August 9th, 2022

Dear [Redacted],

It is currently 1:36 in the morning, I have a headache, and I've run out of words. Well, not really, I still have a lot. I just can't say them I guess. Lately I can't say very much to you. I feel like I'm on thin ice, and at any moment you'll tell me you're only being nice to me because you don't want to be a mean person and that you're tolerating me. I guess I deserve it.

There's always the chance that you're not thinking that though, and that maybe I'm not a nuisance to you. Maybe you don't get frustrated or upset whenever a message pops up from me, and you're ok with me wanting to see your drawings again and again and again. I wonder if you notice how I always steer the conversation towards your interests so that I don't have to feel like I'm boring you with mine? You've always been a lot smarter than people give you credit for, so I wouldn't doubt it. Maybe you just pretend you don't notice so that you can tell me about all of your favorite things. I don't really mind a whole lot. I just wish I could focus on your words more, it's so hard sometimes. Partly because of the ADHD, and partly because you're pretty.

But now I think I've run out of words. How do I tell you to keep talking, and that I don't care what it's about as long as it comes from you? I don't want the conversation to end yet. Send me more pictures of the flowers you drew on your thigh. Tell me the exact brand of the alcohol markers you used and what the names of the colors they were so that I can dream in them. Tell me again why you drew roses, even though I know it's because they're your favorite flower. Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me.

I'll listen, I promise.

But...I've run out of words to tell you.

Love,

~