Waking Jackson isn't next to me, I am guessing it is still day time, slowly I climb out of bed, ignoring the pain, walking downstairs finally reaching the bottom, stopping to catch my breath I can hear Jackson.

"How can they believe it was not an accident, so what happens now is she being released?" He sounds angry, pausing to listen to whatever is being said.

"Well, I guess that will have to do. I have told Alena, she can't hurt her, so you need to make sure she stays there, Katie wasn't an accident not at all, the speed the fact she headed for that wall. I don't care what she says, is what she did with Liam and Alena enough to keep her there?" 

I feel awful sitting here listening, especially when it is about Katie, I should move, walking down, the next step, I try to make noise, so he knows I am walking down the stairs.

"Okay, that will do thank you and keep me updated" He hung up the phone turning to me smiling.

"Just in time, food is almost ready, and Georgina is on her way to check on you" He came over, helping me to sit at the table, Georgina walking in she smiled, I wish I had her life, so uncomplicated and pain free.

"I spoke to Daz, he feels awful about what happened, he feels partly responsible, he is also gutted his girlfriend wasn't a real one" I feel awful, he got dragged into it.

"He doesn't need to feel bad, it isn't his fault at all"

"So, how are you?" She looks at me then Jackson, he smiles and walks off leaving us alone.

"Seriously Alena, what happened? I know something has you don't look at Jackson the same way even Liam noticed" I wish I knew, I don't know what is going on, not at all.

"I don't know, before I passed out, I saw Jackson cradling Caroline, I am fine with it, but he said he loved her" My mind replaying it.

"I saw his love for her, his pain that he shares with her, then he told me, had she just came back, he would have taken her back, so maybe I was wrong thinking he felt more for me, I just don't feel anything" She is looking at me with sympathy like I have lost someone close to me, maybe I have, it certainly feels that way.

"So why are you here, leave come home, don't put yourself through more pain Alena" Her words make sense, but I can't I just can't walk away from him yet, I can't bring myself to say goodbye.

"I can't, I am hoping it is the shock of everything, and in a couple of days I feel how I used to, if not then I will walk away, I promise" I have to, I can't sit around and wait just in case I feel the same again. 

Sitting we spoke for a while longer before she left. The next two weeks were slow, my body getting better, I have not left the house at all, my body now no longer hurts, which is great, sitting with Jackson we are eating, I still feel nothing, not even a thing for him, why? I think it is now time to accept facts, it is over, I can't fool myself anymore and I have seen his face, he can say things have changed, my feelings have changed for him.

"I think I should go home now, I am able to look after myself, I have recovered and I'm not in pain anymore, so I will be okay alone" Smiling at him, this breaks my heart, I feel like I love him, but at the same time I can't because I feel like I am being blocked, he clearly could sense it as he has barely touched me, a quick hug and kiss here and there but nothing else.

"If you want to, that's fine. But I want you this weekend I want to introduce you to my mum. We are going to the grave on Sunday, it's the day Katie died, I would love for you to join us" He is looking at me, so much pain in his eyes, how can I say how I am feeling now, I would look heartless. I will do this, and then tell him and walk away.

"Of course, I'd love to come and support you" How can I meet him mum knowing I don't even know if I like him anymore, sure I like him but not like before. His head bent down, his lips kissing me, closing my eyes, I try to relax, try to feel anything, his lips pressing against my neck.

"I wouldn't be here today, you realise that, if you didn't make it I wouldn't be here. When I saw her hit you, I felt it, somehow I felt the pain and I wanted to take it away from you" His voice soft against my ear.

"That was when I realised I fucking love you, how you got me so quick I don't know, But I do. Honestly, I know what I said about Caroline, but I know now I would not have walked away from you if she came back, I don't know what you have done, but you have me hooked, and I really do love you" 

My body relaxed, my heart racing, his head moving back, looking at me, I can feel it again, I feel the magnet that draws me to him, my mind free, the worry that he loves Catherine gone. His lips pressing against mine, my mind racing, I can't stop myself, realising that I have missed him. 

I hadn't let him love me for the past two weeks, I have had my shield up protecting myself. His hands lifting me up, my legs wrapping around him as he carried me back upstairs, his lips pressing against mine. Laying me down, he began taking the clothes off, this feels weird, looking at my scar I can't do it, pulling the sheet up over my body, my arms pulling him to me, trying to hide the scar. 

He took his time, his hips moving slow, his eyes filled with love, I felt this before with him, but this time it feels so different, he's letting his guard down, lying here after, the sex was so different, he wasn't just fucking me like he always does, as much as I love that side of him, the chains, whips and everything else, I love this side even more. 

I feel like he was showing me he loved me, he was so gentle and careful, constantly kissing my lips, somehow it has made me fall in love with him more. He rolls onto his side, looking down at me smiling.

"You're amazing, there is something I don't know what. Just something tells me that if you walk away, I wouldn't stay, I don't think I can see my life without you, Alena. I love you" 

His confession bringing a tear to my eye, his words shocking me, I didn't realise he felt like I did, I assumed until today he liked me, not loved, just liked, looking at him, I can't help but wonder if we are moving too fast, is it a good or bad thing moving so fast, but I guess I should confess myself.

"You know that time on the doorstep, there was something there. I was praying you'd kiss me, I didn't want you to walk away" Looking at him smiling I carry on.

"You do something to me, I don't know how to explain it. I've never felt it before, I can be calm and relaxed and then you just look at me, and somehow I lose my mind, all rationality just flutters away, all I can do is think about you" His lips press against mine, moving back he looks at me.

"I trust you 100%, I don't even trust Liam or Georgina that much, I tried explaining how I felt to Georgina and she doesn't understand, it's like I'm completely and utterly intoxicated by you, and I've felt it from the very start. I feel like I've loved you since the first moment I saw you, I just never expected you to choose me. 

The fact you somehow straight away pulled the real me out, made me feel like myself just makes me love you more" Looking at him, waiting for him to respond I only hope my confession has not made him want to run.

"We're just two messed up people that fit together perfectly, like two puzzle pieces, we're different designs, but we fit perfectly" His words sting a bit, he said I was fucked before and now he thinks I am messed up, he thinks he I'm messed up? Then again, thinking of my life, I guess I am in some ways, my mind hasn't been right since I was a child, After Max, I'd accepted I would never be the same again.

"You know, if I could go back and change my life, I wouldn't. I know it sounds crazy, the fact I would willing feel the hurt I felt as a child, the hurt Max inflicted on me, even Caroline, I know it sounds crazy, the fact if I went back and was given the option, I wouldn't say no, I wouldn't run, I would choose the exact same path"

"To me, it brought us together, and closer, I've realised that even though I'm broken or messed up, I can still be happy" Lying we just cuddle, not saying anything.