"He was at the launch, he apologized, I walked away, went into my office, sitting there it was quiet, I had a headache, but then he came in, I stayed sat, I didn't want to try confront him, I asked what he was doing, he went on about how he wants to be friends, and I am lying when I say yes" 

"I tried leaving, he stopped me, closing the blinds and locking the door, I kept trying different ways to get out, but nothing worked, he ended up having me pinned in a corner, his hand around my throat, he kissed me, I bit his lip, I was trying to kick him but it was useless" I can't give full details, I did with the police but I can't again"

"He had hold of my hands, I ended up headbutting his nose, but he still didn't let go, Marcus broke the door down and stopped it, Jake was arrested and then later released" 

She sat quietly, writing watching me, assessing me I wondered what her next question would be, I liked been here, talking it was relaxing, and like there was no judging no one waiting to see if I would break or cry, she listened, she asked the right questions to find out why I feel the way I do and then finds a way to solve the issue.

"Okay, I want you to think back, what was the thing you disliked most and found yourself feeling the most anxious? Was it him walking in? been alone with him? him touching you? Him talking? Him locking the door?" 

Thinking back, it was not him been there, I didn't feel calm but I felt in control at least.

"Him touching me, I was fine, calm until he touched me, then I started fighting back, shouting and trying to get out" 

"That is a good thing to realise Alena, now do you know why?"

"Yes, I felt like I lost control, like he was the one in control, it reminded me of Max, the times I didn't want him to touch me but I had no say" 

She wrote some more, I was glad for that question, I didn't think of why I hated it, why I was scared and couldn't move past it, it wasn't been alone with him, it was been touched.

"This sort of thing will have an effect on you, a big one, have you noticed anything different?"

"Yes, I freeze whenever someone touchs me, my dad, Jackson anyone, I hate been touched, I don't want to be touched" 

she sat quietly, planning her next question, time had gone over, way over she had noticed but was not stopping until she was happy to. 

"How have you dealt with it so far?"

"I got Jackson to take me to the playroom" her head raised up, looking at me.

"The playroom, you use this a lot to close out your emotions" 

Her point was in a way right and also wrong. 

"No, I use it for a release, I use it because while I am in there I can let go of everything, including my thoughts, it gives my mind a small break from it, that small break helps me think clearer"

"Oh. I know Alena, I speak to many submissives, and I understand how the room can help, but they don't fix the problem, which is what I am worried at, that your trying to fix your problems in your playroom" 

Maybe I was, maybe not, I don't even know.

"The playroom is good for you to escape when you need it, it is safer then drinking, drugs and other things people use to have a break from the thoughts, but I want you to deal with the issue head-on"

"When someone goes to comfort you, I want you to remind yourself, this person loves you in a way different to Max and Jake, they are not there to hurt you but comfort you and take the hurt away"

"By all means when those thoughts get to much and you need an escape use your playroom, don't drink, drinking makes things worse, but after talk, don't just think it is gone, talk to someone"

"I will thank you so much for today" Getting up to leave, she stopped me.

"One more question, how did it feel that Marcus was the one to stop him again and not Jackson?" 

I look at her, what would that have to do with anything? I didn't even think of that, she said waiting for my answer, thinking my mind blank, and it came to me.

"Grateful, I know that if it was Jackson, he would be locked up right now, I know that if he walked in seeing it, he would not look at me the same way as Marcus does."

 She nodded and placed the notepad down, walking to the door with me.

"I am on the phone Alena, you know that, any time you need to talk just let me know" Walking out the door I turned around to face her.

"Thank you, I will make sure I do" 

I walked to my car, getting in it I feel so much better, we went well over the time, but it was worth it, and it was needed, driving home I was ready to stop freezing up when someone touches me, it won't be easy, but I will do it. 

Getting to the house, Jackson was stood outside, I forgot to text him, he is going to be a mess with worry. 

Parking the car, he walked over to me, getting out he stood there, looking at me full of worry. 

"Sorry, I know I forgot to text and it took longer than usual we had a lot more to discuss" 

His arms wrapping around me, my body tensing, I reminded myself what to say repeating it in my head, and reminding myself this was Jackson, I can feel my body relax thinking about it. 

"Your safe that is all that matters, I ordered although it may be cold now" 

Walking in, we sat together eating, the house quiet, Marcus nowhere to be seen, his car was not here either. It was quiet, to quiet I was left alone with my thoughts and need him to talk to me.

"How was work? Anything planned?" finally something to talk about.

Sitting there I explained how work was fine, no issues, I explained about the photography idea, which he seemed impressed with, we sat discussing how it would work, and ideas on how to make it successful. 

We spent the night laid on the sofa watching a film so different to other nights, it was nice and relaxing, the film finished he rolled over, his body on top of mine.

"I could just sleep here" 

His weight pushing down, I start to laugh, fighting to breath while laughing at him.

"Sure, just let me move your suffocating me" I keep laughing, trying to push him off.

"Okay, fine just give me a kiss first" He lent down, as he got closer, I moved up to kiss him, his hand going over my mouth.

"I changed my mind, I am actually really comfy here" Here wiggled his body, laughing more, I started hitting him playfully.

"Fine, I hope you enjoy Necrophilia because very soon I am going to die from not been able to breath" He jumped off me.

"No, sorry not a chance, don't you dear die on me, that is not my kink, not at all kitten" Laughing I stood up, my arms wrapping around his neck.

"Not a chance of me dying any time soon, so you still get my nice warm body, when I have had enough of it anyway" Winking at him, laughing.

"You're such a bitch" He laughed, pulling me closer. "That I am Sir, I can't stop it, it escapes as and when it wants to" Kissing his lips, my mind wonders, I want to play.

"Let's go to bed" He nodded agreeing walking through towards the kitchen I stopped,

"I will meet you up there, I am just grabbing a quick drink" He walked upstairs, I turn walking to the fridge, grabbing the whipped cream out. 

Walking upstairs, I keep it hidden, getting into the bedroom, he is already stripped laid on the covers, keeping it behind my back, I place it on the floor next to the bed, taking my clothes off, lying next to him, we cuddle.