August 10, 2022

Dear [redacted],

You're out with friends right now, for band I think. It's kind of weird because this is the time of day (technically night/morning) that we talk, but we're not because I don't want to interrupt your life outside of me. Don't get me wrong, I love that you have a life outside of me, and I love that you always have. I don't want you to be a reliant on me, because I feel like that would be hella toxic. 

But also, what am I supposed to do with all of my thoughts now?

I have so many that I want to share with you, so instead of texting them to you I'll put them in this letter and pretend I'm talking to you. I mean, that's what these letters are for anyways, right?

Well, one, when I went and got my midnight snack I grabbed too many things and now I'm not hungry and I have things that need to be refrigerated but I can't sneak back to the kitchen so now I'm kinda panicking slightly, but oh well.

Two, I'm reading a webcomic and the two love interests finally got past all of their troubles and confessed to each other and they kissed, and we both know how I'm a sucker for a good fluff moment.

Three, there's a potluck tomorrow for the debate meeting but there's literally no ingredients in my house to make a side dish unless it's a suddenly salad and I'll be damned if I show up with a half-assed side dish. So, I've gotta figure that one out, but I can do it. I always pull through, so I'm not too worried, just a little stressed. 

Four, I want to learn how to sew because the little squares on my quilts keep tearing, and my great-grandmother hand made them so I don't want them to be broken because they're really special and my mom will kill me.

Five, [redacted]

Six, the red dye in my hair didn't take to the parts that are going gray which was the whole reason I dyed my hair in the first place so now I have to find some other way to cover it up because I'm literally 17 I can't be going gray are you kidding me-

Seven, I really want you to be at home right now because I want to hear about how your night went with your friends, and I want to make sure you're happy because you messaged me once about half an hour ago saying you felt bad because you were full and I really don't want you to feel sad about your body again because it's so beautiful and I want you to be able to eat a full meal. I hope you're ok.

Eight, you laughed a lot on Sunday and I cannot explain what that did to my heart. This is going to sound so cheesy, but every time you laughed, my heart felt like it was melting. But not in like "steaming dripping lava metal painful" kinda melting, but in like " chocolate sticky marshmallow cupped in a warm hand" kinda melting. I want to hear that laugh every day for the rest of time. I hope I can always make you happy, but more than that I simply hope that you can always find happiness no matter what.

Nine, it's been thirty minutes since you said you were going home, and you said you were gonna message me when you got home but you haven't yet. I know I'm probably being paranoid, but I'm scared that something might have happened because I didn't say I love you before we stopped messaging. This is going to sound weird, but ending a conversation with "I love you" is kind of my way of blessing someone with protection, and low-key I think it might be real because the last time I didn't say "I love you" at the end of a conversation with someone they got into a fatal car crash and now I'm really terrified but it's probably fine but also maybe not? I hope you're ok.

Ten, I haven't had an uncrustable in a really long time, but I'm eating one right now and for some reason it reminds me of Halloween. I don't even know why because I never had uncrustables around Halloween. I mean, if that's what my brain associates it with then pop off I guess.

Eleven, 

Eleven?

That's too many thoughts for one night. I'll stop now, I think.

That's my eleventh thought, I think I'll stop thinking. How fitting.

Love,

~

P.S. 

I half-assed the food for the debate meeting. Coach [redacted] liked the suddenly salad.