Sara no longer knows how long she's been drifting in the waters. She couldn't even tell if it was all real or just a crazy long nightmare. She can't believe that she was still alive. She was trying to forget her worries and lose herself to the comfort of Oliver. Next thing she knew she was sliding down the crack on The Gambit and was being dragged under the water by the huge currents. She's been going in and out of consciousness. Her thoughts torn between letting go, letting the currents take her, and just die in the water; and holding on, keep fighting and hoping that she'd get back to her family. Her dad. Her mom. Her sister. Memories of them flooded her mind as she longed to be back in their arms. She was sure that they would have thought that she was dead already. She can't blame them, she thinks the same. Then there was the person she hopes to go back to but unsure would be accepted by, Nyssa. She hated that she left things with her like that. She hated that things ended between them and she'd never get a chance to fix it.

She wondered if she also found out about their boat sinking. Did she cry? Is she looking for her? Or has Nyssa completely detached herself from anything related to her that she doesn't even have the slightest idea what had happened? Or does she no longer care at all? These thoughts tormented her in her wake and dreams of the Gambit tearing apart and currents taking her under eats her up in her slumber. Her last hope dangling on by a short and thin string. Then again she drifted to sleep.

---------------------------------

Nyssa had her heart broken once more by the same person, the only person she's allowed in her heart. She's devastated that Sara had chosen to go with Oliver. She still loves her, after all that, she still loves Sara, but she had allowed herself to succumb into that weakness of hers for too long. It would have been alright to keep going and keep holding on, if there was something to hold on to, if there was hope that she could still have Sara, but all that's been happening hasn't been doing her any good. She has held on for far too long. She has risked her heart shattering over and over. It's about time she finally let her go. Let go of the tiny string of hope she's been holding onto.

She went back to Nanda Parbat to get away from any traces of Sara; to remind herself of her duties to the league; to remind her of her real purpose in life: to serve the league. Her life is the league. She has drifted so far away from it that she questions her status within and her purpose there.

She had kept herself busy, training and training over and over, not letting her mind wander off to her lost love. But there are nights that she can't help but think of her, miss her. She would look out of her window into the vast starlit sky and think of her.

One night, when she felt the loneliest and dreaded to be with her Sara again, she pulled out one of her books on her shelf, opened it on a page where her picture with Sara was tucked. It was when they first spent some time out together, when Sara dragged her in a photobooth at the theme park. She smiled remembering how wonderful that day was, then a tear fell from her eye thinking how lost that memory is being. Her hand trembled as she held back the rushing emotions threatening to spill out with her tears and she dropped the book and photo. And for the first time, she noticed that there was something written at the back of the photo.

I don't know when it started, but at this moment, I think deep down I knew I've started falling in love with you.

With that, she could no longer hold down her tears. Why did she let that drift away from her? She should have never left her side. Maybe things would still be the same. Would it really be the same? Or was this ending inevitable between them?

"She already made her choice." Nyssa told herself.

She knew she should just burn the photo to be able to move on; to erase any trace of her.

"Is it really possible for me to erase you from my mind, from my heart? Am I capable of completely forgetting about you, Sara? Or would I forever long and hope that one day you'd come back to me again?" Nyssa whispered as she stared into the smiling face of Sara in the photo she's holding.

Giving in to her weakness for Sara once more, she tucked the photo back into the book and placed it back onto the shelf.

"I guess not just yet."

The next couple of weeks, Nyssa had been occupied with trainings and missions that her mind had no time to wander off. She was back to her old self somehow. The intense, fierce, cold hearted assassin the league has groomed her to be. She was once again more focused and precise with her decisions and actions.

Then one day, she was resting in her room, and she was pulled to her bookshelf. She reached out for that book, but when she opened it, it was empty. She was puzzled. She pulled out the book next to it but still the same, nothing. She was growing frustrated. Where has it gone?

"If you're searching for what I think you're searching for, you're wasting your time and energy." Alec said to Nyssa from the doorway.

Nyssa charged toward him and shoved him hard against the wall.

"What did you do to it?"

"I did what you should have done but clearly never would have, get rid of it."

"How dare you!"

"Wake up, Nyssa. She doesn't love you. She's chosen another. She's gone. Let go and move on. I merely helped you by getting rid of the last remembrance you have of her."

At a loss and accepting that he has a point, Nyssa let him go.

"I don't need a photograph to remind me of that, of her, because I am haunted by the thoughts of her every single night."

"That will fade. You will learn to forget."

Nyssa hoped he was right. She can no longer live the way she was, yearning for the love she cannot have.

Weeks turned to months, and months quickly turned to a year and so. Little by little, Sara faded from her dreams. Her aches became less. And yet again, she's the assassin she was born to be, fierce, deadly, empty.

Often, women from different destinations they go to would throw themselves at her. At times, she would just ignore them. Other times, she indulges in the occasion to release her sexual frustrations and keep her mind occupied. As she did today.

She laid on top of the woman, kissing her as her hands explored her sides, when someone barged into the room. Alert and ready as always, she quickly reached for a small blade from under the pillow and threw it at the intruder.

"Is that how you greet an old friend, now?"

Nyssa barely recognized the man standing infront of her, even as he took off the hood and mask he had on.

"I know it's been a long time, Nyssa, but don't tell me you've forgotten about me."

He gave her his confident and charming smile, then it clicked.

"Nathaniel."

"I am no longer..."

"To me, you will always be Nathaniel. I care not of the name they gave you."

"If you say so."

Nyssa dismissed the woman lying on her bed as she approached her old friend.

"You've changed a lot, but I hope you've held on to your humanity."

Nate tried to stand still and ignore that the woman he has always admired was standing naked in front of him.

"Please put a robe on."

Nyssa smiled at his boyishness.

"I see I still have an effect on you."

"I may be part of the league now, but I still am a man, and you're Nyssa, the woman of my dreams standing in front of me bare naked. I thank my training for the control I have over my urges but they're not enough, so please. And you said you want me to be just Nathaniel with you. So, Nyssa get dressed."

Nyssa put a robe on and sat on the bed.

"I missed you, Nathaniel."

"So did I. Though, Alec clearly objects with me being here."

"Of course he is. He probably thinks that your presence would be a daily reminder of..." Nyssa trailed off, finding it hard to mention or even think about.

"How are you holding up about that?"

"Trying to forget. It still aches from time to time, but less. How is she anyway?"

Nate's face grew weary.

"What's wrong?"

"You never heard, did you?" Nate asked, though he knew the answer. "My letter never got to you. Of course, it didn't. Alec."

"What letter?"

"I wrote to you about Sara weeks after you've left."

There was a sudden weight burying down on Nyssa as she attempted to take grasp of Nate's words.

"What happened?"

Nate paused, not knowing how to tell her, but he knew she wouldn't appreciate if he played around with his words.

"She's gone, Nyssa. Sara's gone."

"What do you mean she's gone?" Tears were starting to form in Nyssa's eyes as she refused to believe what Nate was saying.

"The Gambit, the boat she and Queen were on, exploded and got lost at sea."

"Did they find her?"

"They haven't found the bodies."

"Then how can you be sure she's gone?"

"Even if she survived that wreckage of a ship, it has been more than a year, Nyssa. If she had been rescued, don't you think she would have contacted her family? She's gone, Nyssa."

"I will look for her."

"Didn't you hear me?"

"Alive or not, I will look for her. It's the least I can do. She deserves a proper burial if she really is gone."

Nyssa felt a burning ache in her heart. How could she not know? What if she had survived and Nyssa found out sooner, she could have looked for her and rescued her then. She should have never detached herself from Sara. If she hadn't, she would have heard as soon as they found out. She would have been there for her. She will look for her. Deep down, a small ember of hope blossomed, making her believe that not only she will find her, she will find her alive.