July 15th, 2024

Dear [redacted],

I had a cup of that tea you bought me for my 16th birthday. It was the only gift I got when I turned 16, and it melted my heart. You remembered it when I talked about how I was sad I was running out of my peach hibiscus tea, and how I couldn't find it anywhere else a few months before. I remember you telling me that you looked everywhere for it, so I could still have some when mine ran out.

It's been almost three and a half years since then, it was a month after we started dating. I ration those tea bags like they're years of my life I'm giving away. They're the last I have of you when you were mine.

I cried when I drank it, because it tasted like the memory of your love when you loved me. Before you began to distance yourself, and stop caring. I wonder if you ever noticed that my family didn't get me gifts that year. I wonder if you ever noticed how toxic my family was towards me, or if you were too wrapped up in yourself.

I'm crying now, too. It hurts so badly, knowing that the person I loved doesn't exist anymore, and never will again. It's worse than you dying, because now a stranger walks around pretending to be you. I have to watch as someone masquerades as the love of my life, calling himself your name. He has your laugh, and your smile. It hurts so much.

All I have left are the messages I've screenshotted, the tea you gave me, and my fading memories. I dread the day I run out of the tea. Yeah, of course, I could just go and get more. But it wouldn't have your love in it anymore. It would be different, not the same. I wouldn't be able to taste you in the steam.

I mourn a person that isn't dead, how silly. Will you ever come back to me? I don't know if I can love anyone else. It's been 2 years, and it sounds so ridiculous, but I just have this feeling. Like I'll never be able to move on. How could I, when it still hurts so fresh?

Love,
~