Waking up Jackson and Marcus are leaning over me, oh great just what I need, me passing out and now them more concerned. 

Why am I always such a damsel in distress? Why are they both just staring at me, what has happened that I missed in the few seconds I passed out?

"We need to get you to the hospital" Jackson looks at Marcus, we? Since when were they on speaking terms again?

"I don't need the hospital, I am perfectly fine, you are over reacting, I was just dizzy from being sick so much" Sitting up, my back hurts a lot. Winching in pain, my hand reaches round and rubs my back.

"You always say that, which just proves you need to go. You fell down four stairs, might not be a lot but we are not taking a chance. I have text Georgina she is on her way to watch the girls" 

Rolling my eyes, I don't fight anymore, and Jackson is in no mood to play, he doesn't even mention the eye roll. The door opens, and Liam and Georgina walk in, again more people looking concerned for me, I am totally fine a bit of pain but nothing to worry about.

"Let me know how she gets on please Jackson" Georgina walks over and hugs me.

"You just love the attention you don't you" See, that is what I want, jokes and laughs none of this serious, deadly look like I am about to croak it.

"What can I say, I don't get enough of it" Laughing I stand up, Jackson and Marcus moving to my sides to help, pushing them both away I shake my head, I have not forgotten.

"I can walk alone thank you" Walking out, I climb in the car, why is Marcus coming? I don't really care, let's just get this over with and back home so the arguments can continue which they will.

"How do you feel?" Marcus asks from the back seat.

"Fine, my back hurts a bit, but other than that, I feel totally fine, I think we are just going to waste their time going in, other patients need to be seen more than me" I hate hospitals, a lot.

"I am not risking anything happening to you or the baby, you both need checking on" Looking at Jackson, I am shocked.

"Not long ago you pretty much didn't care, not until you knew for sure it was your baby, so why even care now? You know what, don't even answer it just shush" 

My head hurts, and I don't fancy an argument, or to have to listen to him explaining either. 

Pulling up at the hospital I get out and walk in, not caring much about them two, giving my name I sit down and wait, sitting here I can't help but think of the amount of time this is taking away from my life when it probably isn't even needed.

"Mrs. Woodcock?" The sound of the nurse calling my name making me look up, getting up I walk to her Jackson and Marcus following.

"I am sorry, we only allow the father in the room" Her sentence making me smile, Jackson and Marcus looking at each other, well they didn't think this part out did they, turning I face them both.

"Well, who is taking responsibility? Because you can't pick and choose when you care all through pregnancy until you know you're the dad or not" Looking at them both, they stay quiet, as I thought.

"Erm, I think just this once we can make an exception, follow me" 

The nurses voice soft, great spoil my fun, following her through she leads me to a cubical, taking some details and getting my blood pressure, she fills in her notes. Jackson looks on edge, his eyes full of sorrow, what is going through his mind. 

Getting the heart beat monitor, she places it on my stomach, her hand trying to find the heart beat but struggling. I don't want to lose the baby, I really don't, laying here, I can't think of anything worse than her saying she can't find a heartbeat. 

"I am sorry, I cannot pick up the heartbeat, it might be the position, so I will get the doctor in to try, you may be sent for a scan" 

Getting up she walks out, I feel awful, and honestly deserve this. I was just going to get rid of the baby without thinking about it, but now that I face losing it I can't think of anything worse.

 I am truly awful, sure be shocked that it might be Marcus's, be upset that Jackson might hate me, but to even consider not caring about the baby like I did today is wrong.

 What if it was a boy? My dream could be true, that could have happened if I was not so stupid, I could have had a son, and now I have nothing. 

I can't hate myself anymore, for everything I have done that risked this baby's life, for considering choosing Jackson over the baby. 

The tears begin to cloud my vision, Jackson and Marcus both staying quiet, not wanting to talk, but both looking equally as worried as I am. Where is this doctor? I can't be expected to sit and wait all day, fighting back the sobs I tell myself to think positive, but thinking positive right now isn't working. 

No heartbeat, what have I done? It is what have I done, because it is no one else's fault, just mine, lowering my head I hide my face, I don't want anyone to see me, I don't deserve sympathy not at all. 

The door opens looking up, the doctor walks in smiling.

"I hear you had a fall down some stairs, and you're pregnant, right I will order some bloods to be done, but first is there pain anywhere?" 

Looking at me he waits for my answer, I don't care about my pain.

"Just my back and head" Nodding he writes on his notes. 

"Can you remember how you landed or fell?" Looking at him, I can't answer I don't remember anything after it went dark.

"She fell down four steps, she was not stood facing forward, she was sideways, as she fell she hit her back off the steps and her head as well" 

Marcus spoke up before Jackson got the chance to answer, it explains the headache, I just assumed it was stress.

"Okay, can you roll onto your side, I want to check your back first" Nodding, I roll over, the doctor putting on gloves, slowly pushing against my back, jumping from the pain in certain areas, but I deserve it.

"Okay, you can roll back over now. You have a lot of swelling and internal bruising on your back, I want to feel around your uterus as well" 

Nodding I agree, his hands pushing against my stomach, I feel nothing, his fingers moving over my bump as he pushes, slowly he pushes down on a spot, a quiet scream escaping my lips, that hurt, a hell of a lot. 

Grabbing the heartbeat monitor, he starts rubbing it against my stomach, after what seems like forever, I give up. 

I have lost the baby, Jackson and Marcus hanging their heads in shame, no doubt feeling like I do, but nowhere near as bad as I do. Slowly the tears spill over my eyes, the doctor smiling gently, and I just know what his words are going to be. 

Everyone turns to the monitor, the faint sound of a heartbeat finally present, I still don't want to celebrate yet, not at all.

"Okay, so I have found the heartbeat, it is good and strong, I will however book you in for a ultrasound it won't be until the 30th though, I suggest until then you rest, no heavy lifting, no excessive standing or walking either" 

He starts writing in his notes, I can't smile I still feel like I have lost him, until I can see the baby on the screen I don't believe it.

"I will prescribe you something for the pain, along with some items to help you keep food down and stop the morning sickness and dizziness. Once I get the results of your blood tests you can go" 

Getting up he leaves, no one wanting to talk, they seem more relaxed now though. In my mind though he isn't saved, not until I see that scan, I don't like how long it took to find the heartbeat, I can't believe I called it a thing, it is my baby, I don't care who the dad is. 

Yet those two made me forget that, their arguing, the fighting it all making me feel bad, making me think the only way was not to keep the baby.

"Alena, I am sorry this is our fault" Jacksons voice breaking the silence, I can't talk yet, no I can't I feel broken and all I want is to know the baby is fine.

"Just don't, I don't care. All that matters now is the baby if there is even still a baby, you two, me don't matter" I don't want to hear about how sorry he is, how it is his fault I don't want to hear any of it right now. Sitting no one says anything else, waiting as the clock ticks by.

"I should message Georgina and Liam and check everything is okay" Jackson takes out his phone, sends his message then sits there quietly again. The door finally opening and the doctor coming back through.

"Right, I have your blood results, and your medication. You have low iron, so I have prescribed you some tablets for it. Along with that we found excessive amounts of caffeine and other substances that are used to keep you active, and awake. Is there a reason there is such high content in your blood stream?" 

Looking at him and Jackson, I don't know what to say. If I say I took Jacksons pills he might get in trouble, but I can't lie, can I? 

"Yes, I was trying to keep myself awake for something, I didn't read the package properly and took too many" 

I am not lying, exactly, he doesn't look convinced but writes down what I said anyway, I assume he has anyway. 

"Right, you are free to go, these are your tablets, and as I said complete rest, at least until your scan" The doctor says goodbye and walks out the room, getting my coat on I walk out the room, I can't smile or celebrate not yet. 

Getting in the car we stay quiet once again, Jackson clearly giving me space to think, not rushing me like always. It is one of the reason I love him, yet I feel so alone right now, like no one has any idea what I am going through. 

The car stops, looking up we are already home, getting out I walk into the house, not saying anything I walk straight upstairs, I can't face the questions right now. Getting changed I climb into bed, right now is the time I would love to fall asleep so easily, yet my mind just won't stop. 

It keeps going on and on about everything I have done wrong that has led to this point. I can hear the faint talking downstairs, I can't make out what they are saying and to be honest I don't care. 

They can't be saying anything about me worse than I am already thinking. Looking around this room, I can't help but wonder is our relationship toxic? Sure, it might not be like me and Max but all these issues, maybe it is a sign. 

Laying here every possible thought goes through my head, why it is my fault, why I might deserve this and how much I hate myself. The door slowly opens, looking towards it, Jackson stands there, he isn't saying anything, so I can only assume he blames me as well. Slowly he walks in, sitting on the edge of the bed, if he is going to talk he needs to do it, or just leave me alone.

"You need to talk to me Alena, and I need to apologise for the way I acted" We should, yet I don't feel anyone will understand what I am going through, slowly I begin to sit up, waiting for him to continue.

"What I said was wrong, I wasn't angry with you, I was upset, but not angry. I already knew what you had done and accepted it, this is a consequence of it, so I apologise for saying it"

 Sitting that doesn't make me feel any better, I would rather be alone, but I know that isn't going to be possible.

"When you fell, everything was slow, and I realised at that moment if anything happened to the baby I would not forgive myself for the way I acted. Just tell me what you're thinking Alena, anything, you're too quiet, you realise everything is fine right?" 

Everything is fine? How does he work that out?

"Tell me, how do you know everything is fine? You saw it just like me how long it took to find the heartbeat, had they been convinced the baby was fine, they wouldn't have booked me in for a ultrasound" He looks up, going to speak, putting my hand up I stop.

"Don't, anything could happen between now and then, the results may be delayed so no we are not fine, and I know it is my fault. You have no idea what it feels like to be laid there, waiting for them to find a heartbeat thinking you baby has died, no idea at all" 

The pain on his face, reminds me of Tallulah, going to open my mouth to apologise his words stop me.

"No, you are right Alena, I have no idea. Let's face it, me sitting there while they try and find the heartbeat didn't hurt me at all, didn't bring back memories of Tallulah, it wasn't like someone had just ripped my heart out all over again, even though I have no idea if the baby is mine. Your right, I have no idea" 

Getting up he walks straight for the door, trying to tell him to stop but I physically can't.

"Just so you realise, that exact room, was where me and Catherine was when they couldn't find a heartbeat, before they moved her to give birth, but hey no I have no idea do I" 

Walking out he shuts the door, I feel awful, I forgot totally forgot and now I can't exactly take back what I said, I can only apologise because what he went through is worse than this, his baby existed, it grew, I am cruel. 

Getting out of bed, I walk downstairs, he isn't there, Marcus is, but not Jackson. Turning around I walk back upstairs, going into the office, there he is sat on the chair. Now I am stood here, I don't even know what to say, I feel awful, I said the worse thing possible to him.

"Jackson, I am sorry. I didn't mean it, I don't blame you for hating me, I hate me, and I know this is my fault, and in a way, I deserved it" Staying quiet, he doesn't even turn to look at me.

"Please Jackson, I am sorry, I didn't mean it, I didn't even think" Walking towards him, I turn the chair, so he faces me, kneeling down I try look in his eyes. I hurt him more with my words then the whole situation today, and I won't blame him if he can't forgive me for that.

"I never thought you would say something like that, ever did you really think that what happened didn't scare and hurt me?" He now looks up to me, the pain evident in his eyes, and I caused it.

"I wasn't thinking, all I could think of was how it would be my fault if I did lose the baby, how I deserve it and I feel alone, like no one knows how I feel but I know you do" I still feel alone, I know he knows how I feel but it doesn't help comfort me at all.

"We are both going through this, and you sat thinking that something bad is going to happen won't help. If there is a immediate issues or risk, they would have sent you for a scan tonight, not in two days" 

He is right, but can't let myself think like that, what if something does happen?

"I can't be positive until I know, and as much as I want this baby, all I can think is maybe it is best because then all this will be solved, how will it even work?"

 I don't want to lose this baby, yet part of my mind keeps telling me maybe it is a good thing if I do. I will be heartbroken, but I can't cope with much more stress.

"Listen, we will work it out, maybe the scan will give a date, so we can be sure, if not there is tests you can do during pregnancy to check who the father is. Whatever way we do it, I will be supportive" 

Maybe the scan is the answer to all our questions? Maybe it will give a date that can confirm for sure it is not Marcus's and maybe it will give one that just means we still have no idea.

"Then what? If this baby is Marcus's what does that mean for us? For him, the girls everything?" Not even he can answer that, he is looking at me just as confused as I am, what is the answer to that?

"We will figure it out if it happens. I won't walk away though Alena, and I won't treat the baby any different to the girls" I am worn out, these last 24hours have been horrendous, and I can feel my body slowly shutting down from it.

"Guess what" Looking at him I smile.

"What?" He is waiting for my answer, now though I am not so sure it is the best time to make a joke. Too late though because he is already waiting for me to answer him, so I can't lie.

"Today, was officially our second real argument, amazing that isn't it. So how do we go about making up?" Smiling at him I can only hope he forgets what I said, but I highly doubt it.

"Cuddle, that is about all. No taking risks for the next few days you heard the doctor" Fighting the urge to roll my eyes, I nod, moving closer to him, I sit on his lap, my head resting on his shoulder.

"Doctors suck the fun out of everything" I can pretend I am fine, at least for two days, then everything is sorted, and I will relax more.

"They might, but it is to keep you safe, let's get to bed" Lifting me off him, we walk to the bedroom. 

Climbing in bed, we stay quiet, as I slowly begin to fall asleep, grateful there is no dreams, no visions, nothing just blackness. 

Waking up, Jackson is still asleep next to me, grabbing my phone I check the time. Seven thirty, I should get up and start cooking breakfast, unlocking the phone I have a message from Georgina.

"Alena, let me know you are okay. I can see something has happened other then you passing out, just meet me for a drink, a girls night in anything"

I should say no, but a relaxing night with Georgina, talking would be perfect right now. I am pregnant, once again my mistake, for being late with the pill, I don't know what to do, how to feel or anything. Replying to her I can only hope she is not busy tonight.

"Can you come here tonight? Jackson and Marcus can stay out the way, but a lot has happened"

Locking the phone, I get out of bed. No doubt she will still be asleep, going downstairs I try being quiet, I don't want to wake anyone up. 

Slowly I begin cooking, trying to take my mind off everything, just concentrate on getting through today, tomorrow is the scan. I don't think even then I will relax though.

"What do you think you are doing?" Jumping I drop the egg on the floor turning to Marcus stood behind me, I was that deep in thought and cooking and I didn't even hear him.

"Cooking obviously, well trying but now apparently I am throwing eggs on the floor" Laughing I grab the kitchen roll, bending down I go to clean the egg up, Marcus grabbing my arm and pulling me back up.

"No, you will sit down. You heard the doctor now go sit" Really, am I not even allowed to cook? There has to be some good in this somewhere? I actually enjoy cooking now.

"I am sure I am safe to fry a few eggs and things, plus the girls will be awake soon, so I need to get breakfast ready" Going to pick up an egg his other hand grabs mine. 

"I mean it Alena, go sit I will cook" Looking at him in disbelief I can't help but laugh.

"I have never seen you cook, can you even cook?" I think this will be the first time I have seen him cook, and it might actually be worth agreeing and doing as I am told for a change.

"Alena, go sit down and I will cook" Okay, he means it, nodding I walk off sitting at the table, watching as he cooks, apparently, he can cook. 

He just doesn't cook for some reason. Sitting Jackson walks down with the girls, looking at Marcus confused, just like me.