Song of the chapter is No Matter What by Calcum Scott

-32-
-Ahaan Jaiswal-
-Present-

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Delmore High
1 December, 2019
4:15 pm

Pushing past me, Zoya entered the surveillance room. I followed, closing the door behind us with a click.

I went and stood next to her as she appraised the multitude of computer screens before us, showcasing different areas of the school. I glanced at her, looking at the glow of the blue light gracing her features. She brought a hand to her chin and hummed thoughtfully.

" We don't have much time , Zoya." I said hurriedly.

" I know, dingleberry." She responded.

I turned my gaze and focussed on the task at hand, observing the grainy shots of the school building. The school looked virtually empty and I was grateful for that. But still, I can't help but feel paranoid. Creeping back over to the door, I twisted the lock, breathing deeply once I was sure that nobody could come in.

Zoya took a step closer to the screen before slowly raising her hand and pointing at one in particular, " That'll be the one."

It was a shot of the back entrance of the school, where no activity was happening. It gave a view of the edge of the cemented parking lot,the looming Wentworth forest behind it , looking like a dark entity. The camera's night vision made it look way more creepier than it actually was.

Zoya sat down in one of the swivel chairs, in front of the keyboard, and I tentatively took the seat next to her, feeling my palms beginning to sweat. Swallowing, I focused my gaze on the monitors, trying to help instead of being a distraction.

" What do we do now?" She asked in a small face, looking at me.

" We need to find the code." I gulped and rubbed my forehead.
" There should be a copy in the filing cabinet. See if you can find anything in there."

She stood, locating the file cabinet at the corner of the room.
As she went off to look for the code, I scanned my eyes on the screens again. A chill ran down my spine thinking about the night that it all went wrong. What if we hadn't planned that night? What if we hadn't played that stupid game? What if we hadn't been drunk and passed out? What if Avinash had never suggested to break into the school at night?

Would she still be alive?

" Hey," Zoya suddenly chimed , turning to look at me. I glanced up from my spot across the room. " Do you think this is it?" She asked.

I took a step closer towards her, ducking my head to look at the papers in her hands. I frowned as I looked at the combination of characters on the page.

"Only one way to find out." I remarked and went back to take my seat in front of the computer again. " Can you read it to me?"

Zoya slowly reeled out the numbers and letters. I typed them in and hit enter. Both of our gazes were now focussed on  the main screen. It took a few seconds, but we got into the system. I breathed a sigh of relief , so did Zoya. I smiled back at her. " We do make a good team." I remarked.

Zoya smirked, " Indeed ,we do. But what should be the name of our team?"

I pondered for a while, " Nerd and the Rebel?"

She scrunched her nose, " Nah, that's too simple. How about Gay-curious and the Virgin?"

My lips twitched as I looked back at her. " Wha-at?"

She laughed, " Oh my god, why do you look so afraid?"

" I... I'm.... I'm...not gay." I stammered. A lie that was. I knew it. But how could I ever say it aloud? It was a jar that I swore I would never open the jar of.

" Whatever helps you sleep at night, dingleberry!" She mocked and looked back at the monitor.

" No! It's true! I'm... I'm not...gay!" I protested a little harder.

She tilted her head to the side and looked at me. " Why keep lying to yourself, Ahaan? I've seen you make heart eyes at the new boy  in class. Now don't tell me that's just friendship because if you should know one thing about me, it is that I can't clearly distinguish between what's love and what's friendship."

I was astounded. What could I say that would change things? It was true.

She came and took a seat in the chair beside me. " Why hide who you are?"

I stood up, frustrated. No, she was wrong. Whatever she said about me was wrong! It wasn't true! It wasn't true! It wasn't true! She didn't know anything! She doesn't know anything!

" Stop acting like you know me , Zoya!" I shouted, not bothering about being heard by someone outside. " I am not what you think I am, okay? You can just waltz in and say stuff and make it seem like it's true! Cause it is not! There's nothing wrong with me , okay? Do you understand?! There's nothing wrong with me!"

Zoya sat quietly in her seat, her gaze focussed on me. I breathed heavily as I sank back into my seat.

After a moment of silence passed, I glanced at her again. She gave me a tight lipped smile and placed her hand on mine.
" Ahaan, " she looked at me with earnest eyes, the kind I never saw her give anyone, " There's nothing wrong with being who you are."

And the lid to that repressed jar was opened. With that single sentence, she was able to unlock something buried deep deep inside my heart. My eyes glistened. I breathed heavily. My lips quivered.

" You know," Zoya began when I didn't respond, " the entire school thinks I am a slut. They think I hook up with a new guy everyday. They make rumours about how I slept with the entire football team."

I looked at her. I knew about those rumours, but I never did believe anything. I wanted to tell her that, but I felt staying silent was a better option right now.

" But they're all....all rumours. I've only ever kissed one guy. Just one." She raised a finger as tears streamed down her face.

" And I learnt it the hard way...that people don't define the way you have to be. You are your person. You don't have to change yourself just for the sake of them to like you." She said , wiping her tears and smiled at me slightly.

" You should never be ashamed or...... apologize for who you are. There's nothing wrong with you. There never was. It's the society's eyes that see wrong in you. That isn't your fault."

I sucked a deep breath as hot tears streamed down my cheeks, wetting the fabric of my t-shirt. Zoya wrapped her arms around me slowly and rested her chin on my neck. I slowly and gradually relaxed in her embrace and finally gave in.

I had been strong for too long.

We stayed that way for a while. It was nice. It was the first time anyone had ever not judged me for being weak. I felt so relieved, finally being able to express who I was to someone without the fear of being scrutinized. I could have never expected that Zoya would ultimately be my safe place, the one I would come out to.

We broke away from the hug as realisation dawned on me. We didn't have much time left on our hands.

" Zoya , we need to get back to work. We don't have much time." I said.

" Dang it, man-child! You know how to ruin a wholesome moment, don't you?" Zoya scrunched her reddened nose and laughed. I laughed too.

" Well...if we want Gay-curious and The Virgin to have some success, then we need to get that clip." I remarked. Zoya smiled broadly, the brightest I had ever seen from her, and nodded." Hell yeah!"

I scooted my chair a little closer to both the monitors and leaned forward.

" So you can just type in a date and it'll pull it up?" She asked.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her looking at the monitor with a curious gaze. " That's what I'm hoping for." I said, before entering a date of late October into the system.

I scrolled the tape in fast forward, and we watched in silence as cars entered and left the parking lot at hyper speeds. There were glimpses of different school students and staff members, as the black and white image gradually got darker, indicating nightfall. Suddenly I paused it at a particular point and scooted my eyes to take a closer look.

" It should be around here." I announced, my voice low. I could feel Zoya tense up beside me. I bit the inside of my cheek, as a wave of dizziness washed over me suddenly.

Closing my eyes breathlessly, I shook my head. Wordlessly, I rested my hand on the armrest of my chair. Zoya and I exchanged a glance before my fingers instinctively pressed play. As the tape continued to roll in fast forward, my breathing became even heavier.

My eyes riveted back to the monitor, looking for any signs that something was wrong. I'm too scared to breathe. For a long time, nothing happened. But then the back door suddenly opened, and I caught the sight of the top of Alishka's flowing raven hair.

" There," I blurted, pointing at the screen and Zoya looked closer. I rewinded a couple of milliseconds, allowing the tape to play at the normal speed.

The camera quality wasn't the best but I could still tell from Alishka's body language that she was worried and frantic, her movements hurried. Her body looked tense but her movements were still somewhat fluid and graceful as she strolled around , waiting for someone.

A chill ran down my spine as I watched her, in those clothes, the same clothes someone murdered her in, the same clothes she was buried in.

Suddenly, another figure appeared from the back door, walking towards Alishka. I squinted my eyes and leaned closer towards the monitor. So did Zoya.

My breath caught in horror as I realised who the person was. Zoya let out a quiet gasp.

Siya , with her long flowing hair and heels, stood up close in front of Alishka.

We watched as they started talking, although it seemed more like an argument. Their hands moved frantically. Siya looked too troubled, clutching her hair in both of her hands. Alishka said something and then started walking in the opposite direction when suddenly, Siya picked up , what looked like a rock, and strode towards Alishka. I blinked furiously as I watched her strode, hoping that she wasn't the one who hit her.

She didn't. Walking a couple of steps forward, she suddenly tripped and fell and I could faintly make out something falling from her pocket. Before she could stand up , Alishka suddenly hunched over and grabbed the thing that had fallen out of Siya's pocket. It was now that I could tell what the object was.

It was a small medication bottle.

My brows creased. Why did Siya possess a medication bottle?

Siya proceeded to take the thing back from her but Alishka refused. They started arguing again and Siya looked like she was pleading Alishka to do or not do something. Suddenly, Alishka touched Siya's shoulder and said something, her expression solemn and concerned. Siya nodded in response and they stood there for a little while before Siya walked back inside.

I could swear I saw Alishka breath a sigh of relief. She still had the medication bottle in her hand and as she raised her hand to inspect it, a slow smirk appeared on her face.

" What the hell was that?" I muttered under my breath.

Seconds later, a car pulled up, parking haphazardly. I could faintly make out the model of the car but before I could say it, Zoya said, " It's a Mercedes sprinter."

I nodded briskly and focused on the monitor again. I watched as Alishka gracefully walked upto the car and hunched over the passenger side window and talked to the driver before opening the door and getting in.

If only she knew that the getaway car that she thought would change her life, was going to be the end of her.....

The car reversed out of the parking lot and drove off towards the dirt road. I paused the clip and looked at Zoya. She looked equally as torn.

" What do you think?" I asked , my voice low.

Zoya rubbed her forehead, " I don't know." She stood up and looked at the monitor.

" What I do know," she began and looked at me, " is that little miss perfect has a lot of explaining to do."

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love is love,
no matter what gender

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