Life is hard. Full of clues. Full of exams. Obviously, hindi ako pumasok ng klase. Kung noon nagawa kong mag-cutting class, ngayon nagawa ko na ang mag-absent.  At kung noon masayang alaala, ngiti, at tawa ang dala ko. Ngayon, tanging bulaklak ang meron ako.

"I'm here, Cait," I placed the flower near her tombstone. "I missed you so much."
Alam ko namang wala na sya. I know she couldn't speak back. Never at all.

"I already felt so much pain, Cait. I can't handle it anymore. And how could I trust them again if they are mistrusted already?"
Umupo ako sa harap nya. That ambivalent of mine felt sorry for everything.

"Sorry if ngayon lang kita napuntahan. Your family didn't allow me to see you during your interment ceremony. Sorry and rest in peace, Cait." Wanting to stop everything, but my mind says, DO IT AGAIN. And I saw the clarity from those words. I need another chance from heaven.

Bahagya akong tumayo.

"Ashleigh." Isang pamilyar na boses ang nagpalingon sa akin.

"What are you doing here?" Tanong ko sa walang gana.

"We need to talk."
I started to walk. He grabbed my forearm. Humarap ako sa kanya.

"Ang sabi mo sa akin poprotektahan mo ako. Pero anong nangyari, Rain?"

"Ashleigh." He slowly holds my hand. His voice began to melt.

"I know the truth," sabi ko habang nakatitig sa kanya.

"I'm sorry," sagot nya at yumuko.

"But you lied to me."

"Yes. I know."

"Kailangan pa ba kitang pagkatiwalaan?"

"Please, Ashleigh," he raised his eyes and looked on me. "Forgive me."
Nangungusap ang kanyang mga mata, asking for second chance.

"Kailangan ba?"
I saw his teary-eyes, his tamed face, his braveless look. Ibang Rain ang nakikita ko sa kanya.

"Let me explain, Ash," holding my hand, inalis ko iyon agad.

"Ano pa ba ang ipapaliwanag mo, Rain? Paano mo ipapaliwanag ang isang bagay ngayong alam ko na ang totoo? Believe me Rain, I really trust you. But you didn't do the same."
He remained silent.

"Know what, Rain? You make me fool."

"I know I was wrong," giit n'ya. "The guilt was still inside of me."

"Sana hindi ako nagtiwala sa'yo, Rain. Sana." Tinalikuran ko sya at akmang aalis.

"Please, Ash. Stay with me." Humarap sya sa akin.

"I'm willing to pay anything, everything as you wanted. But please, don't go. Don't leave me at all, Ash. Stay with me." Puno ng pagmamakaawa ang kanyang bawat salita. At kung gaano ako nagmakaawa sa harap ni Sky, gano'n din ang ginawa ni Rain sa akin.

"I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do." Umalis akong hindi sya nililingon. I saw myself as vanish, useless. Sobra akong nasaktan dahil sobra rin naman ang aking pagtitiwala. I'm broke INSIDE and I'm totally die OUTSIDE. Unexplainable feelings. So damn!

----
R A I N

Chillin' at my old friend's Disco Bar with myself, alone. Unlike L.C Bar, mas maraming hot babes dito. There's more fun either.

"That's Rain La Costa. Ang most famous hunk mula English University."

"Sh*t! He's a charming and good-looking guy."

"I want him either."

I saw a group of babes next to me. They're b*tch. CRAP!

"Rain La Costa!" tawag sa akin ng isang babaeng naka-whore look.

"Yes?" Acting like hindi ko sila narinig nag-uusap.
Lumapit sya sa akin.

"Can I have a shot with you?" pabulong nyang tanong sa akin.

"Interesting. Where do you want?"

"V.I.P tayo. Just for one night."
It sounded like a very good idea. It makes me a Sh*t, a real SH*T!

"Do you need money?" tanong ko sa kanya.

"No. I just need you." She litted her cigarette.

"How about them?"
Tiningnan ko ang mga kasama nyang patay na patay habang nakatingin sa akin. Well, I'm more than dangerous.

Sumenyas sya sa kanila dahilan para lumapit sila sa amin.

"We should do it, Rain," nakangiting sabi ng isa.

"Let's do it privately."
Tatlo silang kasama ko. Gonna be exciting, gonna be fun. At kagaya nang napag-usapan, nag V.I.P kaming apat. Me and the three f*cking whores.

Nagkaraoke ang dalawang babae. Meanwhile, katabi kong nakaupo sa couch ang babaeng naka-whore look.

"How's the status, Rain?"

"I'm single."

"That's cool!" She said in a flirty voice. "Available naman ako, Mr. La Costa."
Ngumiti lang ako, as if na gusto ko sya.

"You want me?"

"Foreplay."

"Do you want it?" tanong nya.

"Why?" Looking at her, "Do you want to try it?"

I'm good in making FOREPLAYS, KISSING, and SEDUCING. About f*cking, ayokong pagbigyan ang kahit na sino maliban kay Ash. I really admire that Freak. Her beauty, her intelligence, her body, and the whole being of her. Sya lang ang gusto kong pag bigyan, dahil sya lang ang gusto ko at ang mas lalo ko pang gugustuhin.

She bitten her lower lip. Her eyes showed something immorality, and she makes me hard with that look. Getting closer to her, she put her arms around my neck. I kissed her, I tasted her mouth. Sh*t! It's a mint flavored by sweets.

Pumaibabaw sya sa akin. I felt her big bosom that covered by her dress and it makes me opened it. I suddenly kissed her as fast as I could while my other hand pressing her bosom firmly, hardly.

"Rain, just take it off," pamimilit nya. I smiled.
I moved down. I reached her beautiful thing. She closed her eyes when I gave it a rough touch with my fingers. I heard her great emotion. She's making a harsh sound of deep moaning.

Jack was calling and it makes me sh*t off...

"Rain, where are you now?"

"Somewhere," sagot ko habang nakikipaglaro sa katawan ng kasama ko. Napangiti ako sa kilos at pinanggagawa nya.
He mentioned my friend's name including my dumb *ss enemy.
Sh*t! Lasang game war. Napahinto ako dahilan para agad na mapatayo.

"I badly need to go," sabi ko.

"Weren't done yet." She pouted her lips.

"We will do it next time." Inayos ko ang sarili pati na rin ang suot ko. I took a look. The woman sitting from the distance, I remembered her. She's the woman I kissed here before.

Lumapit ako sa kanya. Hinila ko sya saka binigyan sya ng mahigpit na halik.

"Don't tell your boyfriend about this... Or else." I hitted her a wink.

"Rain, aalis ka na?" tanong nang katabi nya.

"Yes, Baby. I need to go now."

"Pero wala pa tayong ginagawa." She gave me a dismayed look.

"Next time." I know it was shameful. It really makes me feel like that, but I'm just bored.

Bumalik ako sa sa first girl ko. I gave her a sweet kiss then walked away. Checking my watch, it was nine in the evening. Jack send me the current address.

I'm coming war!

**
The wounds he had got makes him feel loser. The numb makes him ill. The blood makes him feel priceless. The bruises make him feel dead.

"Kaya mo pa ba, Sky?" Nakangiting tanong nya.
He's kneeling down to his knees habang nakatali ang dalawang kamay sa kanyang back side. He had his gun, pero timing ang kailangan n'ya since nakasuksok ito sa kanyang gilirang bahagi.

"You failed. You lose now, Sky."
He saw his evil smile. As he was looking around, his pals aren't there to save him. He's actually trapped by them- by the brotherhood, from the sms he had got from them. He thought it was her, but it was not.

Trying to stand firm, iniisip n'ya ang babaeng kanyang pinakamamahal. Gusto n'ya itong makita ulit. Gusto n'ya s'yang yakapin ng mahigpit. Gusto n'ya rin itong halikan, at sabihing 'Mahal' n'ya ito. Hanggang ngayon, itinatago n'ya pa rin ang katotohanang sya ay kanyang mahal. At mananatiling tahimik ang pagmamahal n'yang iyon.

"FRANKO!!"
Kay Rain nagmula ang boses. May hawak itong baril. The gun aiming at Frank's direction. Sky knows na kaya nitong pumatay ng tao since killing was one of their identities.

"You gonna stop this or else... I WILL KILL YOU."
He heard Frank's f*cking laugh.

"Kaya mo ba akong patayin, Rain?" Panigurado n'ya. "Kaya mo ba talaga?"

"One." As he began to count, he tried to get his gun from his side.

"Counting is cool. I loved numbers," litanya ni Frank sa kanya.

"Two." Rain still focusing on him.

"STOP THIS!"
He startled when he saw her protesting. She tried to protect him by spreading her hands widely.

"Umalis ka riyan sa harap nya or else... Ikaw ang papatayin ko," tugon ni Rain ng may galit.

"Put your gun down, Rain," utos nya.

"Get out, Ash. GET OFF!"
He heard Rains squealed.

"Don't do this, Rain. Please, don't," pagmamakaawa nya sa kanya.

"ONE," he started, angrily.

"Please, Rain." She fold her hands. "Please."

"TWO."
He saw her walking forward, palapit kay Rain.

"THREE."
Finally, he got his gun. He saw her giving him a squeeze tight with her arms. He even dropped his gun.

Aiming Sky's gun to Frank's direction, kahit hindi ito sigurado sa kanyang ginagawa, pero kinakailangan n'ya pa rin ang subukan. Nakaluhod s'ya habang itinuon ang baril sa kanya. Ipinutok n'ya iyon dahilan para sya'y kanyang tamaan.

"NOOOO!"
He saw her running back to Frank. Alam n'ya sa kanyang sarili na hindi iyon pwedeng gawin pero kinakailangan. Para makaganti.

"Frank, please stand up." Hinawakan nya s'ya at pilit na itinatayo.

Rain looked at him. Giving him a piece of smile, lumapit sya sa kanya para alisin ang tali mula sa kanyang mga kamay.

"Nakaganti ka na." He patted his back.
Binigyan n'ya naman ng tingin si Ash. He saw his very best love crying to someone.