Song of the chapter is Can't sleep, Can't breathe by Digital Daggers

-17-
-Avinash Malhotra-
-Present-

___________

Delmore High
20 November, 2019
3:45 pm

Mess.

That was what my mind felt like nowadays. A bad hot mess. A mess that I struggled to control. It was not like this before her death.

I could only feel one emotion; anger. I wasn't sure if it was towards someone in particular, but deep down I knew that it was towards myself.

I aggressively punched the sink then yelped, the only damage being done was to my hand.

"Fuck," I muttered.

For the past couple of days, my mind kept repeating my last conversation with her. Everytime the conversation would end, it would start again. The only difference was that each time the conversation was different.

What was the truth? Why couldn't I remember it clearly?

I watched as the blood from my fists dripped into the sink. I rinsed my new injury and opened the cabinet under the sink. Thankfully the school stocked some first aid in the bathroom too, just in case. I wrapped the wound with a bandage dressing.

I looked back at my reflection. The bags under my eyes were evidence of the lack of sleep I had been getting for the past few days.

Her thoughts wouldn't let me sleep.

Her screams echoed in my mind. Sometimes I  could feel her hands clasping around my neck. I could feel death.

Was this how she felt in her last moments ?

I shook the thoughts out of my head. Right now I needed to focus on the upcoming game which was scheduled for Friday's pep rally.

I grabbed my gear and came out of the washroom. When I got to the field, I was met with a gloomy Kartik.

" Bro, coach has been asking for you for the past 10 minutes. Where were you? " , he asked.

" In the washroom." I answered.

He nodded and looked at my wound while I tied up my shoelaces.

" When did you get that?"

I straightened up and waved my hand in dismissal, "Oh , it's... it's nothing."

He didn't probe further. Thankfully.

" The police were at Saina's this afternoon for interrogation," he said and looked at me with a worried look. I sucked a deep breath, " So?"

"I'm just saying. This officer isn't going to back down. Today he was at Saina's, tommorow he might be at your house."

I raised a brow, " Kartik, he's just doing his job, isn't he? I mean, you want him to catch Al's killer right?"

" Yeah, but he's looking in the wrong places. What's he going to get by interrogating us? We didn't kill her. We could never-"

"Are you sure about that?" I asked, without contemplating what I was asking.

He looked at me tensely , "What do you mean , Avi? You think one of us could've-"

" Avi! Come here!" Kartik was cut off mid-sentence by Coach Alvin.

Kartik huffed as I made my way to Coach.

" Yes sir?"

" I want to run through the plays one more time before the big game Friday night, k? Since you're team captain, I want you to divide the team into two. "

" On it , sir!"

I did as he said cause that was the only thing keeping me sane and together right now. I needed to get my mind off Alishka , and football was the only thing allowing me to do that.

"Water break! Avi , come here!", Alvin yelled after almost half an hour of rigorous field work.

I jogged to him and he instantly took my hand and inspected the wound that was covered up with a bandage, " I can't have my best player getting injured before Friday. Make sure that heals well."

I nodded before jogging back to my team. Alvin blew the whistle marking the end of the break.

I began to run towards the end zone and kicked the ball as Kartik passed it towards me.

And in that moment , I don't know what took over me but I ran as aggressively as possible, tackling every guy that came my way or tried to stop me. My head rushed with adrenaline and anger and all I could see was the goal in front of me.

I finally got to the end zone and kicked the ball as hard as I could and scored a goal. My teammates patted my back and cheered in celebration.

" That is what I want to see Friday , Avi!" Coach Alvin yelled from the sidelines.

I jogged over to the coach, "Mind if I take a quick break to check on the hand?"

He told me I had five minutes and I walked over to the washroom. It was empty. I walked over to the sink and looked at my reflection in the mirror.

Just a few minutes ago on the football field, my anger led me to win. The blinding rage allowed me to be victorious but those emotions and that anger I couldn't control scared me.

What if the same thing had happened that night? What if I was the reason my girlfriend , or ex girlfriend, was no longer with me?

My eyes suddenly fell on the mirror and I squinted hard. The reflection showed a small sticky note, attached to the right side of the door of the bathroom cubicle behind me.

I turned swiftly and looked at the door of the cubicle. The sticky note wasn't there when I had come here earlier. Which meant somebody had put it there when I was in the field.

I moved closer to the door and took out the sticky note. My eyes widened at the words engraved on it with red ink,

" I guess we all have things to be guilty about, huh? "