26th October 2020

I wasn't scared before.

I did not even care because I have nothing lose but now, I have Hiraya. I don't want to leave. I want to stay so bad. I want to fight but why does it feel too much to ask?

Kung kailan handa na ako sa buhay saka nagkakaganito? Nawawalan ako ng pag-asa dahil noong narinig ko ang balitang ganito no'n kay mama. Huli na ang lahat.

Sobrang haba ng heart transplant list na kakailanganin mo maghintay ng apat hanggang anim na buwan. Hindi ko alam kung aabot pa ba ako do'n.

For the past days, Hiraya didn't stop on motivating me. She did everything she can just to cheer me up na minsan napapatawa na lang talaga ako.

"Synth. Don't lose hope, please. You got this. We will fight. Together. You got me. I won't go. I'll stay with you. Char! Ayan ha, nag english ako para sa'yo. Hahah! Ngiti na kasi. Please? Ilang araw ka ng malungkot, natatakot na sila Baby Jack at Rose sa'yo."

She's also searching about those people who survived after having a heart transplant.

Hindi rin niya ako tinantanan para paalalahanan na may mga taong willing tumulong sa mga tulad ko at ang kailangan lang namin ay maghintay at darating din 'yon.

Hindi ba parang ang selfish naman? Maghihintay kami ng taong mamamatay para lang mabuhay ako?

It's making my head hurts. If Hiraya's not here, I think I will lose my sanity.