waking up, I was in my bed, the sun shining through the window, my throat hurting, my head also hurting, sitting up I look around, the house quiet, walking into the shower.

I turn it on. Standing there the water washing me, washing last night away, if only it was that easy to wash away the memories from my mind, they are what are plaguing me. Another thing to add to the list at the counselor.

My counselor was nice, she had been through similar to me, she helped a lot, we spoke about Max, Jake, Jackson, my family everything, so when I go this week it will be an interesting session. 

Getting dried, I look at the mirror, thick bruises on my neck, my hand instantly stroking them, I bring so much drama with me, why can't I just be like Georgina, no drama, no crazy ex's. The door opened, and without turning I know it is Jackson. 

"Your dad called, don't worry I explained everything to him, he's coming to see you later" I knew he would find out quickly, no doubt Jake has told his parents I started it, I don't want him to lose friends though.

"Thank you, Sir" I smiled at him, looking in the mirror seeing him behind me.

"Your mum called as well, Sarah whatever you want to call her, I explained you was fine" 

I should give her a chance, I know exactly how she feels and it seems bad luck follows me, everywhere, there is never an escape for me.

"Thank you, I will be down in a couple of minutes, I need to get ready and go into work" 

I can't let him stop me, I can't let him win, if I sat at home hiding, he would have won.

"Okay Kitten" 

He walked out the room, turning I noticed the tattoo, I had not even looked at it, I gave my ideas and trusted Jackson with what he chose, turning I glanced down, it was beautiful, a long whip, with roses wrapping around it, I was glad he chose this one, it is like saying, I am tough, yet I am delicate like a rose. 

I feel more delicate right now though, I can't deny it, the whole thing last night has me on edge, and I hate the thought of anyone touching me. Getting dressed I walked downstairs, cuddling the girls tight, I missed them, and I would do anything to protect them and Jackson.

"When is my dad getting here?" I looked at the clock. "Any time now, that was why I came up, I was about to wake you" Jackson handed me a cup.

"Thanks Sir" I smiled, sitting down drinking it.

"Is Marcus okay?" He looked different.

"Yeah, he is just annoyed that he didn't stop Jake last time that is all, he blames himself slightly" Jackson explained. 

"Well, he shouldn't, no one can control what happened in the past, we just need to move on from it" I say it like it is so easy, yet even I am struggling to get last night out of my mind. The door opened, my dad walked in, clearly, he has been worrying.

"Oh Princess, I am so glad you're okay, I am sorry" He hugged me, what is it with men and apologizing?

"You don't need to be sorry" I looked at him, confused why he was blaming himself.

"I am friends with his parents, I made you play together, maybe if I didn't then you wouldn't have been through this, so yes I am partly to blame"

"Join the club" Jacksons voice came from behind me

"Yeah, apparently everyone shares the blame" Marcus added.

"Listen to you all, no one is to blame, just forget about it now, it really isn't worth it, he isn't worth it" 

Why do men feel the need to think they are responsible for bad things that happens in others' lives?

"Anyway, I just wanted to come to make sure you're okay" My dad hugged me, it wasn't really comforting, I feel like I have switched off my emotions.

"Right, drink?" I pulled away walking to the kitchen, making everyone a drink, sitting quietly waiting for the time to pass so I can leave for work, everyone talking quietly. 

"Right, I best set off home, make sure you call me next time Alena, don't try pretend crap isn't happening, I am the parent I should protect you, not you trying to protect me" He hugged me before leaving, Jackson looking at me, realising I was not my usual self.

"I should get ready to go as well" I got up to grab my things.

"I think Marcus, or I should come with you, I don't feel comfortable with you been there alone" Jackson stood in my way.

"No, because everything is fine, Jake is still locked up, so I will be fine, plus you hired security, so I will be more then safe, don't worry, it won't look good will it if I am there with you or Marcus following me" 

Kissing him quickly on the lips I walked out, getting in the car, I feel relief, my heart breaking, driving down the road, tears began to build in my eyes, last night flooding back now I am alone, I need to see my counsellor sooner, last night has had an impact on me, and I can pretend it has not but even Jackson can see it has. 

Arriving at work, I sorted myself out, unlocking the doors and walking in. Waiting till other staff arrived was hard, sitting in the office didn't feel right, the memories fresh, the parcel at least was gone, the police took it with Jake. 

Shaking my head, I need to sort myself out, I can't just pretend like everything is fine when inside I am dying. It is like there is no chains around me, nothing holding me down, yet I feel like I am drowning, I need to keep fighting to breath, because if I don't I will drown. 

Everyone started coming in, I was glad it took my mind off things, but I know I will need to deal with them and talk about it at some point.

"Hey Alena, everything okay?" Sammy-Jo stood at my door. 

"Yes, thank you, let's get sorted, the classes today are fully booked" 

I got up walking with her, sorting everything out, customers began to arrive and sign in, welcoming them and showing them to the rooms where the class is they signed up to.

Walking around and watching it was amazing, women lacking confidence, shy and hidden, coming out of their shells, having fun and laughing, it makes me smile, some of these women would be hidden away at home, hiding from their demons and trying to pretend everything is fine, while refusing to socialize, I just hope it truly helps them. 

"Hey Alena" I turned, and Ruby stood there.

"Everything okay Ruby?" I looked around, wondering why she was no longer in her class.

"Yes, everything is fine, I have a woman she wants to speak to someone, I am not sure what to do, so I said I would come get you, I hope that is okay?" 

She looked worried like she would be in trouble.

"It is fine, I will come with you" Following Ruby, we went into the room.

"Alena, this is Rose" Ruby introduced us before walking off.

"Hi Rose, how can I help?" Smiling at her, she looked around worried.

"Shall we go to my office where there is no one listening?" I looked at her waiting.

"Yes please" She followed me to the office sitting down, I am waiting to give her chance to talk.

"I am just scared, honestly I have not really left the house since the relationship, and the thought of everything now I am here it is scary, I don't want to show off my body" 

Looking at her, I was confused, she was stunning, yet we all had our own demons.

"You don't need to show off your body, you can wear anything you like, yes some women will wear practically nothing, but it isn't needed" I hope she understood.

"Why don't I come with you, I will stay in the room until the end of the class, honestly there will be women wearing a lot more then you" She nodded.

"If you could yes please, it might help" 

Walking back to the room, I can only hope it has helped, getting in I sat down, she joined the other women.

Ruby smiled and continued showing them how to dance, slowly Rose started dancing, there was no men, just empty chairs, six women, me and Ruby, but even that would be scary to some. 

The lesson ended, Rose walked over to me.

"Thank you, I honestly didn't expect to get here then freak out, I thought I would have given up half way and went home" I smiled at her.

"That just shows your stronger then you think"

"Thank you, I will see you next week" 

She left, I slowly followed the same direction back to the office. 

The next lessons went ahead fine without any issues, at five o'clock the manager arrived, she would take over until the last class ends.

"Hi Susie, I am about to leave, all the women are settled in, you will have noticed we have security on the doors, just make women feel safer"

"Okay Alena, I have the code for the Alarm, is there anything else you need me to do before leaving?" Looking around, I could not see much. 

"No,just make sure the bar ladies clean up, and each lady has cleaned their rooms,see you tomorrow" 

I walked out, climbing in the car, feeling relieved, drivinghome, realising I would have to face Jackson, I was not sure about that, or thefact he will notice I am not feeling like myself. 

I am worn out, mentally and physically, nodoubt I would be asleep quick, anyway so hopefully he would not notice,