Grabbing his hair, I pull his head back to speed up the pace as his hands run over my backside and rake me against him. A desperate moan leaves me as I feel his thick, rock hard length against my own clothed mound. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't ready to be touched again, as if I hadn't needed it this entire time. Just a moment to feel loved and cherished once more.

Even if it wasn't by the man I always hoped it would be.

"Wait." Ethan breathes out just as my tongue begins to taste the smooth skin of his neck. "Ava, wait just a second."

"You don't want me?" I ask as I look up at him with panting breaths.

"No, no, no. Hell yes I want you. But are you sure? I know I'm..."He stops and sighs as he tucks some hair behind my ear, "I know I'm not...him."

A tinge of hurt glows behind his eyes and it hits me that this is much more for him than just getting laid. Over the years, everyone knows how much he's fallen for me and it's not like he's great at hiding that fact. A friendship was all he was ever able to have, but now that same glimmer of hope he's held on to is also the same glimmer of fear he has.

And he's right. He's not...him. He'll never be him, but holding on to my past is preventing me from living my life. From moving on and allowing myself to love again - or at least feel again. As I look down at his beautiful face and stare into those deep brown eyes that hold such a beautiful soul within them, I know what I should say.

"You're not him. But I want to be with you." I lean down and slowly kiss his lips again, asking for permission to continue with what we both so desperately need - in one way or another.

He answers me by kissing me a bit deeper and pulling at the bow tied on my halter top, making the black satin fall from my neck and around my bare breasts. When his warm hands cover them, a shiver shoots down my spine and I grind down on him in response as a breathy moan uncontrollably leaves me.

"You're so beautiful." He lovingly says as he begins to move down my neck and chest until his tongue laps over the ultra-sensitive pebbled flesh that's been craving to be adored.

Ruffling my right hand in his messy hair, I grip on to the back of the couch with my left at the same time. His hips flex upwards as his tongue flicks against my nipple and his fingers pinch and roll the other. As much as I try to hold back, the sounds escaping me are out of my control. My blood is boiling and the goosebumps trailing along my arms tell me that I need more.

Much more.

"Bedroom." I whisper into his ear and his manhood jumps in response.

"Are you sure?" He asks one more time.

"Ethan...quit being nice and fuck me." I scold him as I stand up from his lap.

His eyebrows raise and his breath hitches at my demand as I turn and whip off my shirt from over my head. Quickly, he stands and jogs up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my shoulder as we both make our way to his waiting bed.

I've been in his room before to grab something or use his en-suite bathroom when the main bathroom was occupied, but tonight this place seems foreign. Even the dark gray bedspread looks new compared to the other times I've seen it. The clean linen scent throughout the room and the glow from the moonlight creeping in between the slits of the blinds adds to the erotic feeling of his hands and tongue teasing me as he turns me around and lifts me onto the tall bed.

Grabbing the hem of his shirt, I pull it off of him to view his body for the first time. His full sleeve tattoos snake around to his back and his muscular chest flexes under my touch. His toned abs ripple under his skin as his deep V snakes under the waistband of his boxer briefs that peeks out from the tops of his jeans.

He is gorgeous.

Flashing his pearly white, dimpled smile at me marveling at him, he leans back in to kiss me as he reaches down to undo the button and zipper of my jeans. His humid skin on my own makes me crave contact and I arch my back to push my chest closer to his frame, but I'm left whimpering when he stands upright to shimmy my denim pants over my hips and yank them off of my ankles. The lacy black thong left behind as I lay back makes him lick his lips in appreciation as I stare back at him with hungry eyes.

"Take those off too." I nod towards his dark jeans concealing the bulge I felt earlier and now can see.

He chuckles and undoes the button of his pants, sliding them down over his hips and down his toned thighs. His golden complexion glistens against the soft glow of moonlight while I watch him strip for me. The erection he has looks achingly stiff as it stays confined under the gray cloth of his underwear, a small circle of moisture collecting at the tip signals just how ready he really is.

Sitting up, I lick my lips and run my fingers under his waistband while looking up at him through my lashes. I want to taste him, feel him on my tongue. Especially when I see him twitch under my teasing touch and bite his lip in anticipation.

Not wanting to wait any more, I pull down his boxer briefs and let his dick spring free before me. His breath quickens as he sees my face so close to such an intimate area of his body. With his underwear forgotten, I reach up and grab him, angling him towards my mouth while looking back up at him. I pause for a second to gauge his reaction but when his hands grab a handful of my hair and pulls it lightly, a carnal reaction awakens in me and I wrap my mouth around him to take him deep to the back of my throat.

"Oh...fuck." Ethan spits out at the feeling he's imagined for so long.

Twisting my hand around the inches I can't reach, I suck him faster and harder as his grip on my hair tightens more and more. My tongue runs along the underside of him and circles his tip before dipping down again until I have tears gathering at the corner of my eyes.

"Shit. Sorry." He loosens his hold of my hair and flexes his hips as he holds my shoulders in place.

I move back, looking up at him again with glistening lips along with wetness in my eyes. "You can keep pulling it. Please keep pulling it."

His brow furrows as he bites down on his lip and grips my hair tightly once again, groaning out loud when I continue to suck him as deep and as sloppily as I can, only coming up to spit on the tip and take him down my throat again.

"Ava...Ava...babe...fuck!" He groans and I know what he's trying to say.

I move away slowly and flick the tip of his pulsating cock with my tongue, smiling at his body flinching in response.

He looks shocked and already blissed out by the skill level he didn't know I possessed as he grabs my panties and yanks them off of me, the seams popping from the sudden removal. Leaning over me, his member slips over my slick folds and we both moan at the feeling of our bodies touching for the first time. I grab the back of his head and pull him down to capture my mouth as his arms wrap under my bent legs, pulling them up to his biceps as he kisses me through the first intrusion.

Because I hadn't had sex in a long while, my entrance is tight, but it doesn't take long for it to get used to the fullness again as he pushes deep inside of me. Since we already both know we're clean and I've stayed on birth control, we didn't even bother with grabbing a condom. Too eager to waste any more time, I give him the go ahead to start moving as he begins to flex his hips. Rolling and pushing inside of me as the tip sweeps over my womb over and over in a rhythmic pace.

He feels good. Very good, don't get me wrong, but it's...different from what I know. The way he strokes me while continuing to run his tongue over my skin makes my eyes roll back and my legs shake, but it's just not the same.

I'm stuck in a mixture of bliss and longing - of pleasure and confliction - of intimate and unfamiliar.

Raising up on the palms of his hands, he slows down and looks at me in my eyes. "Are you okay?"

He knows me better than I'd like to admit. Always able to sense when I'm too deep in thought or when there's been a shift in my mood.

"Yes. It's just new for me. Being with anyone else." I respond and run my fingertips down his broad chest. "But I'm okay. This is okay. I don't regret anything."

Smiling down at me he leaves two small kisses on my lips as my hands cradle his face. He then sits all of the way up, pulling out of me at the same time and leaving me a bit confused.

Noticing my furrowed brow, he shakes his head with a smile and flips me over so that I'm on my knees. With ease this time, he positions himself and slides back into me, making me gasp at the deepness this position offers.

He leans down to my face and kisses my temple, his hips still moving at a slow rhythm. "Don't think. Just feel. Show me what you need."

Sitting back up, he grips onto my hips and stills, waiting to let me take control. I shut my eyes, realizing now why he changed to this particular position. The missionary position we were originally in had too much intimacy for my first time with someone new. Setting his own selfish desires aside, he's letting me get used to him and give him an opportunity to learn my body and my needs.

I buck my hips back as he grips on to them a bit tighter, speeding up the pace so that he knows what I need right now. Catching on, he begins to pound into me and stealing my breath with each thrust of his hips as my head plummets into the now untidy bedspread below us.

"Oh shit!" I cry out at the intense feeling so deep I know I'll be feeling it the next day. He groans, but doesn't say a word, afraid to put me back in my thoughts again. "Spank me, please."

A sting pierces my flesh upon contact with his hand, but I need more. So much more.

"Harder." I beg.

A second sting echoes the first with more heat and rawness than the first. With a string of curses leaving his lips, he can't contain himself, but now I don't feel the need for him too. I feel myself growing more and more comfortable with the feeling of him inside of me with each sweet caress of that tender spot deep within my dripping walls.

"Shit, Ava. You take it so fucking good." He moans and I begin to tighten around him at the sound of his voice.

My mewls and praises increase as I feel myself edging towards a climax I've needed for what feels like forever. His hands overlap one another as he presses down on my lower back and takes control of my body in just the way I needed. Within seconds, I'm falling apart for him and crying out his name. My legs shaking and the whimpering coming from my throat as I pulsate around his deliciously hard dick lets him know that I've completely learned to let go. And a few thrusts later, his hips are stilling and his grip on my waist tightens as he spills his warm liquid into my waiting body.

Unable to hold on to anymore strength, I crash down with him gently laying on top of me and kissing my bare shoulder as we relish in the aftershocks of our orgasms. A smile and a breathy chuckle leaves me and I can feel him smile against my skin in response.

"You were good." I giggle, making him chuckle along with me.

"Same to you." He comes up and kisses my lips before slowly pulling out of me. "Wait there."

I hear the faucet run as he grabs something to clean us both up of our mess, coming back in just a bit later to wipe me from front to back.

"Just beautiful." He whispers behind me as he runs his fingers down my spine and over my ass.

I turn to lay on my side with my head resting on my hand to watch him start to dress himself again with some basketball shorts he pulled from his dresser drawer. Without the haze of desire coursing through my veins, I take a better look at him as I watch him just be and admire the art that is his body.

"What?" He chuckles as he walks over to me with a large white T-Shirt for me to slip over my head.

"I didn't peg you as the type to put out on the first date." I jibe playfully while I pull my hair out from the crew neckline.

"Oh shut up. I've known you forever." He rolls his eyes with a smirk and lays down beside me, pulling me into his chest.

I lay there for a moment with my arm draped over him, listening to the sound of him breathing and his heartbeat under me. I'm not sure why I assumed it would sound different, I guess it's just like how any other heartbeat would sound, but knowing it's not the same one I've always known makes it still foreign to me. Still, I relax and focus on him. He is a genuine kind person and has always been so good to me, even as friends. Allowing him to have my full attention, particularly right now, is only right.

"Thank you for being understanding and patient with me." I whisper as I stare at the corner of the wall, my eyes fixated on a specific area, but my mind placed elsewhere.

"Of course. I've been heartbroken, too. I get it. It's not easy to move on." He whispers back to me, continuing to stroke my hair.

I lift up and look at his face with curious eyes, "How did you do it? Move on to someone else."

"I waited until I knew it was with someone I truly felt comfortable with." He answers, staring into my hazel eyes as I stare back into his chocolate dripped ones.

"So who was she? I mean, you don't have to tell me, but..."

"We've always been open with each other about everything. Having sex doesn't suddenly change that." He reminds me and takes a beat before finishing his thoughts. "Well, you know when we first met, I had that art show about my break up?"

"Yeah." I say just above a whisper.

He sighs and tucks some hair behind my ear. "She's you."

"Huh?"

"I haven't moved on from that pain...until you." He coils his lips into his mouth, letting those adorable dimples come back into full view.

A soft smile curls up at the corner of my mouth as I lean up a bit to press my lips to his while his arms hold me to him tightly.

This isn't what I expected for tonight, nor what I expected for my future. But right now, I feel safe.

I feel cherished.

I feel content.

And I begin to think that he's where I could be happy again. He's where I could fill the hole that has been carved out of my heart.

I just need to allow myself the chance to heal.