Gideon POV

Here I am on the campus bench area with my friend Sean. Our class got suspended early because my professor had an emergency.

It's been two weeks since Auntie Vanessa and Uncle Luke's anniversary. Two weeks that, I decided to avoid Mew! I'm trying this time to let go of him. If I want to mend my heart, I need to avoid him. I need to forget my feeling for Marcus or even lessen them for a bit until there is nothing left but friendship. I'm still his best friend, though, and that will never change no matter what!

I know it's not easy, but I can't take it anymore, and I don't know what to do if I continue to be this way. I want to get out of this jail that I put myself in. The prison of being in love with someone I know would never love me back! I know it will be unfair to Mew. It's not his fault that I fall in love with him. It's not his doing that I fall in love with my best friend. It's just that I'm having a hard time right now. I feel so suffocated every time I see him with her.

But as the days go by, that's not what is happening. Instead of forgetting Mew or my feeling for him, I miss him more. I long for his attention! I miss his smiling eyes, veiny arm, presence, everything! I miss him so much that it feels like whenever I'm not with him every second, even just as his friend. I feel like I'm dying! I'm dying inside!

In the past, whenever I wanted to see Mew, I would do everything, even create a lame excuse to go to him. There are moments when I choose not to buy food for my lunch or breaks to have enough money to take a cab and go to his office. Call me pathetic, but it's true!

I pretended not to know things academically, even though I already knew those lessons. I pretended to be an idiot in front of him to get his attention, which he gladly offered at that time. I know he will be willing to help me anytime. I can see it in his eyes! I'm important to him! I know I am! I can survive even if I'm just his best friend.

At that moment, when I was with Mew, I felt that time had stopped, and the world was ours. Whenever I'm with Mew, I feel so genuinely happy. I fell in love with him deeper each day that he was with me. His attention was all mine. He made me feel like I was his no.1 priority. Even though he was busy with something like his work as president, he would drop it all off to stay with me. We were inseparable before, and I'm so happy about it. Like over the moon happy!

But everything changed when he met Allyssa. She took him away from me. I admit that I hated her so much because of it. I know it's not her fault. I know she didn't mean to hurt my feeling. She doesn't know my feeling for Mew. But what can I do? That's how I feel about her!

She took away my happiness! She took my Mew!

I didn't realize that I was spacing out for a long time. I only did when Sean suddenly hit my head with his free hand to get my attention.

"Ouch!" I exclaimed to him. It hurts! What is wrong with this fucking friend of mine that suddenly hit me? I got up and smacked his head back for revenge. Does he think I will not?

"Ouch, God!" Sean shouted. He was about to hit me back, but he stopped when he saw me glaring at him.

"Why! You hit me first! You don't have the right to complain that I hit you too!" I said to him. He instantly goes back to his seat, looking so disappointed.

"I'm just helping you return to reality. You should have thanked me!" He spoke.

"Thank you, My ass! Do you want me to hit you again?" This time he immediately moved back.

"No! But seriously, what's with you today? Did something happen? I've been talking to you, but you're not listening to me. Do you have a problem? You know I'm your friend, and you can always tell me anything. Would you please not keep it to yourself? Your head will hurt from thinking!" Sean said. He returned to the bleacher and sat again.

"But seriously, Deon! Don't keep it yourself, especially if you have a friend like me whom you can talk to about anything. You know I will never judge you!" I was surprised by Sean's words.

Yes, he’s my friend. He's been a good friend to me ever since. I guess? It's okay for me to tell him my problems, right? He's one of the people I know I can always count on ever since. He never judges me, and from time to time, he also gives me good advice.

"You know I'm gay, right?" I looked him straight in the eyes. He seemed flustered about me mentioning my sexuality. We rarely talk about this topic because Sean knows how sensitive I get because of this.

"Yup, and I'm glad you told me about it." I saw him smile, which made me feel a little relaxed. I closed my eyes as I breathed first before I continued to tell him about my problems.

"I love someone!" I opened my eyes and saw Sean's shocked face.

"Wow! Seriously? You? Gideon Gulf? The bookworm, Gideon Gulf Chantara? As in you? Love someone? As in romantically? Omg! It's a miracle! Do you want me to throw you a party?" He sounded like he couldn't believe what I had just said to him. He even laughed, which slightly pissed me off.

"You! You don't know how to be serious as always! Never mind, I won't tell you!" I said, then attempted to stand up, but he stopped me.

Does he think I'm joking?

"Sorry! Sorry! I didn't mean to offend you. It's just that I was shocked, and let me tell you this! I never, as in, never expect it at all. I thought that this love thing never existed in your vocabulary. Yes, you are friendly, but fuck, friend! If only you know yourself. You always act like you hated everyone except that second family of yours and me. We are the only people you consider important! The rest? You don't care about them at all!" I glared at him! Is he truly my friend? Why does he always like to contradict me? He just smiled and talked.

"Peace, friend! Deon, sorry again. Please continue! I will not offend you anymore!" He said to me, sounding so sorry, so I breathed deeply to calm myself because I might end up hurting my so-called friend again.

"Okay, I love someone, but I'm warning you now! Don't ever ask me his name or anything about this person because I'm not telling you who he is, never!" He doesn't know Marcus, so what's the purpose of telling him who it is that I'm talking about?

"I've been in love with him for I don't know how long! He is also my friend, my long-time friend. I admit I love him secretly. I don't have the guts and strength to tell him how I feel. Why? That's because I'm his best friend. I was scared to tell him because I thought that if I told him how I felt, he would hate me, and it would destroy my friendship with him. I don't want that to happen. So, I decided to keep it to myself. At first, I was okay with that, with our setup as best friends. Our family is so close that it added for that reason why we see each other as in all the time."

I breathe deeply again before I continue. It's heartbreaking stuff for me, so sharing all this is hard. It brings back all the pain and memories. He may have noticed, so he put his hand on my shoulder—his way of cheering me up. So, I smiled back at him.

"Until one day, he met this girl, and everything changed. His priority became her. The only way for me to be with him was as his best friend, but even that was taken away from me by that woman. They are always together! How he looks at her, how I wish I were the one he would look that way with his eyes. I tried to say it was okay and I should be happy for him. Accept all of it and that I should be contented. But every time I say it to myself. It hurts more! It hurts so much more! I feel like someone is stabbing my heart multiple times repeatedly. Now I tried to stay away from him. It's been two weeks since I last saw him. Two weeks that I thought would help me ease this pain. Two weeks that I thought I could finally help myself erase my feeling, maybe not all but at least to lessen it, but no!"

This time I started crying again.

"Sean! It's hard! I thought I could move on from him if I stayed away, but that's not what is happening! I miss him! I miss him so fucking much that I can't breathe! I'm suffering right now. Please tell me what I should do! Would you please help me? I don't know what to do with his fucking feelings of mine. Sean, please tell me what to do! Please help me! I'm helpless! I feel so alone!"

Author POV

Sean saw his friend's hurt expression; he couldn't stop feeling hurt too. It was the first time Sean saw Gulf like this. He remembers when he helped Gulf come out to people about being gay! Yes! He was very nervous at that time, but he never cried. 

He didn't expect his friend was suffering. It broke his heart to see his friend cry like this. He sees Gulf as his brother and can only say this to the person who made his friend cry!

"Who are you? That woman must be a goddess for you to ignore Gideon's feelings. Deon is perfect in every aspect! He may be a snob but damn if he considers you as someone important! You are the luckiest person alive! How can someone like you not see a perfect guy like Gulf and love someone else? Just fucking how?" Sean can't help but ask himself while trying to console Gulf.

Now he is curious about who this guy is and that he is hurting his friend!

"Who are you?"

To be continued

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