Gideon POV

Sept 23 Friday - Two days before our 3rd Monthsary

I tried my best not to think about it, but I couldn't shake off this feeling. I have also seen changes in Mew's behaviors for the past few days. I don't know how I should react to this. Yes, he is the same in terms of his attention to me. Still, the same that will always say he loves me, but there is something different with Mew. I always find him thinking so deeply that I must shout at him just to get his attention again. I can tell that he has been hiding something from me. I tried asking him, but he always said it's nothing and I'm just imagining things.

But I know what I'm seeing! Sometimes, Mew will also go somewhere I don't know. It's been four days that we are not together when going home from work. Mew will always say that he must do something and ask me to just wait for him. I also saw him talking to someone on the phone, and maybe it was Sophia! Fuck! I don't like what is becoming of me! I'm becoming this paranoid person that always afraid of Mew's actions.

He looked so happy whenever he was on the call. I always hear them talking random stuff, laughing, and joking. Yesterday he even ignored me just because he was still talking to Sophia. Am I missing something? Am I overdramatic again?

We haven't been able to have sex for four days! Imagine that! Four fucking days! That horny guy was able to do that. I should be happy, right? Finally, I can have a little time to myself, but how can I do that when he is acting this way to me?

Yesterday, I ignored and let go of all my pride and tried to seduce him into having sex with me, but he just said he was so tired, which is true, but he had never done this before, no matter how tired he was!

Even though he was weary about work, he would never say no to our intimate moments. He is always the one who always initiates it, but I was so shocked that he could say no to me. To me! Who is his boyfriend? His boyfriend never tried to seduce him into doing it. It was always him who always asked me to do it. What change? Is he bored with me already? Did he realize that he doesn't want me anymore? I'm frustrated now!

That night, when he was asleep, I went to our restroom and cried all the hurt feelings I'd been trying to surface and ignore for the past few days. I don't know what I did! I don't want to lose him, but can I hold on to him? If in the first place, I'm the one who falls first, and I'm the one who gives myself first. I don't know what I will do if I lose him. I don't want to doubt him. I don't want to think that he is doing something behind my back. I don't want to lose my faith in him. I love him so much. Argh! It's so frustrating!

That is why I am here at our office, waiting for him to return from a meeting. I'm done today, so I would like to ask him to have dinner with me. A date, maybe? Maybe it will help us fix whatever was broken between us. Perhaps this is what we need to bring back the spark. I'm so desperate now. I don't care about my pride or ego anymore. I can't lose him. I need to do everything to make you stay with me. I already lost him once. I can't do it anymore.

After 5 minutes of waiting, He finally entered our Office.

"Hi, Babe!" I immediately ran to him and hugged him. I wrapped my arms around his neck. I kissed him which he responded equally. See, I still feel that he loves me. I can feel it. He then goes to his swivel chair and sits when we let go.

"How's the meeting?" I asked him.

"It's good, babe; we got the account, thankfully!" he said while fixing his things.

"That's good to hear!" I was hesitant at first if I should pursue my plan to ask him on a date. Gosh! Gulf! Why do you feel so uneasy?

"Ahh, babe! Can I ask you a favor?" I hurriedly said to him.

"What is it, babe?" He asked me but still did not look at me.

I breathe deeply before speaking. I feel anxious now, and I don't know why. It's not that I'm asking my crush on a date! He is my freaking boyfriend!

"Ahh, would you like to go on a date with me?" I finally said it. I was expecting him to be happy and say yes to me like before, but what I saw on Mew's face was different from what I was expecting. It doesn't look like he's happy with my question to him; more like he is confused or thinking hard. I can't read his face! He stopped what he was doing then he faced me.

"Ahh, babe, I'm sorry, but I need to go somewhere later and do something essential. I don't think we can today. Ahh, can we do it tomorrow instead?" He asked me while wearing his smile. He looks like he's hoping for me just to be okay with it.

No! I want to date you now! Is that thing more important than me now? I thought you told me before that I will always be your priority! That you will always choose me against anything or anybody! Do you still love me? Are you already tired of me? Huh?

I want to say all of this to Mew! I want to shout at him now! I want to punch him for making me think this way! But I feel like my tongue got cut in half, and I can't speak all those. Instead, I say.

"Okay, Babe, no problem. Tomorrow then!" I said to him. I just smiled at him half-heartedly.

I turned around to go back to my table. Gulf! Don't cry! Don't cry! You will look pathetic again! I feel like my legs are about to give up on me. I tried to manage to drag myself to my table.

~~~

One hour after, I saw Mew go out of our office.

He didn't even mind saying goodbye to me! Okay, that is it! I'm done being patient! I'm done being a martyr. I need to know what you are doing behind my back! I need to know where the hell you are going every night!

Yes! I said that I would let you! I said I would be mature about this, but this is too much! I waited for him to pass our company building, then hurriedly hailed a cab to follow him.

As we are following him, I can't help but feel so anxious.

A big part of me wants to stop my cab now and don't continue to know that truth. I know that what I'm about to find out will hurt me. I want to stop! I don't care if he hurt me. I don't care if he cheats on me. I don't care if he sees another woman or man behind my back until he comes home to me. As long as he is still with me, I'm scared to lose him. I was scared to face the truth. I'm afraid to wake up to the reality that he finally chose to stop being with me.

But no! I can't live like that! I can't be like that! I'm Gideon Gulf Chantara, for heaven's sake! My mother did not bring me into this world just to be played by someone like him! I want to know the truth. May it bring me peace or put me through hell, but I need to know!

Finally, I saw him stop in front of a restaurant. I immediately paid for the cab and followed him secretly. He entered the restaurant and saw him sitting at the table where a girl was also sitting.

It's Sophia!

I saw her kiss Mew on the cheeks. I saw him kiss her back on her cheeks. They look so happy together. I just stayed looking at them, so comfortable talking to each other. I saw Mew and Sophia laugh. I saw how Sophia touched and held Mew's hand.

I'm dying right here! I'm trying my best not to cry because I don't want to cause any scene. I don't want to bring trouble to Mew with me being here. Is this why he has been strange lately? Did you already choose her?

I see them talking so seriously, then suddenly Sophia goes to Mew. He stands up and just like that! I'm watching the two of them hugging each other so tightly I can see now why Auntie choose her. They look so good to each other.

My insecurities are now killing me! They look so happy together! The way Mew looks at her! I know Sophia is the best woman for him. I still hear in the back of my mind how Auntie describe her to me. She is the opposite of Allyssa. She is more like a girl version of Mew.

Kind, Generous, responsible, family-oriented, happy to be with, and most importantly, she looks so beautiful. If I were going to choose someone to be Mew's partner in life, except for me, I would pick her. I know she can make Mew happy. I know she can fulfill his dream, unlike me.

How can I compete with someone like her? I know I could be wrong with this. I know maybe Mew and Sophia are just talking as friends. But now that I realize and think about everything, that is not the issue here. I need to consider Mew's future, not just for myself. Mew can have a different life with her. I can help but think that maybe he can have a better future with someone as perfect as her.

I know she will be the perfect wife for him. She can give things more than I can provide. She can support him more than I. I can't take it anymore! I need to get out of here and do something.

I may regret this for the rest of my life, and It may be the stupidest decision I will make, but for your happiness, my love. I can sacrifice everything. I know I said I could leave you unless you tell me yourself. But I know you, Mew. You will never be able to break my heart. You will never have the heart to say to me, yourself, that you want someone. I know you, Mew. For you, I will do it!

I'm the one who will break my heart and let you go! I know it will be challenging, but for the sake of your happiness and your future. I can do it! I hope you have happiness in life, my love! I only want you the best, so I picked up my phone and called someone.

Me: Hi, Auntie!

Auntie Vanessa: Oh, Hi, Son! Why a sudden call? Did something happen?

Me: No, Auntie, I would like to ask if the offer is still available.

Auntie Vanessa: Ahh, the training? Yes! Your Uncle Luke is waiting for you to say yes for him to schedule it. Are you saying yes, now?

Me: Yes, Auntie, I would like to take it.

Auntie Vanessa: Great! Okay, when do you plan to leave? So, I can tell your Uncle Luke to prepare everything.

Me: If possible, tomorrow, First thing in the morning, Auntie.

Auntie Vanessa: What? That sudden? I haven't prepared anything yet. You don't have a place to live there yet.

Me: It's okay, Auntie! I can book a hotel there while waiting for my permanent place.

Auntie Vanessa: Why are you in a hurry, Son? Did something happen?

She sounded so worried for me. I need to stop her because she might sense something.

Me: No, Auntie, I would like to go there immediately. I just decided to say yes now. I don't want to change my mind again if I postpone it. Please, Auntie!

Please say yes! Please say Yes! I keep chanting in my head.

Auntie Vanessa: Okay, Okay. Now I will call the secretary of your Uncle to book you a flight!

Me: Thank you so much, Auntie. You're the best!

Auntie Vanessa: Anything for you, son. Are you sure you are, okay? You sound so different today.

Me: No, Auntie, I'm okay. I promise! Ahh, Auntie, don't talk about this to Mew; I'm sure he will just stop me. You know the stubbornness of your son. I will just tell him when I'm already there.

I tried my best to sound happy and normal.

Auntie Vanessa: Okay, Okay. All right, I won't! Bye Son! I will call Lisa now!

Me: Bye, Auntie. Love you.

Auntie Vanessa: I love you too, son!

Then we hung up.

I immediately go to our condo and pack my things. I need to go now before Mew comes to know about my plan. I can't wait to see him because I will change my mind. I will book a hotel near the airport.

I need to go! Even if it hurts, I need to do this! For you, Mew. I can do anything! Even if it means killing me in a process, I will do it in a heartbeat! I can't always be selfish. Before I became Mew's lover, I was his best friend! His best friend, who will always want the best for him. His best friend who will always do whatever it takes to make him happy. I will always choose his happiness over mine. He was always there for me after my parents died. I owe so much to him.

After packing, I write a letter to Mew. I always want to write him a love letter, but I guess it will be a goodbye letter. I closed the door of our room, and then I looked back at our place for the last time. There are so many good memories that happen in this place. I got hurt, was loved, cried, and was happy.

Memories that I will carry my whole life. I breathe deeply before closing the door. I hope I can survive tomorrow. I hope I can!

TO BE CONTINUED