hiding most of her pain behind being dramatically teary and mostly angry but I can see it's only a coping mechanism for her. As crazy as it might seem, she actually fell for Carlos in the small span of time they spent together. It might not be love but it's damn near close.

Racheal stabs her pen into my thigh and I jump, crying out in pain. I'm about to ask her what the hell she's thinking when I see her staring wide-eyed at something behind me. Half expecting to find a zombie about to chew my face off, I turn around to see Shane Gray standing over me in all his gentlemanly glory.

"Can I talk to you for a bit?" he asks, his face uncharacteristically serious.

I swallow hard, uncomfortable under his gaze. I have no reason to be awkward. Somehow, though, knowing he's here to talk to me about something that's not a joke for once is unnerving.

"I'll be right back, guys," I mumble to Riley and Racheal, getting to my feet.

My friends stare at me with dumbfounded expressions, their eyes wide and mouths agape. I shake my head at them as Shane turns away and begins to limp away from us. I follow him, burying my hands in my hoodie pockets because I'm somewhat worried about what he might say. Honestly, I'm more afraid he's going to try and defend what Carlos did. I don't know how I'll feel if Shane turns out to justify his friend to me.

Walking around the building and toward the football grounds, I follow Shane as he leads me towards the bleachers. He doesn't glance back to make sure I'm following. Either he's sure I'm here or he doesn't care. I think it's the former explanation.

With a huff of breath, Shane drops himself into one of the seats at the back rows. I sit too, leaving one seat between us without thinking about it. Shane glances at me then looks down at the empty space between us, biting at his lower lip and frowning. As if to close the distance between us, he shifts into the empty seat.

My heart jumps into my throat but I try not to react.

"Did you mean what you said?" he asks.

I frown, looking at him out of the corner of my eye.

"Do you think I'd do that?" he explains, his expression one of sheer disappointment. "That I'd know what Carlos is doing to your friend and remain quiet?"

Caught completely off guard by what he's saying, I stare at him, blinking a few times.

Shane's shoulders slump and he exhales a shaky breath.

"Listen ..." He turns towards me, his bad leg extended before him. "I wouldn't do that. I really wouldn't. I wouldn't sit by and watch someone break someone's heart like that. I wouldn't support Carlos just because he's my friend but I promise ... I swear ... I didn't know about Riley at all."

Honesty swirls in his gray eyes and my heart tells me he's not lying about this.

"I don't act like a nice guy," Shane adds in a low voice. "I actually try to be."

"I know," I say, instantly regretting everything I said to Shane. I was angry at Carlos and upset for Riley but Shane had nothing to do with it. It isn't his fault his friend is a total douchbag.

"If I'd known what Carlos was doing, I would have stopped him," he explains seriously. "I would've grabbed him by the collar and made him fix his shit and stop. I wouldn't have just stood by and watched him do it."

"I know," I mumble, lowering my gaze as I'm unable to handle the guilt.

"And I'm not here to defend Carlos. What he's done or hasn't done is between him and Riley and whoever else is involved. But I'm not going to let his mistakes come between us."

I freeze.

Us?

Did Shane just call us 'us'?

I lift my gaze to his face and see how close he is. He's close enough for me to see the reddish tinge in the whites of his eyes and the grayish circles under them. He's so good at all of this hiding behind his smile. I see him biting the inside of his lip and how his hair is a blend of light and dark brown.

"He's my friend but that doesn't mean I approve of everything he does," Shane adds. Clearly, he's unaware of where my mind has gone and how lost I am in his eyes. "Especially if it's something I don't even know about."

"I'm sorry," I say, swallowing and blinking to distract myself from the echoing 'us' in my mind.

I'm suddenly hyper-aware of the limited space between us, the heat rolling off Shane's body. I notice how his gray coat and black pants bring out his eyes. More than anything, I note how hot he sounds when he's speaking this seriously this close to me.

"I know," I repeat, trying to focus instead on his words. "You wouldn't do that, I know. I'm sorry, I was just angry and ... I guess I messed up."

Shane smiles. "I get it, you were standing up for your friend," he says, sounding more like himself already. "If I was in your place, I'd do the same."

His smile's so soft, I feel heat creeping up my cheeks. Averting my gaze so I won't have to look at his face anymore, I allow my gaze instead to scan the football ground. The weather is getting gloomier, with the winds growing cooler and the sky greyer. Even as students begins to panic over the impending rainy seasons, I can't help but relax a little.

"You have class?" he asks after a while, sounding self-conscious.

I'm self-conscious too. "Um ... yeah?"

Shane nods and I see him fold his hands in his lap. "We should get going," he says.

"Yeah," I agree, jumping up. Instinctively, I look at Shane's cast.

He notices, smiling wider as he gets to his feet. "I'm going to get it removed this week," he says. "Can't wait to stand on two feet again."

I chuckle. "You'll start playing football again?"

Shane nods, humming. "Not that I'm particularly excited about that but ..."

"Your dad?" I guess.

He sighs, looking at the distant football field. "It's what he wants," he mumbles, frowning.

"But it's not what you want," I remind him.

Shane lets out a humorless laugh, running a hand through his hair and making them flop back over his forehead. "I want to make him proud," he admits. "So if he wants football, I give him football. NFL it is for me."

I don't answer, not knowing what to say. Shane stands before me, the smile on his face not reaching his eyes. They're distant, sad and dark.

"How are you always smiling?" I ask without meaning to. The question comes suddenly and I finally ask it, wondering how and why he can always seem to happy. Even when his eyes don't reflect the happiness he continues to feign, he's smiling.

Shane turns to face me, his smile so bright I squint.

"Haven't you heard what they say?" he asks. "Sometimes ... the only thing that makes everything better is a smile."

Surprised but not wanting to intrude any more into his personal matters, I end up nodding and smiling too. I turn away, about to leave the football field bleachers and get back to Riley.

"Hey, Taylor?" Shane speaks.

I look back at him.

He hesitates. "I don't know about Riley or whatever Carlos wants with her but ... he's actually not a bad guy. A little rowdy and rude, yes. But he means well. I'm not saying your friend shouldn't overreact because I'm sure she's really upset and all but ... there's gotta be more to it."

Knowing Shane probably isn't making things up and means what he's saying, I nod. I might not trust Carlos but I trust Shane. And if he says Carlos isn't a bad guy, maybe he's right.

Maybe there's more to Carlos just as there's so much more to the Shane everyone sees.

*.*.*.*.*.*

A/N: Okay, what do you guys think about Carlos and Shane?