I'm sure that you already know the answer, you just don't want to acknowledge it.

Gretchen's words replayed in my ear. Hindi iyon mawala sa isip ko at tuwing wala akong ginagawa, iyon agad ang pinag-iisipan ko. At dahil ayaw kong marinig ang boses ni Gretchen at ayaw ko ring maalala ang kaniyang sinabi, inabala ko ang sarili.

Though it was late, I still started making Martell's sweater until I fell asleep. I had classes the next morning and since I stayed up late last night, I went to class really late. But what's more surprising is that I wasn't the only one who's late for class. Pagkalabas ko ng unit, nakasalubong ko sina Sasha at Olivia na mukhang nagulat din na sabay kaming male-late.

"Yay! Friendship goals," nakangiting pambungad ni Sasha bago inangkla ang braso sa amin ni Olivia.

Naglakad lang kami papuntang paaralan dahil ani Sasha, sulitin na lang daw namin ang pagiging late at babawi na lang bukas. Aniya pa na kahit tumakbo kami papunta roon, late pa rin naman kami.

"I stayed up late last cuz I started planning the Halloween party I'm hosting," Sasha shared as we walked towards the university as if we were just strolling around the neighborhood. "I'm still not sure about the theme. Any suggestions?"

Both Olivia and I shrugged. Hindi ako makapag-suggest ng tema dahil pinag-iisipan ko na ang susuotin ko.

"We three should have similar costumes," ani Sasha, mukhang nabasa yata ang iniisip ko. "Let's do Powerpuff girls!"

Patuloy kaming nag-usap-usap hanggang makarating sa paaralan. Break time na noong dumating kami kaya nag-chikka ulit kaming tatlo bago nagtanong-tanong ng mga na-miss namin.

Napag-usapan namin na ako ang gagawa ng mga susuotin namin. Olivia would be Blossom; Sasha as Bubbles; and I'd be Buttercup.

"Gaz, gusto ko sweetheart top yung dress," pag-request ni Sasha. "Powerpuff girls but make it sexy, please?"

Natawa kami ni Olivia sa kaniya. Sasha seems to be really excited about her upcoming party that her enthusiasm started to rub off on us.

"Where will you hold the party?" I asked. We were now planning for the decorations and setup yet she haven't mentioned where this party would take place.

"The three B's," she answered with a smile. "Berlin, Barcelona and Budapest."

"What?!" Pareho kaming nagulat ni Olivia. Alam ko naman na ganito talaga si Sasha pero hindi ko aakalain na hanggang doon ang karangyaan niya!

"Don't worry, we'll use a private plane," she assured nonchalantly as if holding a party on another continent is no big deal.

Sasha gestured us to come closer to her as if she was about to reveal a big secret. "You remember Orion, right? Orion Alvarez?"

Tumango kami ni Olivia at sabik na hinihintay ang susunod niyang sasabihin. "Well... long story short, we're gonna be the first ones to enjoy their newest hotels' restaurant bars and clubs."

I invited London in advance as per Sasha's request since she's also in Europe. We talked about the party for the whole day and only stopped when we arrived at our apartments. Olivia went somewhere, Sasha busied herself contacting every organizer she knows since according to her, she doesn't want to plan all three by herself, while I went to the gym.

I expected to see Martell but it was Gretchen and Gabriello who were there. Inigo was around as well and as usual, our conversation drained me. Nakakapagod na nga ang mga pinagawa ni Chloe tapos nadagdagan pa ng kadaldalan ni Inigo.

"How about this Friday? We could go eat some snacks after my classes," pag-aya niya. Kanina niya pa ako inaaya na pumunta sa kung saan at kanina pa rin ako tumatanggi. "I have a test on chemistry during my last period but after that, I'm free already."

Kinuha ko ang bag at hinarap si Inigo. "Sodium bromate." Nginitian ko siya bago tinapik ang kaniyang balikat at aalis na sana papuntang snack bar ngunit hinawakan niya ako sa palapulsuhan.

"Nah, bro," napangisi ako dahil sa sariling sinabi. Dapat ma-gets niya dahil may chemistry test nga siya diba? Kanina pa rin siya nagsasabi ng kung ano-anong chemistry facts na nagpainip naman sa amin ni Chloe.

Inalis ko ang hawak niya sabay takbo papuntang snack bar at doon ulit nakita sina Gabriello at Gretchen.

"Hey! Have you seen Martell?" Ani Gretchen nang umupo ako sa tabi niya.

Tumaas ang kilay ko sa narinig, nagtataka kung ba't niya ako tinatanong eh wala naman si Martell dito.

"He was here. I can't believe that he didn't even say hi to me," hindi makapaniwalang sabi ni Gabriello saka ako tinitigan. "I thought he went to see you— damn! He prioritizes you before me!"

"Why would he prioritize you? Ano ka? Kulang sa pansin?" Natatawang sagot ni Gretchen at sumipsip sa inumin. Sinamaan siya ng tingin ni Gabriello ngunit nginisihan niya lang ito bago bumaling sa akin.

"Don't mind him, hindi kasi pinapansin ng—"

"Oh shut up, Amberleigh!" Biglang sinubuan ni Gabriello si Gretchen ng isang pirasong tinapay para manahimik ito. Nabigla ang isa at nabulunan at si Gabriello naman ngayon ang nakangisi.

Gretchen showed her middle finger to him before turning to me, "Just so you know, he has the hots for—"

She was cut off again when Gabriello muttered a series of curses, then glaring at Gretchen before taking his things. "You're so fucking nosy, Amberleigh!"

Sinamaan niya ulit ng tingin si Gretchen ngunit nginitian ako at saka kumaway bago umalis. Tinitigan siya namin habang papalayo. Imbes na dumiretso sa may exit, lumiko ito at mukhang sa staff room ang tungo.

Lumipat si Gretchen sa upuan ni Gabriello para magkaharap kami. "You'll know that he's already pikon if he uses your second name and dead serious and mad if full name."

"So you're Gretchen Amberleigh? I'm Gazella Axyne," nakangiti kong puna. "We're both GA."

Bago pa makasagot ang kausap, may nagsalita na sa likuran ko at niyakap pa ako. "Maybe you're sisters?"

Umupo si Margarita sa tabi ko habang nagkatinginan naman kami ni Gretchen at sabay na ngumiwi. "Ew!"

Parang diring-diri kaming dalawa sa narinig ngunit humalakhak lang si Marga. But hey! I don't mind having Gretchen as a sister. She seems pretty cool despite her ka-conyohan and despite how she always flex on how close she and Martell is.

"Where's Martell? He hasn't been texting me lately and I miss him," Gretchen pouted while playing with the straw of her drink.

Marga sighed, "Stuck with his ex."

"I never liked Irene," ani Gretchen at tumingin sa akin. "She smells trouble."

Hindi ako sumagot dahil hindi ko naman kilala si Irene. Isang beses ko lang siya nakita at doon iyon sa party ni Inigo.

Patuloy na nag-usap ang dalawa at kahit nararamdaman kong gusto nilang sumali ako, nanatili akong tahimik at nakinig lang. If I were to sum up the whole conversation, it was about how Irene's manipulating Martell so he'd be with her.

Palagi raw nagtatangka si Irene na sasaktan niya ang sarili para ma-guilty si Martell at pupuntahan siya. Nitong nakaraang mga araw daw, binlock siya ni Martell kaya ayun, sinaktan ang sarili at naospital.

I could sense the irritation in both of them and it seems to me that they really dislike her. At kahit na nikikinig lang din naman ako, hindi ko rin mapigilan na makaramdam ng disgusto.

Ba't niya pipilitin ang isang tao na ayaw sa kaniya? Hindi ba kung gusto ka rin makasama ng taong iyon, hindi mo na kailangan pang magmakaawa?

"Damn, why do people like forcing themselves to the ones who doesn't want them?" Gretchen sighed dramatically before finishing her drink while her eyes were on me. "Why so silent?"

I shrugged. "Wala naman akong magandang sasabihin."

May nagbabadyang ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi ngunit nanatili itong seryoso. "Have you thought about it?"

She didn't have to elaborate because I know what she's referring to. It's about what she said yesterday.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin dahil wala akong maisasagot. Ayaw ko munang isipin iyon dahil natatakot ako sa malalaman ko. Baka hindi ko magustuhan ang sagot at ang mga pagbabago na pwedeng idulot niyon.

This is the first time I actually found myself confused. Palagi akong sigurado sa mga bagay-bagay lalo na sa mga nararamdaman ko dahil kilala ko ang sarili. Pero nitong mga nakaraang araw... parang may iba... nakakabago...

Deep down, I already know the answer. It's something that I cannot explain and definitely something that I'm not ready to acknowledge... yet...

"Lupa to Gazella!" Napaigtad ako dahil sa gulat nang pinitik ni Marga ang noo ko. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin ngunit nagngising-aso lang siya.

"You're spacing out," Gretchen pointed out matter-of-factly. Hindi ko napansin na sandali pala siyang umalis dahil may panibagong inumin na ito. "I'd like to offer some advice but I'm pretty sure you figured it out."

Sandali kaming nagtinginan bago siya nagpaalam. Naiwan kami ni Marga na nagpumilit pa magpahatid sa kaniyang condo. Tinatamad daw siyang mag-drive at gustong makipag-chikkahan sa akin.

"So, how are you Gazella?" Tanong niya nang nasa sasakyan na kami.

It was a simple question but I had a hard time to construct an answer. "I'm good... like in all honesty, I am..."

I mean... I'm a bit confused or in denial with some matters but I am fine. I am happy. Ngayon ko lang napagtanto dahil hindi ko naman talaga ito iniisip.

Napatingin ako sa banda ni Marga at nakitang mahimbing na itong natutulog kaya nag-isip-isip na lang ako. Dahil sa kaniyang tanong, inalala ko ang mga pinaggagawa ko.

Madalas kaming magkasama ni Martell lalo na't araw-araw din siya pumupunta sa gym. Nitong mga nakaraang weekends naman, nagkikita pa rin kami kahit hindi planado.

And now that I'm thinking about these, I realized how Martell became my instant "buddy". We have similar interests, we go to the same gym and we could understand each other's humor.

"You're in deep thought again," ani Marga at saka tumagilid ng higa. "Gusto ko talagang makipagchismisan sa'yo kaso hindi ako nakapagpahinga ng maayos. I had to do some errands for my brother."

"It's fine," I said reassuringly. "I have a question though... How do you know if you're starting to develop something romantic for someone?"

Kahit mukhang inaantok, ngumisi pa rin ito. "The fact that you're asking about that, you might actually be developing something romantic for that certain someone."

Sasagot na sana ako para depensahan ang sarili ngunit biglang napawi ang kaniyang ngisi at napalitan ng seryosong expresyon. "If it's my brother, I really like you for him. But with what's going on right now, I don't think he'll do you good, Gazella."

Hindi ako nakasagot at hindi na rin naman siya nagsalita at bumalik na sa tulog. She looked really peaceful while sleeping but exhaustion was really evident on her face.

If Marga is like this, then how much more Martell? I'm not really sure on what's going on with him but I'm starting to get worried even though we just saw each other yesterday. And it's not because of something romantic related, but rather as a friend.

Yes, that's right! He's my friend.

I should not be worried that I might have some romantic feelings for him because we're only friends! We've been together these past few days and did some stuffs that I usually see on romcom movies. But that's not the case with us!

Magkaibigan lang kami ni Martell at wala nang iba. Maybe this is just a one-sided friendship but I'm pretty sure that there's nothing more than that. I've been used to with his presence that I've mistaken it as something else.

Gretchen's right, I didn't want to acknowledge this too but that's because I thought I like Martell! Pero ngayon, sigurado na ako na kaibigan lang talaga ang tingin ko sa kaniya.

I see him as one of my new best-buddies. He's cool, humorous, and downright charming! Hindi ko na kailangang ipaliwanag ang mga walang kwentang jokes ko sa kaniya dahil gets niya na iyon. Kumportable rin ako sa presensiya niya at normal lang iyon dahil kaibigan ang turing ko sa kaniya.

I dropped Marga at her condo and drove home. I was smiling the whole time and it's because I got the clarity I wanted. Ilang araw ko nang iniiwasan na isipin ang nararamdaman tuwing magkasama kami ni Martell. Ay ngayong napangalanan ko na iyon, mapayapa na ang puso't isipan ko.

Yes, that's right! Hindi ko siya gusto!