CHAPTER EIGHT:
TO BE ALONE

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TOMMY HAD BEEN WATCHING Helen dance since the party started. She knew it, too; she was not above admitting that she moved with more of a swing to her hips, her eyes occasionally catching his through the bright orange flames of the firepit. Tommy's face didn't betray much. Helen did swear, though, that every time she danced with the company of another man — whether that be one of Tommy's boys or even some of the Lees — that his expression darkened just a tad. She noticed it in the clench of his jaw, in the way he turned away for just a moment — then, unable to resist, he would look back just a second later, and something like defeat seemed to settle on his face.

After three dances with the same ending, Helen couldn't stomach it anymore.

She danced alone for the rest of the night, or when she was bored, with the Lee girls or even Ada. The only Shelby sister seemed to be having the night of her life. She spun around in dizzying circles, her cheeks flushed pink from the heat of the fire. She laughed and pulled Helen in for a hug several times, leaning her head against the blonde girl's shoulder and drunkenly humming along to the boisterous tunes the Lees had picked to celebrate John and Esme's union.

Speaking of the new couple, once Helen managed to detach herself away from Ada, she emerged from the crowd to find John smirking as Esme whispered something in his ear. She pulled back when Helen approached, and offered a hesitant — albeit, rather confused — smile as John laughed and, in a manner that reminded Helen of his sister, all but threw his arms around her shoulders.

"Thanks for bein' here, Nel," he stumbled over his words, the whiskey in his cup sloshing and spilling down the front of his shirt. John laughed again as Helen grimaced, and Esme disappeared over to a nearby table to grab something to dry the stain. "Wasn't sure you'd show up, but if I'm bein' honest, I didn't even bloody know I was getting married..."

"That's Tommy for you," Helen mused, having long since realised that Tommy was the mastermind behind the union with the Lees; like a puppeteer, John and Esme moved how he wanted them to, maybe without even realising it yet. "Rumour has it, though, that your bride was meant to be Lizzie Stark."

Helen had heard all about Lizzie Stark and her connection to Tommy. Helen wanted to resent her for it, but that would make her a hypocrite. Besides, Lizzie was a lovely woman. She never did anything to spite Helen personally, it was just business. Helen knew that better than anything.

"I would've asked you," John said, and Helen barely had a chance to comprehend what he'd just admitted before he rambled on, "But I couldn't do that to Tom. I've said it to ya before, Nel. Tommy still loves you. He may be infatuated with that barmaid, but she's nothin' serious. I couldn't do that to him. Not that he'd let me anyways. He'd kill me just for tellin' you this—"

"Okay, John," Helen cut him off quickly as Esme appeared with a cloth in hand. As she got closer, Helen raised her voice so they didn't look suspicious, "It's good to meet you, Esme. I'm Helen."

"I've heard a lot about you, Helen." This time, when Esme smiled, it seemed to light up her whole face. She was a pretty girl, but there was something sharp to her beauty, like a knife hidden behind one's back. Helen had a feeling she could give John a hard time if she wanted to. "Or is it Nel?"

"It's Nel," John cut in before Helen could. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, while Esme held onto John's arm so he wouldn't stumble over his own feet. "None of this Helen shit no more, Nel. Makes you sound as old as Polly—"

"What was that, John Shelby?" Polly seemed to appear out of thin air. When John shrugged and pretended to be clueless, she flicked his ear and narrowed her eyes. John grumbled and ducked out of her reach. "That's what I thought. Now, Helen." John and Esme almost immediately retreated at the tone of Polly's voice. Esme had been a Shelby for all of three hours and already she knew where the lines were. "Ada's been asking for you. Do you think you could calm her down? I'm concerned about the baby."

"Calm her down?" Helen frowned, and followed Polly's gaze to where Ada had one hand on her bulging stomach and the other thrown around a random Lee boy's neck. He was grinning and spinning her around so quickly that Helen felt dizzy just looking at them. "Oh."

"Oh, indeed."

"Why me?" Helen couldn't help but ask.

She spied Tommy standing at the edge of the dancing crowd, watching his sister with evident annoyance. Ada seemed to be deliberately ignoring him — why, Helen hadn't even attempted to understand. A lot had happened in the past several months. She knew all of two things; one, that the baby due in the coming months was Freddie Thorne's and he was nowhere to be found; two, that Freddie and Ada had gotten married at some point, and Tommy had lost his shit.

"As if she'd listen to me or Tommy," Polly scoffed, beginning to sound impatient with Helen's ignorance. "Or anyone who's family, really."

Which Helen was not.

Sighing, Helen braved the drunken bodies once more to where Ada was somewhere in the middle. She beamed when she spotted Helen over her partner's shoulder, and latched onto her mid-twirl, the blue and yellow skirt fanning around Helen's legs like the sea had collided with the sun.

"Okay, Ada, why don't we sit down for a minute?"

"But I don't want to," Ada whined, then stubbornly shook her head in refusal. "It's a wedding, Nel. People dance at weddings."

"But you've been dancing so much," Helen pointed out, not wanting to upset the girl. Ada was already clutching at her stomach. She didn't seem to notice herself doing it, but the strain must've been hurting her. "I'm getting tired just looking at you."

"Then you should get yourself a drink!" Ada exclaimed. At the same time, she snatched the beer out of a nearby fellow's hand, upending most of the frothing liquid onto her own skirt before pouring the rest over Helen's. "Oh. Whoops."

"Ada, please—"

By then, they'd started drawing attention. Arthur sent the pissed off Lee boy who'd lost his drink to grab another one, then pushed his way past onlookers to latch onto his sister. Ada quickly squirmed out of his grip and scowled at both of them, somehow still giggling as she kicked off her heels and wriggled her toes in the mud.

"Come here," Arthur attempted to grab her again and failed. "Enough now. Enough."

"Alright, Ada—" The crowd seemed to part for Tommy, who, with some more prompting from Polly, had decided to just bite the bullet and approach his sister himself. "Come on, have a rest now. Let's sit down."

Ada had stopped spinning, but something red hot and furious had replaced her previous glee. "Come and look, Esme," she spat over her shoulder to where John and Esme had slowly made their way over. John seemed sober now, and rightfully pissed off. "Look at the family you've joined. Come and look at the man who runs it."

"Ada—"

Tommy was cut off as Ada slammed her fists against his chest. He stumbled back one step, nearly knocking into Helen, then righted himself and latched onto Ada's swinging fists. "He chooses his brother's wives for them. He hunts his own sister down like a rat and tries to kill his own brother-in-law!"

"Ada, that's enough," Arthur snapped. He seemed wary of the crowd of Lees present, each with a keen interest in the skeletons kept in the Shelby closet. He had a hand resting on his gun, prompting John to do the same.

"Now he won't even let me have a fucking dance! Not even at a fucking wedding!" Ada screamed, shoving Polly's arm off her waist fruitlessly. She was already being lead away, but the harsh words continued without thought. "What, is it because I was dancing with Nel, Thomas? Does it make you jealous? Does it make you sad that this could've been your own wedding if you hadn't fucked up?"

Tommy remained silent, even when his brothers started grumbling and Polly raised her own voice to drown out Ada's screams that quickly turned into sobs, then pants like she couldn't inhale enough air. Helen watched Tommy's face, but he gave nothing away. He merely looked embarrassed for Ada, more than upset or angry — then, all of a sudden, concerned.

"Holy shit," Polly gasped, and Helen turned just in time to see a rush of water pool between Ada's feet. "Water."

"Oh, bloody hell, Ada," Arthur scoffed as he threw his hands in the air. "You do pick your times!"

"It's not like she could help it, Arthur," Helen couldn't help the amused laugh she let out.

Ada was glowering at her brother, caught somewhere between the panic of incoming labour and disbelief that Arthur had the gall to be so annoyed. This time, when Polly and Esme — who had swooped in almost as soon as Ada's waters broke — rushed in to help her to the car, she didn't fight them.

There was a new Shelby — or Thorne, Helen supposed — about to enter this world, and Helen heard Ada's cries well into the early hours of the morning. The whole of Watery Lane did, it seemed, for several times, Helen would peek through the curtains and catch someone else doing the same. Nosy shits. It was only when the coppers came, just when Helen had almost drifted off to sleep, that she stepped out into the cold night, her heart sunken low in her chest.

Freddie Thorne screamed for his wife and newborn son even when the coppers had him locked up in the back of their car. In that moment, Helen couldn't help but pity him. She locked the door behind her and made her way down the street to where Polly had taken off in the direction of the pub. Esme was watching her from the step, caught between following her and tending to Ada, who'd been her sister-in-law for less than a day.

Talk about an eventful wedding night.

"What happened?" Helen asked Esme, her voice low as the two of them lingered by the living room door. Ada was weeping on the settee, her head bowed over the swaddled form of her son. The sight reminded Helen of Florence and Frank, the two of them cradling their own baby between them on a hospital bed, Helen standing by the door, just watching. "Where'd Polly run off to?"

"My guess is to find Tommy," Esme muttered darkly. She, too, kept her voice down in a whisper, as if she was paranoid the walls had ears that would report back to the man in question. "He promised a truce with Freddie tonight, so he could meet his son. Only the coppers just came and took him."

Helen found that hard to believe. Would Tommy seriously sell an old friend out? Even after everything that had been said and done? Freddie, as much as Tommy seemed to hate him now, was in love with Tommy's sister, and Ada loved him in turn. She'd just given birth to his child, and she bore his last name now.

Was there a limit to what Tommy Shelby would do to make his way to the top?

Helen wasn't so sure anymore.

"Ada." Slowly, she crossed the room to sit beside the girl, surprised when Ada immediately turned and began sobbing against her shoulder. Sensing his mother's distress, the baby began to cry too, and Helen winced, sharing a grimace with Esme who'd attempted to take hold of the baby and was shoved away. "Come on, let us help."

"I don't know how you ever loved him, Nel," Ada hissed, seemingly not hearing what they'd said. Instinctively, she began to rock the baby back and forth until he went quiet again, her face pale and gaunt like even that had taken the strength out of her. "He's a liar. A cold, heartless liar."

He wasn't once. But Helen wisely kept her mouth shut, just sitting beside Ada until Polly returned and just the heat of her glare warned Helen it was time to leave.

So with one last offer of help, if Ada ever needed it, she left Number 6 behind and returned to her home on the corner, yawning as the first signs of dawn seeped across the sky like paint splattered on a canvas. The sky was fresh and untainted when the rest of the world slept, but the smoke and fog would settle in as it always did. And when Helen woke the next morning, she rose with a sick feeling in her gut and a heavy ache in her chest.

So ignorant of what was to come.