"Your place looks good," Jesse noted as he stepped inside.

Grace, as usual, closed the door behind him. Today, Jesse was in his formal shrink wear rather than the stripped-down version he normally arrived in. After nearly a month of him coming over, she could figure out what different versions of the same outfit meant. This one meant his visit would be less relaxed, and more like an official appointment.

Those had been happening more and more frequently in the last couple of weeks, Grace assuming that the first two weeks were more about gaining her trust and allowing her to relax around him.

"Spent the day cleaning," she told him before sitting on the couch.

Jesse straightened the cuffs of his shirt, then his tie. After surveying the small space, he undid the buttons of his blazer and sat down in his usual chair. "I want you to tell me what you miss most about each of your friends."

Right down to business, it seemed.

With all the months that had passed since the accident, Grace didn't need time to think of the question. At first, her answer would have been bigger things, but as time went out, her cravings for certain things from her friends became almost all-consuming.

"Thea's smile," Grace answered, one of her own forming on her face as she remembered it. "She was so easily happy, and it felt like that smile was always on her face. It just made your day feel brighter and made you feel important.

"With Josie, I miss her honesty, which actually bugged the crap out of my half the time, because she always had an opinion on everything, and never hesitated to share it. Even if you didn't like what she had to say, that never stopped her. But I miss the conviction that always came from it. She never wavered, even if her opinion wasn't a popular one.

"Morgan always gave the best hugs. You could be having the worst day of your life, and not even want to be touched, but when she put her arms around you and hugged you, she put every ounce of love she had into it.

"I once said that Thea's smile and Morgan's hugs could solve all the world's problems, and Josie's need to share her opinion could end up causing the Third World War."

Jesse scratched at the growing stubble on his cheeks, his blue eyes carefully watching her for any clue. "Are you angry at Morgan about what happened?"

Any smile on Grace's face vanished, and she brought her legs up to seat beneath them, rocking a bit in place as she thought the question over. "I was for a while. For the first couple of months, I couldn't even bring myself to think about her, because every time I did, I would just scream. I mean, I gave her another option where we didn't have to drive. I saw her drink more than she claimed she did. And she wasn't even supposed to drink anything. Morgan was the designated driver. That means you stay sober all night, and we were only there for an hour and a half or so. It wasn't a lot to ask of her, and we always took turns or took a cab or an Uber.

"But then I think about if she'd lived instead of me, and I wouldn't want her hating herself for the rest of her life. Everyone who lives long enough has a mistake in their past they'd give anything to take back."

"Do you have one?" Jesse asked.

Grace nodded, blinking away the tears as she thought of it. "I didn't spend much time with my mom while she was sick. I don't know why, but it scared me seeing her like that. Once I realized she would probably die, I pushed her away instead of holding her close because I thought it would hurt less. Near the end, she told me how much she loved me. She said it every single day like it would be the last time she'd ever get the chance. And every day, I tried to avoid it because I was convinced that if she didn't get a chance to say it, that would mean she couldn't die. I was old enough by then to have known better, but I still managed to justify it. I knew how important it was to her, but I didn't care. I put myself before her, and I'll regret that forever."

A long sigh filled the room, and Grace looked up to see Jesse staring at his lap. "Mine was letting Tyler go home by himself that night," he admitted. "Your dad was flirting up a girl that night, and using me to be his wingman for her friend, but I was not into her at all. I told your dad that I was just going to head out with Tyler, but he guilted me into staying. So I let Tyler leave by himself, and it was something I still wish I'd done differently.

"That was your dad's big regret too, and I think is why he had such a hard time being in that apartment. Being around me," Jesse corrected. "He blamed himself for Tyler's death, and he could tell I blamed him for a while too."

"How did you get past that blame?"

Jesse let out a cough and rubbed at his stubble once again before his eyes rose to meet hers. "By reminding myself that we were all our own person capable of making our own decisions. Tyler chose to get hammered that night and chose not to take a cab. I chose to stay with your dad, even though I knew he wouldn't have argued if I'd been insistent.

"The problem with choices and free will is that most of the time, you don't know that every single little decision you make and don't think twice about can alter the course of your life. When you are aware of what your decision can lead to, just the mere fact of having to make it can feel like the largest weight in the world, so you avoid it in the hopes that it will simply make itself. Others you make, not because they're the right choice, but because they're easier at the time."

Grace nodded again, licking her chapped lips. "I remember everyone saying my mom was in a better place. I hated hearing that so much, because her place was with me and my dad."

"You don't think she's in a better place?" Jesse asked.

"I have no idea if she is. Sometimes I think there's a heaven, and other times I think it just all fades to black." It hadn't been something Grace thought about until her mother's death, then again after the accident. She hoped there was a place where her mom was happy and healthy, where she could be looking down on her as an angel.

"I'm not a particularly religious guy, but I think your mom is up there in the prime of her life, looking down and waiting to tell you how much she loves you again. Thea is waiting to give you the smile you're missing, Morgan's going to give you that big hug, and Josie is going to give you the brutal honest truth; that Morgan made a mistake that night, as did everyone who got in that vehicle with her, but while one decision may alter your course, it doesn't define who you are. What defines you is what's in your heart."