01
Second chance

"You're awake? Masarap bang matulog sa lapag? How can you sleep all night on the cold floor?!"

My eyes met with a woman's pair of worried orbs. Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla na lamang nag-init ang magkabilang sulok ng aking mga mata. Seeing her familiar face. Her familiar warmth. The warmth I crave for a long time. A single sob escaped my lips.

"Patricia he wanted to divorce me. What should I do? Hindi ko kaya. Help me please? Hindi ko kayang mawala si Martin. Hindi ko kakayanin!"

Maybe because it's her. Nakahanap ako ng kakampi sa katauhan niya na pwede kong paglabasan ng lahat ng hinanakit sa puso ko. That's why tears just keep pouring like a river down my lashes. I felt like a child seeking for my mother's comfort.

Agad lumambot ang ekspresyon niya. "Shhh, calm down Helga. Makakasama sayo yan. Calm down, I'm here." Patricia worriedly grab my shaking hands.

"Bakit niya ako sinasaktan ng ganito? Ano bang nagawa kong mali? Sinubukan ko lang namang ipakita sa babaeng 'yon na may asawa na ang nilalandi niya. Mali ba 'yon? I'm just trying to save of what's left on our marriage. Tell me Pat, don't I deserve to be love? Mahirap ba akong mahalin? Ang bilis niya naman akong palitan!"

Hindi ko mapigilan ang mga hikbing kumakawala sa aking lalamunan.I feel so confuse, so lost. I know I'm not that beautiful. I'm not as sexy as her. Pero I love him more than how she love him! Isn't that enough?

"No, you deserve to be loved Helga. Trust me you do. Calm down. Stop crying."

Patricia grip my hands tighter. As if giving me strength to fight against my own pain.

"He's so unfair!" I bit my lip suppressing my sobs.

Palagi na lang bang ganito? I will wake up every morning lying in who knows where. Kung saan ako aabutan ng antok dala ng sobrang pagod sa pag-iyak dahil sa kanya?

"I thought loving is sweet but why do I felt like I was poisoned? I don't deserve this pain, Patricia. I don't!" garalgal na hinagpis ko.

I weep for my hopeless love. I sob for the sweet promises that we made. For the dreams we once built. For the vows we take in front of the Lord. I cried and cried. Hanggang sa kusa ng mapagod ang mga luha ko. Until my throat feels so sore and my voice hoarse.

Patricia gently wipes the streams of tears on my face. I take the wet warm cloth from her and scrub the tears and dirt away from my cheeks until I felt a stinging pain.

I feel numb and empty.

"Helga, stop, be careful! God, your face is so red. Namumugto na nga iyang mga mata mo!"

Natatarantang mabilis na inagaw niya ito. Namilog ang kanyang mga mata habang ini-inspeksyon ang aking mukha.

Patricia sighed. "Here, inumin mo. Kailangan mo ng madaming tubig."

Wala sa sariling inabot ko ito. The warm water soothes my dry throat.

My eyes landed on the bedside table. Stolen photos of Martin kissing a girl inside his car, outside the elevator and random photos of them scattered on top.

"Ha!" My hand trembles. The glass slips out of my grasp and shatters.

Muli na namang nanariwa ang mga sugat sa aking dibdib. My heart feels unbearably heavy.

Dali-daling sininop ni Patricia ang mga litrato at itinapon sa basurahan.

Napatungo ako. My eyes never leaving my fingers as I bit my lower lip until it bleeds.

"S-someone e-edited these photos. B-binigay sakin. I knew someone wants to create a misunderstanding between me and my husband!"

"Helga,"

"S-sabi ni Martin h-hindi daw yan t-totoo. Someone wants to ruin our marriage. He thought I don't believe him, but I do! Patricia help me, tell him I believe him, okay? We don't need to divorce?"

"Helga,"

"Right, n-nakita mo ba siya kanina p-pagdating mo? Breakfast, w-wala pa k-kaming b-breakfast. W-why not sumabay ka na s-samin?"

"Helga, wake up!" Nanginginig na niyugyug ni Patricia ang balikat ko. Her eyes turning misty. "Tayo lang ang nandito. Wala kang ibang kasama! Naabutan kita sa sahig. You're so pale, I thought you're dead. With those shattered pieces of vase. Wala si Martin, wala siya! Those pictures, they are not even edited. Wake up Helga."

I sat on top of the mattress in a daze.

....

"Ang aga mo ah, 10 am? Saan punta mo?"

Napatingin ako kay Patricia na kasalukuyang nagtitimpla ng kape. Matapos ang nangyari kanina ay wala nang nagtangkang magbukas ng usapan.

I smiled at her like nothing happened and continue packing the lunch box.

"Martin need his lunch." Iniangat ko ang baunan para ipakita sa kanya ang laman.

Patricia's brow knitted. "Helga,"

"Ano 'yon?"

She heaved a deep sigh. Lumipas ang ilang segundo bago siya nagsalita. "Kung hindi ka na masaya. Itigil mo na. Tama na. Just, just love yourself a little more, okay?"

Patricia's electric blue eyes bore into mine. Her eyes sad and helpless. Napaiwas ako ng tingin sa kanya. I don't know why, I suddenly felt guilty. I feel ashamed. My fist clenched. Maybe I was being selfish.

I made people around me worried. I hate this feeling. Pero hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko, ang damdamin ko. What can I do? Mahal ko yung tao.

Nagbukas-sara ang labi ko. But I can't utter even a single word.

"Helga, seryoso ako. Promise me. Please?"

Napatikhim ako at humarap sa kanya. This time I gave her the best smile that I can muster. My heart feels warm hearing her careful words. Alam kong nag-aalala lamang siya sa akin. And I'm more than thankful for that.

"I'm doing this because I love myself, Patricia. Kasal kami, God witness our union. Ayokong gumawa ng bagay na pagsisisihan ko. Kasi hindi lang ako nagpakasal kasi gusto ko. I marry a man to have someone to grow old with. To have someone who I can share my life with, someone I can rely on- a lifetime partner. Maaaring hindi mo 'ko maintindihan. Maaaring sa paningin mo napaka-tanga ko. Oo masakit, sobrang sakit. I feel like I'm going to lose myself. But Pat, at least if ever this marriage never work out the way I wanted it to be, at least I tried. Wala akong pagsisisihan. I did my part."

I really did. But I hope it's enough. Kasi kahit sirang-sira na ang puso ko, umaasa pa din ako na magiging maayos kami. I knew Martin since college and I was 22.

"Mahirap bumitaw sa taong mahal mo Patricia. Kahit ang sakit-sakit na matututo tayong kumapit hanggang sa dulo. Kahit pa walang kasiguraduhan."

When you love someone, in your eyes they will always be the best, to the point that no one can compare to them. Hindi mo makikita kung anong meron na kapintasan ang meron siya. You will love every little detail you'll get from him. Because love makes a person blind.

I turned my back and quickly hailed a cub. Hindi ko kayang harapin ang iba pang gustong sabihin ni Patricia.

Yes, I'm a coward.

Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa paperbag na naglalaman ng tanghalin para sa asawa ko. I hope he'll like it. I straighten the wrinkled part of my dress before heading to the front desk.

Martin works in an entertainment company as a manager. He was always busy. Kaya minsan ay nakakalimutan niyang kumain ng tanghalian. Martin is very dedicated when it comes to working. He's a workaholic which makes me adore him more.

"Goodmorning ma'am, para po ba kay Sir Martin iyan?" ngiting tanong ni Cristy.

Sa paminsan-minsang pabalik-balik ko dito ay naging ka-close ko na ang mga ito. Siya at ang kasama niya si Rose kasi ang madalas na pinapaabutan ko ng mga gamit o pagkain ni Martin.

"Oo, naiwan niya kasi sa bahay. Can you help me with this?" Itinaas ko pa ang paperbag para makita niya.

Rose nudge Cristy. Nagpalitan ang mga ito ng tingin.

My smile drop. Why do they look nervous?

Alanganing ngumiti si Cristy. "Ibibigay ko na lang ma'am mamaya."

Tumango ako at iniabot ito sa kanya. But Rose hurriedly push it back to me.

"Naku, ma'am bakit hindi na lang po kayo ang magbigay kay Sir? Tutal nandito na lang din po kayo eh bisitahin niyo na din ma'am. Tiyak na masosorpresa po siya."

Napaisip ako. Her idea seems feasible. Tama nga naman pwede ding sabay na kaming kumain. Madami naman ang porsyon na inihanda ko.

"That would do. Salamat."

"Sige po."

The two exchange looks again. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero malakas ang kabog ng aking dibdib. Beads of sweat formed on my palm. I suddenly felt a little nervous. Would Martin be pleased to see me?

Bakit parang nagdadalawang isip akong tumuloy?

....

Salamat sa pagbabasa!

Do Martin deserve a second chance?