A/N: Please give the song above a listen and keep it in mind for this chapter. This song is the inspiration for this fic.

Jungkook's P.O.V

Jungkook has been lying in the guest bedroom for 3.5 hours now. Hoseok has no trouble falling asleep meanwhile Jungkook is tossing and turning. After listening to every song on his 'relaxation' playlist he decides to get up and take a walk. Hopefully to wear himself out.

He pauses whenever he hears muffled crying coming from the room above his and hoseok's. His heart wrenches because he knows who those cries belong to. Jungkook wants to burst into that room and comfort the man that is clearly hurting.. but he knows that's not his place. No matter how hard it is.

Still he finds himself sitting outside the door. Hurt in his heart and hands in his hair, listening to the sounds he wants to soothe. Desperate to know what's making Taehyung cry. Never once did the thought cross his mind that it was him..

Taehyung's P.O.V

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Why. It's been four fucking years. Why won't it go away. Taehyung just sobs into his pillow. If he knew he would feel this way upon being reunited with Jungkook he would've rejected Jimin's offer immediately.

Something in Tae's heart always knew he still loved the younger. I mean they spent 8 years of their lives together, practically inseparable. But they say time heals everything, so why the hell isnt his heart healed.

Why did he feel sick to his stomach at the idea of Jungkook being engaged, when he himself has a loving husband. That thought alone makes Tae feel sick. Bogum is amazing. Treats him beautifully and cared for him whenever he was all alone. So why doesn't he feel this way when his husband embraces him. Why doesn't Bogum's touch send flames coursing through his body like Jungkook's touch does.

Why is it that every time Tae closes his eyes he sees those doe eyes that he turned away from, because he was too coward to face his feelings back then.

FLASHBACK - 2 days before Tae left.

BTS had a long day of fan signs today. After it was done they decided to split up and enjoy some free time. Of course Jungkook and Tae went together. They decided to go home, order takeout and play games.

After they got done eating they cuddled up on the couch. Tae was resting his head in Jungkook's lap when he felt a firm hand intertwine fingers with his.

"K-Kookie, what a-are you doing?"

"M'dunno, just felt like holding your hand." Jungkook gives the sweetest bunny smile but he doesn't know that he's killing Tae.

They can't be together at least not right now. There's too much happening for BTS. A relationship between the two would bring way too much negative attention and both boys knew that.

Tae let's go of Jungkook's hand reluctantly and leans up. Locking eyes with the raven haired boy in front of him and placing their foreheads together. 

"Jungkook, please. Don't do things like this. Don't make me fall in love with you." In a soft whisper barely able to muffle the cries that followed.

Jungkook wipes away the tears with the pad of his thumb and cupped the older's cheek. "What are you so scared of, Tae? What reason have I given you to not know that I will care for you, always?" Jungkook stares into the watery puppy eyes in front of him

"You don't even know, h-how you feel. We can't do anything. We're under a microscope every time we leave and it's pure hell." Tae cries out, clenching Jungkook's shirt in his hand "we get so comfortable. Being loving and touching and doing things we aren't allowed to do in public. So it kills me when we're on stage or at a restaraunt or an award show and I can't sit as close to you as I like without getting warned by production. Constant glares. Rumors. It's too hard."

Both boys are crying at this point.. they know how impossible they're situation is but both are too scared to do anything about it. "Tae, you're right. I don't know how I feel or what to do. But I know that whatever it is, I just want you with me. Okay? You're my best friend and my Sun. I can't be without you. So just stay with me okay?" Jungkook runs his fingers through the older's soft hair until he falls asleep.

END FLASHBACK

I'm sorry Kookie... but I can't. It hurts too much to stay with you. Taehyung throws his pillow to the floor and decides he needs to get some fresh air, there's a convenient store on the corner so he plans to go buy donuts for all of the guys for morning.

His jaw drops when he opens the door to see Jungkook sitting there.. looking a wreck.

"K-Kookie?"

Jungkook jumps, he was so lost in thought he didn't feel the door open. "Tae... what's wrong?" He stands up and places a hand on the older's waist, slowly pulling him close. "Why have you been crying for so long?" He places his forehead on Tae's suddenly not giving a shit about anything else in the world.

Taehyung feels his body trembling at the contact. He wants to run to push Jungkook off of him and go fly to Seoul and see his husband. But he can't. He's frozen because even his mind can't ignore the fact that his body loves feeling Jungkook's warmth. The way his warm hands firmly grasp Tae's waist while being gentle at the same time. The way Jungkook has always cared for Tae as if he were so fragile he might break if he caressed him too hard.

Just when he thought there were no tears left Tae began to sob letting his body fall into Jungkook's arms.

Jungkook's P.O.V

Tae collapsed into Jungkook's arms and the older didn't know what to do. God knows he has dreamt of holding Tae again but not under such circumstances. He decides to help the older into his room to avoid the hyung's seeing him like this. Without thinking twice Jungkook places a firm grasp on Tae's legs, pulling him up to where he's holding him like a koala. To his surprise, he is met with no resistance from the older.

He walks inside the room gently closing the door and walking towards Tae's bed. Slowly placing the older down, careful not to make too much noise. Jungkook's heart is beating at an insane pace. The man that he's loved for all of these years is broken, right in front of him. Yet he still looks more beautiful than all of the galaxy combined.

"Tae please, talk to me"

He sees the older hitch his breathing trying to speak then he's shocked whenever he feels the slender arms around his neck again. Tae burrowing his face in the crook of Jungkook's neck.

"S-stay with me, p-please" is all that Tae manages to get out. Again without missing a beat, Jungkook swoops the older up bridal style, carrying him to a more comfortable position on the bed. He climbs in next to him and wraps an arm around the older's delicate waist.

They lay there together for about 20 minutes in silence. Right when Jungkook thought the older had fell asleep he feels shifting. His heart stops when he is face to face with those beautiful brown eyes. "T-Tae?" He says while gently brushing the hair from the older's eyes.

"W-why? W-why do you m-make me feel like this?" Tae is doing everything in his power not to cry again

"What am I making you feel?" Jungkook asks sternly. Praying it's the same feelings he has. All Tae has to do is say the word and the younger knows. The younger knows he would drop everything, just to be able to hold Tae like this everyday for the rest of his life...but he isn't naive and this is reality.

Jungkook just closed his eyes waiting for Tae to tell him hateful words and make him leave so you can imagine the shock whenever he feels two soft lips pressing up against his.

Third Person P.O.V

Jungkook waits a moment to see what Tae does next but when he doesn't feel the older backing away he decides that he doesn't care about anything else in this moment. He moves his hand up to the older's hair. Twirling it in his fingers gently while caressing the silky smooth skin of Tae's exposed shoulder.

After what felt like forever Tae backs away  placing his forehead on Jungkook's. He knew in that moment he made the biggest mistake he could have made but his heart wanted it so badly. He couldn't resist. He went to say something whenever he felt Jungkook pull him back by the nape for another kiss. Both boys knew they shouldn't be doing this. They both knew this was wrong. Yet how could it feel so perfect.

Their lips dancing together, not asking for anything more than closeness. Electricity surging through both of their bodies making it hard to breathe. Jungkook pulls away and whispers "you don't know how long I've been waiting for this moment, Tae. God I've dreamt of this so many times. Please just pinch me now if this is a dream, if I wake up from this I swear I don't know what I'll do."

Tae just starts to cry. They both have been longing for each other for so long but they are too late. Tae is married and Jungkook is engaged. Even though both of them know there will be consequences tomorrow. They don't move. They just stay.

"K-Kookie... I know we can't be doing this b-but just for tonight. Can we just pretend I made a different choice four years ago?" His voice breaking and tears flowing like a river "can we pretend that I didn't ruin what was so perfect. Can you love me? Even if it's just for tonight?" His voice hitched and desperate.

Jungkook didn't say a single word. He just rolled to the point that his body was hovering over the older and placed his hand around his neck. Slowly lowering his face to where their lips are centimeters a part "Tae, I know I can't... b-but there is no pretending. I do love you. God I love you so much it hurts."

Before he can say anything else, he just leans down and crashes his lips onto the older below him.

Allowing themselves to pretend, even for a moment that they are allowed to be in love. For the first time in their lives, they didn't shy away from their feelings.

If only they weren't too late.

💜
A/N: so this is where I stopped my rough draft of this fic.

I will begin working on the rest of the story and the plot this week.

Thank you to anyone that gives this story a chance.

Please comment your thoughts so far.