A gentle rain poured down on the plethora of black umbrellas of people walking towards the  cemetery as we rode in the back seat of the black car driving slowly towards the burial sight. Taehyung held my hand tightly the entire way as he stared out of the window at his loved ones mourning the loss of his nearest and dearest uncle.

The car in front of us stops and his parents make their exit first. His dad holds his head high with his wife's arm interlocked as tears streamed down both of their faces. It's obvious to me how strong the Kim men are and how important family is to them while I watch them make their way to greet the waiting friends and family members with compassionate hugs.

While seeing his family for the first time in years at a time like this isn't ideal, the welcomed greeting I received the moment his mother and father saw me warmed my heart. Knowing how much Uncle Kim also meant to me, his mother made sure to give me the same solicitude she gave any other family member she saw today.

A first time meeting his aunt and his young cousins went as smoothly as it could and although I haven't spoken to them before, all I want to do was wrap those babies in my arms and be there for them. So when they begged for me to go play dolls with them earlier at the wake, I couldn't turn them down and Taehyung was all too happy to join us with the welcome distraction it brought.

Seeing those two little girls, no older than around seven, standing under their own personal umbrellas with their pigtails and hugging each other tore at my heart even more.

"Ready?" Taehyung questions as he grips my hand a bit tighter and jolting me out of my thoughts.

"Are you?" I ask in response.

He shakes his head, "No, but we don't have much choice."

I nod, finding it hard to move my limbs to scoot out of the back of the car while Taehyung holds the umbrella open for me. He wraps his arm around me as we walk side by side across the tar paved driveway and onto the wet grass. The funeral director bows to us both as we approach the small crowd of mournful eyes that matched the current weather conditions. Jimin and Jungkook greet us with hugs and Taehyung's dad gives him an encouraging pat on the back as we find a spot next to his parents.

Final words and eulogies are read as we gather around in front of the closed shiny black casket waiting to be placed deep into the ground. Taehyung and his father both help translate when emotions make it harder for me to be able to understand. The cracks of despair in both of their voices tear away at my aching heart as they do their best to hold it together.

One by one, we all take turns placing a single long stem red rose on top of the casket as we take a few seconds to say our goodbyes to a man we all loved dearly. My knees shake as I walk up to the front alone, leaving the umbrella behind as I no longer cared about staying dry. Reaching down, I grab one of the roses out of the vase and hold it in my hand as I stare down at the casket.

His body is in there, but his soul is not.

The last memory I have of him smiling at me and promising to text me before leaving the wedding reception plays in my head. Him telling me how proud he is of me echos in my ears as if he's saying them to me right in this moment. Although I wish I could refuse to accept the fact that he is gone, I am left with no other choice today.

"I love you, Uncle Kim. Thank you for always being there for me and showing me how a parental figure should be. Watch over us always. I will miss you every single day." I whisper as I slowly place my rose on top of the others.

Suddenly, the feeling of rain stops as I realize Taehyung has walked up next to me with the umbrella. After leaving a chaste kiss on my forehead, he grabs one of the roses for himself and stares down at the casket as his hand trembles around the stem.

"You were like a second father to me and I will be forever grateful for everything you provided for me including your words of wisdom. I aspire to be as great of a man as you were. Ava and I plan on naming our first boy after you." He softly smiles in my direction as I place my head on his shoulder. "She and I both miss you very much. Rest in peace, Uncle Kim. Saranghaeyo. Until we meet again."

He places his rose on top of mine before turning and reaching out for me. I wipe the tears away from under my eyes and place my hand in his as we descend back into the crowd to stand next to his parents.

They begin to lower the casket slowly after everyone, including Uncle Kim's girlfriend and almost fiancé, had a chance to say their farewells. The cranking sound of the pulleys and ropes almost seem too loud for such a solemn time. The clinking of metal against metal chips away at me as I realize that this is it. This wasn't a dream or some sort of fucked up fantasy I concocted in my brain. This is the last chapter of his life and there's no part two to that story.

"Why are they putting him in the ground?" One of Taehyung's little cousins ask in their native language as she watches the casket sink down lower and lower.

"Because he has to rest with the angels now sweetie." His aunt replies in a uneven voice as she watches her daughters look around in a panicked confusion.

"No! He can't go yet!" The smaller girl runs towards the six foot deep hole making the adults gasp and yell out for her safety.

The funeral director grabs her just in time and pulls her back as her mother squats down to wrap her in her arms.

"He has to go to heaven now baby." She cries as she watches the tears stream down her daughter's baby face.

"When will he be back?" She questions in a soft innocent voice as she looks back to the coffin, now completely out of sight.

I can't take it anymore. The scene playing out in front of me being too much for me to bear emotionally and the wall I built up today trying to be as strong as possible, completely crumbles. My silent tears turn into sobs as I bury my face into Taehyung's chest and he wraps his arm that's not currently holding onto the umbrella around me while rubbing my back.

"He won't be coming back."

Those who weren't already crying, definitely are now and those who already were, are completely heartbroken. Death is such a hard time for anyone, but when it becomes a lesson for an innocent child, it becomes even harder.

The rain slows to a stop and a distant thunder rumbles as the casket holding our loved one is placed firmly deep underground. The black umbrellas all lower to the ground and Taehyung pulls me in tighter to his frame as his parents hug us both tightly.

"Look eomma, the rain stopped." The little girl looks back at the casket before looking at her mom again, "Maybe he's with God now."

She softly smiles at her daughter and kisses her forehead before standing back up and holding her hand, "I think so, too."

"It's time to go, you two." His dad mentions as he rubs Taehyung's back.

With red rimmed and teary eyes, Taehyung nods and sniffles as he turns his body to walk with me back to the waiting car. Every step feels like a weight around my ankles and I silently curse the heels on my feet. As soon as we reach the pavement, I pause and look back at the burial sight one last time and inwardly say one last goodbye.

"He's still with us." Taehyung says as he watches me stare in that direction.

I nod and look back at him with a tight lipped smile, "He is."

Clearing my throat, I readjust myself in attempt to give myself some strength. I can't break down right now. I must hold it together. Taehyung needs me today, too.

The car ride back to the hotel was quiet as Taehyung laid his head on my shoulder while I ran my fingers through his hair to console him like I normally would. The driver, having been used to this kind of situation, didn't speak a word to until we pulled up to the electric front doors.

"I'm sorry for your loss." The sweet young man that had been driving us today says to Taehyung and glancing over at me with sympathetic eyes. I'm guessing he's not sure if I understand Korean.

"Kamsahmnida." I reply with a deep bow of gratitude and he returns the gesture.

By the time we enter our hotel room, my legs have the weight of stone and my feet hurt from the heels. My hair is still wet from the rain, my eyes feel tired and the knot in my throat tells me that I'm going to break down crying any moment. But I can't break down in front of Taehyung. I can't put him in that situation today.

"I'm going to take a shower." I say through the pain in my voice. It's the only thing I can think of and the only place where I can hide the tears.

"Okay gongju. I'll be right here if you need me." He crooks a finger under my chin to kiss me and I do all I can to ease my trembling bottom lip.

I turn away quickly as I feel the pool of sadness gathering at the corners of my eyes and head straight to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I grab a hold of each side of the pedestal sink to try to calm my rapidly beating heart enough as I focus on my breathing. Tears drip down, disappearing down the drain. Slowing looking up, I stare into my own eyes with a blank mind. My thoughts have become numb while it feels like my heart is being ripped from my chest.

A feeling of anger pools deep within me as I pick up the heavy soap dish and consider chunking it at my reflection but stop mid-air. Why did this have to be his time to go?! Why couldn't he stay around much longer than he did?! Why did the only parental figure I had have to be taken from me?!

Why does everything good in my life leave me?!

My chest tightens and my vision starts to blur so I force myself to take a few deep breaths to keep myself from having another panic attack. I have to calm myself down. I can't let this happen again.

After many attempts, my vision stabilizes along with my heart rate and I feel the familiar sadness wash over me again. With a turn towards the shower, I turn on the water and test out the temperature. Hot is good. Hot is what I need.

Stepping out of the black dress and unpinning my hair, I step inside the white tiled shower with a flinch when the scorching liquid singes my skin. I sit at the end and let the water wash over me as I pull my legs up to my chest and lower my head into my folded arms. This is a pain I haven't felt before, having never had anyone I've known die. Heartbreak from losing Taehyung once felt like it was the worst pain I could feel, but this? This is torment.

All I can do is sob in hopes that I'm unheard and hopes that the water can burn away this feeling. My skin feels sore, but I don't care. I don't care about any of it.

"Jagi?" Taehyung calls out as he opens the bathroom door, "It's so hot in here. Are you okay? You've been in here for a while now."

I hear him, but I don't reply. I can't.

He pops open the frosted shower door and sees me folded up, naked in the corner and unable to lift my head up to look at him.

"Aish! Jagiya! This water is too hot!" He shuts it off immediately, leaving a chill to sweep over me, "Your skin is so pink."

Squatting down, he tugs at my weary arm and my head tiredly lifts to meet his gaze with depressed eyes. His expression turns from concern to sympathetic as he pulls me into his arms and I soak his clothing.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to see me like this." I mumble as I desperately grab onto his back, pulling him as close to me as I possibly can.

His arms and hands grip me tighter as he nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck, "No, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. It's okay gongju. It's okay to grieve. Just as long as you don't do it alone."

Standing up, he picks me up bridal style as I hold on tightly with my hands clasped behind his neck. The cold chill of the room makes me shiver, but I'm too emotionally exhausted to give a damn. With the utmost care, he places me on the bed and pulls up the covers around me before unbuttoning his shirt and sliding in next to me.

"I'm here okay? I'll always be here for you." He whispers as he wraps a leg over me and pulls me into his frame.

I look up at him as he stares down at me with both of our heads on the same pillow. His dreamy eyes hypnotize me enough to help ease my spirit. It's no secret to me that this is one hard day out of many we're sure to have in our lives, but there's no one else in this bittersweet world that I'd rather have with me through these trying times.

"Can you hold me for a while?" I ask just above a whisper.

"Of course. I need you just as bad right now." He kisses the tear rolling down my face and pulls me in tighter as we try to ease our aching hearts within each other's arms.