Song of the chapter is Help by Hurts

-45-
-Himanshu Arora-
-Present-

_____________

Paper Lantern
19 December, 2019
3:56 pm

" What I'm about to tell you might be a little hard for you to hear, Himanshu."

After telling one of the staff members to cover for her, Mrs. Rosario sat across from me in the booth at the far corner of Paper Lantern. Her eyes were solemnly worried. She looked at me earnestly and continued, "But you must promise me that you won't tell Vivi that I told you this."

" I promise."

She took a deep breath.

" Has Vivi ever talked to you about her real parents?"

" No. " I nodded negatively. "Nothing other than the fact that you guys adopted her from a foster home when she was 9."

Mrs. Rosario gave a brief nod. "Right. Well,.... there's something that no one knows about her parents."

" What?"

" Her parents," Mrs. Rosario fidgeted with her fingers. " They didn't give her up for adoption. She was put to a foster care.... because they... died."

My eyes widened.

" Vivi's mother was my cousin. She and I never really got to spend much time together, granting she lived in Kerala. But I did know she had a family and a beautiful daughter. I visited her once when Vivi was born. And I instantly fell in love with Veronica. She was such a pretty kid."

I smiled slightly, picturing how Veronica must've looked as a kid.

" But then, tragedy struck the family. Something very bad happened."

I frowned slightly. " What happened?"

" I don't know the whole details." Mrs. Rosario said, looking seriously at me. " I only got to know about the situation after we went to the foster care that Veronica was admitted to."

She looked around to check no one was within hearshot before continuing, " It was in 2011. Vivi was just 9 years old when it happened."

She drew a shaky breath. " Vivi's mother had an alcohol addiction, which got really severe at times. She had often gotten herself into serious accidents several times before the incident happened. Fortunately every time she survived. Vivi's dad did everything he could do to help her but couldn't stop her addiction. She would try to stay clean for two or three days before reverting back to the same. It used to affect Vivi too , no matter how much her dad tried to sheild her from it."

My frown deepened.

" Once, Vivi came home from school only to find her mom blacked out on the floor. She was just six at the time."

I couldn't imagine what it must've been like for her.

" But that night, everything went wrong." Mrs. Rosario said, almost welling up. She scrunched her nose. " It was a cold winter night. Vivi and her dad had returned home from their usual stroll in the local park when they found her mother under the influence of alcohol. Her dad as usual tried to calm her down and take her to bed but she got aggressive. She started threatening him, saying that he didn't love her anymore and that all he ever cared for was Vivi."

" She spewed some vile words about Veronica, saying how she was never meant to be born and that she was a mistake. She even said that Veronica ruined her life and so she shouldn't... shouldn't be allowed to live anymore."

At this point Mrs. Rosario couldn't contain her tears and let them flow. I breathed in and out, trying to imagine the trauma that Veronica had to face , that too at such a young age.

" Her dad knew that she could hurt Veronica anytime. So he asked Vivi to go upstairs to her room. Veronica was a kid....but she knew it better not to argue with her dad. So she went upstairs."

" What happened then?"

Mrs. Rosario tried to wipe her tears. " Although Veronica's dad tried to do his best to contain her, that night she was uncontrollable. She went ballistic, threw objects at him, cursed him , cursed Veronica and tried to hurt herself. And then in an attempt to save her from hurting herself with a knife, Veronica's dad accidentally got stabbed."

I breathed heavily, my lips parting in horror.

" He bled to death." Mrs. Rosario said, her voice getting quieter. "When Veronica's mother realised what she had done, she grew hysterical. She hugged his limp body and cried and cried."

" Veronica... being the kid she was, didn't know what she should do when she stopped hearing her father's voice. And so she gathered all her courage and went downstairs and found her mother crying over her father's dead body."

My breath hitched in my throat.
" What happened then?"

" When Vivi's mother saw her, all her inner anger came surfacing back. She lunged at her, trying to choke her....all the while telling her that it was her fault that her father was dead."

My fist curled up beside my arm. I clenched my jaw, trying my best to keep my tears from ricocheting.

" Vivi didn't know what to do....to save herself...Jesus she was just a kid..." Mrs. Rosario cried, drawing attention from the nearby booths. " In attempt to save herself,....she grabbed the knife that her mother had thrown to her side and.....stabbed her mother."

" Oh my god." I whispered, tears filling up my eyes.

" She was covered in blood as her mother's limp body fell on her. She sat there , beside her parents' dead bodies...until the police came. They told me...that when they got there and tried...to ask her what had happened...all she could mutter was....the word red."

I shook my head as more fresh tears stained the epidermis of my cheeks and fell into my lap.

" Due to lack of evidence and the element of alcohol in her mother's body, the police ruled it as an accident. They said that her mother probably tried to harm herself or her father and in the process killed both of themselves. And that Veronica just found them like that after she woke up hearing noises from downstairs."

" After all what police would believe a 9 year old murdering her own mother in self defence?"

The adrenaline in my body rushed at the thought of the trauma that Veronica had to face all these years.

Seeing Vivaan's and Avinash's body must've brought so many of those bad memories back.

" But you see, Himanshu, it wasn't her fault." Mrs. Rosario stated with emphasis looking at my hesitation. " She was a kid and she did whatever she could do to save herself from being killed. It was never her fault."

" I believe so too, Mrs. Rosario." I said, breathing shallow. " I'm just.... I can't...imagine the trauma that she had to go through at such a young age."

" That's the thing, Himanshu." Mrs. Rosario said, looking at me. " Veronica doesn't believe so. She thinks it was her fault what happened all those years ago. She has blamed herself for it everyday for the past eight years. She is convinced that whatever her mother had said that might is true. That she is the actual monster. That no one could ever love her. That she...she should've died...that night itself."

My heart ached.

" But it's not true." I whispered.

" I know that. You know that. But she doesn't." Mrs. Rosario said sadly. " She believes that she is cursed and that whoever she grows close to or starts to care about..... gets hurt."

I sighed slightly. So this was why she was ignoring me. She blamed herself for whatever happened last week with me.

I rubbed my forehead. "So how do I convince her that it isn't her fault? "

" I've tried my best for the past eight years, Himanshu. But I have failed everytime." Mrs. Rosario said, getting up and putting on her apron. " But... I've seen you care about Vivi like no one has ever before. In fact , you might actually be the first person after Ahaan that she is really attached to and cares for."

I smiled slightly. She did care for me.

" That is why I told you this, Himanshu. You're the only person besides me who knows about this. I know Vivi trusts you and so I do too. I hope you understand."

" Yes, Mrs. Rosario. I do." I said, getting up from the booth. " And, thanks...for telling me this. I know it must've been hard for you."

She just smiled.

" And I promise Mrs. Rosario, I'll convince Veronica that it isn't her fault. I'll do anything it takes, but I'll convince her."

" You promise?" She said, her eyes suddenly filled with hope.

I nodded. "I do."

________________

I hiked up the Conrad Creak Trail to the Conrad Quarry. Mrs. Rosario had suggested some places where Veronica could be. I had checked all of them except for the quarry. And so with the grey clouds approaching above, I made my way to hopefully find her.

As I came across the 'No Swimming' sign, I looked over the border. And pretty much like I had expected, Veronica was sitting with her feet dangling from the edge of the jumping rock.

I made my way over to her and sat down next to her, my feet absolutely giving up due to my  fear of heights.

When she noticed movement beside her , she looked at me and her eyes widened. She immediately got up and moved back.

" Moose, what are you doing here?"

I stood up too , my feet still shaky from the impact. " You seriously had me looking all over Delmore for you, Ronnie."

She furrowed her brows. " Why were you looking for me?"

" Because you've been ignoring me for a week. I had no other options."

Her face suddenly turned soft and she visibly gulped. " I'm sorry... I just...have been busy."

" Bullshit." I scoffed.

" Wha-at?"

" You have been ignoring me on purpose, Ronnie." I said, pausing before continuing, " And I know why?"

Her face turned white in an instant. My heart ached at seeing her struggle with the fear that the trauma had left her.

" What do you mean?" Her voice quivered.

" I know what happened eight years ago."

A flash of shock surpassed her features. Her eyes widened and boomed with rage. Without a word, she turned on her heels and started storming off. I trailed after her. " Ronnie!"

She kept on striding down the creak trail, without so much as designing a look at me. But I decided that I wasn't going to give up. I could never give up on her.

" Ronnie, listen to me!"

" Go away, Moose." She muttered without turning to look back at me.

" Ronnie, I know you have every reason to be mad, but just listen-"

" Go away, Moose." She muttered again, increasing her pace.

" Look I know it wasn't your fault okay? Even though you may think it is, it wasn't your-"

"GO AWAY, HIMANSHU!"

Her nose was red, tears streaming aggressively down her cheeks. Her lips quivered as she stopped and turned towards me.

" Ronnie-"

" Please....just leave me alone. You're better off that way."

Her anger had ebbed away and it was replaced by tears instead. Her chest inflated and deflated in a rapid state.

" I don't believe that." I said, with determination.

" It doesn't matter!" She said, her voice a mix of hurt and fear. "It doesn't matter what you believe. It is the truth whether you choose to believe it or not."

" Ronnie-"

" No ," she raised her hand to stop me. " Moose, you don't understand. You don't know me. You don't know what I'm capable of. My mom was right. I really am a monster. I know it, I can feel it. I don't deserve your kindness."

" Ronnie, you're not a monster!" I said with determination.

" Yes , I fucking am, Himanshu." Her voice was tiny, like she was shrinking away in her own mind and leaving me behind. She never, ever showed any vulnerability.

" I see the way you look at me. It's..... it's... I don't deserve it. I'm not worth that look."

I took a step forward towards her. " How...." I mumbled too afraid to touch her. She was fragile now. She might break.
" How do I look at you?"

" Like I'm fucking special," she muttered, looking away. " Sorry to break it to you, but I'm not the person you think I am. Trust me when I say this."

I frowned, " Ronnie, you're just a person who went through severe trauma when she was a kid. None of what happened eight years ago was your fault."

" I killed my mother!" She screamed, glaring at me. Her nails kept digging more into her palms.

" No, you didn't." I said, taking another step closer. "It was self defence. She was trying to kill you."

" Does it matter?!" She whispered, the rage evident in her voice. "I was the one behind that knife. I am the reason she isn't here anymore."

" Ronnie, you were fucking nine!" I defended. " You did what you could do in that situation! Your mother would've killed you if you hadn't done that."

" Would've been better." She muttered, taking a step back.

" Don't say that."

" It's the truth." She smiled in pain. " Everytime I sleep, blink, or do anything else, she's always there in my head. Her voice echoes in my head all the time, telling me how I'm a curse to everyone around me. How I don't deserve love."

Then out of nowhere, she exploded. She began to cry uncontrollably. This was the first time I saw Veronica D' Rosario break down, letting her defences down and owning her vulnerability. I admit, she even looked beautiful like this ---- broken, lost, afraid. Maybe I was wrong. My touch couldn't break her, but her own words could.

As she bawled her eyes out, I brought her to me and embraced her in a tight hug. Her whole body was trembling, not just her hands. Her heart was beating fiercely against my neck, matching the pulse of one of my neck's veins. I fluttered my eyes closed and breathed her in. She smelled like home and felt like safety. I felt myself falling a little more for her.

" You're not cursed, Veronica." I whispered, so only we could hear. Nobody was around, but Delmore had it's own ears. " You deserve love like any other person. It's not fair to condemn yourself like this. You're the most amazing girl I've ever met in my 17 year old existence."

She sniffed and then smiled. I took this as an opportunity to caress her back with one hand.

" How do you still not fear me?" She stepped away. " How do you continue to look at me that way after knowing my past?"

" Because I believe in you." I said, ny hands softly grazing the epidermis of her cheeks. "I believe you are a good person. You're someone who has been through so much at such a young age and you still have the capability to put on a smile and be kind to people. If that's not strength, then I don't know what is."

She gulped visibly and with a solemn expression on her face, looked at me like I've never seen her do before ; like I'm special.

" Moose," she said,  her eyes glancing at the callouses of my fingers. " What if I become like that? A monster? Evil? What if it's my destiny, something that I'll never be able to control or understand...."

" Hey."

She fluttered her eyes close as fresh tears stained the epidermis of her cheeks.

" Look at me." I said , with emphasis.

She looked at me, her brown eyes red and puffy now.

" I know you."

She sighed, looking down and then back at me.

" You're a good person, Veronica. You might have some darkness, just like me. But you're not evil."

My grazed the sides of her cheeks as she rested her head on them.

" Do you believe that?"

She didn't reply.

" Do you believe me?"

She breathed heavily and nodded. " Yes."

" Well, then trust me when I say this." I said, bringing her closer to me. " Don't ever doubt yourself ever again. And incase you do, I want you to know that you're sweet , funny and talented as fuck. I mean, yeah you can be a bit moody sometimes, but you're not a monster."

My hands were still around her face and we were still close to each other. She lifted her eyes and looked at me.Her eyes were red and puffy.

But then she smiled a beaming smile and for a moment, everything around us felt better somehow.