The following morning, I met with Milena at the building of the marketing agency. Marigold and Magnolia were waiting for me at the lobby and the three of us went to the topmost floor.

Mayroong parang waiting area sa labas ng opisina ng boss nila at anang dalawa na wala pa raw si Milena pero nandito na sina Tiddie at Martell at may pinag-uusapan pa raw.

"He accepted it too?" Gulat kong tanong. May kung anong excitement na namumuo sa kalooban ko. Just the thought of being able to work with Martell excites me but at the same time, makes me feel wary. Sandali kong nakalimutan na may kasalanan pala ako sa kaniya.

"Not sure..." sagot ni Marigold sabay kibit-balikat. "But I think he's doing a favor for boss... they're close you know..."

"Mhmm..." iyon lang ang isinagot ko dahil alam kong close sila ni Martell pero ayaw ko ring ipaalam na magkakilala kami.

"They're in the same circle," Marigold continued. "Ya know... rich bachelors and business magnates."

"Yuh! May iilan nang taken pero mostly single papis pa rin," si Magnolia at pabirong tinaas-baba ang kilay.

"Oh! So he's not in a relationship?" I asked, pertaining to Martell. Though I read some articles about him last time, I pretended to be unaware of it because... why not? I just want to know if the ones on the tabloids are true.

"There's been rumors but never been confirmed."

Napatango-tango naman ako. Pareho ang sagot ng dalawa sa mga nabasa ko sa internet.

Sa gitna ng pag-uusap namin ay ang pagdating ni Babes. Sinalubong ko siya sa may elevator at hinila siya sa may isang sulok.

I told him about my plan and he immediately took out his notebook and started scribbling down some notes. I also instructed him to buy some foods for my friends who are still in the hospital looking after Sugar.

"Babes!" Tawag ko nang may matandaan. Paalis na sana siya pero natandaan ko na malapit na pala ang birthday niya.

I persuaded him to let me arrange a small celebration for him. He was hesistant at first but I managed to make him agree. Minsan lang naman ito at parang pasasalamat ko na lang 'to sa serbisyo't tulong na nagawa niya para sa akin.

"Yay! Thank you, Babes!" Tumalon-talon pa ako at saka siya niyakap. Hindi kasi mahilig mag-celebrate ng birthday ang isang 'to at kada taon ay kailangan pa siyang kausapin at pilitin.

Natigil lang ako sa pagtalon nang may tumikhim. Napatingin ako sa may likuran ko at nakita na nakatutok ang kanilang mga tingin sa amin.

Mukhang kalalabas lang nina Martell sa conference room at kadadating lang ni Milena. May tinatagong ngisi si Tiddie at ganoon din si Milena habang pabalik-balik ang tingin sa aming tatlo nina Martell at Babes. Si Martell naman ay mukhang bored at nakataas lang ang isang kilay habang nasa bulsa ang mga kamay at malayo ang tingin.

"Uy, jowa mo?" Tanong ni Magnolia sa nakakatuksong tono. Hindi ko alam kung nagbibiro ba siya o ano.

Babes is gay but even so, he still looks manly. Kung kami-kami lang ang magkasama ay iba ang kaniyang kilos at pati na rin ang boses at pananamit. Pero kung may kinalaman sa trabaho ang lakad at nasa publiko ay lalaking-lalaki talaga itong umasta.

"Sadly, pareho kami ng mga type," pabulong kong sagot na ikinatawa naman ng dalawa.

"Yeah... it's obvious," ani Marigold at saka sumulyap sa banda nina Martell at kanilang boss.

"Why are you here Martell? Did you accept the offer too?" Ani Milena at saka tinaasan ng kilay si Martell. "Because Galaxy here accepted it and now we only need a photographer. So, are you in or not? Because if not, then we'll find another one."

Hindi sumagot si Martell kaya sa akin naman itinuon ni Milena ang kaniyang tingin. "Do you know someone named Maxton? I heard he's a pilot too and that he's a good photographer as well. Maybe you can ask him if he's up for this?"

"Yup, we're colleagues—"

"Don't bother. I'll take it," Martell cut me off. Ang rude talaga! Hindi man lang ako pinatapos.

I heard the twins let out a sigh of relief behind me while Milena and Tiddie looked triumphant.

"Maybe he can assist you," Tiddie suggested, his eyes darting from Martell to me.

"I can do it myself," mabilis na sagot ni Martell at sumulyap sa akin. It was a really quick glance that I wouldn't have noticed it if I wasn't looking at him.

"It's settled then," Milena said with a victorious smile.

We all went inside the conference room and Milena started presenting. Tiddie, Marigold and Magnolia also presented to us their plans and it seems to me that this meeting is just for the sake of informing Martell and I.

The couture is art inspired. Their aim is to have the overall result of the shoot to look like as if it came straight from a painting but with the modern and more liberated creations of Milena.

Personal issues aside, I'm glad that I accepted this project because it involves two things I like. I couldn't help but also feel awed by the concepts they presented and this is like where fashion and art meets but in a really creative and seamless way.

"We're actually done with all the planning," Tiddie said, then glancing at Milena. "It just so happens that Milena here is insisting on using this rose quartz bathtub in the photoshoot which I think is irrelevant to our theme."

"Hey! It's so pretty, you know?!" Pagdepensa naman ni Milena at saka ako tiningnan na parang nagpapaliwanag. "Plus, don't you think it would be really clever if we'd be able to think of a way to use that while incorporating the theme?"

Patuloy na nag-usap ang dalawa at tumigil lang nang sabay kaming napatikhim ni Martell. Sandali pa kaming nagkatinginan pero agad din namang umaktong walang nangyari.

Milena took her phone and showed us the picture of the bathtub. It is indeed made of rose quartz and it looks elegant and expensive. It doesn't look like the usual rectangular-shaped bathtub but rather like a shell.

"It looks like a scallop shell," Martell pointed out, his fingers now on his chin as if he's in deep thinking.

The room became silent as the four of them were giving Martell and I these hopeful looks.

"Birth of Venus," Martell and I said in unison, both in almost a whisper.

"What?"

I smiled, then glancing at Martell who was looking at me with a smile too! Sandali pa akong natigilan nang makita siyang nakangiti sa akin pero sa isang iglap, nawala rin iyon at bumalik sa pagkaseryoso bago binawi ang tingin. Mukhang sandali niya na namang nakalimutan na galit siya sa akin at nadala lang dahil ang usapan ay tungkol na sa arts.

"The bathtub looks like the one from Botticelli's painting," he explained.

Dali-daling nagsitipa ang apat sa kanilang mga cellphones habang kami naman ni Martell ay hinihintay lang na makita nila ang tinutukoy namin.

Pabalik-balik ang namamangha nilang mga tingin sa amin. Milena looked like she wanted to say something but it seems to me that she's speechless.

"Damn! You two are such a power couple!" Marigold said in awe. She and her twin even clapped at us followed by the other two while I was left in a pretty awkward state.

I'm sure what she meant is that Martell and I are good being together in the group and not something romantic-related kind of couple. But given the history, it's hard to control my mind from immediately going to that certain meaning of "couple" and even more difficult to pretend oblivious.

Mukhang hindi lang ako ang nakaramdam ng awkwardness dahil napasulyap ako kay Martell at nakitang nakatingin siya sa gilid at parang nawalan na ng interes.

Huli nang napagtanto ni Milena ang epekto ng ginawa nila kaya agad naman niyang pinatigil ang mga kasamahan at iniba ang topiko.

"Are you okay for a nude or partly-nude concept for this one?" Milena asked as she turned to me, then showing me a picture of the Birth of Venus painting on her phone.

"Yeah, sure..."

Sa gilid ng aking paningin, nakita kong sandaling tumaas ang kilay ni Martell pero baka guni-guni ko lang yata iyon. Wala naman kasing nakaka-intriga.

"If you're not comfortable with a lot of people in the set, then maybe only you and the photographer would be in the room during that time," Milena added, her eyes darting back and forth between Martell and I.

Now that's awkward... I mean, it's not like he haven't seen my body but— that's not the point here... but again... well... he's my ex and we're not in good terms. Heck! We're not even in speaking terms! It would be really awkward for us. Or maybe it would only be awkward for me since I'm not as professional as he is? Or maybe I'm just overthinking again?

"We can talk about this some other time, this is the last in our lineup," Tiddie said, his eyes, too, were going back and forth from Martell to me.

"You look panicky," Marigold whispered. But since the room fell silent, I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one who heard her.

"I'm not panicking..." I'm just overthinking.

Milena cleared her throat. My eyes went to her and she has this small yet calculating smile. I didn't like that kind smile of hers since it looks like she's reading my mind so I averted my gaze to the side, bringing my focus to Martell.

He, too, is smiling. It's a no-humor kind of smile but it also looks like an amused and sarcastic smile.

"I forgot to mention that I still have to consult with my manager about this—" I stopped midway when I noticed the side of Martell's lips rise. Damn it! Focus, Galaxy! "I mean... kung ako ang tatanungin ay payag ako ngunit may iba pa palang mga bagay na dapat konsiderahin at isa na roon ay ang isa ko pang trabaho," pagpapatuloy ko, pilit na huwag bantayan ang reaksiyon ni Martell.

Nude photoshoots are normal in the fashion and modeling industry but not everyone in the corporate world shares the same perspective.

There is nothing wrong with such concepts but I just don't want my career as a pilot and a businesswoman to be affected. Not everyone is openminded when it comes to these things and I just want to be sure that this won't backfire.

"Yes, we understand," Milena said with a nod. "I know that there are stereotypes out there..."

I sighed in relief on what she said. That's what I want to avoid— being subjected to a stereotype and that's why I need to consult Babes and my team.

We took a short break but still continued to talk and plan but this time, less formally. Martell and I were in the dispenser, making our coffee while listening to Milena when my phone vibrated.

Vanilla:

What time are you visiting? Can you take over for us? We're sleeepyyy

I sent a reply and turned to Milena, trying to be oblivious to the stoic face of Martell that's bothering me. It's distracting me and it's unbelievable that even when he's not even doing anything, I'm still affected by him.

Damn you and your charisma, Martell!

"Can I leave first? It's a bit of an emergency..."

"Oh, you're leaving?" Si Milena at mukhang ayaw pa akong paalisin pero tumango rin naman.

"At least she told you she's leaving," Martell said in a whisper as if he's talking to himself. Hindi pa ako ganoong nakalayo sa kaniya kaya kahit pabulong niyang sinabi iyon, narinig ko pa rin.

Sandali akong natigil sa paglalakad ngunit agad din namang nagpatuloy dahil naramdaman ko ang kanilang tingin sa akin.

Hindi ko alam kung para ba sa akin iyon o ano... is he still bitter? Or maybe that's just the long kept anger.

Nagpaalam ako sa kanila at lumabas na ng building. Pumara ako ng taxi at saka nagpahatid sa hospital, as usual ang laman ng isipan ko ay si Martell.

Let's say he's pertaining to me a while ago... about that "at least she told you"... yesterday, I was sure and final with my decision on staying because I want the hurting to stop which means I have to face Martell too... but then, now that I'm thinking about this, I feel like this is selfish of me... maybe Martell doesn't care about me anymore but that doesn't mean that he's no longer mad by what I did.

What if seeing me reminds him of the pain I caused him? What if seeing me is too much for him? What if I'm being selfish here and only wanting to stay here to face him and didn't even bother to consider what he might feel because of my presence.

It's not that I'm assuming that he's still affected with what happened... It's just that there are wounds that are cut too deep that no matter what one will do, it will take longer to heal...

What if me, choosing to be here so I can get over the pain I caused the both of us, might worsen or bring back his pain; the pain that I caused? What if I'm only thinking about myself again?

I think I caused him too much trouble to even have the audacity to not consider him... yes, he might not care anymore but I just want to be sure... I just want to be sure that I'm not placing him in an uncomfortable place with my presence because after all... even if he doesn't, I still do care for him. And the least that I can do is not bother his, what I'm guessing is, perfectly peaceful life.

"You're here! Tell us about your trip," Vanilla said and offered me a seat. "You were too tired last time but now... we have the time," she added, wiggling her brows teasingly.

Lumabas si Caramel ng kwarto ni Sugar at saka kumuha rin ng upuan at tinabihan ako. Hindi pwedeng masobrahan ng tao ang kwarto ni Sugar kaya dito kami sa labas tumambay.

"Yeah... tell us, come on..." pag-udyok ni Caramel. "When are you gonna tell us his name and let us see his picture? It's been years and we still have no idea who he is."

Pagod kong tiningnan ang dalawa at saka sumandal sa upuan habang minamasahe ang ulo. Binabagabag na nga ni Martell ang isipan ko tapos siya pa ang magiging topiko namin? Pahingahin mo naman ako, Martell...

I shook my head. "Not now... it's still hard for me..."

"May I ask why?" Si Caramel. She had this calculating look on her face, the one that says that whatever I will share to them will immediately be interpreted and untangled in her mind.

"Because... it's the only thing I can keep to myself... no one knows everything about us except... me," I explained with a sigh. "I know it's weird but him and my heartbreaks... those are the only ones that I can cherish on my own... at least for once, I'd like something in my life that only I know... something that I'm not gonna share to the media nor to anyone else..."

"Hmm... yeah, it's quite weird in the context that you're holding on to your heartbreaks but, well, that's you," Caramel said with a shrug, a soft smile on her face.

"Yeah... you're right..." I said with a nod, a dawn of realization hitting me. "I'm holding on to my heartbreaks— my secret heartbreaks — even if it's hurting me..."