I DON"T OWN THIS. THIS BELONGS TO BEAUTIFULWHATSYOURHURRY ON SCARVESANDCOFFEE.

Chapter 1. THE DEAL

They're sitting at their respective desks one night at Dalton in their shared dorm room (Blaine had been staying alone in a double room and graciously offered Kurt the chance to be his roommate) when Kurt finally brings up the subject that has been plaguing his mind for the last two weeks. 

"I want to know about sex," he blurts. 

Their backs are to each other due to the set up of the room, but he stops hearing the soft scratching of pencil on paper from Blaine's side of the room as soon as the words leave his mouth. Kurt's scared to turn around. He stares resolutely at the books lining the shelf at his eye level. 

"You...didn't seem to want to know much about it a few weeks ago," Blaine notes from behind him. 

"Yeah, well I...changed my mind," Kurt says simply, still not turning around. 

He hears the scrape of a chair against the floor and suddenly Blaine's sitting on Kurt's bed, right next to his desk. 

"What changed your mind?" 

Kurt swallows audibly and lowers his head, fingernail picking at the edge of the paper in front of him on his desk top. 

"Um, my dad gave me these...pamphlets. They explained the basic mechanics of certain - certain activities." 

"Okay?" Blaine prompts. 

Kurt sighs in turn. "You really want me to just spell it out?" 

"If you don't do just that, then I really don't know what you want to know about it." 

Oh. 

Right. 

"I - I-" 

"Kurt," Blaine says gently and Kurt finally meets his gaze, "you can tell me anything. You know you can." 

With a shaky nod of his head, Kurt takes a deep breath. "Basically, I kind of figured out the mechanics of things before the pamphlets, so I know the basics. And while words on paper are really informative and they really did teach me about, uh, being safe and all that, I still don't...I don't see why it's all that...appealing." 

"So...you pretty much want to know what makes it so fun," Blaine tries to understand. "You want to know what makes it such a big deal." 

"Yes," Kurt says in relief, glad he doesn't have to put everything into words on his own. "And I don't have anyone else to talk with about it." 

"Because you're not friends with anyone else who's gay." 

"Pretty much," Kurt nods. 

But then he panics. 

"But it's not just because - I mean, yeah, that's a big part of it, but you're - I mean we're-" 

"Hey, stop." Blaine cuts him off, scooting closer towards him. "We're really good friends. I know what you meant. It's okay." 

"I'm sorry," Kurt groans, resting his head heavily in his hands. "I feel like an idiot." 

"Well don't. You don't have to feel like an idiot around me. And of course I'll help you." 

Kurt lifts his head. "You will?" 

"Of course I will," Blaine smiles kindly. He pats the bed next to where he's sitting. "Come here." 

Kurt pauses for a split second before finally moving over to climb on the bed, seating himself next to Blaine. He can't help but wonder what's going to be said because really, it's a tall order. 

"You should know that I'm no expert. I told you I've never had a boyfriend." 

"Have you had...you know?" 

"Kurt," Blaine gives an amused little laugh. "If you can't even say the word more than once in one night, we're going to have trouble." 

"Have you had sex?" Kurt asks hurriedly. 

"No," Blaine answers. "I've never had intercourse. I've messed around though, last year with a guy who ended up transferring right before the school year was over. So I know about some stuff." 

"So you know why all this sex stuff is such a big deal." 

"Yeah. It's a big deal because it feels freaking fantastic." 

"I just...I have a hard time believing that. I don't know why, I just do." 

"Well," Blaine says slowly, "your first kiss wasn't exactly a great start. It's understandable." 

"I didn't even feel anything." 

"Maybe because you didn't like the guy to begin with and you sure as hell weren't expecting him to attack your face." 

Kurt gets this weird expression on his face and nods his head. "True." 

"A real kiss is...pretty awesome." 

"But it's just lips and tongues! I don't understand how movies can make it look so damn appealing!" 

Blaine falls silent and that worries Kurt to no end. He looks up at Blaine, who's staring at him, head tilted, a contemplative expression on his face. He opens his mouth to speak but it falls closed again so, naturally, Kurt's more curious than a cat. 

"What?" he finally asks. 

"...We're really good friends, right?" 

Duh. 

"I like to think so," Kurt says slowly. "Why?" 

"Let's make a deal." 

Uh oh. 

"What do you mean?" Kurt asks, narrowing his gaze. 

"I'll show you." 

"...What?" 

"I'll show you. What it's all about. Sex, I mean. Kissing and all that." 

Kurt's eyes go wide as saucers because, uh, that's not at all how he was expecting this conversation to end; he just wanted a few questions answered. 

"What's the deal, then? I know what I'd be getting out of this, but what about you?" 

"Huh. Maybe deal was the wrong word. I want to show you what you're missing out on. I want to help you. I remember what I said in the coffee shop that day, you know. I care about you. A lot. And you're probably - no you're definitely my best friend. You...you deserve to know. And honestly I'd rather you find out from me. I'd rather you learn from me than some guy who might use you or break your heart or something terrible like that. But I'm not - I'm not...ready for a relationship. Thing. Right now. I don't-" 

"So you're saying you want to stay friends. But you want to make out with me and teach me about sex. 

"Like a friends with benefits thing. Yeah. Pretty much." 

"Ugh, I hate that term." 

"Wha - friends with benefits? Why?" 

"It sounds so...sleazy," Kurt says, shivering slightly. 

"Okay, well...whatever you want to call it, I don't want - I don't want to hurt you. Sex is - can be - it can stir up a lot of emotions, you know? I don't want either of us to get attached while the other doesn't. I want to show you, I want to help you. But I don't want it to like, screw with our friendship or anything. Because I really do care about you. And I really don't want to mess this up." 

Kurt sits very still, silently contemplating all of Blaine's words, turning them over in his head. He's thankful that Blaine's his friend and he's really, really grateful that Blaine's willing to do this for him. 

It's kind of the best 'deal' he's ever been offered. 

But can he do it? 

Can he stay detached? Can he stop himself from falling even harder for Blaine than he already has? Kurt knows he's into Blaine, he knows he likes him more than just as a friend, he's not lying to himself. But he's also trying really hard to not let history repeat itself. Blaine is the first person he's ever really liked that he hasn't come onto, hasn't thrown himself at. He's been respectfully admiring Blaine from a distance. 

Because Blaine is sort of amazing. 

And he's not willing to ruin their friendship. Blaine's friendship is worth more to him than anyone will ever know. 

But as Kurt looks at Blaine, his eyes drifting over his face, taking in his full lips and soft, warm, trusting eyes and smile... 

He already knows he's made his decision. 

He holds out his hand. 

"Deal." 

Blaine's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "You're - you're sure?" 

Kurt makes a gesture with his head toward his outstretched hand. "I'm sure." 

With a grin the size of Texas, Blaine shakes Kurt's hand firmly. 

"Deal." 

So maybe Kurt's taking advantage a little bit, but he can't help but smile back at all the doors that have just been opened for him. 

CHAPTER 2. I JUST WANT TO TOUCH YOU

"So...what now?" Kurt asks after a few moments, his hand falling out of Blaine's grasp. 

"Well, right now, I need to finish this essay for English. But after that, we'll figure something out." 

Oh, yeah. They had completely abandoned their homework. Kurt throws Blaine a small smile as they both slide off his bed and return to their desks. For some reason, Kurt expects the atmosphere around them to change. He expects odd, uncomfortable tension with their newfound agreement but to be perfectly honest, there isn't any. The simply turn back to their homework and it's just another night as roommates, as friends. Blaine opens his itunes and presses play on what they had both agreed would be their 'homework' playlist and that's that. 

Nothing changes. 

Except for the jitters Kurt gets when he's almost done with his math assignment. 

He's kind of excited. 

Though, quite frankly, he can't decide if he's excited that he's finally going to get to learn about all this stuff, or that he's getting to learn all this stuff with Blaine. 

Amazingly gorgeous Blaine who laughs at all of his jokes and pays for his coffee and gushes over Vogue covers with him. 

Oh shit. 

Maybe this was a bad idea. 

But by then, Blaine's closing his books and shutting his laptop and it's a little too late to turn back now. 

Kurt finishes up the last problem and tucks a paper into his notebook. He glances at the clock on his phone and realizes it's only just past ten. They have plenty of time for whatever Blaine's planning. 

"You done?" Blaine asks, standing up and stretching his arms above his head. 

"Y-yeah," Kurt squeaks. 

Blaine laughs a tiny bit at Kurt's obvious nervousness. 

"I'm not gonna like, torture you or anything." 

"I know!" 

"Don't be scared," Blaine says softly. "Just turn off your light and lay down with me." 

With a rather unsteady hand, Kurt flips off his desk lamp and stands, tugging just a bit nervously on the hem of his t-shirt. 

"Um...your bed or mine?" 

"We can lay in yours," Blaine says and Kurt can only just make out Blaine's form moving over to his bed in the nearly pitch black room. 

He follows, listening as Blaine pulls down the sheet and blanket, crawling into Kurt's dorm room bed. Kurt can't help but pause. 

"I won't hurt you," Blaine says softly into the night. 

Kurt heaves a deep breath, willing his nerves to calm the hell down and he maneuvers himself into bed as well. It's so strange, having someone share such a small space. He shared his bed at home with Blaine that one night after Rachel's party, but the bed was obviously larger and the heat of Blaine's body didn't seep into his skin so easily. They also weren't both in thin pajamas and Blaine had been completely wasted and passed out immediately. 

"I just want to - to touch you," Blaine says next to him, adjusting the blankets over their bodies so they're resting just below their waists. "You always seem so...uncomfortable when it comes to people invading your space." 

"Because usually when people invade my space they're doing it for the intention of shoving me up against a locker or throwing me in a dumpster." 

"Well you don't have to be like that with me," Blaine whispers. "Just relax." 

"I'll - I'll try." 

Suddenly, Kurt feels Blaine turn towards him and a tender hand comes to rest on his cheek. Kurt inhales sharply, the gentle touch not at all what he was expecting. Blaine doesn't say anything. He simply trails his fingers, feather-light and slow over Kurt's cheekbones, moving them over his skin, up over his temple, and finally brushing back a stray piece of hair that had fallen into Kurt's face. 

Kurt releases a stuttering breath, exhaling against Blaine's hand. 

He can't speak. He doesn't know what to say. He's never felt such tenderness from anyone. It's so foreign, almost unsettling and he shifts nervously next to Blaine. 

"It's just me," Blaine reassures him. "It's just me." 

Kurt nods against Blaine's hand, the hand that's now stroking slowly at his hair. Blaine's fingers slide into Kurt's hair, combing the strands with unhurried movements. It's a nice feeling, Kurt realizes. He usually cannot stand when other people try to mess with his hair but this...this is different. It's calming and it's...it's just really nice; he doesn't have any other way to explain it. 

Blaine's hand drifts back down to Kurt's cheek and Kurt finds himself leaning into the touch, moving his face against Blaine's palm. But then Blaine's fingers are moving a little further south, gliding over Kurt's pale skin, tracing his jaw line, and down to caress his warm neck. 

Kurt sighs softly and lets his head fall to the side on his pillow, his face to Blaine, instinctively asking for more. 

"Is this okay?" Blaine asks him. 

"Yeah," Kurt breathes, enjoying the feel of Blaine's calloused fingers on his skin. "Feels nice." 

"Good. It's supposed to." 

A small smile tugs on Kurt's lips as Blaine's fingers continue their exploration, thumb sliding across the tendon in his neck. Blaine's hand moves lower, warm and sure against Kurt's shoulder. It almost feels like Blaine's memorizing him, his touch is so slow and gentle, gliding over Kurt's arm, fingers dipping down to caress the inside of his wrist that lays at his side. 

It's all so lazy and...and safe here. Kurt's soaking it all in, breathing in the scent of Blaine who's so very close and so very sweet. He's pretty sure he's never been as relaxed as he is in this very moment. 

"Can I kiss you?" 

When the question comes, Kurt thought he might be a little more nervous. 

But he isn't. 

His limbs are pliant and he's pretty much sinking into the bed at this point. Blaine's still there, thumb pressed to the inside of his wrist and it's so nice. 

"Yeah," Kurt answers. 

Blaine's hand leaves Kurt's arm and returns to cup his cheek. He feels Blaine move a little closer, feels his chest against the length of Kurt's arm squeezed between them and then he feels the warmth of Blaine's breath on his face. 

When Blaine's dry lips press against his, Kurt can safely say he wasn't expecting the sensation that followed. He's kissing back instinctively, lips moving slow and steady over Blaine's, leaning into the intimate action, falling into something he never thought he'd feel. A spark of pleasure floods through him and his breath catches in his throat. Blaine's hand slides around to cup the back of his neck, pulling him just a tiny bit closer. At that action, Kurt releases his breath through his nose and sort of...well, he moans, there's no other term for it, he moans into the kiss and suddenly Blaine's tongue slips out to lick at Kurt's lower lip. He's never felt anything like this and wow, that's what the movies are always on about. His own lips part in kind and Blaine dips his tongue into Kurt's mouth. It's sort of strange having another person's tongue in his mouth and for a brief, insane second he wonders who even thought of such a thing, but when Blaine's tongue laps at his own, Kurt stops wondering anything at all. He licks back slowly, their tongues swirling around each other in an odd type of dance. Kurt moans again but this time so does Blaine and their lips press together even more, harder and more insistent. Blaine's fingers tangle into the hair at the base of Kurt's neck as they kiss, hot but still slow. Yeah, this is what kissing was supposed to be about, Kurt thinks, this is what everyone talked about, this is how it should have been the first time. 

Eventually, the need for air becomes a bit too much and they part, but Blaine's pressing breathless little close-mouthed kisses to Kurt's swollen lips and Kurt revels in each and every single one. 

"You taste like heaven," Blaine whispers between them. 

Kurt doesn't know why the statement seems so funny, but for some reason he giggles uncontrollably. 

"It's true!" Blaine reiterates. "I didn't know peoples' mouths could taste like that!" 

"That's wonderful," Kurt laughs, "But now all I can think about is drunk Rachel saying that your face tastes awesome." 

"Does it, though?" Blaine asks curiously. 

"Pretty much," Kurt concludes, once his giggles die down. 

He leans back into kiss Blaine once more. Maybe it should be awkward and maybe he shouldn't have done it, but he feels Blaine smile against his lips anyway. Perhaps the best part, Kurt thinks, is that they're friends. They're comfortable with each other. It seems like the most problematic bridge had been crossed and now they're just two friends kissing, figuring it all out on their own. 

Not to mention Blaine's a damn good kisser. 

"Your lips are so soft," Blaine says in between another kiss. "What do you do to keep them that soft?" 

"Chapstick," Kurt says simply. "It's relatively new. You might have heard about it. Pretty popular." 

"No need to be a brat!" 

"It's not bratty, it's fact," Kurt smiles, leaning in for one more kiss. 

Uh oh. 

This could be a problem, Kurt thinks. 

Because now that he's kissed Blaine, he can't seem to get enough. 

"Thank you," is all he ends up saying. 

"You don't have to thank me," Blaine says in reply, hands carding through Kurt's hair one more time. "You can just repay me by letting me cuddle next to you and letting me sleep in your bed tonight." 

"Why would I do that when your bed is like, five feet away?" 

"Because your sheets are ten times nicer than mine and I'm lazy and I really don't feel like getting up." 

"If you're a blanket hog, I'm leaving you in the middle of the night and lying in your bed." 

"I'm not a blanket hog," Blaine assures him, snuggling down in the bed, nose nestled against Kurt's shoulder. "I am a cuddle whore, though. 

"Figures." 

"I'll keep you warm." 

"Just don't strangle me in my sleep." 

"I'll try not to." 

CHAPTER 3. GROUND RULES

Kurt and Blaine's Extra-Special-Friendly relationship (Kurt refuses to call it friends with benefits) gets put on hold for the duration of the week due to various exams. They've got five tests between the two of them, all packed into one hellish week. They both collapse into their own beds every night, or rather morning considering they stay up until at least one or two trying to study as much as possible. 

By the time Friday night creeps up on them, they both decline invitations from Nick and Jeff to join in on a group outing to the movies. Instead, they nap the afternoon away and spend a quiet evening in their dorm room. They're together, but they're separate. Kurt busies himself with picking out his outfits for the weekend, thankful for the few days he gets to wear his own clothes rather than the Dalton uniform. Blaine's laughing quietly at some Youtube something or another while he sits on his bed. 

That's the thing with them. 

They can share a space, one as small as a dorm room, but they don't feel the need to talk to each other constantly. There's no pressure to keep a conversation going, there's no reason to fill every bit of silence with inane chatter. Kurt and Blaine have spent multiple nights on their respective sides of the room, earphones in, just doing their own thing. Kurt doesn't invite Blaine out for every shopping date with Mercedes and Rachel but Blaine doesn't drag Kurt along to every outing with Wes and David either. 

It's just that...they work. They aren't demanding of each other's time, they're respectful of the other's space and that's that. Maybe it shouldn't matter in Kurt's mind, because they're nothing more than friends or roommates, but for some reason...it did matter. The level of comfort they have with each other rivals that of any other friend Kurt has ever made. 

And maybe that's why this whole Extra-Special-Friendly relationship might just work. 

"I'm gonna take a shower," Blaine announces, shutting his laptop and setting it to the side on his bed as he stands. 

Kurt waves him off with a distracted hand while he's lying on his stomach on his bed, flipping through a magazine. 

Blaine disappears into their en suite bathroom and Kurt sighs contentedly. He hears the shower start running and Blaine rummaging around in the cabinets for a towel. 

It's all so homey. It's so relaxed. They're just them. 

Kurt smiles to himself. 

A year ago, hell, a few months ago he never would have thought he'd be here. Yeah, there are days where he feels kind of guilty for using his Dad and Carole's money to pay for his tuition. There are days when he misses New Directions so much that it makes his chest ache. 

But as Kurt hears Blaine start singing in the shower and the sound of something clattering to the bottom of the tub, followed by a loud string of swear words, he can't help but push all his worries aside and kick off his socks to settle in for the night. 

Oh. 

And the fact that he's suddenly getting sex out of this awesome friendship isn't a bad thing either. But something's still nagging at the corner of his mind despite the comfort the two of them have. 

When Blaine emerges from the bathroom a short while later, Kurt's still looking through his magazine. 

"HUMAN BLANKET!" Blaine shouts. 

That's the only warning Kurt receives before Blaine tosses his entire body on top of him on the bed, damp curls tickling at his neck, and Blaine's body weight crushing him into the mattress. 

"What the hell?" Kurt's breath is forced out of him. 

"Human blanket," Blaine repeats as though Kurt should know exactly what he's talking about. 

"You're squishing me!" Kurt squeaks, writhing underneath him. 

"You callin' me fat?" Blaine giggles above him. 

"No, but the entire weight of your body might be too much for my skinny ass." 

"But look," Blaine instructs, prying Kurt's arms out from below him where they're caught between his ribs and the bed. "Stop squirming!" 

"You're on top of me!" 

"I can't be a proper human blanket if I'm not on top of you," Blaine states, pulling Kurt's arms to rest limply at his sides, covering them with his own and entwining their fingers together. "Now relax. And breathe." 

"I can't breathe with you-" 

"Yes you can." 

Kurt grumbles, his cheek pressed into the pillow, and he heaves a deep breath, exhaling loudly. 

Oh. 

How weird. 

He breathes again, deep and full, and he can feel Blaine's chest moving with him against his back and it's so strange and heavy and... 

Really calming. 

"What is this, sorcery?" Kurt mumbles, tightening his hold on Blaine's fingers. 

"Nope," Blaine says and Kurt thinks he can feel Blaine smiling against his neck. "Just human blanket." 

"It's odd." 

"Nice, though." 

"Yeah." 

They breathe again together and it almost seems like their pulse rates begin to synch up. 

At that point, Blaine finally rolls off him to settle on his back at Kurt's side. 

"Cool, huh?" Blaine asks with a goofy grin on his face. 

"Give a guy a warning next time," Kurt says, propping himself back up on his elbows. 

"I said human blanket!" 

"I didn't know what that meant!" 

"Well now you do." 

"You're insufferable." 

To that, Blaine just smiles and scoots even closer to Kurt, their sides pressed flush up against each other on the small bed. 

Kurt looks down at him, noting the mischievous sparkle in Blaine's pretty eyes and of course he smiles back, it's like a curse, he can't stop it from happening. But then he catches sight of just how full Blaine's lips look, how perfect his smile is and how it looks like he might have just shaved. Kurt's eyes dart back and forth between Blaine's lips and Blaine's eyes and he doesn't - doesn't know what do to because this, this is exactly what was nagging at him before and - 

"You wanna kiss me, don't you?" Blaine asks bluntly. 

Kurt's blush spreads high over his cheekbones. He turns away and ducks his head. 

"Hey," Blaine laughs lightly, nudging Kurt's elbow with his shoulder. "Why are you embarrassed?" 

"Because I do," Kurt grumbles. 

"Okay. So do it." 

Kurt whips his head around and stares down at Blaine with wide eyes. 

"But - I-" 

"But what? Isn't that the whole point of what we talked about a few days ago?" 

"I feel like - like it's not my place, though." 

"What do you mean?" Blaine asks, brows furrowing in confusion. 

Sighing, Kurt pushes drops his magazine over the top of the bed and on the floor before resting his head on his folded arms. 

"It's like...I mean we're not a couple, you know? I feel like I don't have the right to just...take. I don't feel like I should just be able to kiss you whenever I want. Like, maybe I should ask properly first or something, I don't know," Kurt explains. 

"But you do want it." 

"Well yeah." 

"I guess maybe we should have set down some rules or something, huh?" 

Kurt shrugs halfheartedly. "I don't know." 

Their eyes lock for a few brief moments while Blaine contemplates the situation. 

"I guess maybe it is a weird situation. But here's the thing. The fact that you're realizing that you're actually interested in the physical side of things is good. I mean before you didn't even see the appeal of kissing so it seems like we're going in the right direction, yeah?" 

"I guess," Kurt mumbles, suddenly avoiding Blaine's gaze. 

"Well I think it's a good thing. And you're right. We're not together. But we agreed, you know? We agreed to this whole thing. So if we're here like, away from people, and you want to kiss me or something, then do it. It's not gonna freak me out or anything." 

Kurt stops to think. If he didn't know better, it would sound like Blaine was trying to hide him from everyone else. But that wasn't it, that wasn't it at all. It's just that people might not understand what they're all about, what they agreed upon, and they might mistake their interaction for something more than just friendship. There would be questions, ones Kurt wouldn't be willing to answer. The whole agreement might not make sense to other people. 

But here, in their room where they could be completely at ease with each other, it made total sense. 

They didn't need to justify their friendship to anyone else. 

"I liked kissing you, Kurt," Blaine continues. "You're my friend. And you're attractive, okay? Like, really attractive. Just because I'm not ready for - for relationship stuff doesn't mean...I just...I liked kissing you. And I told you I'd show you stuff and I will. I want to. I don't want you to be scared of wanting it too." 

Suddenly, Blaine looks a little nervous. 

Like he's going to be shot down. 

And Kurt can't stand to see that look on his face. So he gathers up what bit of courage he has and leans over, closing the space between their faces, and kisses Blaine just like he wanted to earlier. Blaine seems to sigh in relief and wraps an arm around Kurt, pulling him closer. It's odd like this, with Kurt on top, because he feels like he has to lead, like he has to know what he's doing. And he really, really doesn't. He just knows that he enjoys kissing Blaine. So that's what he does, lips moving at a languid, steady pace and wow. 

Kurt has the best friend in the freaking world. 

CHAPTER 4: THE SOUNDS YOU MAKE

It isn't until a week or so later that they actually move past the point of just kissing, for which Kurt's sort of thankful because he doesn't think he would have been ready for anything more before now. 

They're cuddled up on Blaine's bed, watching a movie that's playing on his laptop which sits on his desk. 

They do that a lot lately, cuddling. 

Blaine wasn't joking when he said he was a cuddle whore. 

Kurt's laying on his stomach, pillow clutched under his chin while Blaine's half on top of him, arm draped lazily over Kurt's back with his head settled on Kurt's shoulder. There's no light in the room except for the bit that comes from the laptop screen. 

Maybe it's weird that they're not boyfriends. Maybe it's weird that they've been cuddling throughout the entirety of the movie even though they didn't get up to anything even remotely sexual. Yeah, it's probably weird. 

But it's awesome and Kurt's not looking a gift horse in the mouth. 

The credits to the movie start rolling and Blaine nuzzles his face into Kurt's neck. 

"You smell really good," Blaine says quietly. 

"So do you," Kurt whispers, turning his head just enough to where he his nose collides with Blaine's curly hair. 

He likes that Blaine's taken to washing the gel out of his hair as soon as classes are done for the day. He also likes to think it had something to do with that one time they were kissing and Kurt remarked on how much he liked twisting his fingers into Blaine's curls. 

"C'mere," Blaine encourages, tugging a bit on Kurt's shirt. 

Kurt gets the idea and turns so that they're both on their sides, but Blaine's hand presses firmly against his lower back, urging him even closer. He catches a glimpse of a faint smile creeping onto Blaine's lips, his face only lit from the glow on the laptop screen. Blaine leans in, pressing a soft kiss to Kurt's pliant lips. 

Kissing is just really great, Kurt has discovered. It's intimate, warm, and maybe a little wet when tongues get involved, but it's just - it's just great. 

When Blaine suddenly sucks Kurt's bottom lip into his mouth, Kurt moans deep in his throat. 

Well that's new. 

His hand flies up to tangle into Blaine's hair, forcing his head closer as Blaine's teeth graze his lip, nipping gently and holy hell, Kurt never knew teeth could feel so good. He releases his hold on Kurt's lip and dips his tongue into Kurt's mouth. Oh god, how - Blaine's tongue slides along the inside of his teeth and it tickles at his palate a bit. It's kind of strange because it feels so delicious but he wants to giggle at the same time. Blaine's hand trails away from Kurt's back, over his hip, down the side of his denim clad leg. 

He grips the back of Kurt's thigh, just above the back of his knee, and pulls his leg up so it's crooked over Blaine's hip. 

"Blaine, wha-" 

"Shh," Blaine breathes hotly, fingers scraping over Kurt's thigh again and oh hello, he's got his hand on Kurt's ass now. "Just feel." 

What even is he - 

Blaine cups Kurt's ass with a firm hand, dragging their hips together. 

He thrusts. 

Ohsweetmotherofgod. 

Kurt whines, fingers fisting tightly into Blaine's hair, lips seeking lips once more and he kisses Blaine hard. He's not even moving his mouth, really, he just needs the familiar sensation of Blaine's warm lips against his because this is ohmygod amazing. Blaine's rocking against him, moaning in turn, hand clutching roughly at Kurt's ass. 

Kurt's hard as a fucking rock but it seems Blaine's right there along with him so he forgets to be embarrassed about it. He groans loudly as they move together, thrusting, tongues abruptly twisting wildly around one another. He's pulling on Blaine's hair so hard he's sure it must hurt but he can't be bothered to care at the moment. The leg he's got thrown over Blaine's hip begins to shake because he's clenching his muscles so hard. 

He feels Blaine's hand trace the crease of his jeans, drifting lower and lower, easily seeking out his prize due to the position they're in until Kurt feels fingers apply a soft pressure against his balls through the tight denim. 

"Oh god," Kurt whimpers. He tears his lips away from Blaine's because there's just too much sensation, too much going on at once. "Blaine, I - Blaine..." 

Blaine doesn't say anything. He simply slides his other arm up under Kurt's neck, wrapping it around him, tugging him closer. Kurt's pressing his head down into Blaine's bicep and Blaine's cheek, slightly covered in stubble, is rubbing against his temple. 

Blaine's wandering hand searches further, reaching past Kurt's balls until suddenly he's palming the base of Kurt's dick with a rough, insistent hand. 

Kurt cries into the crook of Blaine's neck and a fierce tendril of something altogether too much creeps into being. His stomach muscles tighten, something inside him twists and he's so - fucking - close. 

"Come, Kurt," Blaine pants out the order, holding Kurt so tightly that he probably shouldn't be able to breathe. 

He wants to - he wants to come, he's right there but he just - he can't - 

Blaine snatches his hand away from Kurt's dick and grabs onto his ass again instead, clutching so hard that it's actually painful and grinds his hips against Kurt's just a couple more times. 

"Let go," Blaine growls hotly into his ear. 

And that does it. The firm pressure of Blaine's erection against his combined with the sound of Blaine's voice so near, so low that it bleeds into his fucking bones causes a tidal wave of pleasure to crash over him and he's coming, he's coming hard against Blaine. He's so caught up in the sensation that he almost doesn't notice when Blaine groans against his temple, hips stuttering in motion as he comes too. 

They're locked like that for what seems like eternity; their faces pressed together, Blaine's arm wrapped protectively around Kurt's shoulder with their bodies arching into one another and Kurt's leg is still tossed over Blaine's hip. 

Heavy, ragged breathing fills the air, the only other sound in the room emanating from the little speakers of the laptop while the DVD menu music continues to repeat. 

"Jesus Christ," Blaine finally mumbles against Kurt's cheek. 

He kisses Kurt's sweaty temple once and pulls back just enough so that they can look at each other. Kurt's eyes flutter open, lips parted and swollen. Blaine slips his hand off Kurt's ass, sliding his fingers up Kurt's back to card into his sweaty hair. 

"You okay?" Blaine asks. 

"M'great," Kurt says tiredly. "M'fantastic." 

Blaine laughs a bit breathlessly and dips his head down to kiss Kurt once more. 

"Can I just say one thing?" 

Kurt nods sleepily. 

"You make the most amazing noises," Blaine says, almost sounding impressed with the fact. 

Kurt groans in embarrassment and hides his face against the smooth skin of Blaine's bicep. Blaine laughs at him again but he wraps Kurt up in his arms to hold him closely. 

Kurt knows that, at some point, they're going to have to get up and change because they both just came in their freakin' pants. But now is so not the time to move because the cuddling is almost as good as the mind blowing orgasm he just had. 

CHAPTER 5. I CAN BE YOUR SOMETHING

The following Sunday was a particularly horrid day for Kurt. 

He, Mercedes, Tina, and Rachel had been at the mall. Just as they were about to leave, a group of McKinley's finest, including Karofsky and Azimio, walked in. 

"Look who it is," Azimio had announced loudly. "Not enough boys at your little fag school, princess?" 

"Back off, boy," Mercedes had said threateningly. 

"Not my fault he ran out of McKinley liked a scared little girl," Azimio had said, nudging Karofsky who had paused. 

But of course he began to play along and grinned maliciously with the rest of the jocks in the group. 

"Yeah, not getting enough dick at your new school, Hummel? Had to come to the mall to look for more?" Karofsky joined in on the harassment. 

"Screw you," Kurt had spat, eyeing him, the secret between them obvious in his gaze. 

"You wish!" Karofsky countered, returning the high five Azimio held his hand up for. 

"Funny, I figured you'd be the one who 'wished'," Kurt snapped, appearing a lot braver on the outside that he actually felt. 

"Shut your mouth, faggot!" Karofsky had growled, advancing on Kurt right there in the middle of the mall entrance. 

Kurt jumped back, reflexes kicking in immediately as Mercedes gave a good shove to Karofsky's shoulder. 

A few seconds later a security guard had wandered over to see what the problem was and the two groups parted ways, sending sneers at each other's backs. 

Hours later, Kurt sits alone in his dorm room. He's clad in a pair of sweatpants and shirt that doesn't even match. He's seated on his bed, back against the wall with his knees tucked up to his chest. 

He doesn't - doesn't know why he feels like this. He doesn't know why he feels so beat down. Kurt knows he's been in worse situations. Karofsky didn't even put a hand on him today, didn't touch a single hair on his head, but for some reason he's trembling. His breath stutters in his chest. He's looking around the room with an almost blank stare, catching sight of Blaine's open books on his desk, the haphazard way he'd made his bed, the lonely guitar case sitting in the corner. 

Kurt hates that this is the only place he feels safe, this place he shares with Blaine, this place where he feels so comfortable. He hates that he can't be at home in his room amongst all of his clothes. He despises the fact that he's so reliant on these walls to keep the good in and keep the bad out. 

He hates that he doesn't have a choice. 

Laughter echoes just outside the door to the room and Kurt wipes hastily at the tears that suddenly make themselves known on his face. The door knob turns and Blaine walks in, snorting in amusement at something someone said just before he bids them goodbye. He closes the door and turns, catching sight of Kurt on the bed. 

"Kurt?" Blaine asks in concern. "What's wrong?" 

Kurt shakes his head and sniffles, attempting to smile. He fails miserably. Blaine shrugs off his coat and moves to stand in front of him. 

"Hey. What's wrong?" he asks again. 

"Nothing," Kurt replies, his voice scratchy from an hour of disuse. Had he really been sitting here alone for an hour? "It's not a big deal." 

"It's big enough," Blaine comments. "You're crying." 

"I'm okay," Kurt says. "Don't worry about it." 

"Well I'm worrying," Blaine states as he quickly kicks of his shoes and climbs onto the bed. 

"You don't have to-" 

"Shut up," Blaine stops him, seating himself next to Kurt. He wraps an arm around Kurt's shoulders, pulling him into an embrace. 

Kurt goes somewhat reluctantly. He leans his head on Blaine's shoulder, letting Blaine hold on as tight as he wants. 

"What happened?" 

Sighing tiredly, Kurt tells him. "I had a run in with Karofsky and a bunch of other guys from McKinley at the mall today." 

Blaine slips a finger under Kurt's chin, forcing him to look up. "Did he hurt you?" he asks almost angrily. 

"No," Kurt shakes his head, eyes still locked on Blaine's. 

"Good." Blaine sighs in what seems like relief and drops his hand, wrapping his arm around Kurt once more. "What happened, then?" 

Kurt's still sniffling from his bout of crying earlier but he turns, knees bent over Blaine's outstretched thighs, and tucks his head against Blaine's chest. 

"They were just harassing me," Kurt shrugs pitifully. "I snapped at Karofsky and he came at me, but I moved away and Mercedes shoved him back. A security guard interrupted." 

He feels Blaine nod above him and then feels his chin rest on top of Kurt's head. 

"He didn't even - I don't...I don't know why - why I'm so scared all of the sudden. He's done way worse. But I just can't...I don't know." 

"Well he's hurt you before. Plenty of times. In various ways. I think you have the right to be shaken after your tormentor decided to come at you again." 

"I hate that it feels like this," Kurt admits quietly. "I hate that I'm still scared." 

"It's okay," Blaine assures him, arms still wrapped possessively around Kurt's body. 

They're quiet for a long while. Blaine holds him. Kurt sighs into his friend's shirt. He doesn't know what he feels right now. He still hates that he has to rely on these walls. He hates that he can't be safe everywhere. But here, wrapped up in Blaine, breathing him in, things are so calm. 

He can't control anything, Kurt realizes abruptly. 

He's got to rely on everything else, on another person. 

Kurt's never felt so weak in his life. 

"Blaine," Kurt bites out brokenly, hand fisting into Blaine's shirt. 

"I'm right here," Blaine assures him, arms coming around Kurt's knees now, pulling him against his body. He's holding on to Kurt with every ounce of strength he has. Kurt can feel it. "I'm here, Kurt, I'm here." 

Kurt can't stop the tears from coming. He cries hard, sobs wracking his thin frame. 

Why can't things be easy? Why can't he be - be normal or something? Why does he feel worthless and broken and bruised? 

He realizes he's clawing at the collar of Blaine's shirt and he rips his hand away, feeling so pathetic. But Blaine grabs hold of his hand and twines their fingers together, squeezing tightly. 

"Don't," Blaine says gently. "It's okay to need comfort, Kurt." 

And that simple statement has Kurt sobbing all over again. He's pressing himself into Blaine, wanting to sink into him, wanting to curl up and give up. 

It feels like he cries for hours. 

He doesn't know when they moved, doesn't know how they're both laying down, his back spooned firmly against Blaine's front. But Blaine's tucked behind him and he's holding Kurt's hand right over his heart. The sun has set and they're smothered in darkness. Kurt's cries have died down and now he's just exhausted, breathing deeply, tired eyes staring into the blackness of the room. 

"It took me months," Blaine speaks softly. "I was scared for a long time." 

"I hate it." 

"I know. I know it's hard to be here. I know it's hard to - to let everything go. It's hard to get used to not having so much control over your life. But it'll get easier." 

"I don't want to have to hide myself away." 

"I don't want you to either," Blaine says, nose rubbing slowly at the back of Kurt's neck. "I know that I can't - can't be your everything." 

Kurt's breath hitches. 

"But I can be something," Blaine whispers. "You don't have to hide yourself away when you're with me." 

Kurt's eyes fall shut and he clenches his fingers around Blaine's. 

"Thank you." 

Maybe...maybe something is all he needs. 

For now. 

CHAPTER 6. MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER

The very next morning, Kurt wakes slowly. His eyes are tired and heavy, all the tears spilled from last night make his eyes burn a bit today. The sun's only just rising, peeking in through the curtains from their window. Kurt yawns and makes to stretch. 

That's when he realizes Blaine is clinging to him like a limpet, arm securely wound around Kurt's middle and a leg crooked under Kurt's knee. Blaine's squashed between the wall and Kurt's body and god, that just does not look comfortable at all. Moving slowly, trying not to jar Blaine and his tousled head of hair, Kurt tries to edge away. As soon as he begins to make progress, Blaine tightens his hold on Kurt. He drags him back over, brow creasing in frustration, and plants his head on Kurt's shoulder. 

Well...okay then. 

Kurt attempts to pry Blaine's arm off him, but that just causes Blaine to wake. He mumbles, eyes blinking open begrudgingly, and tilts his face up. 

"Morning," he greets groggily. 

"Morning." 

Blaine sighs, stretching his arm out before settling his hand on Kurt's chest. 

"Glad you're still on the bed." 

"...What?" Kurt asks, completely confused. 

Blinking his eyes open just a little more, Blaine looks like he's the confused one. And now Kurt's confused even more. 

"You don't remember? Last night? Well, early this morning, I guess." 

"Uh...no." 

"Hm. You must not have been completely awake." 

"What?" Kurt asks again. 

"I think you were having a nightmare," Blaine explains. "You were like, mumbling and stuff and you started kicking the covers off. I thought you were just hot or something but then you started...thrashing and crying and at one point you almost fell off the bed. I had to keep dragging you back until you settled down. Eventually I just pulled you over here next to me and held onto you until you fell back asleep. I didn't want you falling off and hitting your head or something." 

Yeah, Kurt doesn't remember any of that. Not one bit. But at least now he knows why he had Blaine squashed up against the wall. 

"I'm sorry," Kurt says, "For being such a wreck. I didn't - you probably didn't get any sleep last night at all. You don't have to-" 

"Don't even say it. I slept just fine after you fell back asleep. So long as I held onto you...I guess I figured you were safe." 

Kurt stares down into Blaine's tired eyes. He can't really read the emotion there, but he does see sincerity. He allows himself to press a soft kiss to Blaine's hairline. They settle into a lazy silence, Blaine's hand creeping up ever so slowly as he traces nonsensical patterns on Kurt's chest up to the exposed skin of his neck. His touch is gentle and Kurt shivers when a finger ghosts over that inch of skin where neck meets shoulder. 

"You okay today?" Blaine asks as his thumb tickles over Kurt's Adam's apple. "After everything that happened yesterday?" 

"I suppose," Kurt says shortly, his voice having gone a bit breathy. "For the most part." 

"I wish I could make you feel better," Blaine whispers. 

'I'll be just fine as long as you keep touching me,' Kurt wants to say. He doesn't, of course. Even with the development of their Extra-Special-Friendly relationship, he still doesn't feel it's his place to say things like that. But the way Blaine's fingers feel against his skin, the way Blaine's breath is warm against his neck, it's already making Kurt's dick twitch in his sweatpants. 

"Is there anything I can do?" Blaine asks in a low, husky voice. "Anything at all?" 

Kurt gasps when Blaine suddenly drags his blunt fingertips down Kurt's neck and over his chest. 

"Please," Kurt whines. 

"Please what?" Blaine asks almost too innocently, fingers already brushing over the hem of Kurt's sweatpants. 

"I -I-" 

"What if I touched you?" Blaine teases, index finger tracing the outline of the half hard bulge in Kurt's pants. "Would that make you feel better for a little while?" 

Kurt's head is suddenly dizzy with arousal because he wasn't expecting this upon waking, not at all. But now that Blaine had planted the idea in Kurt's mind, it wasn't leaving anytime soon. In fact, it was growing, permeating his thoughts and yeah, Kurt decided, that's exactly what he wants. 

Blaine presses a hot, wet kiss on that little patch of skin just below Kurt's ear. 

"Would it?" Blaine asks again. 

He palms Kurt's erection through his sweatpants. Kurt moans, the sound catching deep in his throat as his hips thrust up just slightly. 

"Would it, Kurt?" Blaine asks once more, directly into Kurt's ear. His tongue darts out to flick at Kurt's earlobe as he presses his hand down between Kurt's legs to cup his balls. 

"Y-yes," Kurt finally stutters out. "Please..." 

Blaine laughs lightly, breath tickling at the tiny hairs on Kurt's ear. Kurt's beginning to think that Blaine likes seeing him like this, seeing him undone and panting. He's always so teasing and sometimes he gets this look in his eyes that Kurt can't quite define or make any sense of. Blaine slides his tongue around the shell of his ear and oh god, it's wet and warm and he's dipping his hand into Kurt's sweatpants. 

"Like this?" Blaine asks, massaging Kurt's dick through his underwear. 

"Yeah," Kurt whispers. "Y-yeah." 

"What about this?" 

And then Blaine sneaks his hand under that last layer of clothing that separates skin from skin and he grips Kurt's dick, firm and unyielding. 

"O-oh god," Kurt practically growls when Blaine begins stroking him. "Blaine-" 

"Hmm?" Blaine hums, tongue still continuing the delicious assault on Kurt's ear. 

"I - guh." 

Okay, so sue him. Kurt's got another boy's hand on his erection. He can't be expected to give a completely coherent response at the moment. Besides, he's forgotten what he was going to say anyway. 

"Feel good?" Blaine asks roughly. 

"Y-yeah," Kurt mewls. "P-please, god..." 

"Please what?" 

"Kiss me," Kurt orders. 

His head turns and Blaine catches his lips instantly, kissing him with unrestrained ferocity. His grip on Kurt's dick tightens, he quickens his strokes, and he groans against Kurt's lips. 

To be honest, Kurt didn't think it would feel this good to have another boy's hand on him. Sure, he's jerked himself off plenty of times. What teenage boy hasn't? But good fucking god, Blaine's hand is so tight and sure and Kurt's thrusting up into the circle of palm and fingers without hesitation, without reserve and fuck, he could get used to this so easily. 

Blaine's tongue does something crazy magical in his mouth and Kurt begins to whimper. His hand instantly clutches at Blaine's bicep. He feels the muscles contract, relax, contract, relax as Blaine strokes him, squeezing, thumb slipping out to caress the underside of his dick. 

"Blaine, I - I'm close," Kurt admits as soon as he feels that undeniable heat pool low in his belly, twisting, burning him from the inside out. 

He feels Blaine smile against his lips and at the same time, he jerks faster. It's rough, almost painfully so, but Blaine sucks Kurt's lower lip into his mouth and tongues at the smooth flesh caught between his teeth. Kurt's chest heaves and his hand grips possessively at Blaine's neck, pulling him closer as he whines pitifully high in his throat. 

Once more. 

Twice. 

And that's all it takes. 

He comes onto his lower abdomen, just inside his sweatpants, spilling himself over Blaine's hand that continues to stroke him through his orgasm. Kurt fingers lock themselves in a death grip around Blaine's neck as his hips jerk of their own accord. 

Their lips are still crushed together. Both boys breathe heavily through their noses, mouths unwilling to part. 

Eventually, Kurt's neck begins to ache and he has to pull away. 

"God, Kurt," Blaine groans, head falling back onto Kurt's shoulder. 

"I should-" Kurt swallows to wet his dry throat, "I should take care of you." 

Blaine tugs his hand out of Kurt's sweatpants, wiping it on his own t-shirt. 

"No need," Blaine laughs, voice all scratchy-like. 

"But-" 

At that, Blaine nudges his hips against Kurt and...oh. He's not hard anymore. 

"Did you-" 

"I told you," Blaine smiles, kissing Kurt's neck where his pulse still flutters a bit quickly. "Those sounds you make..." 

Wow. 

Okay. 

That's kind of nice. 

But the room suddenly reeks of semen. 

That's just not something Kurt can handle. 

They need to get up and get ready for class anyway. 

But Blaine clings to Kurt again, the same way he had when Kurt had woken, and maybe they can stay here for just a few more minutes. 

CHAPTER 7. I SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT ME

Things were suddenly becoming problematic. 

Well, just day time, really. 

At night, when Blaine's dick was in his hand or vice versa, life was pretty much great. 

But it's the nights that begin to make the days so difficult. 

See, Kurt can't keep his eyes to himself now. He can't stop staring at Blaine during French. He can't stop watching the way his fingers curl around his pen. His eyes are glued to that almost imperceptible red mark on Blaine's neck, just barely visible above his collar. Kurt had left that mark there in the wee hours of the morning and he can't stop staring. And with the visuals come the memories, the way Blaine arches his back, the way Blaine's fingertips feel on his skin, the way Blaine occasionally cries out when he comes. 

None of these thoughts are particularly helpful during the day time when he can't do anything about it. 

They're sitting in the dining hall across from each other amidst a bunch of the Warblers and Kurt's got his eyes locked on Blaine's fingers as he attempts to swirl pasta around on a fork. 

How can something like that even be remotely sexy? 

Blaine pauses in the action and looks up, catching Kurt's eyes. 

Blushing immediately, Kurt's gaze darts away. He suddenly finds the salad on his plate very interesting. 

When he glances back up, he expects to see Blaine with a secretly knowing grin on his face. 

However, he does not. 

Blaine's mouth is drawn in a tight line and his eyebrows are scrunched together just a tiny bit. 

He doesn't look Kurt in the eye for the rest of the day. Even during Warblers' rehearsal, he doesn't address Kurt at all. 

Kurt...doesn't know what he did wrong. 

After practice, they walk back to their dorm room together in silence. Once inside, Blaine drops his bag on the floor and leans heavily against his bed. 

"We need to talk." 

Kurt freezes. 

This doesn't sound good at all. 

"Can you - can you sit?" Blaine asks, gesturing across from him to Kurt's bed. 

Kurt nods slowly, setting his schoolbag down next to his desk, and seats himself on his bed. He folds his hands together in his lap. 

"What's wrong?" Kurt finally wonders aloud. 

He sees Blaine's throat work as he swallows. 

"I don't...think we should do this anymore." 

"...Do what?" Kurt questions, hoping that Blaine doesn't mean what he thinks he means. 

"This whole friends with benefits thing," Blaine clarifies. 

"Don't call it that." 

"Whatever you want to call it. I don't think we should do it." 

"But - but why?" Kurt asks weakly. He didn't see this coming at all. Things have been fine. Where was this coming from? 

"I just...don't think it's working out." 

"I don't understand," Kurt admits. 

Blaine finally lifts his head to meet Kurt's eyes for the first time since lunch. 

"I see the way you look at me," Blaine tells him. "I see you staring and I...I can't handle it." 

"I'm not-" 

"I get that you don't - I can see why - ugh, I don't even know how to say it." 

"Just say it." 

"It's obvious that you've developed feelings for me." 

"What?" 

"I can tell, Kurt. You're starting to feel...more. And that was part of the deal, you know? That that doesn't happen. So I think we should end it." 

Kurt's heart pounds rapidly in his chest. But that wasn't...that's not why he looks at Blaine. That isn't...okay, yeah, he likes Blaine. But Kurt knows that he liked Blaine before any of this happened and he knows he went into this knowing exactly that. Maybe he was setting himself up for heartbreak but that's not why he's looking at Blaine the way he does now. That had nothing to do with his hands and his lips and - 

He can't it let all crumble down so easily. 

"Blaine, that's not why I've been looking at you," Kurt says. 

And Kurt's proud of himself because it's only a partial lie. 

"I'm not stupid," Blaine says, his voice hard. Kurt doesn't expect his words to come out so harshly. "You like me. More than just friends. And I told you in the beginning that I didn't want that. I don't want a relationship with you." 

"I'm not calling you stupid. I know you-" 

"I don't need you mooning over me like a lost puppy or something. Obviously I shouldn't have offered to teach you about sex and that's my fault. I should have realized how attached you'd get. You want more than just friendship and you want more than just sex but I don't-" 

"How dare you?" Kurt hisses. "How can you sit there and - and presume to tell me how I feel?" 

"I'm not presuming anything. You make it really obvious, Kurt." 

"Well obviously your powers of visual deduction aren't quite as honed as you think they are because that's not why I'm looking at you. I know that you don't want a relationship. I know that we're just friends and I went into this whole thing knowing exactly that. So for you to assume that I'm not holding up my end of this little bargain is just...conceited. You're conceited. I'm not mooning over you like a lost puppy, Blaine. Just because I'm gay and just because you're the only gay friend I have doesn't mean I'm tripping over myself for your attention. It doesn't mean that I'm starving for your affection. Believe it or not I understand the rules that we laid down and I understand how I feel." 

Kurt only feels a tiny bit of hypocrisy eating away at his conscience because he does like Blaine more than a friend. But he already knew this. Nothing has changed. 

And the freaking point still stands. 

"Then why do you look at me the way you do? Why do you do it?" 

"Maybe because I can't stop thinking about how fucking amazing it felt to have your fingers up my ass for the first time the other night!" Kurt shouts. 

Blaine's eyes grow wide with shock and he falls silent. 

"Maybe because I can't stop remembering how good it feels to have your hands on me or your lips on my neck. Or because I can't stop thinking about kissing you. But I'm not looking at you because I'm - longing for your heart or something terribly cliché like that. I'm staring at you because I'm horny damn near all the time now and it's all in thanks to you and your stupidly smooth lips and your fingers and-" 

Finally Kurt realizes all the words that are spilling out of his mouth and he snaps his jaw shut. 

"I don't - I can't believe that that's really the only reason," Blaine whispers. "Sex stuff is just...sex stuff." 

"To you, perhaps," Kurt bites out, standing and snatching up his bag to tug onto his shoulder. "But for me, someone who's never experienced anything else, someone who was pretty much terrified of it all to begin with, it means a little more. So you can either believe me or not. You can end it all based on your stupid assumption or you can continue teaching me. In the mean time, I'll be in the library until curfew." 

Kurt storms over to the door and just as he's about to turn the knob, he stops and turns back to face Blaine. 

"And it's not like I'm completely unattractive," he sneers. "Now that I at least have a vague sense of what sex is all about, I'm sure I could go out there and find someone else if I really wanted to." 

He doesn't stay to see the look on Blaine's face. 

The door slams shut behind him. 

CHAPTER 8. WHY YOU ARE THE WAY YOU ARE

Kurt returns to their dorm room a few minutes prior to curfew. He doesn't know what he expects to find when he walks in, but he's still slightly surprised to find the room dark and silent, catching sight of Blaine tucked into his bed. Kurt inches into the room, mentally apologetic about all of the light pouring in before he shuts the heavy door with a soft click. He moves about as quietly as possible, setting his bag on the floor and toeing off his shoes. He was sort of hoping he could come back and they could talk this all out. He was hoping they could go back to how things were before. 

He hates that he'll have to fall asleep not knowing what will happen in the morning. 

With a soft, resigned sigh, Kurt removes the rest of his clothes and tosses them into or near the laundry basket; he really can't see where the damn thing is at the moment. He climbs into his bed, clad in only his boxers, tugging the sheet and comforter up to his neck. 

It's so cold. 

He and Blaine haven't slept separately for the past week and a half. 

It's...lonely. 

Kurt curls in on himself, head resting heavily on his pillow. 

He feels awful. 

Because he's being selfish. And he's lying. Even if it's just a partial lie. If Blaine doesn't want to continue this whole thing, he has the right to call it off. He just wants Blaine to be in his life, no matter the capacity. If he wants to just be friends, sex or no sex, then Kurt's okay with either. He just...just wants his friend back. 

The room is so silent and the air is filled with the stiff, uncomfortable tension of words unspoken. 

He shivers. 

He hears rustling, shifting behind him from where he's curled up facing the wall. The sound of light, muffled footsteps reaches his ears and suddenly he's freezing as he feels his covers lifted. 

But then he's enveloped in the warmth of Blaine's body, one of his strong arms wrapping around Kurt's frame. 

"I'm sorry," Blaine whispers into his ear as he tucks himself behind Kurt, wrapping them up in the blanket. He nuzzles his nose against the back of Kurt's neck. 

"Me too," Kurt says. "I shouldn't have...if you don't want to do this anymore, we don't have to. I just don't - don't want you to stop being my friend." 

"Never," Blaine says instantly. "I'll never stop being your friend, no matter what." 

And because the fist that had been gripping his heart for the past few hours was unclenched right away at those words, Kurt releases a relieved little sigh. 

"Okay," is all he says. 

He feels Blaine's smooth lips press a kiss to the top of his naked spine. "And I don't want to stop doing this either," Blaine admits. "Touching you and kissing you and holding you." 

"Why?" Kurt needs to know. 

"Because it feels good," Blaine says. "Because I like making you feel good. Because I don't want you to - to look for it somewhere else and get hurt by someone." 

Kurt can't help but wonder, by staying here and letting this continue, if he'll end up getting hurt anyway. But for now, with Blaine wrapped around him, Kurt stops letting himself wonder that. 

"I'm sorry that I didn't believe you," Blaine continues. "I was so stupid and selfish. I just didn't think about that." 

"I've never had someone touch me like this before," Kurt reminds him, covering Blaine's hand with his own as if to emphasize his point. "And I never expected stuff like this to feel as good as it does. So when I look at you...it's hard to - to stop thinking about it. About how it feels to have your hands on my skin. I'm sorry that I can't stop it." 

"You don't have to," Blaine says softly, kissing his shoulder. "I didn't understand. I do now, though." 

"Don't you...don't you think about it sometimes? I mean, when we're not in here," Kurt wonders. 

"I try really, really hard not to," Blaine tells him. "Because I don't want to um, look like I'm leering. You just look like you're adorably smitten. Which I guess is why I didn't get it." 

Kurt snorts at his description. "Adorably smitten, huh?" 

"Basically. And I feel like I just look like a tiger that's ready to tear you limb from limb." 

"I doubt you look like a jungle cat in heat." 

"Well that's what it feels like," Blaine grumbles. 

Laughing ever so slightly, Kurt traces Blaine's knuckles absentmindedly 

It's nice to know that they're okay now. 

But there's still one question that wants to claw its way out of his throat. 

"Can I ask you something?" he finally squeaks out. 

"Sure." 

"It's...kind of personal. So you don't really have to answer it if you don't want to." 

"Oh. Um...okay." 

"Why don't you want a boyfriend?" he breathes into the dark, hand frozen atop Blaine's. 

"Is - is this because-" 

"This has nothing to do with me." 

For the most part. 

"I'm just concerned, I guess. You seem so...wary of the whole relationship idea. I guess I don't really understand why," Kurt says. "If you don't want to tell me, that's okay." 

Blaine sighs behind him and he feels Blaine's forehead press against the back of his neck. 

"No, I'll tell you." 

But Blaine falls silent for a few seconds. Kurt simply twines their fingers together, holding Blaine's hand tight against his bare chest. 

"Remember when I told you that I didn't have a boyfriend?" Blaine asks. 

"Yes." 

"Well I didn't - didn't lie. He was never my boyfriend. He was just my really good friend. And he was gay too." 

Sounds familiar, Kurt thinks to himself. 

"He was my first kiss," Blaine continues quietly. "But he was never my boyfriend." 

"Okay..." 

"No one else knew we were gay," Blaine explains. "We only told each other. It wasn't even...I don't even know how to explain it. We kissed because we felt like it was the - the right thing to do, I guess? I mean we were young and didn't really know what we were doing. It was just like, 'hey, you're gay, I'm gay, let's see how this kissing thing works'. So that's what we did it. But nothing ever happened after that." 

"He didn't suddenly turn straight and start teasing you or something, did he?" Kurt asks hesitantly. 

"No," Blaine assures him, pulling Kurt just a tiny bit closer. "It wasn't anything like that. I'm pretty sure he's still gay to this day." 

"So what does he have to do with why you're not, um, ready for a relationship?" 

Blaine's voice drops to the barest of whispers. "He came over after school to study one day. We were up in my room on my bed. He - he had his head in my lap. It wasn't anything like that, though. We were just studying. And we were really close, you know? It didn't seem weird to us. But...m-my dad came up and he saw us like that." 

He pauses. 

"Blaine," Kurt urges gently. "What happened?" 

"Nothing. Not until after my friend left. But when he left...my dad pulled me aside - literally - and started yelling at me. He kept shouting things at me, like, telling me that I can't be a queer and only fags sit that close to other guys. And if he ever found out I had a, and I quote, faggot little homo boyfriend that he would disown me on the spot. It wasn't until later that night that I realized he'd had a few drinks. But it was still terrifying." 

"But...he knows you're gay now, doesn't he?" 

"Yeah. After I came out to him and my mom two years later. My mom seemed okay with it. Or at least, she didn't say anything against it. My dad, though...my dad said he didn't care that I was gay, so long as I was never gay under his roof." 

Kurt wanted to sneer in disgust. 

"What does that even mean? What, you have to pretend to be straight when you're at home or something?" 

"Basically I don't ever bring it up when I'm around either of them. I could never bring my boyfriend around my dad. I can't - won't risk that. I don't know what he'd actually do if that ever happened. But I know that it scares me. It's scared me ever since that one day. I just don't - don't think I'll be comfortable having a boyfriend until I'm at college or something." 

Kurt doesn't ask Blaine anything else on the matter. He doesn't ask Blaine if he still might have feelings for Kurt, despite the fear his father has planted in him so long ago. He doesn't ask if they could maybe be together in the future if they attend college near each other. 

Blaine makes sense to him now. He sees why he's so much more reserved around the other boys at Dalton. He sees why Blaine doesn't look at him any longer than necessary during the day. He sees why Blaine's so tactile and affectionate when the sun sets and they're alone in their room. 

They're more alike than Kurt initially thought. 

Here, in this little dorm room, Kurt hides from his bullies and the terror of the conservative world. 

Blaine hides from his father. 

And from his deeply instilled fear of being exactly who he is. 

When Kurt turns in Blaine's arms a few moments later to press a firm kiss to his friend's lips, he ignore Blaine's tear stained cheeks and kisses all the bad memories away. Just for a little while. 

CHAPTER 9. HEAT

Kurt honestly didn't expect to find himself alone with Blaine in their en suite bathroom one Saturday afternoon. He also didn't expect to have just stepped out of the shower to see Blaine slink in and shove him against the wall, covering Kurt's mouth with his own. 

"It's so hot in here," Blaine notes as he licks at Kurt's lips. "Do you shower under a lava flow or something?" 

"I just like it hot," Kurt hisses as Blaine presses his clothed body against Kurt's nude one. 

Blaine groans, apparently at the choice of phrasing, and slides his hand around to drag his fingers down the wet arch of Kurt's back, pulling him even closer. Kurt moans when that hand slips down to cup his ass and squeezes. He tosses his head back and Blaine takes the opportunity to nip his teeth along Kurt's exposed neck, leaving behind tiny red impressions that Kurt hopes will disappear quickly. 

"I wanna show you something new," Blaine says lowly, his deep voice echoing off the bathroom walls. "If you'll let me." 

"What?" Kurt pants out because he's fine with what they've done so far. He enjoys Blaine's firm hands on him immensely. 

Blaine reaches down and wraps his fingers around Kurt's wrist, slowly lifting the hand to his mouth. He kisses the tips of each finger and then returns his attention to Kurt's middle finger. 

He sucks it inside. Kurt feels Blaine's tongue swirl around the digit and he feels his fingertip tickle the back of Blaine's throat. 

Good god, it's so warm and wet and - oh. 

"Oh god," Kurt moans when Blaine finally releases his finger. 

"I wanna suck you off," Blaine confirms Kurt's suspicions. "Please?" 

"Yes, god, yes, okay, yes," Kurt stutters out. 

Blaine smiles broadly, like Christmas just came early or something, and kisses Kurt hard once more. He seems really excited about this new prospect, which Kurt thinks it kind of weird considering it's not Blaine's dick that's about to be sucked. But then Blaine drops to his knees and he's pressing quick, urgent kisses to Kurt's pale thighs. 

Kurt's gaze drops down because, for some reason, he needs to see this happening. Blaine nuzzles the side of Kurt's dick with his cheek, hands coming up to grip Kurt's hips. 

"I don't know what you shower with," Blaine mumbles as he kisses the trimmed thatch of pubic hair around the base of Kurt's dick, "But fuck, it makes me want to swallow you whole." 

Kurt doesn't have any time to ponder that specific statement, because in the next two seconds that's exactly what Blaine does. He sucks Kurt's dick into his mouth and holy freaking shit, it's so hot and wet and smooth and Blaine's tongue...Blaine's tongue. That tongue should have a shrine built in its honor. He finally regains a bit of his brain power and starts watching Blaine as he had initially intended. 

Oh and the view is so very nice, Kurt decides. 

He watches Blaine's lips stretch around his dick, watches as his eyes remain shut and this odd look of pure and utter bliss falls over his face. Blaine is really enjoying this, Kurt realizes. His grip on Kurt's hips is almost painful and it's then when Kurt realizes he doesn't know what to do with his hands. He lifts them, fingers shaking with sensory overload, and twines them into Blaine's curly hair. 

Blaine moans at the action. The sound sends thrilling vibrations up Kurt's dick and they seem to resonate within his pelvis. He can't stop his hips from thrusting toward Blaine's face, driving his dick further into Blaine's mouth and the tip hits the back of Blaine's throat. 

Kurt almost pulls Blaine's head away because he's terrified he's going to choke him death but Blaine's throat relaxes around him. He uses his hold on Kurt's hips to guide him forward, deeper into that hot cavern. Kurt whimpers at the feeling, the heat all around him and Blaine starts sucking. He bobs his head, back and forth, back and forth, pace quickening with every movement. Kurt stares down in fascination. Blaine's lips are so red and his dick is glistening with spit. 

It's so damn hot that Kurt doesn't even know what to do with himself. 

The air around them is hot, Blaine's mouth is hot, and Kurt's still got his fingers in Blaine's hair and he feels the heat from his scalp sink into his own fingers, sending spikes of heat up his arms every time the tip of his dick dips into the back of Blaine's throat. 

"Blaine, I'm - I'm co - oh god," Kurt gasps because he tried to warn Blaine so he could pull his mouth away in time. That seemed like the proper thing to do, or at least the polite one. 

But Blaine doesn't pull away. Kurt comes into his mouth and he sucks it down like he's been wanting it, been waiting for it, been aching for the taste like some sort of crazed, eager come slut. 

Kurt just rides the wave, entrance by the image of Blaine's throat working as he swallows. Pleasure pulses through him like fire. The heat becomes altogether too much and as soon as Blaine's lips are removed from his dick, Kurt melts. His knees go weak, his legs stop supporting him and he slips down the steam-damp wall. But Blaine's hands are there, sure and steady to guide him down. 

"Y-you," Kurt pants in a daze. "Jesus." 

Blaine laughs openly at him and kisses Kurt's forehead. He sits back on his heels and rubs his palms over Kurt's bent knees. 

"Did you like it?" Blaine asks. 

"You only reduced me to a puddle on the floor; what do you think?" 

"I liked it too," Blaine smiles, all teeth and sparkling eyes. 

"Apparently. You were really enjoying yourself." 

"You have an amazing dick." 

"Oh my god," Kurt flushes. 

"You do, though," Blaine insists. 

"I'll take that very bizarre compliment. I guess." 

Blaine leans forward and kisses Kurt again, soft and slow, but Kurt's the one to dart his tongue into Blaine's mouth. He wants to...to taste. He's never wanted to taste something so badly. He laps at the faint taste of his own come on Blaine's tongue. 

He moans. 

Which is actually very unexpected. 

"I - I want to try," Kurt murmurs against Blaine's lips. 

Blaine pulls away. "Are you...sure? You don't have to, really. Not if you're not-" 

"Just shut up and lean against the counter," Kurt groans impatiently. 

Blaine's eyes go wide and round in surprise but he does as he's told with no further questions. Kurt's on his knees in a shot. He fumbles with the drawstring on Blaine's pajama pants. His hands are shaking in anticipation and what the hell, why is he so excited about sucking Blaine's dick all of the sudden? 

"It's okay," Blaine says gently, hand slipping down to cup Kurt's chin, tilting his head up. "I'm not going anywhere." 

The words shoot straight to Kurt's heart. He never knew he needed to hear those words until they were uttered but it seems like he did. Kurt takes a deep breath and finally tugs the drawstrings loose. His head's still tilted up, eyes still locked on Blaine's as he pulls the pajama pants over Blaine's hips and over his already purpling erection. 

"Just take your time," Blaine says softly, fingers threading into Kurt's still wet hair. 

Kurt nods and starts by pressing kisses to each of Blaine's hips bones. Blaine doesn't smell shower fresh the way Kurt probably does, but he smells so masculine and so - so Blaine-like. And the scent is denser here. He smells like cloves or something Kurt can't really pinpoint but he's suddenly drowning in the scent of boy. He swipes his tongue over the head and sucks the tip into his mouth experimentally. 

"OhyesKurt," Blaine moans above him. 

Well, that sounds like encouragement, Kurt thinks. And it's enough of a reaction to make him want to continue. He pulls back and licks generously at his lips before stretching them around Blaine's dick, easing his way down the length of hard, warm flesh. 

Blaine thrusts slightly. At first Kurt's terrified he'll choke but Blaine doesn't thrust too deeply. The thrusts are slow and shallow, like he's fucking Kurt's mouth. Kurt hollows his cheeks and sucks every time Blaine pulls out. He lets his tongue drag on the underside, pressing against a vein. 

"God, oh - yeah, you're-" 

So vocal, Kurt thinks and he briefly considers taking his lips off Blaine to tell him just that, but this low, guttural moan echoes in Blaine's throat and Kurt's lets the idea slip away. 

He slides his hands up Blaine's thighs. He slips his fingers over Blaine's tense abdomen and under his shirt, only to drag them down again, blunt fingernails sure to leave thin red marks in their wake. 

"H-hum," Blaine suddenly says. "Start humming." 

Kurt wants to pull away and ask exactly what the hell that's going to do. But then he remembers how the vibrations from Blaine's moan made him feel so he does as he's instructed and hums deep in his throat. 

"Fuckyespleaseohgod," Blaine stammers, the words stringing themselves together as he tosses his head back. 

Kurt continues to suck, lips taut and stretched, working his tongue as best he can while he hums on every other bob of his head. He reaches his hands around to grip Blaine's ass, pulling him in just a bit deeper. 

Blaine starts tugging on his hair. 

"I'm coming now, right now, oh-" 

In hindsight, Kurt maybe should have pulled away. But a little voice in the back of his head kept telling him no. 

Blaine begins to come, jerking in between Kurt's lips, spilling himself in Kurt's mouth as he whimpers. But Kurt wasn't quite prepared for the overwhelmingly bitter liquid nor was he prepared for the amount of it, so half of it ends up in his mouth and the other half dribbles out from the corners of his lips as Blaine's dick continues to twitch against his tongue. It spills down his chin and drips down his neck. 

The whole experience shouldn't have been arousing as it turned out to be. 

Blaine pulls out of Kurt's mouth and glances down, eyes glazed over as he trembles. 

"I'm so sorry," he whispers. 

But one of Blaine's hands untangles from Kurt's hair and a single fingers slides through a trail of his own come on Kurt's chin. 

Not really knowing what possesses him to do such a thing, Kurt catches the finger in his mouth and sucks it clean. 

"Holy shit that's hot," Blaine breathes when Kurt pushes the finger out with his tongue. 

Blaine drops to his knees in front of Kurt. 

"Can I..." 

Kurt understands immediately and though this should be really fucking embarrassing or weird or something other than intriguing, he angles his head to the side. Blaine settles his hands on Kurt's shoulders and leans in. He licks long and slow at the rapidly drying trail of come on Kurt's neck and chin. 

"Kiss me," Kurt whines. 

Blaine groans at the order and crashes their lips together so Kurt can taste all of Blaine this time. 

He's pretty sure they just got like, way, way closer than initially intended. 

And that's okay with Kurt. Even if he's going to have to take another shower. 

CHAPTER 10. ALWAYS

"God you taste divine." 

Kurt emits a strained chuckle that really comes out as more of a gasp as Blaine continues to suck enthusiastically at a particular spot on his neck. Their shirts are somewhere on the floor and their chests are slick with sweat as they slide together, Blaine grinding his hips down onto Kurt's. 

"And you feel so good," Blaine groans as he grips Kurt's hair with excited fingers. 

"Nngh, god, yeah do that again," Kurt whines when Blaine thrusts, the lower halves of their bodies still clothed. 

"What, this?" Blaine whispers harshly into his ear, thrusting again. 

"Yes, mmm." 

"You're so hot like this," Blaine growls, tugging a bit a Kurt's hair. 

"Don't stop, please, don't stop." 

Blaine's response comes in the form of a deep, low laugh before he sucks Kurt's bottom lip into his mouth. 

Knock, knock, knock. 

Oh shit. 

They're shocked into silence and Blaine's head snaps up just as the doorknob to their room turns and David walks in. 

"Blaine, do you - WHOA! Oh wow, sorry, I'm - whoa - what - you - I'm...okay, yeah, I'll just leave and...uh...come back later - or not at all! I don't have to come back. Whoa. Sorry. I'm gonna...right. Okay. Bye!" 

David leaves. 

Both Kurt and Blaine stay frozen for what seems like eons. Their bodies are still pressed together and their breathing's still a little ragged. Blaine finally tilts his head down to gaze into Kurt's stunned, wide eyes. They don't speak. Their chests still heave together and Kurt can feel how swollen and wet his lips must still look from their very fervent bout of kissing. 

"I thought I locked the door," Blaine eventually says in a broken whisper. 

"I thought you did too." 

They're still staring at each other and Blaine's fingers are still tangled in Kurt's hair. It's like they're waiting for the other person to speak, for the other to tell them what to do or what happens next. 

All at once, just like that, Kurt knows it's over. 

And Blaine knows that Kurt knows that. 

"I'm sorry," Blaine breathes between them. 

"It's okay." 

Kurt knows that Blaine isn't apologizing for leaving the door unlocked, not really. 

"I didn't...I don't - but I can't-" 

"It's okay," Kurt says again because it is. They made this deal. He knows where to draw the line. And even though they never explicitly said they would end things if anyone found out, he just knows that...it can't continue. 

"Why did you agree to this?" Blaine asks as though he needs to know. "This way, I mean." 

"Because there would be too many questions to answer if they found out. Questions I wouldn't know how to answer or wouldn't want to answer. At least...that's why I initially agreed," Kurt says. 

Blaine's eyes begin to look sad and glassy. "And now?" 

"...Because you don't want them to know." 

Kurt sees Blaine swallow thickly, as though his mouth is suddenly dry as a desert. He nods once and closes his eyes tightly. 

The thing is, Kurt doesn't know why Blaine seems so upset. Yes, David knows. And he's sure to tell others and the entire thing is going to misconstrued and there might be gossip. He knows that Blaine has his reservations because various boys at Dalton have parents who are friends with his parents and the information might get back to them somehow. They have to do damage control and it's going to be annoying. 

But he doesn't understand why Blaine looks like his whole world just shattered before his eyes. 

"We'll still be friends," Kurt assures him, unable to stop his hand from caressing the length of Blaine's naked back. 

Blaine's eyes flutter open. Kurt thinks he can see tears gathering in the corners. 

"Always," Blaine whispers. "We'll always be friends." 

Kurt doesn't expect it, but Blaine lowers his head and presses his lips to Kurt's. The kiss is soft, tender, and bittersweet. 

It feels like goodbye. 

"I need to go talk to David," Blaine says when he pulls away. He drags himself off Kurt's body. 

Kurt can see a damp layer of their mingled sweat on Blaine's chest. He watches as Blaine plucks his shirt off the ground and tugs it over his head. Kurt bids farewell to that chest, the one he'll probably never get to touch again, the one he'll probably never get to kiss again. 

"I should be back before curfew," Blaine says hollowly. "I'll see you in a bit." 

Kurt can only nod dumbly from his place on the bed. Blaine walks out without another word and the door shuts behind him. 

As soon as he's gone, the room is uncomfortably silent. The light is too bright. He curls in on himself. He expects the tears to start flowing but they never come. 

This wasn't how things were supposed to end. Kurt knew it was all going to be over eventually. There was only so much Blaine could teach him, only so much he could show him. But he didn't expect it all to be...ripped away like that. It was supposed to be over when it ended. It wasn't...supposed to end before it was over. 

It doesn't matter. 

It shouldn't matter. 

It does matter. 

He already misses the feel of Blaine's hands on his skin.

Blaine doesn't return before curfew. In fact, Blaine is gone for at least two hours. Kurt's already showered, completed his moisturizing routine, and he's been laying in bed for over half an hour in the dark by the time Blaine tiptoes back into the room. He hears Blaine shuffle around as he changes for bed and then he hears him pause next to Kurt's bed. 

Kurt feels a gentle hand brush a lock of hair away from his face. 

And then the hand is gone. Blaine climbs into his own bed and everything goes silent again. 

Kurt feels the emptiness resonate within him even more so than he did when Blaine wasn't even in the room. 

Always.

The next morning, Blaine's already at breakfast by the time Kurt wanders into the dining hall. He strides to their usual table, bagel and a bowl of apple slices in hand, and wonders how far their secret got out. He's not getting any odd glances from anyone else besides the guys at their table. 

He sees David move away from Blaine's side, as if to make room for Kurt, but Kurt ignores the gesture and sits opposite Blaine instead, the way he always does. 

"You guys," Blaine says tiredly, "we're just friends." 

"We know," David states. But his eyes are on Kurt. 

Kurt watches Blaine shoot David a threatening glance. "Stop it, David." 

David sighs, shrugs, and returns to his breakfast. 

Kurt doesn't know what to make of that little exchange. He does notice, however, that most of breakfast is continued in a strained silence, their friends avoiding their gazes at all costs. Kurt hates it. He hates the - the weirdness of the whole situation and he hates that their unspoken thoughts seem to have Blaine so on edge. He doesn't want this to tear him and Blaine apart. 

"So has anyone actually done the reading for the literature test?" Kurt finally asks. "Because those stories were the most pointless damn things I think I've ever read in my entire existence. And I read Twilight." 

Jeff almost snorts milk out of his nose. "You read those books?" 

"Of course I read them. I had to see what almost every teenage girl on the face of the planet was so obsessed about. And let me say, I don't understand the hype at all." 

The conversation immediately turns to the discussion of Robert Pattinson's hair and Kurt catches Blaine's eye. Blaine looks up at him and smiles ever so slightly. 

As if to say thank you. 

Kurt returns his smile with a wink. 

Because friends always try to make the awkward times a little easier to bear. 

And they're best friends. 

But that's all they are.

CHAPTER 11. TO MOVE ON... MAYBE

Their dorm room has felt emptier in the past two and a half weeks than it ever has. 

That probably has something to do with Blaine disappearing to the library after classes and rehearsal nearly every day instead of coming back to the room to study like he used to. On the days when Blaine isn't holed up in the library, he seems to be spending a great deal of time with David, whether they're in his room or off campus somewhere. 

Kurt doesn't quite know how to take it or what to do with himself. 

Always doesn't feel like always. 

If this was what Blaine meant by always being friends, well Kurt can't handle this. 

They never see each other anymore except for when they wake up, at meals, during the two classes they have together, and at Warblers rehearsal. They don't see each other the rest of the evening until Blaine slips into the room just before curfew. Kurt makes sure to have his earphones in when Blaine arrives otherwise it's just an awkward silence. 

He doesn't understand...he just doesn't. They're friends. They should be able to talk without groping each other every five seconds. Even when they were Extra-Special-Friends, they could still hold hours of conversation and not jump each other's bones. But now Blaine barely looks at Kurt and Kurt hates it. 

He's lonely. 

He barely talks to anyone else. He feels like he's lost at sea or something. And this is precisely what he didn't want, what he hoped wouldn't happen. 

So why is it happening?

"Hi, Kurt." 

Kurt turns away from the guys at their lunch table. "Oh, hi Drew," he greets. 

"I was wondering if maybe um, after school today you wanted to go and get coffee. With me. If you aren't doing anything else." 

Now Kurt's aware that Drew is also gay. All of Dalton knows about the falling out Drew had with his ex-boyfriend last year, including Kurt, even though he wasn't around for the actual drama. They have French class together but Drew sits a couple of seats behind him. They've had a few conversations, nothing worth mentioning, really, but he's never approached Kurt outside of class. 

"Oh, well I have Warblers rehearsal right after school, but only for an hour. Uh...we can go after that's over, though. If you still want." 

"Yeah!" Drew replied brightly. "That's totally fine. I can meet you in the parking lot and I'll drive us, if that's okay." 

"Sure, that sounds good. I'll see you then." 

"Cool," Drew ends with a smile before walking away. 

Kurt turns back to his lunch as the other boys continue their conversations. When he glances over at Blaine, his supposed-best-friend is staring at him with a blank expression. Kurt stares back, gaze unwavering, because what the hell? What does Blaine expect? 

Blaine eventually breaks eye contact and stares back down at his plate in front of him. 

Kurt just wants to know what's going on in his head.

Drew is nice, Kurt decides later. He held the passenger door open to his car so Kurt could climb in and he held the door open at the coffee shop so that Kurt could precede him inside. It wasn't until Drew paid for the coffee that Kurt realized this was a date. 

The talked a lot about French class in the beginning, considering that was the only common ground they had to start with, which turned into talk about France itself and how Drew had been once with his family. Drew asked how Kurt liked Dalton and asked about the Warblers and any friends he had made so far. 

Kurt only vaguely mentioned Blaine. At this point he doesn't feel like he has the right to mention him any more than that. 

They talked about books they liked, which turned into talking about which movies they liked, which turned into Drew inviting him to see a movie on Friday night. 

Kurt accepted. 

He had no other plans. He had no one else to spend his time with. 

"I like you, Kurt," Drew says bluntly when they're back in the Dalton parking lot in his car. "I never said anything before because I thought you and uh, well I thought you had something going on with Blaine." 

"There was never anything going on between us. We're just friends." 

The sad part of that statement is the fact that Kurt doesn't know if the last bit is even true anymore. 

"Oh. Well...okay. I just, you know, it'd be cool if we could hang out more." 

"I'd like that," Kurt says kindly because who is he to turn away a new potential friend? Or boyfriend, even. 

"Awesome," Drew grins. "So I'll see you in French tomorrow?" 

"I'll be there," Kurt nods. 

Kurt climbs out of the car. Drew doesn't board at Dalton, his parents' house is five minutes away, so he drives away and Kurt is left to walk to the dormitory on his own. When he enters his dorm room, Blaine's watching a movie on his laptop while sitting on his bed. 

"Hey," Blaine greets. 

Kurt pauses in the midst of dropping his bag. "Hello." 

"Wanna watch?" Blaine asks, pausing the movie and setting the laptop at the end of the bed. 

"Um...sure," Kurt nods, seating himself gingerly next to Blaine. 

"Here," Blaine says, maneuvering himself so he's lying down on his stomach and facing the laptop screen. He pats the bed next to him. 

Kurt lies down as well, the length of Blaine's body so close to his on the bed that Kurt can feel it burning him, even through their clothes. Their shoulders bump when Blaine reaches out to press play and Kurt wants to shiver at the contact. 

He misses Blaine. 

He doesn't just miss the kissing or the touches or the soft sighs they shared when the sun went down and they were all alone, but he misses Blaine's company and his smile and the ease of their conversation. 

"I haven't seen you around very often," Kurt eventually says a few minutes later. 

Blaine chews on his lower lip but he nods, not even denying the fact that he's been avoiding this room, that he's been avoiding Kurt. 

"I know. I'm sorry. I just...needed some time." 

"So we can hang out again?" Kurt asks, hoping he doesn't sound too hopeful. 

"Yeah," Blaine says with a weak smile. 

"Good," is all Kurt says in reply. 

He doesn't want to say anything else. It feels like this is very fragile for some reason. And he doesn't understand why Blaine needed to take time away from him when he wasn't even the one with - with feelings. 

But he won't ask about it because he doesn't want Blaine to pull away from him again. 

When the movie ends, Blaine sits up. 

"So how was coffee with Drew?" he asks Kurt. 

"You know Drew?" 

"We had history together last year." 

"Do you...know anything about him?" 

"Not really. He was always pretty quiet, except for that whole thing with his ex-boyfriend. But that was more the boyfriend's fault, not Drew's. He kept to himself a lot. He seems nice, though." 

"He is nice," Kurt affirms. "We just had coffee and talked. It was fun. I had fun." 

"That's good," Blaine smiles at him. 

"We're um, going to see a movie on Friday," Kurt reveals. "He said he likes me." 

"Oh. Well that - I mean that's awesome. Do you like him?" 

"I think I could," Kurt shrugs. "After I get to know him a little better." 

Blaine simply nods and says, "That makes sense." 

They fall into an uneasy silence. Kurt picks at the comforter on Blaine's bed, avoiding his eyes at all costs. He doesn't know what else to say. 

"I hope he's good to you. You deserve someone who can - who can be there for you." 

"You're always there for me," Kurt says without hesitation. 

"You know what I mean." 

"Yeah," Kurt says softly. He does. 

"I want you to be happy," Blaine whispers. 

"I want to be happy too," Kurt admits. 

But I want to be happy with you.

CHAPTER 12. SERIOUS CONFUSION 

Kurt returns to the dormitory fairly late on Friday night after the movie date with Drew. 

He doesn't expect Blaine to be wide awake, propped up on his bed while reading a book. 

"Did you have a good time?" Blaine asks, eyes not leaving the page. 

"I did, yeah," Kurt says honestly. Why should he lie? He had a very nice time with Drew. There's no sense in denying that fact. Kurt peers closer at the book Blaine is reading. "...Since when have you been able to read upside down?" 

Blaine pauses, eyes locked on the page, and then shuts the book. "The cover was put on upside down. Misprint...thing." 

"I see." 

"Did he at least walk you back inside the dorm? It's dark out," Blaine says pointedly. 

"He parked the car twenty feet from the front door," Kurt says slowly. "Why does that even matter?" 

"He pa - why did he have to park? He didn't just drop you off? How long were you in the parking lot?" 

"Why are you interrogating me?" Kurt asks. "You're not my dad, Blaine." 

"I'm not interrogating. I just don't understand why he had to park the car. I mean, it's only your second date. It's not like you need time alone to...to...did you guys..." 

Blaine's face suddenly falls, though he immediately attempts to cover up whatever emotion he's drowning in at the moment and clears his throat. 

"Oh," Blaine says simply. 

"We were just kissing, Blaine. It's not like we were fucking." 

"I didn't - it's not like, I mean it doesn't matter. To me. One way or another. Go ahead and kiss him. If you like him enough, there's no reason why you can't kiss him." 

"Right..." 

"I'm just gonna take a shower," Blaine mumbles. 

He races into the bathroom and Kurt hears the door lock. 

What the hell was that?

Kurt begins to spend quite a lot of time with Drew. And truth be told, he enjoys almost every minute of it. Drew makes him smile and Kurt can somehow make Drew laugh with his snarky commentary. They study in the library together, knees bumping under the table, sitting too close and sharing shy smiles. They have coffee and dinner and Drew lets Kurt gush about his old friends from McKinley. It's all very lovely. 

Except for on aspect. 

Kurt realizes that he hates kissing Drew. 

It's not as though Drew's a bad kisser, not at all. His technique is fine, wonderful even. 

But Kurt doesn't...doesn't feel anything when he kisses Drew. 

He doesn't feel a spark of anything. He doesn't feel connected to him. It's simply the act of moving lips over lips and tongues tangling together. 

Kurt finds it...really unsettling. Because he likes spending time with Drew, he does. They have a lot in common and therefore plenty to talk about. He even likes the way Drew will wait for him after French class and walk Kurt to his next classroom. He likes the way Drew looks at him over their coffee cups, like maybe Kurt's the only person in the room. 

But when Drew's fingers are fisted in Kurt's hair in the back seat of Drew's car... 

Kurt feels nothing. 

He doesn't understand it. 

What makes the entire thing worse is that he feels like he can't talk to Blaine about it. Blaine's his best friend, the boy he can always talk to about anything. Or at least they used to be able to talk about anything. Three weeks into this whole thing with Drew and Kurt can't even mention Drew's name around Blaine without seeing his best friend tense visibly, obviously longing for a desperate, immediate change of subject. 

That's something else Kurt doesn't understand. He doesn't understand Blaine's sudden jealousy. 

Because it is jealousy, that's exactly what it is. 

Kurt just can't tell if Blaine's jealous of Drew because Drew is taking up a large portion of Kurt's time now, or if he's jealous of Drew because... 

Because Drew's got Kurt.

"David." 

"Kurt?" 

"Can I talk to you?" 

"Uh, yeah. What's up?" 

Kurt pulls David aside after Warblers rehearsal, watching everyone else trickle out of the room before he finally gets to his point. 

"What's going on with Blaine?" 

"...What do you mean?" 

"Why's he being so...so weird when it comes to me and Drew?" 

"Have you thought of asking Blaine about this?" 

"Of course I have," Kurt snaps. "But he'll just withdraw and stop talking to me for days. I don't have time for that. I want my friend back." 

"I can...safely say he wants you back too." 

"Ah ha, so you do know what's going on." 

"Kurt, it isn't my place to-" 

"David. What is going on?" 

David and looks around to make sure there are no stray eavesdroppers. "He's just having trouble adjusting, okay?" 

"To what?" 

"To you not having to rely on him anymore." 

"...What?" 

"You were each other's everything, Kurt. Best friends. You were...more than that." 

"It wasn't like that. I'm pretty sure Blaine made that very clear that night you walked in on us. We weren't together. We were never together. And we were never each other's everything. We were just...something." 

"Maybe something was enough." 

"Well whatever that something was, it's gone now." 

"If that's what you believe then I don't know what I can say to change your mind," David says flatly. "He isn't used to you being able to...take care of yourself. He misses you relying on him for everything." 

"But it's not like that was going to last forever," Kurt points out. 

"Of course not. And Blaine knows that too. But that doesn't mean he doesn't want you back." 

"Nothing has changed, I'm still his friend." 

"Not the same way you were before." 

"David, it was just sex." 

"I'm sure it was." 

"But he - Blaine was the one who kept saying it was just sex! I don't understand what the hell you're getting at!" 

"Just talk to him, Kurt. He...misses you. He misses talking to you, even if the subject matter isn't exactly to his liking." 

"I don't want to - I don't understand what you're saying!" 

"I'm not getting in the middle of this anymore. Talk to him, not to me." 

"But-" 

Kurt doesn't get to finish his sentence because David dashes out of the room in a few long strides. 

He falls onto the sofa behind him. 

When did this get so damn confusing?

CHAPTER 13. TAKE A CHANCE 

"Blaine?" Kurt asks tentatively later that evening. 

Blaine's sitting at his desk, feet curled up under him in his chair as he looks at something on his computer screen. 

"Yeah?" Blaine replies tiredly. 

"Can I - can I talk to you?" 

"About what?" Blaine asks, not turning around. 

"You're my best friend," Kurt says softly, sinking down onto Blaine's bed. 

Blaine finally turns to look at him. Kurt can't read the expression on his face. 

"You're my best friend, too." 

"It doesn't feel like it." 

"I-" Blaine cuts himself off with a sigh. "I don't know what you want me to do." 

"I want to be able to talk to you again." 

"We talk all the time." 

"I need to talk to you about Drew." 

The name has an instant effect. Blaine's jaw tenses, the muscles tightening to what looks like a physically painful degree and Kurt thinks he hears the sound of grinding teeth. 

"So talk," Blaine eventually says. 

"I can't. Not if you're going to be angry with me." 

"I'm not angry with you." 

"You're angry at something." 

"It isn't with you. I promise. Why do you need to talk about Drew? He didn't hurt you or anything, did he?" 

"Wha - no. No, he hasn't. It's...something else." 

"Okay? What's wrong, then?" 

Kurt drops his head. He begins twisting his fingers together nervously, preparing himself to say what he's pretty positive the problem is. 

"I think...I'm not...uh, attracted to him. Physically, I mean." 

"...Why do you think that?" 

"Because whenever he kisses me, nothing happens," Kurt says bluntly. 

"What do you mean by nothing?" 

"As in, I get no pleasure or satisfaction out of the act itself. At all. As in, I lied and told him I had to pee yesterday when we were in the library, making out in between the far shelves. He tried to...y'know, like, touch me. And I pretty much ran away because I didn't want him to know how aroused I wasn't." 

Blaine's eyebrows shoot up near his forehead in surprise. Obviously he wasn't expecting this specific discussion. 

"Why do you keep kissing him, then?" Blaine wonders. 

"I guess maybe because I feel like if I do it enough...something will eventually happen. And it's not - I mean, I like hanging out with him. He's a nice guy." 

"If you're not attracted to someone, Kurt, you're not attracted. There's not really that much you can do about it." 

"Oh god," Kurt groans out of nowhere. "What if I'll never be attracted to anyone ever? What if I'm ruined?" 

"Wha - how - what?" 

"What if you ruined me for all other men?" 

He hears laughter bubble up into Blaine's throat and out his mouth. "I seriously doubt that's the case." 

"But there's nothing wrong with Drew," Kurt drones miserably. "He's nice, he's funny, he laughs at my stupid jokes. He holds the door open whenever we go places, he's not bad looking. He's just - just not-" 

"Not the kind of guy you're into," Blaine finishes for him. 

"What am I supposed to do?" Kurt asks, looking over at Blaine helplessly. 

Blaine looks to bite back a sigh, but he abandons his desk chair in favor of the open spot beside Kurt on the bed. 

"It...sounds to me like you two are better off as friends. I mean, obviously I'm no expert in the boyfriend department, but it just sounds like, you know, like you'd be leading him on kind of. If you kept seeing him. And kissing him." 

"So you think I should just leave him?" 

"Well how many times have you guys kissed?" 

"Uh," Kurt blushes, "a bit." 

"A lot, a bit?" 

"Maybe." 

"And you still don't feel anything?" 

"No." 

"I think you have your answer, then," Blaine shrugs in response. 

Kurt groans in frustration and falls sideways on the bed, face down into the comforter. He mumbles something unintelligible. 

"What was that?" Blaine asks. 

"I said boyfriends are too much work. You had the right idea all along." 

"Don't say that," Blaine says softly. "If it wasn't for the attraction thing, I'm sure it would work out just fine between you and Drew." 

From his spot in the bed, Kurt angles his head so he can look over at Blaine. He looks...kind of lost. And a little bit sad. 

"Maybe," Kurt whispers. 

Blaine tilts his head to the side, brows furrowed and mouth drawn into a tight line. He says nothing. He simply looks at Kurt, that expression stuck on his face, and he doesn't move an inch. Kurt stares back. He's pretty sure he's looking a little forlorn. 

Maybe hopeful. 

Because all he wants is Blaine to crawl up beside him, to kiss him, to make him feel that fire again. 

He doesn't. He leaves Kurt with a small smile, a friendly pat on the leg, and walks into the bathroom to take a shower.

"Hey, Kurt," Drew greets happily the next day just as Kurt is leaving Warblers rehearsal. 

"Hi," Kurt says slowly, attempting to avoid eye contact. They're supposed to go eat dinner. 

Kurt can't do that. 

"I - I need to talk to you," Kurt states. 

Drew lifts an eyebrow as though he's more concerned than confused, but he nods anyway. 

"Okay." 

The rest of the Warblers have filed out of the room so Kurt leads Drew inside. He leans his hip against a table, eyes cast downward as he drags a finger along the length of the tabletop. 

"What's going on?" Drew wonders. 

Kurt swallows hard. He's afraid to look up. 

He doesn't want to do this. He doesn't want to hurt anyone. 

"Kurt?" 

"I can't be your boyfriend anymore," Kurt finally blurts. 

"...Okay. Why not?" 

Kurt's eyes shoot up to stare at Drew. 

Why...is he so calm? 

"Why are you so calm?" 

"Well you haven't given me a reason," Drew shrugs. "I'm not going to jump to conclusions." 

In that moment, Kurt kind of hates himself because Drew is so damn understanding, so damn nice about it all. And he's going to have to end it. 

Drew deserves better. 

Kurt never should have entered this - this thing at all, not when he knew he wasn't really over Blaine. 

"I - I just think we're better off as friends. I like spending time with you; I love it, actually. Just when it comes to...everything else...I don't - don't have those feelings for you." 

He averts his gaze once more. Drew falls quiet but Kurt can feel his eyes boring into the side of his face. Kurt almost wishes he could simply run out and have that be the end of it but he knows that's the biggest cheat in the entire world. So his feet remain planted on the big, ornate rug covering the old wooden floor as he waits for a response. 

"Alright." 

For the second time in the span of five minutes, Drew shocks him. Kurt stares, mouth gaping open in confusion. 

"What?" 

"I said alright." 

"...That's it?" 

"Well, yeah. If that's how you feel, or how you don't feel, there's nothing I can do to change that." 

"Why are you being so understanding?" 

"Because that's life," Drew shrugs. "Relationships don't always work out. People move on. I'll be okay, Kurt." 

Kurt wants to cry. 

"That being said...I get the feeling that this isn't just about your lack of feelings for me, but also the fact that you might have feelings for someone else." 

"Don't," Kurt says immediately, turning to face away from Drew. 

"You should probably tell him," Drew presses. 

"There's nothing to tell. He doesn't - he'll never want me like that." 

"How can you be so sure if you won't tell him how you feel?" 

"Because he doesn't want a boyfriend. I know that for a fact." 

"You don't always have to label everything, Kurt. Not everything is that black and white." 

"He doesn't even care for me that way," Kurt finally turns back around, wiping away a stray tear. 

"Has he said as much?" 

"Well, no. But when we - he - we're just friends." 

"You love him," Drew states. 

"I - I can't-" 

"With all the hate in this world," Drew begins, voice soft and smooth, "no one should ever deny the existence of love. Not when it seems like hate might outweigh it in the end." 

"M-my heart will break when he doesn't say it back." 

Drew takes a step closer. He leans down, without a word, and kisses Kurt's forehead. When he pulls back, he places a hand on Kurt's shoulder and stares intently into his eyes. 

"Better to chance it, I think. You should always take a chance at happiness. And more than anything, I think you deserve happiness." 

He smiles down on Kurt one last time, turns, and walks out of the room. 

Kurt remains still, pulse racing, and a single sob echoes off the tastefully decorated walls of the senior commons.

CHAPTER 14. HOLD ME 

"Are you okay?" Blaine asks once Kurt returns to their dorm room. He leaps off the bed and rushes over to Kurt. He reaches out to touch him, obviously noticing Kurt's red, tear-filled eyes, but for some reason he reconsiders the action and drops his hands. "Kurt?" 

"I'm okay," Kurt sniffles. 

"If you were okay, you wouldn't be crying. What happened? Did you leave him? Did he say something to you? Was he mean?" 

"No, it was fine, please I just-" 

"Kurt-" 

"Blaine, please I just need some - some space for a little while." 

Blaine backs away looking hurt, almost rejected, but he nods all the same. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" 

"No, you're fine. I just need to breathe." 

"O-okay. Do you want me to go to the library or something? I can go see David and leave you alone." 

"No, I want you to stay." 

"...You want space, but you want me to stay?" 

"I just need to know you're still here," Kurt admits, tears welling in his eyes once more as his arms wind around his middle. 

"Of - of course I'm here," Blaine assures him, taking the slightest step forward again. 

Kurt stands at a loss. He's fighting every instinctual bone in his body from throwing himself at Blaine. He wants to be held, wants Blaine's scent all around him, wants it all. 

He's torn between that and keeping very far away. 

Away from temptation. 

Because with Blaine near, it'd be so easy to let those words slip out...those three little words he just can't help but feel. 

"Kurt, I'm right here." 

Kurt loses it. He bursts into tears and launches himself at Blaine, whose arms come around him in a second, no hesitation whatsoever. Kurt breathes him in. The familiarity of Blaine's arms, the feel of his hair, the scent of his skin, it's all so perfect. 

"It's okay," Blaine coos into his ear. Kurt's suddenly reminded of a time when he felt confined and broken, a time when Blaine held him when he cried, a time before this all became so complicated. 

"I know you don't want to anymore," Kurt says through his tears, "but can you - can you...hold me? Like - like you used to? When we-" 

"Come here," Blaine says softly, dragging Kurt over to his bed. He urges Kurt down on the bed, ignoring the shoes still on his feet. They both crawl onto the bed and Blaine cuddles up behind him. "This okay?" 

"Tighter," Kurt whispers, pulling Blaine's arms around him, begging for just a tiny bit more security than he had five minutes ago. 

"I'm here, I'm here," Blaine keeps repeating, holding Kurt as close as physically possible. 

"I've missed this so much," Kurt can't stop himself from saying. 

On the next second, he wants to smack himself for admitting such a thing. He expects Blaine to tense, expects Blaine to pull away, expects to be abandoned. 

But none of these things happen. 

"Me too," Blaine breathes against the back of Kurt's neck. "A lot." 

But - but...oh god. Kurt doesn't even understand what his pulse is doing right now. He doesn't understand what anything means. He just knows that he's here, that Blaine's here. He can feel Blaine's forehead nuzzling the nape of his neck. 

And Kurt knows he's completely in love with him. 

So if he had so much trouble holding the words back, why can't he just say them?

Kurt wakes later that evening. He's still curled up on Blaine's bed but the room is quiet and the arms that held him so securely earlier had disappeared. 

The door opens. 

"Hey," Blaine says with a small smile when he sees Kurt rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 

"Hi," Kurt yawns. "Where'd you-" 

"You missed dinner," Blaine explains. Only then does Kurt see the small, plastic container filled with salad in Blaine's hand. "I brought you this and one of those little fruit bowl things you like so much." 

Kurt tries hard to not think too long on the fact that Blaine knows his eating habits so well. He sits up and smiles as Blaine walks towards him, offering the salad and the fruit bowl he pulls from his bag. 

"I didn't want to wake you." Blaine seats himself on the end of the bed. 

"Thank you." 

They sit in silence as Kurt eats his dinner but Kurt does notice that Blaine doesn't take his eyes off him. It's very odd, eating when someone is watching you that intently, but he ignores the strange behavior in favor of his growling stomach. 

"You okay?" Blaine asks once Kurt is pretty much done with his food. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," Kurt nods. 

"Didn't seem fine earlier," Blaine says quietly. 

"I'm okay now." 

"But you were crying." 

"I'm fine, I promise. Drew just - he just said a few things that I think I needed to hear." 

"About what, though?" 

"About...me." 

Blaine looks hard at Kurt, as though he knows Kurt is keeping something from him. Kurt can tell he wants to press for more information but he also knows Blaine; he knows he won't dig too deeply for fear of overstepping his boundaries when it comes to Kurt. Blaine finally nods, though his jaw seems tight. 

"As long as he didn't hurt you." 

"He didn't," Kurt assures. "He was actually very diplomatic about the whole thing. He understands that you can't force attraction when it doesn't exist." 

"Good." 

"Why are you so concerned?" 

"Because if he - because I," Blaine growls in frustration at his inability to phrase his words properly. "Because you're my best friend. And if anyone hurts you in any way it's my job to make sure it never happens again." 

"You're sure that's the only reason?" Kurt's voice is soft, barely audible even in the silence of the room. He glances over at Blaine to see his eyes go wide in either fear or shock, possibly both, and notices how his breath hitches in his chest. 

Blaine swallows. 

"Yes." 

Kurt nods in reply. 

They avoid the topic for the rest of the night. 

But Kurt doesn't think that's the end of it.

CHAPTER 15. I LIED 

If Kurt thought the tension with Blaine would lessen after he broke up with Drew, he'd be wrong. It seems that just because he doesn't have another boy to moon over, just because there isn't another person in the convoluted equation, it doesn't mean things are easier. 

Because they're not and Kurt hates it. 

Especially when the truth of the matter is staring him right in the face. 

Ugh, stupid feelings. 

Stupid emotions. 

Stupid Blaine and his stupidly good looking naked torso when he steps out of the shower a few nights later. 

Why can't he dry off completely? Why does he have to have a few droplets of water clinging to his shower beaten skin? Why does he have to smell so delicious? Why is that towel sitting so low on his hips and why oh why didn't he just bring his clothes into the bathroom to change into in the first place? 

"Kurt?" 

"What? Why? What? Sorry." 

"...What are you staring at?" 

"N-nothing. Just - just you know, zoning out. You happen to be there. Sorry." 

"O...kay?" 

"What? I can't just zone out once in a while?" 

"I don't recall saying that," Blaine says while attempting to suppress a smile. 

"Well then just - just let me zone." 

"Zone away." 

"Stop it!" 

"Stop what?" 

Kurt groans and drags a pillow into his lap to cover up his sudden erection. Blaine's stupid towel is stupid and red and a drop of water slips down from his stupid chest, over his stomach, to soak into the towel right next to his exposed hip bone. 

"Kurt, you're staring at me like you want to eat me alive." 

"Put some clothes on, then!" 

Blaine seems to consider the option as he stares back at Kurt, eyes dark and hooded, before he drops the pair of pajama pants he had retrieved onto the floor. He doesn't even blink as he unfastens the towel around his waist. 

He lets it fall. 

"What are you doing?" Kurt squeaks out. As surprised as he is at the turn of events, he can't help but lick his lips when Blaine is suddenly completely naked in front of him. 

"You still want me." 

It isn't a question. 

Well of course it isn't a damn question. 

Kurt's practically salivating. 

He doesn't respond because any blood he had in his brain is now taking up residence between his legs. 

"You do," Blaine pushes. "You can't even stop looking at me." 

What the hell is that supposed to mean? Is this torture? Is this payback for dating someone else? Is it teasing, is it - what is it? 

"Why - why are you doing this?" Kurt asks, the question barely loud enough to be considered a whisper. 

"Because I never stopped wanting you either." 

At that confession, Blaine strides over to Kurt's bed, yanks the pillow out of his lap, grabs Kurt under the knees and pulls him down so that he slides down the wall, flat on his back on the bed. Blaine tosses Kurt's legs over his shoulders and promptly tugs Kurt's sweatpants down over his hips. 

With one swift motion, Kurt's dick is bumping against the back of Blaine's throat as he sucks. He moans loudly, fingers digging into the pale flesh stretched taut over Kurt's hips. The sensation is so abrupt, so unexpected, but godsofuckinggood and even though Kurt knows this should not be happening, his fingers fly to Blaine's hair. 

"Blaine, fuck, yes," Kurt grinds out as his hips thrust of their own accord up into the wet heat of Blaine's mouth. 

When he looks down, Blaine's eyes are closed and he's completely focused on the act of sucking Kurt like he's trying to suck him dry. He almost looks a little crazy, a little unhinged, but Jesus fuck can his tongue do marvelous things. All Kurt can do is hang on and enjoy. 

Blaine's teeth intentionally graze the fleshy head of Kurt's dick. He wraps his fingers around the base, so tight, so sure, fisting him as he continues to suck with fervor, tongue lapping at the pre-come like it's fucking ice cream. Blaine's nails claw his skin leaving thin, red marks in their wake and god, it's all just so good. 

"I'm - Blaine, I'm-" 

Blaine sucks hard, moans once more, and Kurt's coming in his mouth. Blaine doesn't stop swirling his tongue. He doesn't stop drinking him down. He doesn't release his hold on Kurt's hips. By the time Kurt's panting and twitching, he's got to pull Blaine away because he's just too enthusiastic and Kurt's too sensitive. Blaine seems to think that's his cue to drop Kurt's legs from his shoulders and slither up over him, damp, naked body resting heavily on Kurt's chest and Blaine crashes their mouths together in a hungry, bitter kiss. Kurt whines at the taste of himself on Blaine's tongue and kisses back. He's sated, tired, and he's just not thinking straight anymore. 

It isn't until Blaine's hand slides around to cup the back of his neck that he finally turns his head and breathes, "Stop." 

The reaction is instant. Blaine freezes, hot breath falling into Kurt's ear. 

"You don't want this," Kurt states, voice a little too rough. 

"Yes, I do." 

"No," Kurt whispers sadly, turning his head back to face his friend as Blaine pulls away just slightly. Kurt reaches in between them, gently gripping Blaine's erection. "You want this," he says, giving a slight squeeze. He drags his fingers back up over Blaine's torso, placing his hand delicately over Blaine's chest...just over his heart. "I want this." 

"...What?" 

"I - I lied," Kurt begins. 

"What're you talking about?" Blaine asks as he slides off of Kurt, off the bed, scrambling for the towel he had dropped. 

"When we...when we started all this stuff," Kurt speaks softly. He swallows hard. "The friends with benefits stuff. I lied." 

"Lied about what?" Blaine asks hesitantly, tying the red towel back around his waist. "I don't understand." 

"Well I, uh, I only half lied," Kurt amends as he tugs his sweatpants back up over his hips and sits up. 

"Would you just-" 

"When I said I wouldn't develop feelings for you," Kurt snaps out impatiently. "One of the rules was that we didn't develop feelings. But the thing is - I - they were already there. The feelings, I mean. I already had feelings. For you." 

Blaine doesn't move a single inch, though Kurt thinks he can see his fingers tighten around the edge of the towel he's holding around his waist. 

"But - but you-" 

"I had those feelings. I had them all along. I liked you more than - more than just a friend for a long time." 

"T-then why did you-" 

"Because I wanted to be close to you," Kurt confesses. "I wanted to be closer to you than anyone else. I wanted to have something with you that no one else had with you, even if I couldn't...have you. And I did it for the reasons we initially agreed on; I didn't want to do any of that kind of stuff with someone who would just hurt me in the end. So...I let it happen. And I let you hold me. And I let you kiss me and touch me and - and it just got worse. The feelings." 

Blaine stands, bewildered and maybe a little hurt, but he asks the question anyway. "Got worse how?" 

Kurt clutches a pillow to his chest. He doesn't know if he should look at Blaine when he finally admits to it all. Should he look away? Should he avoid his eyes? Blaine probably hates him now. 

But there's nothing for it. 

"It got worse because I fell in love with you."

CHAPTER 16. IT'S A PRISON WITHOUT YOU 

"Y-you're in love with me?" 

"I can't help it," Kurt says softly, miserably. 

He avoids Blaine's eyes, glancing down, sideways, anywhere else but him. It's over. He's ruined everything. It's all gone. It's over. Their friendship can't survive this, there's no hope. 

"Why did you lie?" Blaine says as if he needs to know. 

"Because you were worth the lie," Kurt admits. "Because I was - I was okay with something, anything, even if I couldn't be everything." 

"I...I can't-" 

Blaine doesn't finish his sentence. He snatches his forgotten pajama pants off the floor, rushes into the bathroom to change, and then he's out the door to their dorm room. He doesn't bother with a shirt, he doesn't bother with shoes, he just...leaves. 

Holding his breath, Kurt watches him leave without so much as a single word. 

He breaks.

Blaine doesn't come back to the dorm room that night. 

Kurt falls into a restless, anxious sleep.

When he wakes the next morning, Blaine still isn't in the room. But when Kurt rubs the sleep out of his eyes and focuses on the sunrays filtering in through the window, he notices Blaine's pajama pants he had been wearing last night are on the floor. Blaine's closet door is thrown open and his car keys that normally sit on the corner of his desk are gone. 

Kurt's worried. Something hot and nervous curls around his heart and he suppresses the urge to gag. 

There's no note. There's no telling where he could have gone. 

All Kurt wants to do is stay in bed. He wants to curl up under a mound of blankets and stare at a blank wall. But he can't do that because he has a stupid test today. Thankfully it's French, so he didn't have to study. He groans and crawls out of bed.

Blaine isn't at breakfast, he isn't in any of the classes they share, he isn't at lunch, and Warblers rehearsal is cancelled which is just unheard of. 

"David!" Kurt calls as he's heading back to the dorm. "Wait up." 

David stops, brushing off Wes and Thad who like quite irritable, and turns back to wait for Kurt. 

"Where'd he go?" Kurt asks. "Where's Blaine?" 

David smiles, though it's a very sad smile, and puts his hand on Kurt's shoulder. "To tie up some lose ends." 

"B-but what does that mean?" 

"You'll find out, I'm sure." 

"David-" 

"He's okay, Kurt. Don't worry. I'm sure he'll be back after dinner." 

With that, David walks away, leaving Kurt looking thoroughly confused and concerned in his wake.

When Blaine doesn't show up for dinner, Kurt's hoping that David was right and that Blaine will be back soon. Kurt finishes his salad quickly and rushes back to the dormitory. He shoves his key in the lock, fingers frantic even though he doesn't know what to expect. He pushes through the doorway. 

The room is just as empty as it was this morning. 

Kurt drops his bag, kicks off his shoes, and seats himself on the edge of the bed. 

What if he never comes back? What if Blaine transfers somewhere else? What if he can't stand the sight of Kurt anymore? 

Painful and occasionally irrational thoughts swirl through his head as he stares at Blaine's unoccupied bed. He never makes his bed, Kurt thinks. Kurt has to stop himself from falling onto his friend's bed just so he can smell the sheets, so he can smell Blaine's shampoo on his pillowcase. 

The silence of the room is pressing in on him and the setting sun makes everything shadowed and dim. This room is a prison without Blaine. 

The door slams open. 

Kurt's head snaps to the side to see Blaine standing in the doorway, panting heavily but smiling brightly. 

"I love you too," Blaine says immediately. 

There's a bruise forming on his cheekbone. 

About ten billion things race through Kurt's head all at once, but he can't speak a single word when Blaine shuts the door behind him and moves to stand directly in front of Kurt, Blaine's thighs bumping against Kurt's knees. 

"I think I've loved you every day since we first kissed, but I can't be too sure," Blaine says with a smile, reaching out a steady hand to cup Kurt's pale cheek. "I'm sorry it took me so long to say it." 

"Y-you're hurt," Kurt whispers. His glassy eyes stare up at his friend, the boy he's completely in love with, and he's never wanted to hold someone so badly. "What happened?" 

"I went home," Blaine explains as his thumb brushes over Kurt's lip. "I left early and drove to my parents' house. When I got there, my father had already gone to work. I told my mother all about you because I couldn't keep it in any longer. I told her how beautiful you were, I told her how amazing your voice was, I told her how brave and how kind you were. I told her that I wanted to be with you. I told her I was terrified and she held me when I cried." 

Kurt sits, speechless, soaking up the warmth of Blaine's hand on his face. 

"My father came home for lunch." 

"Blaine-" 

"I told him that I was in love with a boy, a gorgeous, talented, wonderful boy and he hit me." 

"Oh god..." 

But Blaine doesn't look sad or beaten down. He's got tears in his eyes but he's got a huge smile on his lips and he takes Kurt's hands in his own. Blaine kisses his knuckles. 

"It didn't even hurt," Blaine continues with a slight laugh. "I think I actually laughed at him. And then my mother slapped him across the face and said she'd had it with him. I helped her pack her suitcases. She said she was done staying silent." 

"You're - you're not-" 

To be honest, Kurt doesn't know how to finish the sentence he started. But he doesn't have to because Blaine leans down and plants a soft kiss to Kurt's slightly parted lips. 

"She's getting her own apartment," Blaine whispers when he pulls back. "She wants to meet you as soon as possible. And we don't have to worry about my father ever again." 

"I thought he paid for your tuition here at Dalton." 

"My mother has plenty of her own money. Don't worry," Blaine smiles. "I'm not going anywhere." 

"You-" 

"I love you," Blaine breathes, kissing Kurt's forehead. "I love you." He kisses the tip of Kurt's nose. "I love you." 

He kisses Kurt's lips. 

Kurt sighs at the feeling. The black cloud that had been hovering over him, over both of them the past few months dissipates in a single moment of lips on lips, mingled breath, and a sweet declaration of love. 

"There's one more thing I can teach you, I think," Blaine says softly, twining his hands into Kurt's hair. "Though I've never done it either." 

"Y-you want-" 

"Let me make love to you." 

Blaine's eyes glimmer in the dim room, the last bit of setting sun tipping through the window pane, and he smiles gently. Kurt grins in reply and tugs Blaine onto his bed.

CHAPTER 17. THE FINAL EXAM 

"Wait, wait," Blaine pulls away. 

"What-" 

"We need - hold on," Blaine mumbles, rushing over to his desk to root through a drawer for something. When he returns, he places a bottle of lubricant and a condom next to Kurt's pillow on the bed. 

Kurt lifts an eyebrow. "Well, aren't you prepared?" 

"Better to be prepared than, you know, not." 

"How long have you had condoms in your desk drawer? I remember you had lube from when...yeah," Kurt wonders as Blaine stretches out over him. 

"Uh...a while," Blaine blushes. 

"Oh?" Kurt teases, trailing his fingers down Blaine's spine. 

Blaine shivers. "Since that first time you let me suck you." 

The way Blaine's voice sounds almost breathless combined with the insistent drag of his hips over Kurt's thigh brings Kurt to the realization that they are talking far too much. To remedy such a heinous crime, Kurt lifts his head from the pillow and captures Blaine's lips in a slow, hard kiss. He feels the heat of Blaine's sigh against his face. 

He never thought he'd miss kissing someone so much. 

Even though they're fully clothed, Kurt almost swears he can feel their heartbeats synch up in their chests. Kurt trails his fingers up Blaine's arms, sliding them over Blaine's shoulders and up to Blaine's neck where he feels an erratic pulse beneath two fingers, a sign that Blaine is real and that he's there and please, oh please don't let this be a dream. 

It doesn't feel like a dream when Blaine grinds their hips together again, the unmistakable evidence of sheer need caught between two teenage bodies and the pitter-patter of nervous, young hearts clattering in their chests. 

"You've been a good teacher," Kurt says with a coy smile when they part for air. 

Blaine laughs breathlessly in return and rests his forehead against Kurt's. "Except I don't know exactly how to teach this last bit." 

"It's like the final exam," Kurt says. "All the other things we've done have been like, practice. Assignments. Essays. Quizzes. And it all boils down to this one test." 

"If only I knew what to put on the exam." 

"That's okay. Tons of teachers just copy a test out of a book. You don't have to know all the answers." 

"That just makes me an asshole teacher." 

"...Pun intended?" Kurt asks with a quirk of his eyebrow. 

"Maybe." 

"I think we need to be naked for this test though. So you know I'm not cheating. You have to make sure I don't have the answers written on my hand or my arm or something like that." 

"I like the way you think, Mr. Hummel," Blaine grins. 

They shrug off their clothing; it isn't slow and sweet, it isn't dreamy glances combined with sweet kisses planted on suddenly naked skin. The act is frantic. They're teenagers. They're excited and nervous all at the same time. But when they're finally bare, chest to chest, thighs to thighs, everything seems a little bit more familiar. This is a place they've already explored. It's skin they already know, pressure points they've memorized. 

"You're beautiful," Blaine whispers into Kurt's ear as he drags his hand over Kurt's naked hip and up his side. 

Kurt wishes he had something to say in return, some witty remark, some sarcastic reply. 

He comes up empty and finds he can't stop staring into Blaine's eyes. 

"I love you," is all he can say. 

Blaine presses a kiss to his jaw. "I love you too." 

It isn't a dream. 

Kurt's sure of that now. 

"I'll tell you every day," Blaine breathes, sprinkling wet little kisses down Kurt's neck. "Every day." 

And Kurt can't wait to hear it. 

"Touch me," Kurt says because he can't stand it anymore. He needs to feel...everything. 

Blaine seems to understand so he bites down oh so slightly on Kurt's clavicle, thrusting his hips down and Kurt grips Blaine's shoulders as if he might slip away at any second. Blaine thrusts again. Kurt can't stop the whine that escapes his throat, tumbling out between his lips and he hears Blaine moan against his neck. Blaine kisses his collarbone once more before he lifts his hips just enough to slither his hand in between their bodies. He takes firm grip of Kurt's erection, tugging, twisting his wrist, pulling so perfectly. He knows what Kurt likes. He knows how tightly he should squeeze and it drives Kurt fucking mad. 

"Inside me," Kurt pants out, "please." 

"You - are you sure?" 

"Yes," Kurt whines, wrapping one leg around Blaine's waist to tug him closer. "I don't need a review. I want you. Please." 

Blaine stares into Kurt's eyes for a long moment, searching for truth or - or untruth, searching for fear or unease but Kurt knows he finds none as soon as he releases his hold on Kurt's dick and reaches for the lubricant. Kurt lets his leg fall from around Blaine's waist, spreading his thighs as Blaine slicks up his fingers. He brushes one finger over Kurt's entrance and then slides it inside. 

Kurt hisses, clenching instinctively, only to relax and bear down when he remembers the sensation. They'd only done this a handful of times before, but Christ did he remember how good it could feel. 

"This might be weird, but can I just say that I missed doing this so much? I just...god, I missed the sounds you make," Blaine breathes as he watches the expressions on Kurt's face. "I missed the way you feel around me and just - you're so hot for it, I can't even..." 

Kurt can't quite respond at the moment because Blaine presses another finger inside and oh yeah, yes, this, he missed this too. 

"I can't wait to be inside you," Blaine whispers directly into Kurt's ear as he crooks his fingers, causing Kurt to bite his lips to muffle his scream. 

Kurt claws at Blaine's back when he repeats the motion. "Please, please, please," Kurt cries into Blaine's strong shoulder. 

Blaine kisses his temple and slips another finger inside. They've never tried three fingers before but Kurt figures it had to come sometime considering Blaine's dick is quite a bit bigger than two fingers. It burns. It burns a lot in an uncomfortable kind of way but Blaine holds him close and then decides to kiss him roughly, like he needs Kurt's tongue more than air at the moment. Blaine continues to stretch him as best he can, spreading his fingers, twisting, occasionally hitting Kurt's prostate and that makes him writhe uncontrollably on the bed. 

"N-now," Kurt stutters out. He can't seem to say much more. "Now." 

Blaine's breath is hot against Kurt's lips as he removes his fingers and reaches for the little foil wrapper. He tears it open with nervous hands. There's an awkward, fumbling moment when Blaine tries to slide the condom on and it's bizarre because Kurt has never seen Blaine so nervous in bed before. But then he remembers that this is different and this is new to both of them. 

Uncharted territory. 

Kurt hears Blaine cover his condom-clad erection with lube and hey, this is real. This is happening. 

"Just - just let me know if I need to stop. Or slow down. Or anything," Blaine states when he's hovering over Kurt, balancing himself on one arm while he slips a pillow under Kurt's hips. He aligns his dick with Kurt's entrance. 

"I will," Kurt assures him. He's shaking a little. He feels sort of cold for some reason. He's more nervous than he can ever recall being. 

But Blaine peers down at him with such...a warm smile, with such kind eyes. 

Kurt could almost see the hearts in those eyes. 

Blaine pushes inside. 

Oh okay, holy shit, that's pretty painful. Kurt goes rigid, fingers digging into the skin of Blaine's shoulders, face screwed up in pain. 

"A-are you okay?" Blaine asks breathlessly. "Do I need to st-" 

"Just give - give me a minute," Kurt hisses. He wills his body to relax, to accept the large intrusion. Once he finally catches his breath, he locks one leg back around Blaine's waist, the heel of his foot pressing against the small of Blaine's back to urge him deeper. "Just go slow." 

Blaine gives a shaky nod and an equally shaky deep breath before pushing in just a little more. Kurt bites his lip to stop from crying out. Even though Blaine is moving as slow as possible, it still kind of feels like he's being torn apart. Kurt's body clenches, belly tight, and he knows he's already sweating. But before he knows it, Blaine is completely sheathed, buried inside him, forehead nuzzling Kurt's neck as Blaine suppresses a moan. 

"K-Kurt...it's - oh god, you're so tight." 

Yeah. Basically. Blaine doesn't move. Kurt can feel Blaine's hot breath ghosting over his neck as he attempts to relax. He doesn't know how long they stay like that, fitted together like this, but eventually the worst of the pain subsides. There's still an ache or a burn of sorts, but he no longer feels like he's being split in half. So he kisses Blaine's hair and says, "Move. Please." 

Blaine groans above him but does as he's told. He pulls out slowly and both of them hiss at the slick, dragging sensation. 

"Oh...my god," Kurt moans when Blaine pushes back inside. 

So this is what it was like. This was how it was. This - this feeling of full and complete and oh, yes, fuck yes. This is how it feels to be a part of a whole. Kurt's suddenly very glad he waited. He's glad he's with Blaine. He's glad his first time includes all of this. 

The burn was still ever present but shit; Kurt could feel heat and something strong and solid, he could feel Blaine inside him. He's pushing, pulling, thrusting, groaning, in and out, in and out. The temperature in the room soars to a searing heat and Kurt clings to Blaine's sweaty skin. The heel of his foot is digging into Blaine's back, urging him to move more, more faster, thrust harder. 

"I love you," Blaine states between clenched teeth. "Oh god, I love you." 

"Y-yes," is all Kurt can reply. "Oh right - yes, there, fuck..." 

Blaine pauses in his motions, angles his hips differently, reaches to the side to claw at Kurt's thigh, and he thrusts again, right - right - right - 

There. 

"Blaine," Kurt chokes on air as his orgasm hits him suddenly, with full speed, like a train wreck. 

"Yes," Blaine moans into Kurt's hair as he shudders. "Oh - yes..." 

They ride it out together, sweat and heat mingling. Blaine presses wet, soft kisses to Kurt's forehead. He collapses. They lay, panting, in a tangled heap of young limbs and a long, sated moment. 

"I love you too," Kurt whispers. 

He feels Blaine smile against his shoulder. 

Kurt decides, as far as educations go, this whole sex one was probably the best yet. 

He looks down at Blaine to see his eyes closed, but a smile still on his lips. 

Yeah. Definitely the best. 

End.