ARIELLE

I was staring at Xavier's door.

The night was dark, basking the plain door in shadow. I couldn't quite tell what he was doing, or if he was even in his room at all. There were no sounds, no sign of movement besides the slight ruffles of fabric. His balcony door was certainly open.

He wasn't at the infirmary earlier and when I asked the center desk, the nurse said he was discharged and allowed to go back to his room. I checked the library on my way here—it was completely empty. Where else could he be?

Maybe he was with Damien. I should check Damien's room.

You're stalling.

Or maybe I could knock first and then try looking elsewhere if he actually doesn't answer. That would be the more logical and sane thing to do.

I took a deep breath and knocked.

"Nexus," a raspy voice called. "Let her in."

How did he know it was me?

Why was I even asking?

I stepped into his room, letting the door shut behind me. It was dark, with only a desk lamp on in the corner. His room was quite modest compared to mine. Most of it was taken up by his raised king-sized bed, whose bed sheets were currently rumpled and strewn haphazardly off the edge. The only other things in the room were a nightstand and a little desk in the corner. There were two doors along the far wall—one shut tight which led to his bathroom and closet, the other wide open, exposing his office.

There was a large, sleek desk in the center of the office along with multiple Tab monitors. The tall walls were lined with bookshelves which were filled to the brim. Most of them had tabs, notes, poking out along the top of the books. There were a few crevices in the ceiling all around the room where extra screens and detailed maps and charts could be pulled down. There were two armchairs in the corners where Xavier often completed his casual or light reading. The coffee table was clean. In fact, the whole room was spotless. His work areas usually were, unlike his bed which he didn't care much for.

I turned to look at the left side of the room. The glass balcony doors were wide open, the dark blue curtains snapping against the breeze as they glistened in the moonlight. Standing beyond the door, in the center of the balcony, leaning against the glass railing, was Xavier. His shadow cut against the city below him as he stood unmoving, facing the night.

I crossed the room and stepped out onto the balcony. In its center was a shallow, dark pool of sorts with stone square steps leading across it to the other side. I crossed the pool, careful not to fall into the water as I reached the railing, stepping to Xavier's side. He was still dead silent, as if in anticipation. He was waiting.

He already knows what I'm going to do.

I hadn't even known until I was in the Raven base, fighting for my life as the speakers blared my father's curses. And I hadn't decided that I would do it today until only about an hour ago. But he had already known.

Maybe he realized when he saw me before we confronted the Raven Lieutenant. Or perhaps he had known this day would come eventually. Perhaps he had wanted to do it himself, but waited until I was ready. How long had he waited?

Best not to keep him waiting even longer then.

I opened my mouth only to realize how dry it was. Why was it so dry? I swallowed, but it did nothing to help.

We were still standing in silence. I really should start talking.

"I've been thinking a lot in the past few days and..." I trailed off. I had forgotten the words. I tried again. "Well, I just wanted to make some changes that..."

I couldn't find the words again. Didn't I have a whole speech prepared? Where the hell did that go? Why couldn't I remember any of it.

Just get to the damn point, Arielle.

"I think we should break up."

The words tumbled out, almost as if they were a weight to be dislodged. They sounded harsh, desperate. Not at all what I wanted them to sound like.

He was silent for a moment. I held my breath.

"Okay."

I blinked. "Okay?"

"Okay," he repeated. His eyes were still glued to the city.

"Just 'okay'?"

"Just 'okay'."

I bit my lip. "You don't have anything else to say?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Why would I?"

"Well, it's just—" I paused. "People usually have something to say about this kind of stuff."

The ends of lips twitched up in the hint of a smile. "Would you rather I make a big deal about it? Complain? Beg for you to take me back? Try to make it really uncomfortable and hard for you to actually stick to your already difficult decision?"

"No," I said slowly. "And I appreciate that you're not, but—"

"Or perhaps you would like me to woo you? Sweep you off your feet and make grand confessions of love and throw roses all across your room or something ridiculous that would take hours to clean up. It would certainly satisfy your Fortier need for grand displays." He was definitely smiling now.

"I like you better when you're dead silent," I mumbled. He laughed, the sound raspy and strained but genuine.

I shook my head. "Don't you at least want to know why?"

He finally turned, his eyes meeting mine, and I knew his answer.

I already know why.

He lifted a finger, brushing away a stray strand of hair, his touch leaving a faint tickle against my cheek, like a gentle feather.

"Do whatever you want," he said. "Be free. Be happy."

He tilted his head.

"Be yourself."

And then he turned back to the city, eyes glittering in the moonlight as they watched the horizon.

"I will," I whispered.

He didn't say anything, didn't move, though he looked...satisfied.

I backed away slowly, hopping over the pool and stepping back into the room, walking back to the hall and shutting the door silently behind me. I was standing before his door, once again, alone in the long hall. I had stood before Xavier's door multiple times before, but this was different. Strange.

Most of those times I had been Daria, a girl who wasn't destined to be a Crown. She was just a naive little Royal who was enamored by her childish crush, one that was forged with the only boy in close proximity who was fated to be one of the most powerful men in the world one day. She would walk up to his room, wondering if he would like to train or study or explore and hoping that he wouldn't have something important to do with her sister or his brother or his parents or all the people who would never give her anything important to do. And usually he would have the time and if he didn't, he would make time. Maybe he liked her too. Or maybe he was just trying to be polite. She could never tell.

The rest of those times I had been a girl who was forced to be someone she wasn't. She wore a mask thick as armor, though she was always aware that it was only a mask. She would stand before his door, looking for a way to take the mask off. But she never did take the mask off. She only replaced it with a mask of the little girl, telling herself that that was who she truly was even though she knew it was a lie. It was all a lie. It always was.

But now I was neither of them. I was Arielle Fortier. And I had no clue what that meant.

I sighed and turned, walking back towards my room. I could stand in that hallway forever and I still would be no closer to figuring any of it out. I needed to get some rest. I could already feel a headache forming. Perhaps keeping the mask on would've been easier. Perhaps I should've waited before breaking off the last connection I had left with the one person who still seemed to care about me.

I walked into the Hall of Fortiers, keeping my head down, still deep in thought, when a voice called out.

"Arielle."

I halted in my tracks.

Arielle?

Perhaps I had gotten the voice wrong, or maybe I misheard. I turned to where my father stood by a pillar.

My father.

Arielle.

Was I alright? Was he alright?

"Did I startle you?" he said. His voice sounded different. Not harsh.

I bowed my head. "I should've sensed you were there. My mind was preoccupied and I lacked focus. I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "No. You were battered down for hours less than a day ago. You need rest. A lack of focus is understandable, especially when you're in your own home."

I furrowed my eyebrows and looked back up to find him tense, his eyes clouded. Was he hesitating? Scared, even?

Not possible.

"I just wanted to talk to you," he said.

So he was waiting for me. Instead of just summoning me to his parlor.

"Whatever you'd like. What is it?"

He opened his mouth and closed it. He tilted his head, looking at the ceiling far above, at its murals. At last, he spoke.

"Yesterday," he began, "when you were all in the Raven's tower, I realized something. We had no clue whether any of you were alive or not, and I realized that the last conversation we had was..."

The training room. The argument.

He shook his head. "I know I said that if she ever came back, I would give her the crown. But I never meant it like that. I never thought that she was more worthy of the crown. I just—How am I supposed to just forget about her? Just replace her with another daughter? What kind of father would that make me?"

My mind was whirling. What was he trying to say?

"I forced you take her identity because I knew that without the power of the Crown, the rest of Concorde would come for our heads. All I ever wanted was to protect you. But you don't need protecting, do you? Certainly not from a fool like me. A fool who had made childish, immature mistakes in his youth when he was disloyal to your mother. A fool who had put all of us in danger. A fool who let—" His voice shook. "A fool who let his eldest daughter disappear, who probably led her to suffer and die.

"I know I've been harsh and detached. I've been like a monster, a jailer. I've forced you into a mold that had been shaped to my liking and I punished you every time you broke free even though your only crime was proving your resilience. I've been a terrible person—a fool, all because I was a coward. Because I was afraid. Because you are determined and strong and resilient and I don't think I would've been able to live with myself if I lost you too."

His eyes were glistening.

Tears.

My breath caught, my throat constricting, my vision growing blurry.

This has to be a dream. This has to be a dream.

"You lost me anyway," I managed to whisper.

He nodded. "I know. I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve any of it. Because you're powerful, you're cunning, and you're loyal. And I know, I know, that you're the best fighter out of all of the Fortiers to have ever lived. You, through all of your determination, have managed to accomplish something impossible, something I've never even dreamed of. And, somehow, you are my daughter. I don't deserve you. And you certainly don't deserve me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

And then he was hugging me.

I didn't even realize when he had gotten so close, when he had wrapped his arms around me. But, when he had, the wind was knocked out of my lungs. His embrace was warm, encapsulating. Safe. I had forgotten this feeling, missed this feeling.

I hugged him back. He sighed in relief.

"I won't control you anymore," he whispered. "I want to be better. And I might not ever be able to make up for what I did, but I want to do better. I want to let you live, because I know, with all my heart, that if you are just given the chance, you can accomplish something amazing. That you could become something great, something that would earn you an entire wall in this very hall."

"A portrait of me that large would probably be really scary. Hideous, even."

He laughed, the sound vibrating through his chest. He brought a hand up to my hair.

"But whatever you do, whatever happens, I will be proud of you. Because you're my daughter and you're enough. And that's all that matters."

One final weight lifted off my chest.

Be yourself. You're enough.

I gripped my father tighter and leaned my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes. And I smiled.

EXCITING NEWS!!!

"School of the Crown Assassins" has won the Wattys Shortlist for 2022!!! That's two years in a row now!!

I can't believe I even got to type those last two sentences. And all of you made that possible! I would never have been able to even finish writing it without all of your guys's constant support. And all of your advice, your love, your comments, they make my day AND help me become a better writer.

So thank you to all of you wonderful, witty people that I don't deserve. I love you guys even more than Indigo loves her daggers and Arielle her blades🖤.

And I hope you guys enjoy the rest of the series to stick around. There's quite a bit in store ;)

Anyways, the next chapter will be posted tomorrow, 10/20/2022. Can't wait to see you all then!

~sweee_the_writer