14th February 2028

Hey.

This is Synth. It's been a long time since I've wrote an entry on this journal. Gaano na ba katagal? 7 years? 8 years? Tagal na.

Anyway, I'm here again 'cause I wanted to write a letter for Hiraya. I think I needed to. She deserves to know what happened to me for the past years because I owe it to her. So, here it goes.

To my Hiraya,

Today is a special day. Valentine's day. Siguro kung nandito ka, sobrang saya mo. Hulaan mo kung bakit? Well.. Nandito kasi ako ngayon sa Europe.

Italy, Rome. Home of the Vatican as well as the world-class art.

Ayan ah. Hindi ko kinalimutan. It was actually my plan to take you here after I get out of the hospital but you already know what happened.

Ang ganda rito. Sobrang tingkad ng araw, rumereplekta sa kulay bughaw na langit. Sumasayaw rin ang mga dahon sa puno dahil sa hangin na tumatama rin ngayon sa balat ko. Nakakakalma lalo na't nagpapatugtog ako.

How I wish you were here with me, eating at the best pastry shop in Via Merulana.

Naalala ko na gusto mong matikman ang best-seller nila para magawan mo ng sariling version. Since you're not here physically anymore, I will do it for you. 'Wag kang kabahan, marunong na akong magluto.

You asked me what was my dream, right? I didn't know the answer before. But after you've been gone, I tried to pursue Culinary Arts. From then on, I learned to love cooking. Do'n kita naaalala eh.

I became a professional chef, Hiraya. Mahirap pero kinaya.

Marami rin naman ang sumuporta sa'kin. Lalo na si tatay. Thank you because if it wasn't for you, I don't think mararanasan ko ulit ang pagmamahal ng isang ama. Little by little, I also learned to accept his family. May dugo rin naman sila ni tatay so that makes us all related.

Imagine? I was broken before I met you. So lost because of anger and hatred... But then, you came. You made me see things and gave me hope when I was at my lowest. You helped me change.

My light who left me in the dark... Sa pangalawang pagkakataon, naiwan nanaman akong mag-isa. I thought I was broken again, but clearly I wasn't. Because even when you're not here, you were the one who pieced me back together.

It was hard at first. Sobra. Pero ang Hiraya na kilala ko, hindi ako hahayaang mahirapan. Hindi mo gusto na malungkot. Gusto mo palagi lang masaya, so I tried.

For you. For the people around me. For myself.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako magpapasalamat sa'yo kasi sobrang laking bagay ng binigay mo para sa'kin. You literally gave me your heart, Hiraya. You gave me a chance to really live my life for the second time.

You were truly a Godsent. When I first saw you, I thought you were an angel. Totoo nga.

Hiraya, I never met anyone in my existence na tulad mo. Nag-iisa ka lang. Your kindness, humility, and personality will always be remembered.

God. You got me under your skin that up until now, ikaw pa rin ang mahal ko.

It may sound weird, but I think I can live alone. I don't need a partner. I'm okay with this. Kuntento na ako. Tutal, I have baby Jack and baby Rose. Dala ko sila ngayon, sabi mo nga bantay ko sila pag wala ka.

Naalala ko tuloy 'yung sinabi mo no'n na hindi ka agree kay Rose. 'Di ka kasi payag mamatay 'yung taong mahal mo nang wala kang ginagawa. Hanggang ngayon kinikilabutan pa rin ako.

Did you know that I saw you after the surgery? I was recovering, but still unconscious. Ikaw ang gumising sa'kin, Hiraya.

"Wake up!" That's what you said.

Hindi ko 'yun makakalimutan. Katulad rin kasi 'yun ng una mong sinabi no'ng una tayong magkita.

I feel uneasy knowing that your heart is in my body. Pero noong umpisa lang 'yon. Naisip ko, swerte ako dahil puso mo ang nakuha ko. Kaya pinapangako kong aalagaan ko 'to, Hiraya.

I will hold your heart until my very last breath. I will make it full and happy just like what you were doing.

Kaya no'ng makalabas na ako sa ospital, pumunta ako sa village niyo. I talked to your few neighbors, even the kids you said you enjoyed playing with whenever you have free time. They really loved and missed you. Who wouldn't? Mahirap kang kalimutan, Hiraya. Talagang hinahanap-hanap ka ng mga bata.

Do'n ko nalaman na nag vo-volunteer ka pala sa mga charities kaya sinubukan ko rin. Ngayon, may sarili na tayong charity na sumusuporta sa mga batang may cancer. I named it after you para patuloy ka pa ring nakakatulong kahit wala ka na.

Grabe. Ang sarap pala sa pakiramdam tumulong? Kahit kailan hindi ko nakita ang sarili ko sa mga gano'ng bagay pero ang dami kong natutunan dahil sa'yo.

Now, I can totally say that I am not just existing. I found my purpose, Hiraya. And that's because of you.

However, the eight years without you weren't easy. Every night I was hoping to dream of you just to see you, talk with you, or ask you if you're doing fine, but that would be pointless knowing that you're already in joy with your parents, my mom, and the Guy from above.

No'ng unang taon nga lang halos mabaliw ako dahil naririnig ko lagi ang malambing mong boses. Tuwing kumakain ako, ikaw naaalala ko. Nalulungkot ako kasi hindi ko na ulit matitikman 'yung mga luto na Ala Hiraya.

Ang bilis ng oras natin. Marami pa sana akong balak eh. I even thought of our future the moment I realized that I was in love with you. Nakita ko na ikaw na 'yung makakasama ko sa pagtanda, 'yung makakasama kong bumuo ng pamilya at mapuyat kakaalaga sa mga bata.

I imagined cooking with you in our kitchen. 'Yun sana 'yung bonding natin matapos ang nakakapagod na araw o 'di kaya naman ikaw na nagluluto mag-isa ang madadatnan ko pag-uwi ko galing trabaho. I don't know. It sounds stupid, but I really thought of that.

It may be sorrowful, but we experience things like that in order to better appreciate and be grateful for the good things that happened in our lives.

Hiraya, you were that good thing that happened in mine. You told me that you wanted to be remembered as someone who contributed something in the world. Nagtagumpay ka do'n.

You've helped so many people including me. You gave us a chance to get back to life and now we're living it because of you.

Diana. That's the name of the girl who got your eyes. I mean your cornea. She's a college student and now savoring the beauty of nature, the one she didn't see when she was young.

Mico. An 8-year-old boy with Hypoplastic Kidneys. He got yours and now, he's already in high school.

Tonny. Born with Cystic Fibrosis. He's 22 years old when he got your lungs. He's now abroad, living with his own family.

Synth. The one who got your heart and will forever be honored that once in his life, he get to love someone like you.

Hiraya, you clearly made an impact more than the world could ever imagine. I am so proud. You may not be present physically, but I always feel you here, inside my heart— helping me breathe in every minute of my days.

You didn't turn into dust. You become one of the stars that inspires us whenever the dark night comes.

I cannot wait for the next lifetime. If that happens, I wanted to meet you again. Maybe our story would be a different one.

I love you with every ounce of my soul and being.

Until then, I will continue to grow your legacy as long as I can. I will reach out to people. I will reflect your heart 'cause that's what we should all do.

Thank you, Hiraya. Because of you, my life will not be put in waste.

Bago ko pa pala makalimutan, I want to tell you that I did accept Him in my life. You never pushed me to when you were still alive, pero dahil nakita ko sa'yo na malaking bagay ang ginawa sa'yo ng paniniwala mo, I made a decision to be one of His believers.

Can you do me a favor? When I get in to Heaven, I want you to welcome me with a warm hug. I don't know if we will recognize each other or what, but I want you to run into my arms like the way you used to.

I just really miss you. Real bad.

So when the time comes...

See you, Hiraya.