You've Got a Spell on Me
July 11, 2024
Dear [redacted],
We've graduated now (class of 2023 whoop whoop!), and I'm going to be a junior in college in August. You've just gotten a new job, and you're moving in with your boyfriend. Which is...it's really something. It is.
I've been trying to move on, I've been doing everything I can to move on. I promise, I'm trying so hard. But I haven't gone a single day without longing for you, and every time I shut my eyes, I can't breathe. It feels like I'm being suffocated with my need for you. Every person I see that I could try to shoot my shot with, I can't even stand the thought, because then I remember you.
It would be so unfair to start a relationship with someone else when my heart has already been locked away by you. I want nothing more than to despise you. What have you done to me? I'm ruined day and night just from the notion that you exist and you're not with me. I don't belong to you, not that you realize. Do you realize? Is it fun for you, knowing that I'm tortured every day? Did you cast a spell on me when we broke up? A curse? I can't stop loving you.
You must know, because you twist the knife every chance you get. You send me videos, ones that say "the person that sent you this either thinks you're pretty or..." and you send them. And send them. And send them.
Do you think I'm pretty?
I would be pretty for you.
I would do anything for you.
We talked the other day, we don't do that much anymore. You said you and [redacted] are looking for a poly relationship, a third person. All I could feel was anguish when you said that. Anguish because I had hope. How could you do that to me? It felt like my heart was mended and shattered a million times over and over. It could be me.
It could be me.
And it will never be me.
I hate you so much, because I can't hate you at all. I adore you beyond words, it leaves a foul taste in my mouth.
Love,
~
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