I woke up to the song Treat You Better by Shawn Mendes.

I sigh and let the song play out, it's only junior year and I already feel like my life was an endless cycle, seeming to go no where. I got up and just before the song ended, I shut the alarm off so it wouldn't repeat its whole process.

I open the music app on my phone and took it into the bathroom with me to hook it up to the speakers I have. I showered quickly, got out and dried off.

Today, I got dressed in a low cut black shirt, black skinny jeans, black running shoes, and a necklace that says love in black letters.

I let my hair air dry and curl up. I put on some lip gloss and that was it- no other makeup because I didn't need it. I grabbed my bag and skipped down the hall to the kitchen. My mom was in there getting food ready for my dad. I quickly got an apple from the refrigerator and a bottle of water.

I quietly slip out of the house so my mom doesn't notice me. She didn't need to worry about me so I didn't distract her from tending to my dad. I walked to school, as I usually do everyday. It is only four blocks away and I like walking, it gives me time before and after school to think about things.

I ate the apple and drank all of the water. When I got to school, I threw them away and walked in the direction to my locker. Taking a few seconds to get the code right, I open my locker to get some papers that I will need throughout the day. I take two books out and start to put them in my bag when I heard a "SLAM" right next to me, causing me to jump and look around.

"What do you want Justin?" I sigh angrily, I'm used to this. He has been doing this almost every day since we started high school. "Good morning beautiful," he said trying to put his arms around me.

I backed away, closing my bag. I blew him off the same as I always did. Why didn't he get it? I want him to just leave me alone, or at least would stop hitting on me and just talk to me.

I rolled my eyes at my own thoughts and started to walk to first period. I sat down and took out my homework from last night.

I got through the lesson and paid attention even though I had been through this same chapter twenty times when I was studying last weekend. After class I went back my locker to drop off my book andI closed it. I met up with Jasmine and we walked to second period.

"So how many times has he hit on you today?" she asked not even bothering with his name since we both knew who she was talking about.

"Once and I'm guessing that's why," I said pointing to Justin and Asia, his on and off girlfriend. Sometimes he would hit on me when ever he saw me but when Asia was there he would act like he didn't even know I existed. It was weird that he acted that way and it pissed me off a lot. I felt special when he would give me that attention because other than Asia I was the only girl he flirted with like that. Sure, he looked at other girls but me and Asia where the only ones he hit on or flirted with.

Yeah he is weird.

I rolled my eyes and we went to class math my favorite subject. I sat down and then got to work on the worksheet.

  ~  l u n c h ~

I walked in with Jasmine. We got our food and went to sit down at our normal table like we always did. When we finished up our lunch, we went outside where other students are all talking amongst each other.

Justin walked up with his friends and took a seat next to me. "Hey beautiful," he said putting his arm around me.

"Hey sexy," I said messing with him, he always seems to fall right into it.

"Well, I wasn't expecting that kind of response," he said pulling me closer to him, with that little smirk on his face.

"What? You don't like it when I flirt back?" I said in a flirty yet annoyed tone.

"No, No I do." he says coming closer to me, about to kiss my neck. I stood up and turned around seeing him confused and then realizing he had fallen for it again. I rolled my eyes while me and my friends start to walk away.

The rest of the day went by fast and soon it was time for my walk home. My sister didn't live with me or I would of been walking with her. She was currently living with her friend because she couldn't handle the home situation.

I got home and went to see Dad. He looks worse then he did yesterday, and I know he doesn't have much longer. A silent tear fell down my face as I left to go to my room. I changed into my pajamas and immediately began my homework. As I scribbled down the answers to the math homework, I try to keep my focus on the book in front of me, but the fresh red lines on my thighs keep catching my attention. They are barely a week old, yet no one has seen them. I haven't felt the need to cover them or anything because no one notices anyway.

I turn the page and continue to work. After a few hours, I finished all of my homework. I go down the hall to get something to eat. Once I found something I snack on, I grabbed it and went back to my room for the rest of the night.

I woke up in the morning in the same fashion I did yesterday and every other day to be exact.

I decided to keep my outfit more basic today, with a simple white crop top. I paired it with a pair of regular blue jeans, some white vans I had in the back of my closet, and a watch with a bracelet.

I walked down the hall and saw my sister in the kitchen. "Hey Olivia! what are you doing here?" she looked at me with sad eyes.

"We're not going to school today," was all she said as another tear rolled down her face.

"What why not?" I asked confused and worried.

"Mom is afraid that its time so she doesn't want us to have to be at school when we find out." she said giving me a hug. "But what about Sophia and Isabella? They're both in California, what are they going to do?"

"Well they both got a flight out and they will be here this afternoon," she said.

I took in every thing she was saying and I, too, wanted to cry. I would finally get to see my older sisters Sophia and Isabella but not under happy terms. They had both moved to California when Sophia had graduated and we didn't get to see them very often, and to have to see them like this it would really ruin a good chance. My fathers condition has been slowly withering away since he was diagnosed with a mutated disease my first day of high school. All the doctors said there was nothing we could do but enjoy the time he does have left.

I went back to my room and threw myself on the bed, letting all these emotions to overcome me so I can process them. I reach under and found my poem journal and took it out. I grabbed my pen and began to scribble the words that first came to mind.

POEM:

Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh
You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah
Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh
I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah

Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh
You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah
Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh
I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah

Thought I gave [him] everything
[he] took my heart and left me lonely
I've been broken, heart's contentious
I won't fix, I'd rather weep
I'm lost then I'm found
But it's torture bein' in love
I love when you're around
But I fuckin' hate when you leave

Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh
You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah
Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh
I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah

Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh
You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah
Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh
I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah

Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh
You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah
Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh
I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah

Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh
You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah
Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh
I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah

I see the red lines on my thighs are still healing, I took the piece of paper and wrote, "SAD" right on top. I closed the journal and put it back under my mattress. After what seemed like hours, I find the energy to get up to find something in the kitchen. To my surprise, my mom had actually made breakfast today. She made waffles, eggs, and some bacon. I took my plate and ate at the end of the table.

The rest of the day was silent, not a word spoken between us. I was in my room when I heard the doorbell. I went to see who it was and saw Sophia with a tear stained face, hugging Olivia. Behind her was Isabella, I ran and gave both of them a hug and we all stood there for a while, crying for the reason we have been reunited.

My mom came in and saw us. She gave each of us a hug and then we went into my dads room where we could see he was fading fast. We all knew we didn't have much more time with him. I cried more. Seeing him like this is sad- the disease was finally going to beat him.

We all cried together that night. I went to bed with a headache.

The next few days weren't much better. There were doctors in and out of the house all day, lowering the morale every time they left. I tried to stay with my dad as much as possible, but he was sleeping most of the time. The doctors said that he's just too tired, the disease is winning.

Early morning, I was awaken to frantic shaking coming from my sister, Sophia. "Come on, mom needs us," she said quietly, and I took her hand. We started our walk down the hall to my dads room where my mom, Olivia, and Isabella were all all gathered around him waiting. There was a nurse there with her, they were exchanging words but my mind didn't grasp anything she was saying.

Hearing the dead tone beep fill the room, I stare at the now lifeless body on the bed while tears leave my eyes. "Goodbye dad."

———-
The poem in this song is not mine!! It is "SAD" written by XXXTENTACION.