"Come on, I am coming to work with you today, we need a good girly talk" Nodding, I sit up, Jackson wraps his arms around him, his lips kissing my neck.

"Tell her everything, I know I say not to but just talk" 

His whisper quiet so she can't hear, getting up I walk out following Georgina, my heart breaking looking back at him and the girls, driving there we stay quiet, neither of us knowing what to do or say, the whole thing is a mess. 

how do we even start this conversation? Getting in the office, we sit down, putting the blinds down so everyone knows not to interrupt if less it is an emergency.

"Right, so let's talk, just say it all Alena, any order talk" Looking at her I know I need to, I need to get this out there to help me move on.

"I love Jackson, I love him as my husband, as my Dom as my partner, as my kids father, the first time with Marcus was a shock, I said no but then I agreed, Jackson seems to enjoy seeing me with other men, the second time was just me and Marcus, Jackson was there, but he didn't get involved, after Marcus had played, Jackson did while Marcus watched" 

Looking at her she was shocked, I have not even got to the best part yet.

"Don't judge, and certainly don't call Jackson names, I agreed, I enjoyed it, it is not like he forced me. Anyway, there was the time we were going into the room to play, his phone rang, he sent me up to be ready, kneeling there with the blindfold on he came in and played, it was quick, then walked out, taking off the blindfold Jackson had messaged me saying he had sent Marcus in his place, again I had no issues with it"

"There was the time with me, Jackson, Marcus and Demetri, amazing, I agreed, had I said at any moment, stop because I didn't feel comfortable it would have stopped, but I did enjoy it"

"The issue honestly is Marcus, somehow he fell in love with me, real love and while I love him back it is more like I love him as Dom, a play partner not a life partner" She stayed quiet looking at me.

"Okay, first, I have to, sorry I do, whose was bigger, Marcus or Jacksons?" Laughing so hard at her question, really, of all the things she asks that?

"I don't know, I didn't measure them, if I was to guess I would say Marcus, but then I would say Jacksons is thicker so both equal the same, sort of, now can we get off the subject of whose was bigger please" 

Still laughing at her question, she helped, the question helped, it made me laugh and relax a bit.

"Okay, so the conclusion? What are you doing?" I don't know, I still don't know.

"Well, Last night the option was that we carry on as we are, and if I want to sleep with Marcus I can, it would be like we were together, but I am still married to Jackson" Her eyes widened.

"Don't worry, even I said that feels a weird" Quickly adding so she doesn't freak out.

"Good Alena, because that right there is just not right, so what now?" She looks at me waiting.

"Well, we came to the conclusion, I love Marcus but not like a partner, I love him like he is my Dom, so the other option is I am his submissive along with Jackson's, it is possible to have two Dom's but even that feels weird, but if I don't try I won't know right?" She rolled her eyes at my response.

"You can't just have one how guy can you, you have to go and take two, well three if you add Demetri" She laughed, then her face got all serious.

"Demetri as in the guy who did your tattoos? When the hell did that happen and why?"

"Yes, Demetri, who did my tattoos, I don't know, he came to the house to do a tattoo, I have a fetish for them and everything I guess that is what made Jackson think of it, the tattoo gun used without ink during was amazing" 

She looks more shocked again, maybe telling her everything isn't a good idea?

"This is just crazy, too much and messed up, I don't get why Jackson would do all this if he loves me" My mind trying to figure it all out.

"Because he loves you Alena, have you not noticed everything you have said, everything he has done, is to please you, to help you make your fantasies not his. Even now he is still trying to please you, and give you want you want, and need by agreeing to Marcus been involved" 

Sitting here processing her words it is like a light bulb switching on, realising she is right.

"You are right Georgina he didn't do it for him, he did all this for me, to make me experience everything I wanted and loved, he did it all for me, he risked losing me to give me what I want. Even now he is going to share me just, so I get what I want. I need to go home" Standing up I grabbed my things, she looks at me confused

"Can you just watch over everything, please Susie will be here later, please Georgina" She nodded and hugged me. 

"Of course, I will" She sat down as I ran out to the car, texting Jackson quickly before I set off.

"Drop the kids off with your mum, then straight home, I need to talk to you" 

Driving home, my mind was screaming at me for being so stupid, all those times he said he enjoyed it, while he might he was doing it for me not him, everything he has ever done in the playroom has been for me, that fucking punishment this morning was for me.

Walking through the door he was standing waiting, walking to him, my arms wrapped around his neck, kissing his lips pulling him to me, his hands grabbing me, pulling me tightly towards him, my moans escaping.

"I don't want Marcus, I just want you, I don't want anyone else in the room just you, I can't believe I never realised it before, everything you did was for me, not you. That fucking punishment this morning, was for me not you. I am doing this for you, I am choosing right now, no Marcus I can live without him, I cannot live without you Jackson" 

He looked hurt, his face filled with pain, his eyes looking at the door, following his gaze I saw Marcus stood there, everything, all the feelings for him flooding through me, I feel awful, he walked out, following him I stopped him by the car.

"I am sorry, you were right, I will never leave Jackson for you, that does not mean I don't love you, I do, but not enough Marcus I am sorry, I really am" 

This is killing me but I can't hurt Jackson anymore, I can't do it.

"I know Alena, I knew all along you would choose him, whether now or in five years, you would choose him" His hand raised, his fingers stroking my face, his lips kissing against mine.

"I will see you from time to time, but I packed all my stuff and moved it out last night, I was just coming back to say goodbye, I couldn't make you choose I was going to walk away and save you the choice" 

His words torturing me, he loved me so much he was walking away, removing the choice and the burden I had to carry. 

He turns, getting in the car driving off, tears filling my eyes that I may never see him again, arms wrapping around me, I leaned my head back. 

"Sorry Kitten, I didn't know he had come in, when I realised it was too late" Even now he is thinking of me, he is apologising, turning to face him I look into his eyes.

"Stop, right now, Stop it Jackson!" My voice loud as I shout at him.

"Stop apologising, stop blaming yourself, and stop trying to give me everything even if it means risking me, take something for yourself for a change Jackson, your bottoming from the fucking top here, sort yourself out"

My words cold and hard, but filled with love, he's become so consumed with pleasing me, with giving me what I want and need he's forgotten himself, he has forgotten everything. 

Standing here looking at him, I half expected him to shout back at me, he stood assessing me. 

"I mean it, I have never seen the real you, I have never seen or witnessed just what you want and need, you make everything about me, I am smart enough to know that a D/s relationship is not all about one person but both. I want you to take what you need and want for a change not give me everything I want" 

He stays quiet, his eyes looking at me, a smile spreading across his face. 

"You asked for it" His arms wrapped around me, throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me into the house, going straight upstairs into the playroom, setting me down on my feet he looks at me.

"Strip, blindfold now!" 

His order low yet authoritative, he walked over to the other side of the room, turning the music on, my hips began to move to the rhythm piece by piece my clothes fell to the ground. Placing the blindfold on, I knelt down, my palms facing down on my lap, waiting for him, my breathing getting faster, waiting for what I wanted. 

Hearing him move, I sensed him in front of me, his hands slowly stroke over my shoulder, down to my arms. Reaching my hands, he lifts them, placing them on him, his trousers now leather, a moan escaping my lips at the feel. 

"Rules Kitten, there are rules" His voice low and seductive. 

"Okay Sir" Kneeling waiting for him to tell me, I can't help but run my hands along his legs and the leather. 

"You can't cum, every time you're close I want you to say Blue, just in case you decide to use Yellow for a change, understand?" Oh, Christ my heart is racing now, what has he got planned?

 "Understood Sir, I say blue every time I am onthe edge" My heart is beating faster, a moan escapes my lips thinking of whatis coming.