17th January 2021

Hiraya was a believer and I consoled myself with the thought that she's going to Heaven to meet her Maker.

I dreamt of her. She wasn't saying anything, she was just looking at me— waving her hand. God. I never imagined that I will be able to see that beautiful smile of hers again, but I did. It was so vivid that I almost think that it was real, that maybe, I was already waking up from a total nightmare.

I cried my heart out 'cause when my eyes opened, my senses started to came back. It's really happening. It is happening. Hiraya is leaving me this soon.

I cannot believe it but earlier today, I had to make a decision whether to accept her heart or not. The time is running. Sabi ni Uncle kung hindi ko kukunin, sa iba niya na ibibigay dahil marami pa ang nangangailangan no'n.

We're a match, and if it wasn't her heart that I will be taking, hindi na ako magdadalawang isip pa pero mahirap sa'kin 'to.

I didn't know what to do until I got to read her journal. 'Yung bagay na kinuha niya no'ng umuwi siya.

I know that it is her privacy, but I can't help but read it. Sorry.. I wanted to connect with her, I wanted to know her thoughts kahit no'ng mga nakaraang araw na lang dahil imposible na ang ngayon.

Wala akong ginawa kahapon kundi umiyak at tapusin 'yon. Wala na akong pakialam kung magmukha akong tanga. Sa bawat sulat at pahina kasi na nababasa ko, naririnig ko siya. Naririnig ko ang boses ni Hiraya.

The person I love is now gone. How could I live with that?

Kung 'di ko siguro nabasa ang nilalaman nito, hindi ko kakayanin. Pero dahil iba si Hiraya, kahit wala na siya, it made me feel that somehow, somewhere, she's still here. With me.

I found comfort in her words. It's like I get to read it on purpose. Pakiramdam ko may yumakap sa'kin no'ng panahon na 'yon. I prayed even though I usually don't. I'm not a prayerful person but it seemed like Hiraya whispered me to do it, and after that, I suddenly knew what to decide.

"I will not wholly die, for a great part of me will escape the grave before I turn into dust."

Paulit-ulit kong binasa ang sinulat niya no'ng araw na pumirma siya ng form para maging organ donor kapag nawala na siya mundo.

It was the same day when I didn't get my supposed heart from the other donor.

Hiraya, I love you that's why I will do what you want. However, I'd wish for one thing, please give me the strength to do so.