Songs for the Chapter:

Wild In The Streets- Bon Jovi

Runaway- Bon Jovi

Dirty Diana- Michael Jackson

{M A U R A}

I was in the car, but I couldn't feel the gas pedal beneath my foot.

I sat there stoically in the driver's seat, anticipating the undeniable pain and humiliation I would feel the moment I saw his face. I was a ticking time bomb really, I felt myself about to explode. I guess I didn't care.

I looked over slowly at three week's worth of peonies. Their pink petals were wilted.

A heat wave had settled over Chicago. It was already mid-October and usually by then the summer's sweet temptations had long gone away. For some reason, sweltering temperatures decided to stick around.

Disgust rose in the back of my throat like bile. Disgust toward myself, toward Jesse Williams, toward Vick, toward Jax, toward everything that moved and breathed.

A knock on my car window threw me out of my reverie.

It was the delivery man. He leaned downward and peered at me.

"Flower delivery for... Maura Vanderbilt?"

I began to breathe heavily. Like a dog after a long run, like a woman scorned. I could feel the heat rushing to my face. The delivery man's eyes grew wide as I rolled down the window and snatched the flowers.

"I'm gonna fucking kill someone!" I screeched and the car's engine roared to life.

Every negative emotion in the world knifed through me as I raged down the road, ignoring stop signs and the possibility of death. The whole way I mused to myself, feeding into my own anger and relish.

"Who the fuck does he think he is?! All of them! As if men just... rule my life! As if I have no seperate thoughts or aspirations!"

I whipped into the school parking lot before screeching to a halt. I tumbled out of the car with the engine still running and snatched up as many peonies as I could fit into my arms.

For some reason there were no students milling about the lot. They all seemed to be gathered in a clump near the front lawn, silent.

I didn't care, not one bit. I stormed up right to the nearest dumpster and threw the lid open.

"Well you know what? Fuck it all!"

I felt the most amazing rush of energy and adrenaline as I pushed the peonies into the garbage. I ignored the looks of disapproval and befuddlement, all that mattered was me taking back my own emotions, me owning them instead of allowing them to be stamped on by others.

The wind picked up and a few peony petals took flight, fluttering through the air like little clouds of smoke... and landing on the three dead bodies lying near the school's steps.

I fell silent. I heard the distressed sniffles of the girls and the confused inquiry of the boys. The school lawn hadn't been trashed again, but far more damage had been done.

I turned my back and bit down on my tongue. Green Eyes. The Turf war. I knew it wasn't going away, but what kind of sick teenager kills people to prove a point? I mean, assuming it was Jesse, from the foreign gang insignias that had been carved into the foreheads of the victims.

I went back to the car and got more peonies.

Something hardened inside of me at the sight of Jax dramatically storming up to me.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you think of no one but yourself?" he snapped, watching me dump the flowers.

"Talk about the pot calling the kettle black," I muttered and kept on going.

"What the fuck?" he spat. "Can't you put aside your childish emotions for one fucking second? People have just fucking died here, you know that? You have to stop being so damn insensitive!"

I stopped, glaring at him like I never have before. I saw his expression change.

"Put my feelings aside? Mine? I've been doing that for you since day one! It's always me having to sacrifice something, and right now I'm just done, okay?! You treat me like shit, and maybe I deserve it, but you have no right to tell me anything, you fucking dick!"

I pushed him back by the shoulders. Everyone was watching now.

He stumbled. His eyebrows furrowed.

"Calm down," he said evenly. "Just calm down."

"You calm down! I'm nothing but a piece of meat to you anyway, so just back the fuck up!"

He just looked at me, saying nothing.

"It's me, huh? It's always me, I'm always the god damned problem! The slut, the tease, the insecure bitch with nothing better to do but hunt boys! That's what you see, and that's why people walk all over me! But guess what? Now I'm done putting up with bullshit! You'll see."

He sighed and looked away.

"You'll all see." My voice dropped.

I turned and slammed the dumpster. I went back to my car, finally feeling the uncontrollable anger begin to leave me.

After that, I just felt sad.

Eventually the principal arrived to the scene, and not too long after that the cops were called. One of them climbed onto the roof of his squad car and got out a megaphone. I watched throught the rearview mirror.

"Attention all students! The school is currently on lock down! Please report to your first period classroom and stay there until further notice! Move in an orderly fashion, and do not linger!"

I groaned and pulled into a parking spot.

I kept my head down and hugged my books to my chest, following the crowd into the building. I didn't raise my eyes until I got to Chemistry. Everyone was silent as I sank into my seat, taciturn and red hot with unknown emotion.

"Hey."

Jax's voice hit my ears. I looked up at him hastily and cocked my head slightly.

"What?" I whispered back.

Everyone heard anyway and stared.

"You okay?"

He wasn't smiling at all. He was actually serious. I looked to the left and the right of myself to find someone who he could possibly be talking to, and then looked back at him.

"What do you care?"

The class stirred. Jax's gaze lingered, and eventually we both looked away.

Moments later, our promiscuous teacher walked into the classroom. Her red lips were drawn downward and her eyes were creased with worry. Overall, she seemed a lot older than she usually was.

She set her things down quietly and settled her gaze on the class. Her lips parted, but it was a very long time before words came out.

"I think it's appropriate that we sit in silence until we know more," she almost whispered.

The continued silence meant that we agreed.

It was then I noticed that neither Jon nor Vick was there. I got a sick feeling, wondering if Jon could somehow end up one of those bodies...

I shook myself. I didn't like that I still cared, even deep down.

And so, everyone sat in perfect stillness. No one talked, it was almost like no one was breathing. The obvious questions on everyone's mind hung thickly in the air, the tension was stifling. The bell rung for second period, and still no one moved.

And then Alex Whitaker coughed. And coughed again. Then he sneezed, and got up to get a tissue.

When everyone saw that God hadn't struck him down for behaving normally in a time of crisis, more people got up. They shuffled off in groups to whisper and comfort each other, to make known their personal concerns.

I got up and went to the window. The blinds were drawn so I peeked through the cracks and down to the school's lawn.

My heart wrenched at the sight of sobbing parents, standing outside a circle of yellow police tape. An ambulance and three cops cars sat in the grass, and outside of this lingered several hungry news stations.

I felt the heat of another body right behind me. I stopped breathing.

"What are you thinking about?" Jax whispered in my ear.

I was angry again and confused. He'd just gone off on me in the parking lot, and now he was asking me how I felt and what I was thinking?

I paused. "Murder, gymnastics, and sleep. How about yourself?" I replied sarcastically.

I felt his hand on the small of my back. "I'm wondering if you'll visit me tonight."

I turned quickly and glared up at him again. "How could you be thinking of that, right now of all times? God, what is wrong with you?"

"The same reason why you'd throw a fit in front of the whole school, 'right now of all times'," he fired right back.

I sighed. "Touché."

He stared down at me for a little while and didn't move back to his seat.

"Why did you ask if I was okay?" I whispered.

His gaze intensified. I was kicking myself for my own hypocrisy on the inside, once I discovered that my entire wellbeing relied on his reply.

He might've answered me, but another unwanted presence entering the room leeched my attention.

Everyone fell quiet as the door swung open, and Jon walked in.

I recoiled at the sight of him. He swept the whole room quickly with his eyes, his face drawn with fatigue and sadness. It didn't phase me one bit. When his tired blue eyes settled on me, I only hardened.

"Freckles," he seemed to whimper. "I gotta talk to you."

Everyone's head swiveled in my direction, looking for a response. I swallowed hard.

"Jon," I said, trying to keep my temper in check. "If I were you, I'd think it smart to walk away."

"But really," he persisted. "I've gotta explain myself! You don't understand."

"Jon. Stop talking to me."

His shoulders sagged. "You gotta let me explain. You know I wouldn't do what I did to you unless I had to!"

Jax seemed to snarl at him. "She said fuck off."

"You stay out of this!" We both snapped at him, precisely at the same moment.

"Freckles," he repeated. "Please."

His expression seemed to lighten as I slowly walked toward him, and completely dropped from his features when he saw the look of conviction I gave him. I came close, just close enough to whisper in his ear.

"Listen real close, cause I'm only gonna say this once. I want... nothing to do with you. When I say nothing, I mean nothing. Don't come knocking on my door with any apologies, candy, flowers, none of that bullshit. I don't wanna see your face outside this school, ever. Don't look at me, don't talk to me, from now on you've got nothing to say to me."

His eyes were round with shock. "Freckles, I can't believe you're-"

"I mean it! You stay the fuck away from me, cause we were never friends. You had the chance to choose and you did. You dug your grave, now lie in it with that sick, dirty whore of yours. I hope she was worth it."

I saw the hurt and horror settle into his face as the principal came onto the intercom.

"Attention students: Please secure all of your belongings and safely make your way from the building. Classes will resume very soon, but for now they are cancelled."

I looked at him for a second longer. His head dropped. My shoulder bumped him lightly as I swept past as quickly as I could, and out of the room.

{...}

Everyone was at the Bay that night. It was basically school property, and it gave people comfort to be around familiar things. Even I felt a little better, sitting in the bright-red 50's style booths and sucking down ice cream through a straw.

Macy sat across from me. Her face seemed clammy and she didn't have much of an appetite.

It was quiet. The sound of the Doobie Brothers on the jukebox was too audible. Nothing but the sound of a few whispers and forks against plates.

I picked at my plate of cheese fries. "Wanna head home?"

Macy looked at me. "Not quite yet. If I'm alone, I'll just think of those dead bodies all night. I'll never fall asleep."

I gave her a tight-lipped smile. "You can stay at my place."

Honestly, I was afraid to be alone too. I was afraid someone might be feeling empowered by the murder, and come for me.

The little bell attached to the door tinkled, announcing the arrival of a new visitor. I recoiled immediately when I saw that it was Jon. His eyes swept the room hastily, and when they met mine... they didn't falter.

I looked away first.

Before he could really get anywhere, the door tinkled again and in came the devil herself.

Vick's hand latched onto Jon's forearm. He jolted as if he'd just been electrocuted.

I watched with awe as Jon transformed into a completely different person, a being entirely seperate from the goofy East-Coast boy that I thought I'd come to know.

"Didn't I tell your ass before? I'm done!"

Vick's bottom lip poked out. "Oh, come on Jonny. After everything, after all these times? The minute I tell you what I really want, you go running like a scared little girl?"

Jon attempted to lower his voice and avoid causing a scene, but it didn't work.

"What you want is what you've always wanted-- to use me. I saw the warning signs and I ignored them, I silenced the feeling in my gut, and for what? For what outcome!?"

She tried pleading with him, but he shut her down every time. A look of panic crossed her features when she noticed me watching.

Jon looked pretty heated. I wondered what she'd done wrong.

"Oh come on-"

"Done! Just done, and stay the fuck away from me!"

Everyone in the diner silenced to survey Vick's response. Her red mouth clamped shut. She hissed something inaudible and brushed past him quickly, disappearing into a secluded corner booth.

Murmurs floated around the room. The jukebox came back on, and life dragged on.

Jon stood there, stoically watching me. Waiting for my response.

I simply did not give one. I didn't want him to have the satisfaction- though I was quite amused by what had happened.

The door tinkled. In came Jax.

I stopped eating as he searched the room, his gaze eventually settling on me. He seemed slightly irritated and more than a little frisky, pushing Jon aside as if he were nothing but a plastic bag in the wind.

He came to me immediately, without hestitation, and leaned over the side of my booth.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

I looked up at him quizzically. "Uh... eating? Is there a problem?"

He glared at me. "You were supposed to be at my place half an hour ago."

I scoffed, picked up another french fry, and kept eating.

"Is there something funny?"

"Yeah," I said, squeezing more ketchup onto my plate. "I just think it's funny how my whole world is supposed to revolve around you, yet you don't give a rat's ass about me. You remember this morning in the parking lot? The funniest, right?"

Macy sucked in a quick breath and excused herself from the table.

Jax stared hard at me for the longest time. Then he grabbed my arm.

"Come on. We're going."

Like talking to a brick wall.

If it weren't for Jon's everlasting gaze, I would've resisted. I watched the frustration grow in him as Jax lead me across the busy room and out the door.

{A/N}

Bitches be petty as fuck I swear *cough* me *cough*

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