"I feel sick" Getting up, I run upstairs, straight into the bathroom. Leaning over the toilet I start being sick, well at least this way it might get it out my system quicker.

Finishing being sick, I sit next to the toilet, the door opening and Marcus walking in. Moving in front of me, he kneels in front of me, his hands lifting my head to look at him.

"How do you feel now? I put the girls in their cots" Looking at him, he is all blurry, I can't even make out his face.

"I can't see, everything is blurry" 

Rubbing my eyes, I look back up at him, my body freezing, it isn't real, why am I seeing Max in front of me? No, it's Marcus, covering my eyes I try to shake the image from my head.

"Right, you need to sleep. Alena can you hear me, anything else wrong Alena?" 

Looking up, I still see Max, putting my head down I try to hide from it. The feel of Marcus's hand rubbing against my arm trying to sooth me. 

Looking up I pray when I open my eyes I see Marcus, slowly opening them, there is his face the glare of anger on it.

"It's not Max" Hiding my head, I try get rid of the image, but it isn't working not at all, why was I so stupid. 

"No, I am not Max Alena, come on you need to get in bed" The feel of his hand pulling me up, standing up, I lean my head against him, keeping my eyes closed I walk to the bed. 

Slowly the vision of Max forming in my mind, this is wrong, I can't open my eyes without seeing him and now I can't close them either. 

Lying down, I try to close off my mind, yet all it does is make the vision clearer.

"You need to get home now" The sound of Marcus's voice making me remember I am safe, and everything in my mind is not real.

"She's bad Jackson, it's a good job you've already set off, see you soon" 

The room falling quiet the visions of Max even worse, opening my eyes I look around and it is worse. Why would I be so stupid to take tablets without checking the dosage and side effects first?

"Alena, it's Marcus don't freak out" The feel of him getting on the bed, his arm wrapping around me, trying to comfort me, my body shaking and cold. Yet I am soaked in sweat, what have I done, the visions getting more vivid. I can hear his voice, his anger closing my eyes tighter I try to push the images away, but it doesn't. 

The sound of Katie crying making me realise, I need to deal with this alone.

"Go to the girls, I will be fine" My words broken, I don't really want to be left alone, yet I have no choice right now. The feel of him moving his arm from around my body, as he climbs off the bed and leaves me alone. 

I am alone with this vision, the images the thoughts and sounds that I can't turn off. The longer I lay here the more tired I get, but with tiredness the visions get worse. Slowly falling into a deep sleep, just blackness, finally freedom from Max. 

Suddenly, I see myself, stood there in the kitchen putting food on the plate, smiling I feel myself relax. Then I realise I am not here, not in this kitchen, I am in Max's kitchen, looking at the scene it is the first time he hit me. I need to wake up, trying to fight the image in my mind, I feel myself screaming, am I screaming? 

I can't hear it if I am, my mind fixed replaying that day in my mind, making me watch it. The image of Max hitting me, making me scream more, suddenly blackness descends again, giving me a break from the torture.

"Alena, it's Jackson" The sound of his voice comforting me, I want to open my eyes, but I can't, the feel of his arms wrapping around me my body cuddling against him. I feel awful, but at least I know Jackson is here to stay close to me. 

The next few hours I spent drifting in and out of sleep, hallucinations getting worse, each one of Max, each one making me scream, yet I can't hear it. Am I screaming or not? Jackson stays by my side the whole time, and while I am sleeping in between, I seem to become more and more tired, even in my sleep. 

Am I asleep? Or not everything is confusing, and I can't seem to make sense of it at all.

"How is she?" The sound of Marcus's voice, full of concern.

"I don't know, you know more than me what to expect" Jackson's voice just as worried as Marcus's is.

"I don't know, I have never seen anyone this bad, I can't help but wonder if there is something else also causing it. She should have been awake for ages, yet she wasn't it makes no sense" I want to tell them I am fine, but I can't my mind won't allow me to talk, the darkness taking hold again as I slip into what I think is sleep. 

My heart quickening, another vision coming into play, I can't take anymore, it's like living it all again in HD there is no way I can watch more of what Max has done to me.

"Should we take her to hospital?" Jacksons voice quiet, his hand stroking my arm.

"No, you will get in shit if they find out she got hold of them pills, give her time to sleep it off" Marcus is right he needs to listen to Marcus. Max walks through the door, the last day I know it is. 

Turning with the plate, my hands shaking with fright, what if he catches me trying to run away? The plate slips from my hands, instantly my hands cover my head, my screams of sorry loud as Max walks towards me.

"Disrespectful whore" his hands hitting me, trying to protect myself I curl into a ball my screams loud, yet no one comes to save me.

"I should just throw you away like the trash you are" his hands and legs continue to hit and kick. I can hear myself screaming, real screaming the vision is too real. Max climbing onto the floor ripping my clothes off. 

Crying I can't escape him the darkness ascending again. The sound of a baby cry making my body freeze, what is this? Sitting there, I am holding a baby, I feel more confused, why am I holding a baby? 

This image isn't a memory, the little boy in my arms crying, wanting comforting, yet I am sat crying, where is Jackson and the girls?

 Looking around me I see their bedroom, but it isn't, it is blue, Jackson standing at the door, the girls stood with him, what is this? A baby, why do I hold a baby boy in my arms while he cries? Did I say that outload? My mind is confused, am I talking out loud or is this all in my mind?

"Is Marcus okay" Confused I look at Jackson stood at the door, that's not Jackson, I can feel his arms around me. 

Why are you asking if Marcus is okay? Marcus isn't here? Confused I fall back to sleep, finally sleeping without any other visions, no memories and no baby, finally my mind is able to rest, and get itself sorted. 

Waking up the light is bright, rolling over Jackson still in bed with me, he looks ill, like he's not slept in weeks.

"I'm sorry" I can only apologise for this, I feel better now though.

"How do you feel?" His eyes are assessing me, trying to work out if I am awake or asleep.

"I feel fine, hungry and thirsty but fine" Sitting up, I try to remember what has happened, but everything is fuzzy, my mind not wanting to remember it.

"You have been out for nearly 24 hours, don't ever do that again, I swear every scream was like you was breaking me, I couldn't help you either" So I was screaming? I couldn't tell I thought I was, yet everything was silent.

"I am fine, honestly. How are the girls?" Looking towards the door, no doubt they are in bed already.

"They are fine, enjoyed a lot of time with Marcus, just try get more sleep" His hand goes to push me down, but I don't want to sleep or need it.

"I am fine honestly, I need to go get some food" getting up I climb out of bed, his hand catching mine as he pulls me back.

"No, you stay in bed, I will grab you something you can't go cooking yet you need to eat something" 

Kissing me, he gets off the bed walking out the door, laying here, I can't help but think of everything I saw while I was out, all these visions, everything bright in my mind still, yet some are so fuzzy and confusing. 

Walking back in he smiles, handing me a glass of water and food, sitting I eat it quietly in bed, what had happened? I was totally fine then I was a mess. 

"You mentioned a baby boy Alena? Do you remember that, and asked why I asked if Marcus was okay?" I remember it, but not completely no doubt soon the whole vision will be gone from my mind.

"I do, it was weird, I was holding a baby, a boy but I was in the girl's room, but it wasn't because it was blue. You stood at the door, the girls with you, the baby screaming, and you asked if Marcus was okay" 

Finishing the food I look up to him, the feel of sickness taking over again, running to the toilet I am sick again, please don't make it start again, if I open my eyes will is see Max? Slowly opening them, Jackson is in front of me.

"Alena, have you missed any of the pill?" 

Why is he asking me that? Shaking my head at him, no I didn't, or did I? 

"I can't remember, I remember taking one late, but I don't think I totally forgot it, why?" 

Looking at him, I now realise, he thinks I am pregnant, not a chance, I am sure I took it maybe a bit late, but I still took it, didn't i? 

"Take a test Alena" He is looking at me serious, I can't be pregnant, but I will take one just to prove him wrong. Getting up I grab a test out the cupboard, closing the door I take it, sitting on the bathroom floor watching. 

I don't want any more kids, certainly not now, watching slowly as the writing appears. PREGNANT. 

No, I can't be, I feel sick again, leaning over the toilet the bile starts rising again, Jackson walking in looking at me, then at the test. His head falling, he doesn't want a child either, what are we going to do?

"Alena, listen to me and answer me right now. Did you use something with Marcus?" My heart stops, I can't remember us using anything, it just happened, omg no, please don't make this possible.

"I am not awake, this is another vision, it isn't real, not real at all" Shaking my head I try to sort myself out, I want to believe it yet, I feel like this is real.

"Alena answer me" 

Looking at him, all I can do is shake my head, then watch as he leaves the room, the door slamming behind him, what have I done? I am actually pregnant, and I have no idea right now if it is Jackson's or Marcus's. 

All I know is most of the time Jackson uses something anyway, even though I am on the pill. One stupid mistake, and now I am in this situation, what am I meant to do now?

 What if it is Marcus's baby? What if it isn't? Do I even want this baby? 

Climbing off the bathroom floor, I walk into the bedroom, Jackson nowhere to be seen, walking into the hall, I can hear him and Marcus arguing, walking downstairs sure enough there they are. 

Marcus apologising, a lot and Jackson not caring.

"If it is yours, you will have destroyed us all, and I won't forgive you" Jacksons words hurtful, I don't want to lose him.

"Don't take it out on her, it was my fuck up not hers" Marcus needs to stay quiet, I don't think anything he says right now will help.

"I don't care who's fuck up it was, I won't bring up someone else's baby ever" 

Turning I walk back upstairs, grabbing out the laptop I search for clinics, booking online I sort out the date to deal with this mess. 

The baby is clearly unwanted, and I don't know if I want it and already it has caused so much trouble. Finishing the booking, I sit and stare at the screen, tears building in my eyes, what do I want? 

I don't even know what I want but what would I do if I knew for sure it was Marcus's baby? Would I still want it or not? Walking back to the stairs I can still hear them arguing.

"Doesn't matter Marcus, if it is yours, she decides what to do, I don't want any part in it at all" Jackson sounds hurt, I honestly didn't think I could hurt him anymore then I already have.

"You would walk away from her and the girls if it was?" 

Marcus's question making me wonder, would he?

"I don't know, all I know is I hate you right now, and in a way, I hate her so I might just walk away" His words hurting me, stepping down a step they both turn looking at me, Jackson clearly in pain.

"No need, I am not keeping it" 

Both of their faces mirror each other shock, and disappointment. I can't keep a baby having no idea who the dad is, never mind that but I don't even know if I want a baby.

"No, don't go making decisions like that right now" Marcus's words quiet, his own fear showing, but I can't see another way out of this at all.

"There is nothing to decide, I decided what I say goes, clearly this would cause more trouble than anything, so I have decided no baby, I have already booked the appointment, so you can stop arguing over this thing" 

That felt wrong, so wrong to call the baby a thing, why do I already feel attached, I feel dizzy and sick again.

"I think you need to move out" 

Jackson turns toMarcus, has it really got to that? 

He didn't even do that after we had slepttogether, yet right now he is. I don'tfeel good, slowly stepping down, I can't balance, the room spinning, andeverything going black.