I woke up as I normally did, but I didn't feel like getting out of bed. I didn't feel like doing anything. I eventually got out of bed but instead of going to my bathroom, I want out into the hall and went to my mom's room.

She was still asleep so I shook her lightly, "What," she snapped. I took a step back she really wasn't a morning person, "Oh Elizabeth, what is it sweetie?"

"Can I stay home today I'm not feeling to good." I looked at her with sad eyes, hoping she can see the pain that I feel today, and my unwillingness to actually do anything today.

"OK alright just go back to bed," I nodded and walked back to my room. I crawled back into bed and fell asleep with my cold air conditioner blazing, and a fan running on my face.

When I woke up a few hours later, it was already ten. I got up and went into the kitchen and on the fridge ,there was a note taped that said my mom was out because she had a doctors appointment and that she had some things to take care of. I nodded to myself. So, I was home alone great.

I opened the fridge to find something to eat. I looked for a while and then decided I wasn't hungry, and I wasn't really in the mood to make any food that required preparation. I closed it and went back up to my room.

I took a quick shower and put on a black and white stripped tank top, I threw on a pair of jean shorts and converse. I threw my hair into a pony tail and went outside. I started to walk , I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing I was just walking.

I got to the far end of the neighborhood where the town stops and the woods begin. I took one of the trails and continued to keep walking. I got pretty far in, about a mile or so, when I decided to stop. I took a seat on a fallen log. It wasn't very humid here so there wasn't any moss on the fallen tree. I took a long look around me, It was so quiet here- just me and my thoughts.

I began to cry as the past three years had strolled through my mind. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and just stop every thing to just enjoy being a kid and to just forget about all the pain I've suffered through this past year especially. I looked at the marks on my left forearm. each one representing a time that the pain was too much.

There were only a few, but the majority of them are covered up with my pants. Starting cuts on my wrists is a new thing for me, I never wanted anyone to be able to see them. I was all alone, surrounded by so many people I still felt alone and like I had no one to turn to. I cried more and pulled my knees to my chest and put my head down. Every one of these cuts on my body signify a time in my life where I could've gave up, but I didn't.

Each one of these cuts show how many time I was so close to giving up but I stuck through the pain anyway.

I cried and thought about all of it- the past week, the past month, the past year, my whole life. I tried to remember sometimes when I was truly happy but found that even those times had a glimmer of sadness to them as well.

At a time like this, I try not to dwell on those happy times. When I do, I think of all the underlying sadness in every happy memory I have. I frowned and looked at the sky, the sun was far off to the west. It must have been at least four at this time. I stood and went back the direction I had came back to my house. I went to my room and grabbed my phone. I had three missed calls two from my mom and one from Justin. I called my mom back to see what she wanted.

MOM: "Hello"

ME: "Hey mom what did you want?"

MOM: "Why didn't you answer your phone?"

ME: "I went out for a walk and forgot it, I'm sorry what did you want?"

MOM: "I was going to tell you that I'm going to be a little late so I'm just going to pick up a pizza for tonight, is that OK with you?"

ME: "Yeah that fine."

MOM: "OK well ill see you when I get home, love you."

ME: "Love you too, bye."

MOM: "Bye."

I hung up and checked my text messages, twelve all together. Four from Justin, four from Jasmine, and the rest from others in the group all wondering why I wasn't at school. I didn't feel like texting or talking to any one so I just texted Jasmine saying that I didn't feel good this morning and that I would be in school tomorrow. When she texted me back, she just said "OK well you missed a lot." I didn't text back so I just tossed my phone to the side and it slid off of the bed.

I went to the bathroom to wash my face off. I opened the medicine cabinet to get some Tylenol for my major headache. I grabbed them out and knocked over some things. The small screwdriver and a pink razor fell out. I looked in the sink and it called to me. The temptations were strong but I remembered the look on Jasmine's face when I told her about the new cuts she looked sad.

I couldn't hurt her again, I made a promise and I wouldn't break it. I looked at it and picked it up, I was going to get rid of the screwdriver but my hand did something else. I pried the plastic and pulled it apart. The silver blades fell out and I looked at them. I threw the useless plastic into the trash and picked up the blades.

One of them slipped and sliced my finger. The pain shot through me and the tingling rush made me forget about the world around me. I looked at the blood drip from my finger. My had reached into the sink and grabbed the other blade I put it to my wrist and pulled hard and deep.

Three times across my left arm. The blood pored out and I cried. I put the blades back into the cabinet on the top shelf. I looked down at my wrist: I broke the promise and I was ashamed. I took a red face towel and placed pressure to my wrist I leaned against the door and cried.

The pain was only a small distraction there was nothing that would change the pain I had been through my whole life I would always have that and nothing could take that away.

I stood up and pulled the cloth off my wrist. The bleeding had stopped and the towel was already red so you couldn't tell what was on it. I tossed it in the hamper and ran my arm under the water. I cleaned up and then went to my room.

I heard the front door open and my mom call "I'm home!" I ran to my closet and grabbed my hello kitty jacket and threw it on over my top. I went out to the living room and helped my mom get the groceries and put them all up. She went to the living room with two slices of pizza. I took one and went to sit down with her. I took a few bites and then I lost my appetite. I sat it on the coffee table and sat back, "What's wrong, are you OK?"

"Yeah I'm just not hungry. I ate before I called you so I'm not that hungry now." I don't know why I lied, I just did. I wasn't hungry I gave my mom a hug and went to bed. I slept in the jacket because truth be told I was really cold.

When I woke up in the morning, I felt the same depression I felt before. I shrugged it off I knew I had to be in school. I went to the bathroom and went to the sink to look in the mirror. My hair was a mess because I didn't sleep well last night and my eyes were puffy because I had woke up a few times crying. When the thought crossed my mind, my arm began to throb and the urge took over. I opened the cabinet and reached for the top shelf. I took out the small silver object and pulled my sleeve up still only a few marks maybe eight all together. I looked at each one and remembered every moment up until yesterday. I placed the blade in a new spot and pulled.

It seemed that every time I made a slice it got easier and it helped more. I continued not paying attention. Two times, three times, four, five, six, not paying attention to the marks or the harm I was causing myself just wallowing in the relief.

I stopped at eight, making it sixteen total. I let my arm bleed out. I found that if I cut lighter it didn't bleed as much but it gave me the same relief that one deep cut would. I took off the jacket and the rest of my clothes and climbed into the shower. The hot water washed away the knots in my back and the blood on my arm. I washed the wounds and they stung which only prolonged the relief.

When I got out, I put a towel around me and took another red face cloth and applied pressure to my arm. When the bleeding stopped I went back to my room to get dressed. I threw on a black shirt that featured a pink and blue robot holding hands with a thought bubble containing a heart over both of their heads, black skinny jeans and black converse, making sure that I had my jacked with me for the day ahead, I grabbed some bracelets and slid them on and at last clasped a locket around my neck.

I was still feeling the sting from the fresh cuts so my mood was a little better then I would of thought. But when I got closer to the school, I remembered the promise I had made to Jasmine. I felt bad for lying to her but it was what helped me.

I went to my locker and got out the books I needed and this time no locker slamming. I figured he was off with Asia again or with some other girl but when I turned around on the other side of the hall, there was Jasmine, Ryan, Justin, and Emily.

I was shocked to see them hanging out. Emily was the shy one of the group and she never really talked to any one but this time she was laughing at everything they where. I walked over with a fake smile on my face and said, "Good morning." they all turned and greeted me with smiles and Justin gave me a hug.

We talked for a while but when the bell rang Jasmine, Justin, and I all walked together to first period. They told me about what I had missed yesterday and apparently it was a lot. Jasmine had mentioned that Asia was trying to start a rumor about me that was so stupid no one believed it. Jasmine also said that when she had found out about it, she confronted her and then Asia and her ended up getting into a fight. Now Asia is suspended for three weeks because the principal had uncovered a lot about Asia from questioning people.

Jasmine only got four days of after school detention and that was it. I smiled at the outcome, but was glad that I hadn't been there.

We took our seats and the teacher began the lesson. I paid attention to what he was saying but at the same time wasn't paying much attention at all to the actual lesson. When it was finally lunch time, I didn't bother eating with Jasmine I told her that I had a big breakfast and that I wasn't hungry.

There it is again more lying about eating.

What was it about me? I wasn't sure but I knew that I wasn't hungry. Just the thought of food made me feel sick.

I went to the library and looked through the books. I was looking at the psychology section and saw a book on anorexia. I put it back and thought of the fact that I haven't been eating pretty much at all the past two days. I don't know what it is but I am just not hungry.

I moved on to other books and came across a few about cutting and didn't even want to go near those. I eventually moved to a different section and found the twilight books. I looked around them for books like them and came across a book called cut.

I sighed and read the back of it. It seamed like a book worth reading so I sat at a table and read it. I got about a quarter of the way through when the bell rang. I went to the counter and decided to check it out. The librarian was a sweet old lady with a pretty smile. She reminded me of my grandma in some ways. I smiled as I walked out. I went to my next class alone and through out the rest of the day I read.

By the time I got home, I had finished half of the book. It was really good it was about a girl in a rehab center for cutting. She has a mother who tends to her little brother all the time because he has a severe case of asthma, a father who works all the time, and feels the need to clean every thing when her mother is "Tired" or stressed from everything going on. She doesn't talk very much at all through out the first part of the book but as I got further she began to talk a little.

When I finished the book I felt good. I felt that if she could get through something like that and get better so could I. I wasn't feeling depressed so I wasn't having the urge. I went to the bathroom and for the second time I threw them away this time.

I went to the computer to seek help to stop. I found a lot of articles saying that cutting is something hard to get over, but not impossible. A few of them talked about something called the rubber band trick.

"Inflicting pain on yourself can take the form of cutting or burning yourself to punching a wall or other hard objects. These behaviors may become addictive over time and may be very difficult to stop. While wearing a rubber band and snapping it is often suggested as an alternative, it frequently acts as another form of self-harm. However, there are several resources available for you if the urge continues to get worse (more on this later).

In order to curb the desire to self-harm, some mental health professionals suggest using alternative coping mechanisms, such as snapping a rubber band on your wrist to mimic the sensation of cutting. In many cases, the alternatives recommended serve as ways to still cause a physical sensation while minimizing the harm to the body. However, research indicates that many of the harm reduction strategies recommended to reduce the physical damage to the body can still act as a form of self-harm. In the case of snapping rubber bands, it can cause pain and potentially leave a mark on your skin, such as the redness and bruising that you describe.

Additionally, using self-harm substitutes, like the one you described, may be a sign that the emotions or stressors contributing to your desire to hurt yourself are still bothering you. The problem with using self-harm substitutes as a coping mechanism is that these strategies don't necessarily distract the individual during a moment of crisis but can further exacerbate someone's desire to self-harm.

Resisting the urge to self-injure may involve finding ways to manage the triggers that lead to self-injuring. You mention that you're feeling stressed lately — are you also feeling angry? Depressed? Depending on the way you're feeling, there are options you could try to help you cope with the urge to injure without hurting yourself:

If you feel angry, you could try getting your emotions out by squeezing a stress ball, releasing some energy out through physical activity or dance, or making some noise by playing an instrument or singing.

If you feel numb and cutting is a way to feel deeper emotions, you could try other ways to stimulate your senses — eat flavorful foods or listen to expressive music. This could also be an opportunity to call a friend to distract you when you feel disconnected or numb. Additionally, you don't have to talk about self-harm if you don't feel comfortable, as this phone call could simply serve as time to catch up with your friend and chat.

If you need to calm down, taking a bath, going for a walk, listening to music that soothes you, cuddling with a pet (if you have one), or meditating could all be helpful.

Finally, if you continue to feel the urge to self-injure, it may be helpful to find a mental health professional to talk with about these urges. Cutting can be a difficult pattern to break. But it is possible.

If you want help overcoming a self-injury habit and you're having trouble finding anything that works for you, talk with a therapist. Getting professional help to overcome the problem doesn't mean that someone is weak or crazy. Therapists and counselors are trained to help people discover inner strengths that help them heal. These inner strengths can then be used to cope with life's problems in a healthy way.

While it may be difficult at first, expressing your emotions and talking about how to deal with stress in a more positive way may help you avoid self-injuring in the future. Moreover, if you're ever in crisis and can't reach a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional, one option for support could be the SAMHSA National Helpline (1-800-662-4357).

These substitute behaviors won't work for everyone. They also don't help people get in touch with why they are cutting. What they do is provide immediate relief in a way that doesn't involve cutting, and therefore holds less risk of harm.

Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it gently against your skin."

I went into the small office room we had that had our other computer in it. I went through the drawers and found a pack of rubber bands colorful ones. I took out six and placed three on each wrist and snapped one. It wasn't the same but it did send the rush through my body like the cutting did.

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Self harm and suicide Is not a subject to play about. If you are feeling suicidal, hurtful, or just need someone told talk to, PLEASE CONTACT SOMEONE.

As Justin Bieber once said, "Life is worth living.. So live another day."

ONE option for support could be the SAMHSA National Helpline (1-800-662-4357).